Missing Hart (9 page)

The service and the luncheon both seemed to drag on for an eternity while I just needed it all to be over. Somehow, someway I needed to start finding my new normal, and thinking about what Marissa had done around the clock wasn’t helping my emotional or mental state.

When it was finally, blessedly over, Leah and Dominique came with me back to my house. The stress and the tension that we had all been under seemed to dial back a bit, and once we had all gotten changed out of our funeral attire, we sat on the back porch and tried to decompress.

For the first time in almost a week we actually talked, and it was a nice change. Somehow we all needed to pick up our pieces, and now that the funeral was behind us I was hoping each of us could make that happen.

Sealing the packing tape on the last box that I needed to pack, I sat back with and let out a sigh of relief. Hopefully there wouldn’t be any packing for me for a long time since I really hated doing it. Because of the years I spent moving from foster home to foster home, my aversion to packing is completely ingrained. Unfortunately, this move couldn’t be helped.

As I had begun to suspect before the funeral, it was too much for me to be in the house that I’d rented with Marissa. I made the best of it for two months, but that was as much as I could stand. I was feeling better, but staying in the house was holding me back. Even knowing that I was leaving, getting through Christmas last week had been beyond difficult. The fact that my birthday was on Christmas Eve didn’t help at all.

Leah, Dominique and I had all agreed not to exchange gifts and I had been adamant about not celebrating my birthday this year. Instead the three of us had gone to dinner and the movies on Christmas Eve. Since one of the last things that we did with Marissa was to decorate for Christmas in October, two nights after she died I took down all of the decorations down and donated them to the foster home that we had been in last.

The good news is that luck was finally on my side. Instead of keeping my security deposit or taking me to court for breaking the lease, my landlord was empathetic and had let me out of my lease without charging any additional fees. He’d even given me my security deposit back early, which had been helpful when it came time to rent something else. The rest of the money I raised by selling Marissa’s car. The house I was moving into was a small two-bedroom bungalow in Sherman Oaks, but it had an outdoor space that I fell in love with. The second I stepped into the yard and saw that the owner had erected a pergola over the patio, I was ready to the sign the lease. The yard was great to begin with, but with some time spent cultivating it I could make it amazing.

Hearing the doorbell chime, I jumped up and hustled to answer the door. Seeing Dominique on the other side of the door, I smiled as I swung it open.

“Hey! What are you doing here?”

Her beautiful smile made my heart speed up, even as I reminded myself that I needed to chill out. The sight of her never failed to affect me.

“It’s your last day to pack here and get the new house ready. Where else would I be?”

Where else indeed?

Dominique has been my rock for the last two months. As sweet and loving as she is, there is a core of strength within her that can’t be denied. When I’ve faltered, she’s kicked my ass back into shape. She might come off as a soft touch, but she’s got the killer instinct for sure. Her determination to get Leah and I back on our feet is so strong that it blows my mind. I don’t know what I, what we, would have done without her. The only downside is that I’m even more attracted to her then I was before. Our relationship isn’t physical yet and we haven’t talked about it, but it’s the elephant in the room in my mind. We’re constantly together and it’s not a just friends type of scenario.

“I knew you would show up to help, I just figured you would be at the house to help unpack tomorrow. That’s what Lee’s doing. She told me unless I really needed her, she didn’t want to get involved in furniture moving or house painting. Lucky for her, the guys from work are going to help me make quick work of this tomorrow and I’m a fast house painter so I didn’t really need her.”

That got a chuckle followed by a headshake from Dominique. “I adore Lee but I’ve never seen anyone so resistant to lifting or any kind of painting! If I didn’t know that she worked lifting children each day, I’d swear she had noodles for arms.”

It was a well-established fact about Leah that she didn’t do heavy lifting unless it was a human being, and she hated to paint. She hadn’t helped to move furniture when I moved into my current house, and she wasn’t about to start now. She made up for it by being the fastest unpacker and organizer on the West coast, so I never complained.

“She can’t stand it because it doesn’t keep her busy enough. She needs to be flitting around organizing stuff, and moving furniture or painting won’t let her do that. She’s always been like this. Marissa and I are always been surprised that she’s able to relax enough to read…”

I broke off at the end of the sentence, annoyed that I’d once again interjected Marissa into the conversation in a way that made it seem like she was still alive. It was a hard habit to break and I was having a hell of a time with the process.

Before I could say anything else, Dominique stepped forward and gave me a hug. Although she was petite she always felt just right in my arms. Leah and I had both taken to hugging her often when we our lives dropped out from under us, and it had changed my relationship with Dominique to something more tactile.

“Hey, don’t do what you’re doing. You have to stop beating yourself up every time you mention her in conversation. It would be weird if you didn’t talk about her, so cut yourself some slack.”

I hugged her back tightly before dropping a kiss on the top of her head and pulling back before my burgeoning physical response to having her in my arms made itself more obvious.

“You’re right, of course. It’s just… hard. Anyway, I’m all finished packing but I have three rooms to paint at the new house today-the living room, the kitchen and my bedroom. How would you like to be my paint pal today?”

With a wide grin she responded, “Of course! Just give me a brush and a roller and call me Sherwin Williams.”

“Well, Sherwin, I need to stop by Bed Bath and Beyond to pick out a new comforter set, some kitchen towels and maybe some new throw pillows for the living room. I need a total makeover. You into helping this glorified gardener decorate?”

“I’m all about decorating. Of course I’ll help. Lead the way garden man.”

I made quick work of locking up the house and then the two of us headed off to the store to pick new stuff out. In addition to being easy to shop with, Dominique had really good taste. We were in and out of the store in less than an hour with everything I needed… and a bunch of stuff I hadn’t even thought of that she liked. Marissa had been deathly afraid of candles so I had never bought them before, but Dominique raved about a pear scented jar candle that I wound up buying two of.

Next up we went to Home Depot to buy paint. I’m a guy so picking paint colors has never been my forte. Marissa liked quiet colors that weren’t too loud, so I felt like I wanted to try something different. All of my furniture was neutral so I thought that I was going to be able to pick a color with no problem. Unfortunately I had only ever had Marissa’s color palette to work off of, so when it came down to it I had no clue what to do. Dominique brought in one of my new pillowcases and one of the new kitchen towels so that we could choose paint colors to coordinate, and that made the process a lot easier. In no time at all we had chosen three great colors and had purchased the supplies to make it all happen.

We were at the new house before noon, and my friends from work turned up to help about half an hour later. Dominique disappeared for about an hour but came back with pizza and soda for everyone. After making sure that we had all been fed she rolled up her sleeves and got to work helping me paint my bedroom. Since we were the only two painting in that room we spent the time talking.

While we were painting I started to think about what makes Dominique the force to be reckoned with that she is. I know that she comes from a big family, has a twin sister, loves to read and wants to have at least four children of her own. I know her favorite color and all her favorite foods, know what her favorite movies are, I know that she hums when she’s deep in thought and that she has a soft and loving heart. I don’t know what’s given her a backbone of steel, but I want to find out. As I was pondering that in my mind I realized that I didn’t know something key about her that I should.

“I can’t believe I don’t know the answer to this question already but what’s your college major?”

Just at the moment I finished asking, she started choking. Throwing my roller down I ran to her side to make sure she was okay. She nodded her head at me to let me know that she was fine as her coughing started to die down.

“Woo. Sorry about that, must have swallowed down the wrong pipe. Um, college… yeah. Well, I’ve wanted to be an architect for my entire life so that’s my career goal. I want to draw plans and then help to build things from the ground up. Just looking at different kinds of architecture is so exciting to me. I’d also like to buy and renovate older houses. I love the architectural style of homes from the late eighteen and early nineteen hundreds. There’s just something about the idea of going in and restoring something to what it once was that makes me happy.”

Grinning shyly, she shook her head as she stopped talking. “Yikes, I just totally showed off my nerd status. I didn’t mean to ramble.”

Dominique could read a grocery list and I would hang on every word, but clearly she hadn’t clued in to that fact yet.

“Hey, that’s not nerdy, that’s awesome. I know exactly what you’re talking about. I’ve always felt the same way about putting landscapes together. To take a normal-or even better, a hideous plot of land and turn it into an oasis… it’s all I ever wanted to do.”

Her breathy laugh went right to my head. I realized then that I never hesitated to share things with Minnie, be it my hopes, my dreams or my fears. Something about her just drew it out of me, like my brain couldn’t wait to share everything with her.

As she finished laughing she said, “Ooh! Someday we should do a project together. I’ll restore or build something and you can come landscape it. Wouldn’t that be fun?”

I agreed wholeheartedly, loving the idea of creating something with her.

“I love that idea! Let’s make it happen.”

I had never felt the way I feel about Dominique before and planning a future with her in it made me feel damn good. I’m pretty certain that she feels the same way about me, so I’m biding my time until it won’t look like I’m a total creeper asshole when I ask her out. I’ve decided that sometime after we hit the six-month anniversary of Marissa’s death, I can make my play for her. The waiting is getting to be more difficult each day. When we’re sitting on the couch watching TV, I want to cuddle with her. When we’re out, I want to hold her hand. I want her sleeping in my bed; want her to be my first serious relationship. She’s everything that I’ve ever wanted. It’s as if the universe found my mental list of qualities that I would want in a girl and created Minnie just for me. She’s that amazing.

It was a Wednesday afternoon and I was working from home for the day, drawing up plans for a new contract that we were bidding on. It’s a huge contract and Rick is really showing faith in me by letting me take the lead. If we get it, I’ll get a thirty thousand dollar bonus for being the one to draw the plans and implement the entire project.

Although the bonus is a huge motivator, the fact that Rick believes in me enough to give me the chance is what means the most. He’s been talking a lot lately about giving the business to me, and I’m honored. Rick comes from an oil family so he’s got more money than he knows what to do with and his wife is making serious noises about moving back to Texas where they are both from. If that happens, and I’m starting to think that it will, I’ll have my own business years earlier than I ever thought I would.

As I created my landscape drawings I was keeping an ear out for Minnie’s arrival, and I had to laugh at myself for being such a dork that I couldn’t wait for her to arrive even though I’d seen her the night before when we went to dinner with Leah. Three or four days a week Dominique came over to go jogging with me before dinner, and those runs have quickly become the highlight of my days. Since she helped me choose the paint, my bedding and all the decorations, this new house has Dominique’s touch everywhere. I’ve even come to associate the scent of the pear candles she had me buy with the feeling of being home. I like it so much that she bought me an air freshener for my car in that scent, and every time I get into the car, I think of Dominique and immediately feel at ease, like I’m home.

Because we’ve made the house so comfortable, being there over the last month has helped my frame of mind immensely. No longer do I spend hours staring at the last spot I saw Marissa alive in, and that’s made a huge difference.

Of course I think of Marissa every single day-no move was ever going to change that. Our marriage might not have been “real”, but she was my family and I loved her. The loss is still staggering, sometimes more than I think I can bear, but I think I’m getting better as time passes. Not so much better that I’ve been able to read the letter that she left me-the very thought makes my palms sweat and my stomach knot up. As long as that letter stays sealed, I still have words from Marissa out there. When I finally do read the letter, it will be the last time I get anything from her. It’s that knowledge that keeps me from reading it. The finality of that is more than I am ready to deal with.

My ears perked up when I heard Dominique’s car pull into my driveway. Without stopping to take off my glasses I headed for the front of the house and swung the door open. Her smile was like sunshine and I basked in its glow as she made her way toward me.

Seeing me in the doorway, she gave a husky chuckle, “Holy hell…. How do you manage to look even sexier than usual in glasses?”