MisStaked (17 page)

She looked over at her reluctant paramour. His nose was buried in the Boffrend handbook. Now that's what she called cute. She fought the urge to rush over and jump in his lap. Breathred wouldn't respond well to any form of emotional outburst, though. In fact he might drop dead from the shock.

What Breathred needed now was a break. He was driving himself too hard over this. Sure, they were depending on him, but if he worried himself sick over everything, it wasn't going to do them any good. The question was how did one calm down a paranoid, delusional, anal-retentive vampire slayer? It was important not to leave out the anal-retentive part. While endearing, it would be the hardest part to overcome.

"Hey Breathred, got a minute?” she asked in her cheery voice. It wasn't one she used all that much, but figured she needed to keep in practice.

"Can't it wait a minute? I really want to finish this,” he said without looking up.

This would not do. They had only been together a day—not even a day—and she was getting the ten-years-of-marriage answer. Oh no, he didn't. Luna had hoped to wait before she began his training, but this was a clear sign it was past time to start. Nip it in the bud, as her mother used to say. Or was that Barney Fife? She always seemed to get those two confused.

The secret was to keep it simple. The male mind responded well to simple. Don't try to saturate them with logic. That just confused them. Go with the basics—a touch here, a touch there, sort of like Pavlov's dog. Once you trained them to a certain point, the rest was a cakewalk.

Luna moved up behind him. Breathred was gently sucking his thumb, as he read. She was not surprised to notice he hadn't even acknowledged her presence. That was all right, he'd notice this.

She began slow, running her fingers across the back of his neck. Luna watched a ripple shot through him, but he still gave no sign she was there. Time to pull out the big guns. She kneaded the bunched muscles of his shoulders and neck. She laughed. He was actually getting more tense the longer she did it.

"Luna, are you aware that you're touching me?” Breathred asked, breathlessly.

"Of course I am, Sweetums. I
am
the one who's doing it, after all.” Luna laughed. Score one for the visiting team.

"Do you think you could stop? For some reason, I think I forgot how to read.” He gasped as her fingers stroked the tip of his ear.

"I think you should put that book down for a minute. All those words can't be good for you. You've had a long day, and need to rest those big ol’ eyes of yours,” Luna purred into his ear. She couldn't help but notice his foot was twitching. If she wasn't mistaken, foot twitching counted as an inside-the-park home run, wherever you played the game.

"But I really—"

"Didn't I say you should put the book down?” she whispered, nibbling her way down the side of his ear.

"Yes.” He moaned and the book slipped from his trembling fingertips.

Luna smiled to herself. Game over. She expected more of a fight. Maybe he was just a quick study. Whatever the case, it was time to wrap this up. Breathred wasn't quite ready to go into extra innings quite yet.

"Breathred, Darling, I think it's time for us to go bed,” she let her voice go up an octave. No sense blinding him for life.

"What? Together!” He exclaimed, leaping from the chair.

"How could you think such a thing? I'm not that type of girl,” she answered, giving him her best hurt expression. Always leave them thinking they were in the wrong. It was easier than coming right out and saying so. It tended to piss them off.

"Oh, Luna. I'm sorry. I would never impugn your character like that. It was just, you know. You were...” He thought for a minute. “I don't know what you were doing, but it felt..."

"Good. Good is the word you're looking for,” she said, batting her eyes. God, he was making this too easy.

"Yes. No! Well, I mean ... not that it didn't feel good, b-but I think you're right. It's time to go to bed,” he finally managed to spit out.

"If you really think so. I wouldn't want to force you to do anything you didn't want to do.” Luna almost cracked up, but held it in. She really ought to write this stuff down. There were women out there who could use this.

"I'm really tired.” Luna stifled a giggle as he did his best to invoke a yawn. All he managed was a sneeze. “I just need to take a shower first. You go ahead and go to sleep. I may be in there for a while. At least until you're asleep. I may even sleep in the tub, so I won't wake you up when I get done. That's what I'll do. I'll sleep in the tub. So, good night. See ya tomorrow."

This time she did burst out laughing. Luna hid it behind her hand until he slammed the bathroom door behind his fleeing body. Then, it just exploded all over the place. Her sides hurt from holding it in so long. His face, oh God, it was almost too funny to believe.

Well, her little scheme solved one problem, which only left the big one to worry about. There wasn't anything she could do about that one. Her mother had done her best to solve that problem for her long ago, much to Luna's displeasure.

Fingering the pouch hanging around her neck, Luna pulled it out from under her sweater. The rawhide bag sat there at the end of its braided necklace, accusing her silently with its presence. She remembered the day her mother first placed it around her neck. Luna had been ten, a woman in everything but years. Her time had come, and with it, her heritage. As a daughter of Coyote, Luna knew what was to come and was ready for it. Her spirit burned with the desire to assume the role heritage promised.

Her mother saw it differently. She had the foresight to know Luna was for the white man's world. Only in their world could her daughter gain the things she needed to make their tribe whole. To do that, she would need the protection of the trickster.

For three days and nights her mother gathered the necessary power from the spirit lands. The two of them had sat alone against the mountain they called home. With simple things taken from the land surrounding their home she wove the power into a talisman. When that was done, she laid it across Luna's breast. That one act enabled her to walk in both worlds. How she cried to be denied what was by rights hers.

Thinking back, Luna missed the freedom of her youth. She missed her people and her mother most of all. She had very few regrets about leaving them, but now they swelled inside of her. Luna knew why. The cycle of the moon was calling. The knowledge didn't make her feel any better.

The sound of Breathred turning on the shower brought a smile to her face. If she'd stayed with her people, Luna never would have met him. She'd have led a half-life, because she would have never found her life mate. Yes, her mother had been right to cage her spirit. Soon though, it would be free again.

Luna glanced toward the bathroom door. How would Breathred feel if he knew the truth? Would he still feel the same? Yes, he would. His love for her was painted on his heart, just like her heart was painted with his.

Breathred let out a yelp that cut through the thick basement walls. She started giggling. She had to wonder just how cold the water could get in the middle of a Seattle winter.

The house was dark ... darker than it usually was. Lewis fought the temptation to turn on a light. There were still a couple of hours until dawn, and it wasn't like he needed the light, but was just used to having it. An old human habit, he guessed. Lewis had broken many of those old habits, but some were so ingrained he had trouble breaking them. Even after thirty years, it was hard.

Lewis walked through the blackened halls and paused outside the drawing room door, hearing Leopold talking to someone inside. He was in no hurry so waited outside the door. It wasn't like he had anywhere better to go. Besides he loved hearing the old boy reel them in.

"So, you find my proposal to your liking?” Leopold asked in the seductive vampire voice no human could resist.

"Let's say, I find it quite intriguing. But how do I know when this is done you'll come through on your end?” Leopold's companion asked.

"I am a Lord of the Vampiric Host. My word is my bond. Do as I ask, and all I promised will be yours and more. All it takes is for you to agree."

"Why don't you just bite me, then take what you want? I thought that was what your kind did?” the voice asked.

"You watch too many movies. I want your service to be by your choice. A reluctant servant offers nothing but grief,” Leopold answered.

"Okay, you got me. I'm in,” the voice answered in return.

"I am pleased to hear you say so. Unfortunately, I can't trust you at your word. I need something more concrete to seal the bargain. A pledge if you will.” Lewis could just about see the grin on the old man's face now.

"You're not going to bite me, are you?” the voice trembled.

"Yes, but it won't hurt. I promise. All I need is but a taste to bind you to me,” Leopold's voice was as dark as the room.

"What if I say no?"

"Believe me. You don't want to say no."

Lewis heard Leopold take the mole. The vampire was true to his word. All he took was a taste. Lewis could feel the want for more coming from Leopold, but the elder vampire restrained himself and took just what he needed. Nothing more.

Lewis waited until he heard the door on the opposite side of the room open and close before going in. It was best not to disturb a newly bonded thrall. It might upset the process. Leopold needed to form a symbiotic relationship with his subject.

"So, we got our mole, I see,” Lewis said. He dropped his jacket on the table and went to stand beside his master.

"Yes, a most interesting one too. One not easy to succumb to the usual temptations,” Leopold mused.

"You mean the mortal didn't want eternal life?” Lewis was shocked.

"Of course the mortal did. Humans all want eternal life, but it wasn't the only condition of the mortal's service,” Leopold replied.

"Then what else did the human want? A new car, a condo, and a subscription to
USA Today
? Shit, man, after eternal life what else is there?"

"No, my friend, this human wanted knowledge of the most mundane sort. It seems our little virgin has an enemy. It was only after I agreed to get the thrall all the information needed to ruin this man, the mortal agreed to my demands."

"You mean, you didn't tell the fool what we had planned for Mr. Petrifunck?"

"I saw no reason to. After all, that is my business."

"You growing shifty in your old age,” Lewis joked.

"No, dear Lewis. Do not let this pitiful shell fool you. I was born shifty,” Leopold said, as he turned and walked from the room.

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Any morning you can wake up to, is a good one in our line of work.

The first thing Breathred noticed when he awoke was he was wet. Well, not all of him was wet, just his lower half. The top half seemed not wet, if there was such a thing. The second thing Breathred noticed was he was in his own bathtub, holding a toilet brush.

Breathred would have found all that strange if he hadn't remembered going to sleep there the night before. What did worry him was the toilet brush. He remembered everything but the toilet brush. Even the fact his nether regions were now puckered into the drain did not worry him half as much as that toilet brush.

The main reason for his concern was his tongue felt blue. Breathred knew there was no way he could feel the color blue on his tongue, but it was there nonetheless. He just knew without a doubt his tongue was blue.

Eyeing the door suspiciously, Breathred put his fingers to his lips. Maybe, he shouldn't do this. Did he really want to know if his tongue was blue? Of course he did. You didn't want to walk around with a blue tongue. People would call you weird, not that they didn't already. Breathred just didn't need to add a blue tongue to list of reasons why he was considered weird.

Breathred jabbed his fingers into his mouth, leaving them there only as long as it took to tap his wiggling tongue. Squinting, he looked at his fingertips. No blue. Then it was confirmed, he wasn't as weird as he thought.

That left the rest of the whole world to convince, not that he was particularly worried about what they thought. On the whole they tended to think what the way they did, while he thought the way he did. The improbably of the plan seemed to work out for the best, or at least he thought so.

Pulling himself from the drain, Breathred deemed he was ready to greet the new day. Luckily, his clothes from the previous night were still folded neatly on the dirty clothes hamper, so he wouldn't have to sneak past Luna to get some dry clothes on. He brushed his teeth and hastily dressed, careful to check for any sign of blue on the brush—not to say the mirror was lying, but he had to be sure. There was a lot to get done today and not enough time to do it all in, especially if he hid in here all day.

Breathred barely opened the door, when Stud crashed through it.

"Out of the way, Human gotta go pee pee,” Stud grumbled, as he pushed Breathred from the bathroom.

Well, at least today was starting off normally.

"Hey, Sweetums,” Luna shouted from the bed. Breathred noticed his faded Power Station shirt was the only thing she had on besides the flash of white panties he hastened to look away from. “Did you sleep well?"

"Yes. I always wanted a waterbed, now I know what one feels like. Don't think I'll be buying one of those,” he mumbled on his way to the kitchenette.

"I don't know, might be fun after we get married,” Luna quipped.

Breathred chose that exact moment to go deaf. It was another amazing survival instinct he had developed over the years. Breathred hated to think what would have happened to him, if he had heard her. Thankfully, he hadn't, so all was well in the world. His little corner of it, anyway.

"We don't have a lot of time, so do you want something to eat here or do you want to grab something later?” Breathred yelled from the kitchenette.

"I'm famished. What ya got?” Luna yelled back, as she got dressed.