Misty (13 page)

“ ‘Hi,' I said without much warmth. It was neutral, as if I had lost the ability to feel one way or the other.

“ ‘Well,' Daddy said, ‘she's here. Let's show her to her room.'

“ ‘Oh, yes,' Ariel seconded and stepped back as Daddy carried my small suitcase across the living room. There were two bedrooms, side by side. Mine was the second. The bathroom for me was in the hallway.

“I was surprised at how much trouble Ariel had gone to decorate the room as closely to my own room at home. There were similar white cotton curtains, a bedspread the exact same shade of pink, and some posters of my favorite rock bands.

“I looked at Daddy, my eyes full of questions. He laughed.

“ ‘What I did,' he said, ‘was give Ariel a picture of your room. I went over to the house and took it one afternoon while you were at school and Gloria was at her personal trainer's.'

“ ‘Gloria?' I muttered. Daddy had trouble talking about Mommy in front of Ariel.

“ ‘We just wanted you to feel at home,' he added. ‘It was really Ariel's idea.'

“She smiled nervously. I didn't think that was true.

“ ‘It's fine,' I said. Ariel then went through this ridiculous tour of the room, actually showing me hangers and drawers and then leading me to the bathroom to catalogue all the things she had purchased with Daddy's money for me.

“ ‘Let me know if there's anything you're missing,' she concluded.

“I wanted to let her know. I wanted to tell her yes, there is one small thing I'm missing. . .a normal life. You know what that is, Ariel? It's having both your parents at home, there for you, planning things with you,
giving you advice together, eating together, laughing together, talking about relatives and thinking about parties and birthdays and holidays, being there with you when you go off to college, maybe even accompanying you and saying good-bye and holding hands and looking at you with pride before they walked off together, my father's arm around my mother, the two of them feeling like they've accomplished something with their lives, dreaming of my wedding and my children. I'm missing albums, Ariel, filled with pictures of family, together on vacations, at graduations.

“Have any of that in your back pocket, Ariel?

“That's what I wanted to say, but I kept my lips glued shut and just shook my head and swallowed down my anger and disappointment.

“ ‘I hope you like what we ordered for dinner,' she went on. ‘I made sure to get one of everything, just in case. There's a shrimp dish and a chicken dish and a vegetarian dish and a beef dish.'

“Daddy laughed behind us. He had been hovering over us like some anxious referee, ready to leap between us at merely the suggestion of something unpleasant.

“ ‘She tries to think of everything,' he said.

“Ariel smiled back at him. I hated that worship I saw in her eyes. It wasn't that I didn't want anyone to like Daddy so much. I just didn't want to witness someone loving him more than me or my mother, I suppose.

“That's what you kind of agreed that I thought, right, Doctor Marlowe?”

“Kinda,” she said with her inscrutable smile.

“Dinner didn't go over too well. I didn't have much of
an appetite, even though the food did smell good. The sides of my stomach felt stuck together like those dumb plastic bags in the supermarket. I could barely get a few bites into it. Ariel didn't seem to notice. She ate for the both of us. Mommy would curse her for being able to eat so much and keep her figure, I thought. It was funny how I couldn't help but consider Mommy's point of view about all this.

“I found out that Ariel was a secretary in one of the companies Daddy's company had bought. She was from Santa Barbara, had gone to a small business school and then had gotten placed by one of those temp agencies into a job that developed into a long-term position. She went on and on like someone who was terrified of even a moment of silence at the table. I learned she had an older brother who was trying to become an airline pilot. Her father worked as a mechanic for Delta and her mother was a dental hygienist.

“ ‘That's why Ariel has such perfect teeth,' Daddy pointed out.

“She did have teeth that belonged in a toothpaste commercial, perfectly straight, milk white.

“She giggled and gave him her hand. Daddy's eyes shifted guiltily toward me and then to her and she withdrew her hand quickly. I imagined he had told her to cool it while I was there. I saw it made her even more nervous and she was off and running again, talking about her favorite foods, colors, clothes, searching wildly for something in common with me.

“I sat like a lump.

“ ‘Well, what should I do with my two best girls tonight?' Daddy asked.

“ ‘Maybe we should go to a movie,' Ariel said.

“ ‘I'm tired, Daddy. You two go. I just want to curl up in bed and read a little and watch some television.'

“ ‘Really?' He sounded like he couldn't believe his good luck.

“ ‘Yes,' I said. I half-expected they would put up more of an argument, but they accepted my plan.

“Ariel didn't want my help in cleaning up.

“ ‘You go spend time with your father,' she said. ‘That's what you're here to do.'

“Daddy and I sat in the living room. He talked about the apartment, some of the changes he wanted to makein the decor, and he credited Ariel with coming up with all the good ideas. I knew that was a lie, but lies were truly like flies to me now. I just batted them away or ignored them.

“Our conversation went back to a discussion of my school work. He asked me what I wanted to do, what I wanted to become, and I felt like I was sitting in the office with my guidance counselor.

“ ‘I don't know,' I said when Ariel joined us, her face full of forced interest, like it was suddenly the most important thing in the world to her to know what I wanted to do with my life. ‘Maybe I'll go to business school and get a job through a temp agency and meet a nice man like you, Daddy,' I said.

“He sat there with this dead smile glued to his face as I if I had just hit him on the side of the head with a rock. Ariel's hands fluttered about like two small, terrified
birds, settling finally on top of each other and pressed between her beautifully shaped breasts.

“ ‘Well,' Daddy said, ‘I guess maybe you are a little tired. It's emotionally exhausting, I know. We'll do something nice tomorrow, maybe go down to the yacht club and take a boat ride and then have a nice lunch. How's that sound? We haven't done that for a while, have we?'

“ ‘No,' I said. I thought a moment. ‘Not for about two years, I think.'

“He forced a laugh.

“ ‘Then it's certainly time to do it,' he said standing. Ariel practically leaped to her feet.

“ ‘Are you sure you don't want to go to a movie with us?' she asked.

“ ‘No thanks,' I said. The smile on my face was like a little mechanical movement made by thin wires attached to the corners of my mouth.

“ ‘We'll be back early,' Daddy promised. He went for his light jacket and Ariel went to the bathroom to fix her face and hair. They looked like two teenagers out on a date. I hated them for it, but I said nothing and they left.

“I remember it was so quiet in that apartment that I could hear my heart thumping. Natural curiosity took me on an exploration and I went into their bedroom and looked at Ariel's clothes. I even opened drawers and looked at her lingerie. I suppose I was searching for any trace of Mommy or myself in Daddy's life now. He didn't even have a picture of me.

“Finally, I did go to bed, watched a little television
and fell asleep. I didn't hear them come home, but Daddy looked in on me and turned off the television set. That woke me but he didn't wait. I heard the door close softly and then I heard their voices through the wall. I heard Ariel's light giggles and his voice soft and low.

“They tried to make love as quietly as possible and I tried to ignore it, but I knew what was happening. Afterward, I lay there staring up at the dark ceiling wondering what Mommy was doing tonight.

“In my mind I saw her alone in her bed, confused. I guess it was only natural to feel sorrier for her at this moment. Daddy looked like he was reorganizing his life just the way he wanted it to be. He had his new romantic interest. I wondered if he was telling Ariel things he had told my mother when they were young and in love years ago. Did he use the same poetry, make the same sort of promises and vows? Maybe he even took her to the same places.

“I think the worst thing that's happened for me in my parents' divorce is my feeling that nothing Daddy says means anything anymore. His whole life was apparently a big lie. Maybe that's unfair considering what problems Mommy has, but I can't help it. It's supposed to be for better or worse, isn't it? Why should he keep any of his promises?

“I kept it all inside me. Ariel continued to be as nice to me as could be the next day. It wasn't a bad day. I enjoyed the boat. Daddy let me drive it while he and Ariel sat behind me and screamed at my abrupt turns, the water splashing over them. I began to think maybe I
should just have fun and forget it all, forget trying to make sense out of it.

“I ate better at lunch and that night we went to the Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica where we walked and ate in a small Italian restaurant. Ariel and I went shopping in some of the fun stores and then we went to the music store and Daddy bought me three new CDs. He bought me another silly T-shirt, too, and a ring with my birthstone in it.

“Visiting with my divorced father was like having Christmas and my birthday all wrapped up in one trip. For now, at least, I could ask for the moon.

“It wasn't until the evening that I realized going boating had given me a tan. It was the first thing Mommy noticed when Daddy brought me back on Sunday.

“ ‘Look at you,' she cried. ‘You're sunburned. Weren't you wearing any sunscreen?'

“ ‘I'm not sunburned, Mommy, just a bit tanned.'

“ ‘A bit. You should have known better, Misty, and he should have known better. I don't imagine his girlfriend would know any better. From what I hear, she's not much older than you.'

“Mommy was waiting for me to give her a report, of course, but I didn't offer any and that disappointed her. When she saw all the things Daddy had bought me, it was like salt on a wound. She was off again, complaining about the financial settlements.

“This is how it's always going to be, I thought, neither of them letting me enjoy myself as long as I was with the other. I was better off not being with either of them. That's what I began to think
more and more and that's why I got into trouble,” I said. I looked at Doctor Marlowe and added, “That's only one of the reasons.” She was happier. I wasn't putting all the blame on my parents. I was taking some responsibility.

“My next visit with Daddy didn't happen when it was supposed to and that became sort of the rule and not the exception. Once again, he claimed business conflicts. Whenever he tried to reschedule dates, Mommy made him suffer. She had her attorney call his attorney and complain about the disruption it caused in her life.

“She wanted me to side with her so she talked about it incessantly at dinner or whenever I was available. She would come bursting into my room to tell me my father had called to say he couldn't make the next weekend. He was going to be in Chicago or Boston or someplace else.

“ ‘I have a life to resurrect too,' Mommy complained. ‘I'm not going to go and change all my plans because his life is a mess.'

“ ‘I don't care,' I told her.

“ ‘Of course you don't care. Who can blame you for not caring? Look how selfish he is. The judge set down the rules and he's going to have to learn how to live by them whether he likes it or not,' she vowed.

“Not once did it ever occur to her that I was the one who was suffering with all this. When was it supposed to end? When does the thunder and lighting move on? Every time her phone rang at dinner, I anticipated trouble. She seemed to be on the phone with her attorney every single day. No matter how much
they made, I thought, divorce attorneys couldn't really enjoy their work, especially if they had clients like my parents.”

“You haven't heard anything until you've heard about mine,” Jade piped up. Until then she had been sitting attentively, her legs pulled up under her, looking like she was almost enjoying my story.

“You poor rich girls,” Star quipped. Jade threw her a look that would knock over a cow.

“I'm not rich,” I said.

“You a lot richer than me,” she retorted. “And you,” she directed at Jade, “You're probably richer than Doctor Marlowe.”

“I resent being blamed for having money,” Jade cried.

“Didn't you ever hear that money can't buy you happiness and love?” I asked Star.

She twisted up the corner of her mouth.

“No, but give me the chance to be disappointed,” she said.

Doctor Marlowe laughed loudly this time. We all turned to her, Cathy looking more surprised than any of us.

“It's all right, girls,” Doctor Marlowe said. “I'm glad you're not alike and that you don't all think the same way. You'll have more to offer each other that way,” she pointed out.

Jade looked skeptical, but not as skeptical as Star.

“Just have the patience to give each other a chance,” Doctor Marlowe pleaded.

Everyone relaxed again, their eyes back on me.

“I was barely hanging on in school, but the worse
I did, the more they blamed each other and the more static there was at home,” I said. “I started to get sloppy in other ways, too, my clothes, my hair, how I ate. I hated what I looked like. I hated everything about myself.

“The thin threads that had kept me tied to my old girlfriends snapped completely then. They wanted less and less to do with me so I started hanging with a different crowd. Finally, I got involved with a boy named Lloyd Kimble, who was about as different from Charles Allen as any boy could be.