Mind Over Matter (12 page)

There was no going back now. She knew it the moment he pulled away when his fingers slipped beneath her shirt, teasing the skin of her heaving abdomen. She pulled her mouth away from his with a whimper, fighting for breath, for sanity. She was so overwhelmed with heat and longing, so unused to having what she'd craved for so long, that she felt close to passing out.

"Do you want me to stop?" he asked in a trembling voice, a raspy growl of desire and remorse. "I would never... I would never do that to you again, Nic. I’ll never hurt you like that again. I'll stop, if you want..."

His eyes shimmered with unshed tears at the memory, at the way he'd forced himself on her in order to prove why he'd wanted to keep parts of himself secret. He’d fancied himself a monster then, but she knew now he'd only wanted her to see the best in him. He’d only wanted her to love the man he wanted to be, and in his anger and fear he'd lost sight of that. In her fear and insecurity she’d lost sight of who he really was. No matter how much he wanted her, how scared he was of losing her, there were lines he wasn't willing to cross ever again.

But he didn't need to. She pulled him over the threshold of uncertainty, straight into her arms and into a kiss that left no doubt in his mind. She wanted him. All of him. She'd missed him, too. The relief nearly stopped her heart, but not his hands where they roamed over her soft naked skin. He lifted her up, pulling her legs around his waist and turned with frenzied urgency toward his waiting bed.

Chapter Twelve

If there was ever a time in her life when Nicole was absolutely sure where she wanted to be and with whom, it was now. Divested of her clothes and wrapped up in Gabriel's arms, with his lips sliding like blessed sin against the pulse in her tilted neck. His weight, his warmth, the hard muscle and the pliant firmness nestled between her parted thighs intoxicated her, undid her, and then pieced her back together again with startling speed.

Every touch and kiss was like the greatest plunge off her favorite roller coaster. She could almost taste the cotton candy flavor of carefree lust on his tongue, love unencumbered by time, and hurts buried in the shallow grave she'd dug for this feeling. This was supposed to be the past. This was supposed to be a "when I was a young and foolish girl" kind of fairy tale. But it all came back to life, flying off the page and changing to reality right before her eyes.

He whispered in her ear, "Do you want me? Do you love me, Nicole?"

She nodded. What else could she do? She couldn't speak past the whimpers in her throat when his fingers trembled down her body over the aching apex of her thighs. How could she lie and say no when he was collecting slick beads of the truth on his fingertips and circling them over her pulsing clit.

"Let me hear you, sweetheart," he groaned breathlessly against her parted lips. His eyes were hooded, yet fixed on hers with the startling focus only lust can incite. He licked her upper lip as he drove his middle finger inside of her clenching core. A lazy grin spread his lips at her response, the ruthless dig of her nails in his back.

Bolder and more confident now that her words matched her actions, he repeated his demand. "Say you want it, dirty girl." His thumb circled her clit the way his tongue circled hers.

She nodded again, that naughty turn of phrase, that seductive endearment hitting her sharply in the apex of her thighs. He could barely pull away before she was screaming in response. "I want it! So bad... oh, please, please, p-plea—Ahhh!!!"

Then his finger curved over the sweet spot inside and she smashed her mouth against his again. The fire in his kiss spread through her insides, melted her core over his fingers. She could feel the heat seep into him, fed back to her through the flush of his skin caressing hers. He wasn't even inside her yet and she felt one with him.

"Missed you... more, oh, oh — God—
more
!" she whimpered, and the tears blurred her vision as he called her body back from a dormant state she hadn't realized it was in. Two long, thick fingers filled her now, and she gasped like she was sinking into a scalding hot bath as her body overheated and prickled to almost painful life. She writhed, she shuddered. She beat at his shoulders, and then clutched him to her.

She'd been dead before this. The walking dead.

The thought terrified her, but not enough to stop the resurrection. Not enough to keep him from raising her body's responses from the grave. She smashed into the wall of climax, burst against it and fell like confetti. Slowly, slowly, floating from the heights of pleasure, riding it all the way back down to earth one colorful burst of feeling at a time.

Just the beginning
, her mind murmured with languid excitement. It practically purred and stretched with the sensation of release, remembering the days when this car crash of sensations was merely the warm up.

Just the beginning...

And then he was on her again, kissing the sense out of her and proving her thoughts true. Proving with his tongue, full lips, and anguished thrusts against her naked hip that it was only the beginning and she would never, ever get enough of this.

She pressed her chest closer to his, a silent declaration that made her heart beat against the wide expanse of muscle pressing her to the bed. It was beating for him. Because it belonged to him. Because even though it felt like it might burst at any moment, it was ready for so much more.

Delirious. That's how she felt. Her head was light, her skin on fire and tingling with his ravenous intentions. And he seemed to echo this need. He couldn't get enough, and every time she retreated for breath he was there to steal it from her again. He could spend every day, all day kissing her, and still never make up for the lost time. But he was sure trying.

"You taste so fucking good," Gabriel whispered gently before diving back in to devour her. She equaled his fervor, increased the tempo, and teased him into parting from her to ask his next desperate question. "You want me inside you?"

His teeth toyed with her bottom lip, both begging her and daring her to deny him what he knew they both wanted.

"Y-yes," she moaned, and she proved it by writhing her slick entrance against the heavy, pulsating weight between his legs. "You want to come inside me, don't you, babe?"

His eyes said it all. Yes, that's what he needed. That's why he missed his dirty girl. She always knew how to play along, even if she wasn't sure she could take it.

"You want to fill me up?" she hissed.

He nodded, a lopsided grin accompanying his hand as it dived between their bodies again to guide himself home.

"Please..."

Did she say it? Did he think it?

God... please don't let this be a dream...

Just halfway in at first. Her groan, his growl... part of him had forgotten what it was like to enter her, stretch her with his hunger. It was so good it made him pause, but only for a second, only as long as it took her to clasp one hand around his back, grasp his ass with the other and say, "Don't st-stop, don't stop, don't...."

And then she was arched and dead to the world for the moment, eyes glassily looking up into his as he opened her up and pressed his hips flush against hers. He was moving in steady rhythm and shaking from the pleasure. He growled and squeezed his eyes shut when she clenched him and dug her nails into his flesh, infusing him with all her hunger.

"Come inside me. Come with me."

Come with me Gabriel...

God, he'd been dreaming about this for so long. Was it a dream? Could he be sure he wouldn't wake up just before the moment of release beckoned?

He was a man. But in that moment he thought he might cry. And under the tears, behind his lids so tightly shut, he might be able to see more than he'd ever imagined. He might see a family. A home. He might be able to see years passing, seasons changing, sneaking up on him again, etching themselves on the face of the woman he loved. Growing older next year, and the year after that... with her.

Fear was always under the surface, but everything about this girl, this woman giving herself to him, looking up at him as if all she'd been missing in her life was this feeling... fear was weak and frail next to that. Fear couldn't compete with the ache her absence had left in him. It couldn't quell the love he knew would grow as time moved on. He felt startlingly mortal, so aware that every passing moment was another leading him towards eternal sleep. Why waste them?

Why not give in to the shudders coursing through his skin, the liquid fire in his veins, bubbling and rising to the surface? Why not pick up the pace because he just couldn't fucking help it anymore? Why not fill the emptiness, feed the ache, hurtle faster, thrust harder, give more and more and more and until he was empty? Then fill himself up again on his need for her, knowing that now his only fear was that there wasn't enough time. There weren't enough days, enough stars and moons, enough rays of light to give her what he wanted to, to say what he needed to. There wasn't enough time to feel this way. But he would try to make up for it anyhow. He would start now. Today. Tonight.

He wouldn't let go again unless she told him to.

He buried his face in her neck so she wouldn't see him lose control. He pulled himself closer and closer to her, deeper and deeper inside of her.

"Can't hold on anymore," he groaned. He couldn't try even if he wanted to. “Gonna come. So close!"

His breath fanned against her neck, frantic and hot like her skin moving against his. Her body was all pliant curves beneath his, bending and swaying, fitting seamlessly against him. They were connected now. Closer and closer, harder and harder.

"Yes! Oohhh, yes! Oh fuck!!" he growled into the shell of her ear as she wailed into his, "Come with me, come with me, Gabe!"

Could he have a heart attack this way? His heart was beating so hard for her it might burst before he could flood her depths.

"Ungghh!!! Gabriel!!"

His skin felt tight, his limbs failing him even as they pushed him past the limits of his own stamina. Heat and sweat covered his skin.

No, not enough, not enough. Need more!

His mind screamed it. His body willed it. His fingers clenched the sheets, hypothermic tremors coursing through him. His hips moved of their own accord and the muscles in his back flexed under her clenching fingers. He could feel the sharp bite of her nails as she gave as good as she got, the dig of her teeth in his shoulder, but he couldn't get a sound out, of pleasure or pain. He was poised forever on the precipice of insanity. He wanted off, he wanted to fall. But he could only drop in slow motion, suspended in the air, his come barreling one atom at a time into her willing body. It was the most exquisite pain in the world, like getting kicked in the gut by pleasure, so sharp and surprising he couldn't breathe. He couldn't think anything but her name, and he couldn't do anything but shout his release as she joined him.

It was what he loved about her. All the women he'd known, all the fucking he'd done, all the times he thought it was too insane, too good to feel any better, and yet none of them could ever do this the way she could. None of them could ever fall with him the way she could. None of them had ever been so in sync with him that they could feel him unravel at the same time they were unraveling themselves. Wordless tones of ecstasy that echoed his own filled his ears, until the only sounds in his apartment were desperate breaths. Gulps for air, swallows to slick parched throats, and the sound of intruding life down below filtered in from the window, like the volume of reality was slowly being turned up in the background.

When he came up from the safe salt of her skin, he kissed her jaw, her cheek, and her forehead. And his heart broke sublimely when she kissed the indent in his quivering chin, as if she'd done it every morning they were apart, a habit never relinquished. Like loving him.

When he opened his eyes he realized they'd been closed for a while and she'd been watching his face.

She inhaled deeply, exhaled and then subtly turned away from his eyes. The guilt was coming to the surface as surely as their lust had. He could feel it too, the strange and nearly tangible weight that rested squarely on one's shoulders. He kissed her cheek to take away that sadness. He'd promised her he would never willingly let her feel this way, the same way he'd felt when he betrayed Marta. It was a heavy burden to carry. But this was different wasn't it?

Wasn't it?

This was destiny. This was the reunion they'd been waiting and dreaming for. This was love.

But when her eyes started to glisten and she forced a smile, he felt his heart skip a beat and his stomach loop with foreboding.

"I missed this," she whispered suddenly. And just like that he was back to feeling like everything would be okay again. Maybe. Maybe she was just overwhelmed with everything that had happened, and not feeling uneasy about
him
, the misguided soul who was home waiting for her.

"I missed you, too," he said with a grin bordering on goofy from euphoria and nervousness. "I..." he swallowed, and the cool air suddenly attacked his skin. Or was it just that he was breaking out into a cold sweat? "I can take care of you. You'll never have to wonder where I am or who I'm with. Or, who I'm thinking of. Because it's always going to be you, Nic. It's always you. Just you..."

She stared up at him. Her tongue snaked over her lips and her eyes pleaded with him to understand, to unravel the confusion lurking in their depths. "Gabriel... I—"

He didn't let her finish. Gabriel kissed her, kissed away the fear and the fast approaching complication of Travis. He let his kiss say what his words could only hint at.

He wasn't going to give her up. This wasn't enough. No, on the contrary, this was just the beginning for him.

Say it is for you too, Nic.

"Say you love me," he murmured aloud against her panting mouth, thoroughly entranced by the taste and feel of her full lips against his.

"Love you," she whispered back, burying her fingers in his hair and leaving feverish kisses over every angle of his face. "Love you, love you, love you..."

She was crying. He knew this was shaky ground. But it was different. They were different and he didn't give her a lot of time to think otherwise. He could feel himself responding again, his body knowing what his mind hadn’t yet consciously realized: that once wasn't enough for him just yet. Each wiggle of his hips against hers triggered a responding thrust, until they were slithering against each other in their own unique rhythm again.

"Show me. Show me how much you love me, Nic."

He rolled her over, gripping the back of her neck to hold her in place while she first caressed his neck with kisses, then nibbled on the skin. But then he wanted to see her, all of her. He wanted to wipe those tears away. He wanted to watch her come to life above him.