Mind Over Matter (6 page)

"Sex," he whispered, giving her a blatant, understanding gaze. "Lots and lots of sex."

Nicole giggled nervously, shaking her head as if he were being a silly boy in health class. She just hoped the clenching of her thighs was a subtle, barely noticeable thing, just like the hitch in her breathing. "Yeah, Captain Obvious. That would be the difference."

Gabriel chuckled and tore off a piece of his pretzel. He tossed it up into the air and caught it easily, chewing and thinking in silence for a moment. Just the simple act of him catching his food like that took her back to her sister's old apartment.

Her in bed with him while they tossed Cracker Jacks in the air, him catching them on his tongue. His smile, the way he stretched out and showed off those twin tribal tattoos on his sides. The heat he'd inspired when he looked at her, held her, kissed and touched her. The way he'd whispered in her ear.

Uh-uh, little girl.

If you want something from me you're going to have to say it loud and clear...

"Well, what do you think?" she said trying desperately to interrupt her thoughts and the slickness between her clenched thighs.

"Of what exactly?" he asked, tilting his head to the side. "You asking me what I think of us then, versus us now and whether that's really such a big deal? Or are you asking me if being friendly makes sense because we're over each other?"

She blinked several times, not sure what to say. Which answer did she really want? And which answer did she think he wanted to give? Did he think what they had wasn’t a big deal or special? Did she seem like she was over him? Or could he smell the heat coming off of her as even his smallest gestures catapulted her back to the past?

"I guess I'm asking if you're on the same page with me. I mean, we should be able to hang out right? Because we've both moved on?"

Gabriel licked his lips and turned to watch a couple of joggers pass by, thinking distantly that maybe he should take up such an activity. Might help him work off some physical frustration. "Yeah, we should be able to. And it's not all your fault. I wasn't exactly blowing up your phone, especially after you started dating Travis," he said with a sigh. "I'm sure the awkwardness of knowing you were with someone else had something to do with it."

"Are we seriously having this conversation?" Nicole blurted out suddenly. She looked like she was in a daze.

Gabriel gave her a half-grin, his chocolate-brown eyes twinkling. He spread an arm out on the bench behind her shoulders and leaned back. "When have we ever taken the blessed opportunity to skip over an uncomfortable conversation, Nic? In fact we're actually due for one, right?"

Nicole laughed and shook her head, "An awkward conversation about us hasn't come up in some time. You're right about that."

"Though this might be a little more awkward than usual. Used to be that after one of those talks we'd..."

Gabriel snickered when Nicole raised an eyebrow and folded her arms. "We'd what, Gabe?"

This was a slippery slope he was on. The look in her eyes was teasing. She too remembered their former habit of getting over awkwardness by fucking each other into a coma. He watched her swallow while he licked his lips, deciding whether he was going to take her little challenge and say what was on his mind. It was dirty, just like the image in his head of her on her back, legs spread wide while he breached the gate between her thighs over and over again. He shifted in his seat, realizing how easy it would be to move even closer to her. Maybe she would resist at first when he touched her face and leaned in. Maybe she'd tell him to stop. But her eyes, and the slight hitch in her breath — he could read them like he'd gotten his PhD in her body language — told him he wouldn't have to work too hard to get past her defenses.

"You really want me to say it, Nic?" he asked suddenly, his voice sounding the way it hadn't in quite some time. A deep, husky rasp that promised things he couldn't deliver now. Not without a lot of regret and resentment later on.

She stared at him, and he could see her melting under the steadiness of his gaze and the familiar sound of teasing dominance in his voice. Her body was lighting up like Christmas from the inside out. He bet that under those warm layers of clothing goose bumps were rising on her skin, and her nipples were hard pebbles just waiting to be sucked. His mouth felt dry.

"No," she answered. "I already know what you mean. We never did deny that we got along really well in that department."

He nodded. She nodded. They turned away from the magnetic pull of each other’s eyes.

"And now we'll just have to find another way to cope," he said, "Like real friends do."

"Yeah. We were friends first anyway. Shouldn't be too hard."

"Shouldn't be," Gabe replied, and though he hadn't meant them to, the words came out with the almost cryptic flavor of tempting fate.

They sat in silence for a moment, watching the leaves drift back and forth in the breeze, like they were swaying to a song only they could hear. Light from the sun was caressing their limbs, lighting up the ground under their feet. Soon that same light was going to seem garish, the leaves would be dead, and if things went according to plan they would be comfortably in the realm of friendship by then. All the lust and magic of the past would take a backseat, transform, and mold itself into the understanding of unconditional bond instead.

Now the only catch was getting from here to there without going crazy in the process.

Chapter Six

"Why don't you just wait until he gets there and then let him do it?” Gabriel asked. His voice coming through her cell phone did nothing to hide the bemused smirk that was probably on his lips.

Nicole chewed on her bottom lip. That was a good question. Why wouldn't she let Travis put away this box? Or just unpack it and put the contents in their proper place?

She wasn't willing to answer it, though. What the box contained, what it meant, and why she felt compelled to shove it into some corner herself without having to talk about it with Travis, was something she was embarrassed and ashamed to admit.

"He's already done so much around here, I just want to help," she finally offered, switching the phone to the other ear as she dragged the box towards the closet.

It wasn't a lie. Travis was pretty much the go-to man when it came to integrating all her shit into his apartment because he liked to keep things neat and she got so easily distracted. She would say, "Sure, babe, I'll put those away today," while he was at work, and then forget all about them because of an idea that floated into her head.

"Plus, I can't write at the moment," she continued. "I'm working on this scene but I'm stuck and I need to do something else for a while.”

"What are you working on now, anyway?"

That question caught her off guard. She wasn't used to talking about her writing these days, at least not in specific terms. Travis would ask her how it was going, but it was usually a roundabout question with a roundabout answer to go with it. How many pages, how productive she felt, stuff like that. Part of her still felt like a bit of a loafer talking about writing while he was out working a nine-to-five all day. A “real job,” as her mind still labeled it.

She explained that it was kind of a coming-of-age tale about friends who fall in love.

"Well, you're brilliant. I'm sure you'll figure it out."

She chuckled at that. "I'm so
not
brilliant. And anyway, how would you know, you've only read that short story and it was hardly Pulitzer Prize material."

"Jackie gave me her copy of your book the other day when I went to see Ian. Started reading it yesterday," he said.

Her heart thudded in her chest and then skipped a beat. She was glad he couldn’t see her face.

Somehow in the grand equation of life, she never actually thought that one day he would sit down and read her book. Part of her mind was so used to the people around her seeing it as almost a hobby. A hobby she got paid for. Never mind that sometimes when she sat there staring at her computer, her greatest fear was that her first book was a fluke, a hailstorm of creativity that Gabriel inspired. And after Jackie's assertion that Gabe was obviously on her mind when she wrote it, she was deathly afraid that's what he would come up with, too.

"You don't have to read it, you know. It's really kinda silly. Like a chick book."

He laughed. "You scared I'm not going to like it, or something? You saw my library. I read all kinds of shit, and so far I can honestly say, I love it. It's not ‘just a chick book’, not the way you write it."

"Really?"

"Truly. I want my own copy, though. Signed and everything."

Nervousness warred with warmth and she closed her eyes to savor this moment. Gabriel didn't lie to her about things like this, not even to spare her feelings. Back in the day when he read her story, he’d said he was proud of her. And now he said he was proud of her for getting published. But for him to read what she wrote in published form and like it... that seemed special somehow. And scary. How long would it be before he read it and pierced the thinly veiled code that revealed who he was in the book? And how would he like the ending?

"Thank you," she said finally, hoping her warmth and gratitude could reach him through the receiver. "That means a lot to me, Gabe."

"No problem, sweetheart. It's the truth." She thought she would melt when he called her one of his favorite pet names.
Sweetheart.
It always amazed her how much she responded to it. It wasn't laced with affectionate, naughty imagery like "little girl" or "dirty girl". Normally, "sweetheart" seemed such a sugary and quaint term of endearment, even old-fashioned. But on his lips, with that raspy voice and with all the memories of how he'd whispered it in her ear and against her skin, how could it be anything but sexy?

“And if you need help, I can read it for you, what you're working on now,” he added. “You know, like I used to."

"Aren't you busy making music these days?"

"Never too busy for you," he said. "We are friends, after all."

God, please stop. Stop making me want you again...

Ha, that's funny. Did you ever
stop
wanting him?

"You can always come out and get something to eat with us tonight when we wrap up today's session," he said, "us" being the band. Ironically the studio was only about ten minutes away by cab now that she’d moved, but he would be too busy to hang out until later. "Maybe bring what you're working on?" She always preferred printing things out in hard copy form for him to read, and he hadn’t forgotten the quirk.

"Okay. But I have to eat something that doesn't make me need to reassess my wardrobe, so nothing greasy," she said with a chuckle. "Got Turkey Day coming up and that's already dangerous enough."

She shuffled the phone to the other ear as she lifted the box and tried to stuff it on to the top shelf. In the process the phone clattered to the floor. And for a second she could hear Gabriel's voice on the other end, yelling to see if she was okay and what had happened. She shoved the box onto the shelf quickly, dropped down to pick up the phone, then hopped back onto the stool.

"Sorry, sorry, dropped the phone," she said, turning her face up towards the shelf. Just as the shelf collapsed and several heavy things shot off it and tumbled to the floor. Including one of several boxes she'd tried to stuff up there. The edge of it caught her on the side of her head, knocking her off the stool and to the floor with a nasty thud. She wondered if that cracking sound was her head or something else that had connected with the floor. Instantly her eyes watered and she felt lightheaded. Woozy. Like she was going to pass out. Her vision was blurred and when she reached up to feel her head, her fingers came back coated in blood.

"O-oh, my God," she whispered, not quite believing how much red was covering her fingertips. She could feel it running back into her hair, the faint sting buried under the wooziness. She was trying to think, trying to make sense in a linear fashion. What should she do now? It seemed as if seeing how much blood was pouring out of the corner of her head had halted her intelligent thought processes.

The last thing she remembered before being knocked into relative unconsciousness was the sound of Gabriel's voice on the phone. She looked to the right and saw it. Rolling gingerly onto her stomach, she crawled toward it and picked it up with a shaky, blood-covered hand.

"Nicole!!"

She winced as she brought the phone to her ear. He screamed her name at least two more times before she managed to cut in. "I'm here. I-I'm okay. I..." her heart was pounding so fast and her head was swimming. "I fell..."

Even to her own dazed ears she didn't sound okay. She sounded small, and tired. Shaken.

"Are you okay, where did you fall? Is anything broken?" She couldn't be sure but it sounded like wind was swishing in the phone. He sounded like he was running.

"I don't think so." She wiggled her limbs. Her wrist hurt. She remembered falling heavily on it when she reached out behind her to break her fall. "My wrist feels sore. Maybe... maybe... a sprain..."

Then she saw the steady
drip, drip, drip
of blood from her forehead onto the floor.

"Shit..."

"Are you hurt anywhere else? Nicole talk to me, okay? Keep talking to me, I'm gonna be right over."

"I'm bleeding. There's a... gash on my forehead and when I fell... my head hit. I heard a crack." She cringed, remembering the sound. She lay her head down on her arm. It felt so heavy. "I'm okay, I just need... to rest for a minute..."

“Nicole! Nicole, don't rest okay? Don't fall asleep. I got Q to call an ambulance and they should be on their way soon. You sound like you have a concussion or something. Fuck! I'm on my way, I'm on my way! Keep talking to me, sweetheart. Talk to me!"

She laughed a little and then winced as her head played all the notes of pain. "What do you want me to talk about?" She felt sleepier by the second. She tried to sit up, and her head swam again. She needed to get to the bathroom to clean herself up. She needed to keep talking. But she was so tired. She just needed a moment.

"Talk to me, sweetheart..."

She tried, but the words wouldn't come. Against her will, her body grew heavy and then limp. Inky blackness crept into the corners of her eyes, coating her sight.

Then Gabriel's voice faded away.

***

He'd never run so fast in his life to catch a cab. His legs, his lungs, everything felt stretched to its limit as he rushed to get to her. He rammed into people on the street, dodged dog walkers and little kids and braved traffic lights. It was the longest cab ride of his life, and he must have thrown a couple hundred at the driver in his urgency to get out.

Nothing else mattered, not after he called her name and she didn't answer back. Not after he called her again and again and she didn’t pick up again.

When he finally made it to her apartment, rushing up the stairs three at a time, he was beyond terrified. He reached her door, knocked in vain, and twisted the locked handle. He screamed her name, startling her neighbors as some of them came out to see what was the matter. That's when he went crazy, shoving his shoulder against it and then kicking the door over and over again. It finally gave way, flying open with a crash. It took him a moment to orient herself to her new apartment. He lurched to the right, ran down the hall, all the way to the end, and into a doorway.

She was lying on the floor with a small puddle of her blood forming near her arm. The sight sent a fresh flood of adrenaline through his system.

“Nicole!”

Dropping to his knees, he tried to wake her. “Nic, please! Stay with me!” His shaking hands skimmed over her still body. He was afraid to move her around, but he cradled her face, stroked her cheeks. It could have been a minute or an eternity, but then noise erupted behind him and he was shuffled out of the way so the paramedics could come in and take over.

Gabriel stood off to the side, trying to convince himself she’d be okay. Thank god he’d been on the phone with her. If he hadn’t, who knew how long she could have been lying like that until her boyfriend got home. Who knew what could've happened...

Several hours, an MRI, a couple of other tests, a wrapped wrist, and a few stitches later, Nicole was waiting to be released from the hospital, embarrassed to no end by the near-fatal turn her clumsiness had taken, and by the gathering of friends and family.

"I'm okay, I swear. It's just a slight concussion," she said for the thousandth time when Jackie joined the throng of visitors in her room. "Nothing a couple of stitches and some severe embarrassment can't cure."

Everyone laughed. Everyone except Jackie, Travis, and Gabriel.

Perhaps he was overreacting. She was okay. She'd had enough presence of mind to crawl to the phone. She probably would have called for help if he hadn't been there. It wasn't like she was some fragile little thing, not really. Still, it unnerved him, and now he was loath to leave her side, even though the doctor said she’d be fine.

Thankfully, he’d gotten to ride to the hospital with her, made sure her paperwork was filled out and everyone was called. Even Travis.

Even that piece of shit. Because that's officially what Travis was to him now.

Barely a sideways glance and a “thank you” before he pushed himself in front of Gabriel to “take care” of Nicole. It shouldn't have bothered him. It was what Travis was supposed to do as her boyfriend. But Gabriel knew that fucker didn't like him from the word go. He could have saved Nicole’s life ten times over and it wouldn't change his opinion. Travis didn't want him around his girl.

His girl.

God, that stung, like a lone hornet running loose inside his chest, hitting the same spot over and over again where he couldn't reach in to fish it out. He couldn't stop the ache because it was too deep inside, too much a part of him to release.

He wondered if Travis knew just how often he and Nicole were hanging out now. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe just the fact that he was on the phone with her when the accident happened was too close for comfort for Travis.

Didn't matter. Gabe wasn't leaving her side. Not yet, anyway. No matter how many looks Travis gave him. He did his best to ignore them until finally, while taking a break to go get coffee, Travis confronted him.

"I want to thank you for helping Nicole."

Not quite cornered, but still on the defensive, Gabriel brought himself up to his full height and stared into Travis' focused blue gaze while he leaned against the coffee machine. "No problem. I was just doing what anyone would have done," he said, taking a sip of his coffee.