Midnight Sins (59 page)

“Wayne’s not exactly enamored of me any

longer,” she finally sighed. “And Amelia and I haven’t

spoken in ages.”

There was a shadow of hurt in Cami’s gaze

before she looked down at her coffee, but there was

also a shadow of deception in her eyes. She was

hiding more half-truths and shadows of lies than Rafe

could have ever guessed.

What the hell had happened to her since he had

been gone?

Rafe glanced at his cousins in a silent exchange

that had the other two men making their excuses and

leaving the kitchen. Several minutes later the sound of

the front door clicking shut had her head lifting once

again. She was obviously surprised that the other two

had left the room and she was now alone with Rafe.

And she didn’t look comfortable with him.

What the hell did it take, he wondered, for her to

get a clue that she was stuck with him?

“Why haven’t you and Amelia spoken for the past

few years?” he finally asked Cami.

She breathed out heavily as her shoulders lifted

in an uncomfortable, defensive little gesture more

telling than words.

“Things happen.” She shrugged. “It began before

we graduated college. That last year actually. I started

work as a substitute and Amelia already had an offer

for her own classroom in Aspen for a while.” Cami

smiled at something that she obviously still found to

be a pleasant memory before rubbing at the side of

her neck a bit nervously. “Something changed that

year, I guess. No matter what I did, I couldn’t stop her

from disassociating herself from me.”

Rafe knew she had been twenty-two that year.

She and Amelia had roomed together at college and

watched out for each other as they navigated the

much larger city after being raised in near isolation in

Sweetrock. It didn’t make sense that they would have

just grown apart.

“There’s more to it, Cami,” he probed. “The halftruths

are only going to piss me off. Now tell me what

the hell happened before I have to begin questioning

others. You don’t want to push this much further.”

Her lips thinned as a flash of anger clouded her

eyes. She glanced away from him for a second,

obviously searching for some other way to get out of

answering the question.

Rafe stalked to the table, planted his hand on the

top of it, and leaned close as she stared back at him

in surprise, her eyes widening as he leaned in, nearly

nose to nose with her.

“I asked you a question,” he growled furiously as

he felt that primal instinct itching between his shoulder

blades again. The secrets she was keeping had

somehow contributed to the isolated, near-friendless

life she was living at the moment.

“Lie to me and I’ll paddle your ass.”

Delicate little nostrils flared. “Perhaps I’ll like it,”

she snapped back. “Go ahead and try it, Rafer.”

“Oh, you’ll like it,” he promised her as he came in

closer. “You’ll love it, Cami. You’ll beg for it. Your

pussy will become so hot, so wet, so desperate for

release that you’ll beg me to fuck you. You’ll beg for

my cock as deep and as hard as you can take me.”

Her face flushed, her eyes darkened.

“And I’ll even give it to you,” he promised,

dropping his voice until he knew the lower, rougher

tone would take on a brooding, rasping quality that

never failed to affect her.

And it did.

Her face flushed, arousal heating her cheeks at

the very sensual promise.

“And that’s supposed to convince me—”

“Do you know what that does to a woman,

Cami?” he whispered. “You don’t see yourself as

submissive. You’re an independent, freethinking

woman. But once you’ve come until you can come no

more, once you think it’s all you can do to breathe,

once you think it’s over.” His voice dropped further. “I’ll

do it again, Cami. And I’ll do it again. And when it’s

over, when it’s all you can do just to breathe, what

you’ll realize is what will sear you to your very soul.

You’ll realize I didn’t just spill my come inside you so

many times, pumping it as deep inside you as

possible. You’ll realize I own you. Heart and soul.

You’ll be completely mine, Cami, and you’ll love being

mine. You’ll ache for more of it. You’ll come to me

when I so much as whisper your name, because I’ll be

buried so deeply inside your soul that you won’t be

able to cut me out. There will be no forcing me out. Is

that what you want now? Is that a step you think you’re

ready to take at this moment?”

It was a step she had already taken and one she

that had nearly destroyed her. Those horrible, bleak

days were still a part of her, still a part of her

memories, and the scars were still a part of her soul.

It would destroy her to belong to him so

completely again. And she couldn’t risk his attempt to

do just as he said he would, because he could. She

was too weak where his touch, his kiss, was

concerned. Too weak, too hungry. He was already too

much a part of her.

“Now, I’m going to ask you again, kitten. What

happened?”

She swallowed tightly. “Amelia used to keep a

diary,” she whispered, her gaze lifting to him as the

anger faded from her gray eyes and they darkened in

pain instead.

He eased back slowly. “And someone found it?”

Cami drew in a slow, deep breath. “It wouldn’t be

hard to guess. Her father did while helping Amelia

move the year we graduated. He learned both our

secrets.”

“And what were those secrets?” It was worth a

try.

Cami shook her head, stubborn determination

smoothing all but the final, last vestiges of emotion.

“It’s her secret,” Cami whispered. “I’ll never betray her,

not in any way.”

“She betrayed you, evidently.”

Cami only shrugged.

“And what did he learn of your secrets?” Rafe

asked her instead.

“He learned of the night we had spent together

and how I felt about it.” She licked her lips nervously.

“How I felt about you. And while he was being nosy, he

learned something Amelia had fought to hide from

him. After that night, she never spoke to me again.”

That secret must have been a huge one. If Rafe

remembered correctly, there was some sort of gossip

surrounding her return and the hasty marriage that

took place weeks later.

“She’s married now, isn’t she?” he asked to be

certain.

“She’s married,” Cami agreed.

“And how did Wayne handle these secrets?”

Her lips quirked bitterly. “He was very

disappointed in both of us, he said. And he was, but I

really didn’t give a damn. Shame wasn’t the reason I

didn’t tell anyone, and shame has never been the

reason I didn’t want anyone to know we were lovers.”

She rose slowly from her chair.

She felt as though she had aged ten years. As

though exhaustion were so much a part of her now

that there would never be any shaking it off.

“Cami.” He moved to touch her, to draw her into

his arms, to give her what little comfort he could.

Her hand lifted imperatively, a demand that he

stop as he watched a hard shudder shake her body.

“I don’t have friends for a reason,” she

whispered. “I don’t have my parents for a reason.”

She lifted her gaze to him and it didn’t take a frigging

diary to see the pain that filled her eyes. “Because

you never had to fuck me all night long, spank me, or

make yourself so much a part of me that I couldn’t

exist without you, or without that part that I’ll suddenly

be living and breathing for.”

He heard the tears then. They didn’t fall. They

didn’t fill her eyes. They were stuck in her soul, a

wound that never healed, that never eased. And it

broke his heart.

“Cami?” What could have happened? How could

he have hurt her in such a way without ever knowing

he had done so? Fear lanced through him then. Fear

that somehow he had damaged her, taken from her

something she hadn’t willingly given because his

hunger had been so strong, so wild.

“You did the night we spent together.” He froze at

the statement. “You left a part of yourself inside me

that I never wanted to be free of. That I never wanted

to live without.” Her voice was ragged now, torn, until

he moved for her, desperate to hold her as she jerked

back from him, leaving him staring at her in shock as

her expression twisted in rage. “And I lost it anyway,

Rafe. I lost the baby I already loved until it felt as

though my soul had been seared and then ripped

from my very spirit. But I was still living, I was still

breathing, and I was alone. And I’ve stayed alone.

That way, I didn’t lose again. I didn’t suffer again. And

I sure as hell didn’t ever take that risk again until I

decided to see if rumors were true and drive by the

ranch.” Her breathing hitched as she held her hands

to her stomach, the rage and anger in her voice

ripping his soul apart. The image of complete

aloneness that surrounded her, tearing into his soul.

Cami should have never been alone. “Until I walked to

your house during a blizzard, instead of the

Phillipses’, which was closer. Until I realized I had to

see you.” And there were the tears; they gleamed in

her eyes, but they didn’t fall. “I had to see you; I had to

know if you were really home. If you were really here.

And I swore I wouldn’t touch you.” Throwing her head

back, she blinked desperately as she drew in ragged

breaths. “I just had to see you,” she whispered

hoarsely. “Now what else do you want to know, Rafe?

Tell me!” she screamed then, the pain suddenly

overflowing, penned up for five years, locked in a dark

part of her soul where she had refused to let it

escape, and now it was exploding like a volcano of

rage and pain. “What the fuck else do you need to

know?”

She turned to run.

Cami had never meant to let it go, to let it rise

inside her until it spewed from her soul like an

erupting volcano that couldn’t be stemmed.

When he had threatened to leave a part of

himself that she would never be free of, he had

triggered that inner helpless rage she had been able

to control in the past.

“The hell you will!” Rafe jumped for her as she

turned to run, to escape. “Damn you, you’re not going

anywhere. You will not run from me again, Cambria.

Not this time. Not now.”

He had seen the intent in her eyes, wild with the

agony of a loss he had never known.