Misty (12 page)

“He started to play with his food, move it around on the plate with his fork as he spoke.

“ ‘It isn't easy to be married to someone like that, Misty. Whatever compliment you give her is not good enough, and if you don't remember to say something about her appearance, you're immediately accused of not loving her anymore. I found myself defending myself constantly. It got so I hated to come home. Of course, I wanted to be there for you,' he said quickly, ‘but it wasn't easy.'

“ ‘So you went looking for someone else?' I asked him.

“ ‘You want to know what I told my therapist?' he asked.

“I was afraid to hear it, but I nodded.

“ ‘I told him I was married but I was lonely. He said under the circumstances it was understandable.'

“He was very quiet for a long moment. Then he put his fork down with a clunk on the plate and said, ‘Please, let's not talk about it anymore. Maybe now she'll go and get some professional help. Let's just talk about you.'

“What I thought was, how can we talk about me and not about you and Mommy, Daddy? Where am I in all this? But I didn't ask it or say it. For the remainder of the lunch, he made all sorts of promises about things he was going to do with me. It was funny how when he and
Mommy were together, these promises were never made. Maybe if we had all done some of these things together, we would still be a family, I thought, and Mommy wouldn't have any psychological problems. I was floundering in the world of adult quicksand. It was better to step out quickly.

“He drove me home, but of course he wouldn't come into the house. I was glad of that because I didn't want him to see how much that had belonged or related to him Mommy had already sold or given away. We made a date for me to go to his apartment and spend the weekend in two weeks and he drove off. I couldn't help but wonder what he felt driving up to the house that had been his home for so many years and treating it like just another house.

“You know those magic slates you write on and then you pick up the plastic sheet and everything disappears?” I asked the others. They nodded. “That's what I thought Daddy's mind was like now.

“The moment I entered the house, my mother pounced. It was like she had been waiting behind the doorway to the living room, just listening for my return. There she was, her hands on her hips, her eyes wide and wild, her lips stretched thin into a sinister smile.

“ ‘Well?' she asked. ‘How was your little lunch with your Daddy? Did he bother to show up?'

“ ‘He was late, but he was there,' I said.

“ ‘Late. Typical. Was he alone?' she followed quickly, ‘or did he have the audacity to bring his girlfriend along?'

“ ‘He was alone.'

“I wanted to run away from her, charge up the stairs and slam the door of my room closed so hard it would never open again, but she practically leaped into my path.

“ ‘What did he say about me?' she demanded.

I felt like a tight wire being pulled by both of them, stretched so taut I expected to break any moment.

“ ‘Nothing,' I said. ‘He just talked about his work and what things he hoped he and I would do together.'

“Mommy looked at me with her eyes narrowed into slits of suspicion.

“ ‘He's got you lying for him,' she accused.

“I was never a good liar, nothing like Charles Allen, for example, and no one knew that better than my mother, but I was really trying to avoid a bitter, ugly scene.

“ ‘No, he hasn't,' I cried.

“She smirked and nodded, disbelieving me, her eyes turning into dark pools of accusations. Brittle as thin glass, her laughter tinkled.

“ ‘Daughters always favor their fathers,' she claimed. ‘All my friends tell me that. It's got something to do with sex.'

“I had no idea what she meant, but it sounded disgusting.

“ ‘I'm not taking his side!' I screamed. ‘I'm not on anyone's side. You can both kill each other for all I care!'

“I ran up the stairs before she could respond, and I slammed my door and locked it shut. I just buried myself under my blanket and tried to block out the stat
ic. She wouldn't stop. She came to my door and put her mouth close to the door and went on and on.

“ ‘This is what results from your being with your father just for a few hours. Imagine what it's going to be like when you're there in his den of sin for a weekend. He's going to try to poison you against me. He said terrible things about me, I know. You don't have to tell them to me. I know what they must have been. He's blaming me for everything. He's like that. He pushes his mistakes onto someone else all the time. I didn't want you to know how much of a weakling your father was. It's not nice for a daughter to know that, but now you can see it for yourself.'

“She started to cry and moan about the terrible plight she was in.

“ ‘I gave the best years of my life to that man. Now, he dumps me. I'm like a peeled apple. It's so much easier for a man in a divorce. He can always find a pretty young mindless thing to share his bed, but a woman has to be careful and hope for a decent and responsible new man, and what are her chances of ever finding him in today's selfish world? Not very good, I can tell you. It's degrading to be in this position. I only hope something like this doesn't happen to you. Look what he's done to me!

“ ‘How can you want to protect him?' she moaned.

“I pressed my palms as hard as I could against my ears to shut out her voice, but she droned on and on until I started to scream again. I don't know how long I screamed, but my throat started to burn. When I stopped, I didn't hear her at the door anymore.

“I didn't come out for dinner that night and she complained for
a while at the closed door, but finally gave up and walked away.

“In the morning, it was as always, like nothing bad had happened. She was all smiles and full of gossip about new skin creams her friends had found and a better shampoo for your hair. . .bubbles, our lives were bubbles that burst and disappeared, I thought.

“Two weekends later, Daddy fulfilled his promise and invited me to his new home. Mommy was already fully occupied with her new role as the abused wife who had risen up from the ashes to be a strong, independent woman. She was drawn to her friends who were also divorced women who had made their husband's faces targets at which to throw darts of scorn.

“She surprised me when she didn't say anything nasty about my upcoming weekend visit with Daddy. I wanted to see him, but I was very nervous about it, for he had told me on the phone that I would meet a friend of his and the implication was quite clear what that meant.

“His new girlfriend would be there, too. I almost didn't go.

“ ‘Why can't you spend a weekend with just me first?' I asked him.

“He had his Daddy explanation, of course. The quicker I became accustomed to the new situation, the better it would be for everyone, including me.

“ ‘I wouldn't do this if I didn't think you were mature enough to handle it, Misty,' he told me.

“Good old reverse psychology, right, Doctor Marlowe?” I asked.

She didn't reply.

“Doctor Marlowe doesn't make judgements for us,” I reminded the others.

Jade's eyes sparkled with impish joy. Cathy looked nervous and afraid, and Star looked like she couldn't care less what Doctor Marlowe did or didn't do.

What a mess we were, I thought. Maybe instead of our parents, we were the ones who were really like Doctor Marlowe's sick oleanders out back. Our roots were diseased and our flowers were pale.

What garden would want us planted in it now? How could we get anyone to like us?

We didn't even like ourselves.

“
E
ven though Daddy is right about Mommy being obsessed with her looks and appearance, I would never say she wasn't a very pretty woman. Sometimes I think, if my mother has so much trouble with men and looks the way she does, what can
I
expect? Will I always be involved with men like Charles Allen, men who see my weaknesses so easily and take advantage of me?

“That's what I really thought Daddy was doing with his new girlfriend Ariel. It didn't take a rocket scientist to see that having a young, pretty girlfriend made him feel better about himself and his failure at marriage.

“However, Doctor Marlowe complimented me on my analysis, didn't you, Doctor Marlowe?”

“You're all bright young women,” she said making a point of looking at Cat. “None of you has any reason to
feel ashamed or inadequate because of what's happened to your parents.”

“Right, sure, we're all lucky,” Star said looking away.

“Daddy picked me up this time, but Ariel wasn't in the car with him. She was waiting back at the apartment, supposedly preparing dinner for us. It turned out to be ordered-in Chinese, which I guess was her favorite recipe.

“I could see Daddy was very nervous about my meeting Ariel. He started by trying to put the pressure on me.

“ ‘Ariel's very nervous about meeting you,' he said. ‘She knows no one can replace your mother, nor should anyone,' he added quickly. ‘What I mean is you shouldn't be comparing her. They're two different people.'

“ ‘I'm not visiting Ariel,' I said. ‘I'm visiting with you, Daddy,' I told him.

“ ‘I know. I know,' he said, ‘but Ariel's sort of my companion right now and I just want everyone to get along.'

“ ‘Companion?' I nearly laughed. ‘Is that what it's called?'

“ ‘Don't get rude, Misty,' he snapped back at me.

“Before my parents' divorce, whenever my father used to yell at me or give me an order or sound gruff, I would never think to challenge him. When I looked at him now, dressed down, living in an apartment with a much younger woman, I had trouble thinking of him the same way. I guess I didn't respect him as much. I was certainly not afraid of him. It was easy to see how hard he was trying to get me to be on his side. The one thing he dreaded was my asking him to take me home.

“ ‘Ariel made sure to buy all new bedding for you. She's worked hard at setting up the guest room to make you comfortable. She was the one who got the television put in because she said teenagers like having their own television sets in their rooms. Then she went to the department store and bought all this stuff for your bathroom: magnifying mirrors, hair dryers, curlers, shampoos and conditioners, all sorts of woman's stuff that I would never have thought to buy.

“ ‘She did it all on her own. I swear,' he said actually holding up his hand.

“ ‘She's young. I'll admit, but she's uncomplicated and she makes me feel good. I need that now, Misty. This isn't easy for me, no matter what you might think. I didn't set out expecting all this to happen.'

“Maybe he didn't, I thought, but it did happen and it wasn't easy for me either. Nevertheless, I kept my mouth shut about Ariel all the rest of the way.

“Daddy had a very nice apartment, bigger than I had anticipated and high enough up to have a great view of the west side and the ocean. There was a patio outside the living room that was big enough for two chaise lounges and a small table and chairs.

“ ‘We're here!' he cried when we entered, and Ariel came out of the kitchen.

“My first thought was Daddy had to be kidding. She didn't look all that much older than me. I can't deny she's pretty. She has honey-blond hair almost to her shoulder blades with that soft, slightly tanned creamy complexion so perfect she always looks like she has just come from a photo shoot. I hated her smile, a smile of
such disarming sweetness you'd do anything just to see that smile come out like sunshine after the rain. It made it more difficult for me to harden my heart against her.

She wore a basic black V-necked sweater with a sexy turquoise lace skirt. She was braless, but her bosom was firm and her waist was as small as mine. There were just the tiniest freckles visible on her chest, just above the start of her deep cleavage.

“ ‘Hi,' she sang and hurried to extend her hand. ‘I'm Ariel. It's so nice to finally meet you.'

“Finally? I thought. That's was when it occurred to me they had been together longer than I had imagined. Panicky butterflies were on the wing again, battering my brain with doubts, buffeting my heart with indecision. Should I smile back at her? Should I be cold and unfriendly?

“Her soft blue eyes were filled with more anxiety and fear than mine were, I thought, and it occurred to me that she might be just as much an innocent victim as I was.

“I didn't want to think that. I wanted to think of her as being a gold digger or something, exploiting Daddy at his weakest moments, taking advantage of someone else's pain and loss, whispering terrible things about my mother in his ear, seducing him with compliments. I could see from the way she looked at him and spoke to him that she had put him on some pedestal.