Mine to Hold (28 page)

So, what came next?

“You’re thinking too hard,” Tyler whispered. “Just . . . let it be.”

Del winced. She’d always tried too hard to plan her future, know where every path in front of her was leading. Age and wisdom had taught her that sometimes that just wasn’t possible. Now was one of those times. But it still frustrated her.

“Why? You forced me to feel.”

“Because we’re a team. We’re fighting Carlson together. We’re Seth’s parents. We’re lovers. I want more, and I think you do, too. We owe it to ourselves to be honest. You were hiding.”

“Of course I have feelings for you. I’d think that would be obvious. I trusted you with our son, with my life, with all my secrets. I tried to keep the rest to myself. The you I knew two years ago would have never wanted more than that.”

“Time away from you has made me see things differently. I lost you once. Not happening again.”

She absorbed his vow in shock. He really, really meant that. “Tyler, what’s this about? You care, but it’s not like you’re in love with me.”

“You sure about that?” His green stare burned into her, daring her to disagree. If she did, he was fully prepared for another battle that would be just as wholly and ruthlessly waged as the last one.

Del hesitated. If he’d challenged her on this subject yesterday, even an hour ago, she would have confidently said that whatever Tyler might be feeling was temporary. Now . . . He hadn’t merely had anal sex with her; he’d told her with his body how much he wanted to be with her, to claim her and make her his. And now he was saying it out loud. Maybe . . . maybe he did love her, at least a little.

Was she ready for that?

Her breath caught. A part of her desperately wanted to believe him. The rest of her was scared shitless.

He sighed and held her tightly. “I get that you’re gun-shy. I’m asking you to believe something that would have seemed impossible two years ago. After all this time apart, your bitter divorce, becoming Seth’s mom alone . . . I get it. But if you care for me at all, can’t you take a chance on me? If you don’t, won’t you always wonder ‘what if’?”

Tyler had her there. Del remembered all the months she’d been pregnant and wondered what Tyler would have thought of her expanding body, of the fact the life he’d planted there was growing inside of her. She remembered all the nights she’d stayed awake with Seth when he was an infant, and she’d wondered if Tyler would be proud of their son. She’d yearned for the man’s love and approval then. Nothing had changed—except that she’d grown comfortable with this icy, walled-off heart beating in her chest.

Staying frozen was safe; was it really going to make her happy?

She clasped her hand in his. “You’re right. I just need time.”

Tyler hesitated, then folded her against his body, trying to smile. “All right. Since I have you here, whatever shall we do?”

Chapter Fourteen

A
FTER
a quick shower, they made love again, once by the bedroom window overlooking the city as the sun went down. Then again, as they slipped into the pool after dusk and looked at the lights of L.A. glittering like somewhere far away and magical. Xander’s “little place” became their paradise. They fed one another tidbits out of the refrigerator, opened a bottle of very expensive champagne and drank it, then fell into bed together again and gorged on the love growing between them, hour by hour, minute by minute.

Tyler was almost afraid to hope. Del had been through a lot in the last two years, largely because he’d been thinking with his hurt, not his heart. He’d heeded her dismissal and walked away from her. Now, he planned to stay right by her side, no matter what she said or did.

As their breathing returned to normal, he wrapped his arms around her and let her melt on top of him, brushing his hand down her spine.

“Tell me about Seth, angel.” He pressed a kiss to her swollen mouth. “I’ve missed so much. I want to hear everything.”

She blinked down at him, frozen.

Tyler rolled over, putting her beneath him. “I’m not going to hurt him or take him from you. I just want to know about him.”

A moment later, she relaxed and nodded. “I know. I’ve just been his only protector for so long . . .”

“I’ll keep him safe now, too. I’d lay down my life to do it. I love him.”

She frowned, seemingly puzzled. “I know you’ll protect him. That’s who you are. But you barely know him.”

“I felt the bond right away. He’s my son.
Our
son. That means everything to me.”

She sent him a tremulous smile that made everything in his chest tighten and ache. She wanted to believe . . . and she was afraid. It was frustrating, but not surprising. Eric had done a hell of a number on her. But, God, she had no idea how hard and fast he had fallen for her again. And he was falling deeper still. No stopping it.

“Seth was born almost two weeks early, on Valentine’s Day. It was cold that day, rainy. I’d left work early to meet Eric so we could sign the papers giving him my half of the house.”

“Where’d he get the money?” Eric had often complained about being broke.

She shrugged. “He got some settlement from the department for getting shot. I’m sure his parents gave him the rest.”

Probably so. To the parents of a big Italian family, their only son could do no wrong, and Mr. Catalano had done pretty well in the restaurant business.

“Go on.” Tyler prompted.

“I hadn’t been feeling right all day long. I’d had faint contractions since the middle of the night, which wasn’t unusual. But I was tired and feeling really . . . down. I wondered if this was the last time I’d see Eric, and I’d hoped we could be civil. But he hadn’t seen me in almost three months, and now I was so pregnant that he couldn’t ignore it. He took one look at me, and his eyes got so cold.”

Tyler squeezed her hand. “Fuck him. Get back to Seth.”

“Just after we signed the papers, my water broke. I couldn’t afford an ambulance, but I couldn’t drive. Eric took me to the hospital. I think he knew then how afraid I was, and he stayed with me. I dilated pretty quickly, then stalled out at six centimeters for a while. I was exhausted, but I’ll always be grateful to Eric for staying there to feed me ice chips and massage my aching muscles.”

Yeah, he probably owed Eric some gratitude, too, if he’d made Del’s time giving birth to Seth a better experience. But that took a big person, one capable of a lot of forgiveness. Tyler wasn’t sure he had that in him just now, not mere hours after Eric had handcuffed him to the refrigerator with every intention of raping Del and making him watch.

“Anyway,” Del went on. “The doctor came in at about ten that night when I started dilating again. After that, they administered an epidural, and Seth with born just after one in the morning.”

“I’ll bet you were exhausted.”

“Yeah.” Tears filled her eyes. “But I’ll never forget hearing his first cry. It was a healthy wail, so loud that it made the doctors laugh. I heard one of the nurses say that he was just beautiful. They weighed and measured him, eight pounds, four ounces, and twenty-two inches. Then they laid him on my chest.” She drew in a shuddering breath. “I felt so complete. I felt as if God—and you—had given me this beautiful boy to help reward me for all the dark days I’d been through.”

And he’d missed every bit of that. He hadn’t heard his son’s first cry, hadn’t been able to hold Del’s hand as she’d pushed their son into the world. He’d missed Seth’s first tooth, his first steps . . . all because Eric had contrived to keep them apart. Tyler’s own hurt had been too great to swallow his pride and follow Del. Yeah, he was furious with Eric. But he was angry with himself most of all.

“What kind of infant was he?” He brushed damp tendrils of hair from her flushed cheek.

She smiled, and Tyler was sure she’d never been more beautiful to him. It was like a kick in the gut, and with every passing moment, he knew he belonged with this woman. He had to convince her somehow that he wasn’t her past coming back to haunt her but that her future had finally arrived. He had to convince her that he wasn’t going to turn on her, change on her. That she could trust him.

“Hungry.” She laughed. “He ate constantly. I breast-fed as much as I could, but it wasn’t enough for him, so I augmented with bottles. He was so healthy and big. He weighed nearly thirty pounds at his one-year well visit. He’s always at the top of the height and weight charts. And smart. Just a few weeks ago, he figured out how to open the drawers to my desk and climb up to get to the jar of chocolates I keep there. I came back into the room from doing laundry and found him sitting on the desk, the jar empty, and chocolate smeared all over his face.”

Tyler laughed. According to his own mom, he’d been a bundle of mischief, too. He wished he could prove to her that he could, in fact, be the kind of husband and father who stayed. When this danger was behind them, maybe . . . he’d contact her, tell her that she was a grandmother, see if she wanted to meet Seth. But for now, he had to let her bitterness go. Her words no longer had the power to hurt or haunt him.

“Was it very hard trying to take care of him by yourself?”

Del hesitated, closed her eyes. Then she sent him one of those too-bright smiles, and he knew she intended to put a cheerful spin on the topic.

“The truth,” he demanded.

Her face fell, and her eyes glossed over. “Yeah. He didn’t sleep through the night for nearly six months, which means I didn’t sleep. He was colicky nearly every evening. I didn’t love the day care I had him in, but it was close to work and all I could afford. He got very sick his first Halloween, and we spent it in the emergency room, me fearing the worst. The sitting and pacing all alone while they ran tests . . .”

Behind her back, Tyler clenched his fists. She’d needed him, and he’d been cock deep in women he hadn’t really given a shit about because he’d been licking his wounds. He didn’t totally regret going to Lafayette. He’d found friends who felt a lot like family, and he knew without hesitation that they’d do anything for him. They were doing it now, safeguarding his son. He’d do anything for them, too. That network of people, even if they didn’t know it, had seen him through some lonely times. Del had had no one.

“I’m so damn sorry, angel. You’ll never have to worry about being alone again.”

“The last few days have been intense. I have to think about everything when Carlson isn’t breathing down our necks. Let’s just see how we feel when this is over.” She pushed him off and rolled away, turning her back to him, then grabbed the TV remote and flipped it on.

Goddamn it, she was afraid. Tyler gritted his teeth, trying to remember that happily ever after hadn’t worked out for her before. That she needed time and patience. But those were two things he didn’t have much of.

Suddenly, Del gasped, turning white as a ghost. She trembled, her eyes wide.

Tyler focused on the screen, showing a sunny afternoon—then a body bag being wheeled out on a stretcher of a little kitschy retro cottage. A reporter filled the picture next. “The body of thirty-one-year-old Lisa Foster was found early this afternoon. According to authorities, this was definitely a homicide, but they’re declining to give further details. At this point, they have no leads and no suspects. Neighbors are shaken.”

An older woman looked into the camera and dabbed at her eyes with a tissue. “She was a sweet girl, always had a smile and a wave. She didn’t have any enemies. I can’t imagine who would want to hurt her.”

A cold slither of dread went through Tyler. “Your friend Lisa, from work?”

She nodded sharply. “Oh my God. How . . . Why . . . ?”

Tyler edged closer and wrapped his arms around her, pressing his chest to her back. “Angel, I think she may have been up to her eyeballs with Carlson and his goons.”

“No!” she burst out. “She wouldn’t do—”

“I think she did what they asked for a lot of money. She was over thirty thousand dollars in debt last week. As soon as you told her that you were headed to Eric’s to retrieve your flash drive, someone broke into his house. Now, it’s missing. Around that same time, she magically paid off all her credit cards. And now she’s dead. You got another explanation?”

Del looked over her shoulder at him, mouth gaping open like she wanted to argue. Then resignation crossed her face, and she knew she couldn’t. “She sold me out?”

“I think so. I’m sorry. I know you trusted her.”

She clapped a hand over her mouth, like she was trying to hold in a scream. Then her eyes went wide, and she gasped. “Oh my God. Lisa is the one who helped me track you down in Lafayette. What if she told Carlson that? Seth!”

“Did you tell her where we’ve hidden Seth?”

“No. I—I think I just said that he was staying with friends.” She trembled.

“Shh.” Tyler stroked her back. “Carlson wants
you
, not Seth. He’ll only step that far out of his jurisdiction if his back is against the wall. His power and his backup is here, and now you’re on his home turf. Besides, even if he knew my address, he’s not going to find Seth at Deke or Luc or Jack’s homes. He’s fine. I’ll text everyone and tell them to be on the lookout, just in case.”

“Thank you.” She nodded, then broke his embrace and hopped to her feet. “Why is it that I always let people in my life who are destined to hurt me? Eric. Lisa. Maybe you. Did I have such a drama-free childhood that I unconsciously seek assholes determined to rape my trust?”

Tyler winced. He could see where she’d think that, but he had to set her straight fast. “No. You’re a kind, trusting person, and sometimes scumbags take advantage. You’re not wrong; they are.”

Defeat slumped her shoulders. “It makes me wonder who else I’ve naïvely trusted that I shouldn’t. I know nothing about your friends.”

“They’re solid, angel. You’ve talked to Alyssa or Kimber every day since we’ve been on the road. Seth is fine. Xander put us up here. We’re safe. Jack and Deke are doing everything they can to help behind the scenes. We’re going to work this out. I swear.” He scrambled to his feet. When he gathered her close and stroked a hand down her hair, her shoulders began to shake. Tyler murmured, “Don’t talk to anyone else from work, not until we can vet them.”

She gave him a shaky nod. “I need to talk to Seth.”

“I saw a laptop in one of the bedrooms. I’ll see if I can get it up and get Skype running. Alyssa has an account. You might be able to video chat and
see
Seth.”

“Really?” The hope in her eyes was almost painful. No doubt, she missed that little boy. Tyler ached, too. For the chance to comfort her. For the chance to know his own son.

But now wasn’t the time for sentiment. Now that Carlson was leaving a body trail, there was work to be done.

“Sure. Why don’t you put on some clothes and grab yourself a glass of wine while I set the computer up?”

“Thank you. I’m stunned and terrified and probably more numb than I will be tomorrow, but you . . . make everything better for me.” She put her arms around him and drew him close.

Tyler felt a hundred feet tall. Those words, a measure of her growing trust and caring, gave him a whole lot of fucking hope.

“My pleasure.” He kissed her lips softly.

She darted into the bathroom to toss on her clothes. Tyler yanked on his pants, grabbed his phone from his pocket, and made his way to the home office across the hall. He had Jack on the line before he’d even sat down.

“There’s a body.” Tyler explained what he’d heard on the news.

Jack cursed. “Why pay her, then kill her?”

“I have to think that she’d outlived her usefulness somehow.”

“Carlson wouldn’t want to leave her as a loose end indefinitely, but something happened. Maybe the thirty thousand was a down payment for more information,” Jack surmised.

“Or maybe Lisa grew a conscience and threatened to talk.” Tyler raked a hand through his hair. “Anything is possible.”

As long as he and Del stayed here in Xander’s posh cocoon, they were safe. But they couldn’t nail Carlson from behind these secure gates. At some point, they’d have to start making moves. Already, they’d wasted time eluding goons and dealing with Eric.