Misty (10 page)

“We both took bubble baths and I let her pour her skin treatments into mine. Of course, she didn't like what I was wearing. Despite her claim of being young in heart and mind, she just wasn't in favor of my clothes. I wore a tank top with a pair of jeans.

“ ‘Don't you want to wear one of your pretty dresses?' she asked.

“ ‘I'm just going to the movies and out for pizza, Mommy, not the prom.'

“ ‘You should always dress and look like you're going to the prom,' she said.

“I told her to give me a break and she stopped complaining and complimented me on everything else. I was leaving first, of course, so I got the final check about fifteen minutes before Charles Allen arrived.

“ ‘You look beautiful,' my mother said. ‘Too bad your father isn't here to see this.'

“I hadn't heard from Daddy all week and I knew he was going to be away for the weekend. The plan was for me to stay with him on the following weekend. What I didn't know at the time was Daddy had already started dating, too. In fact,” I said, swallowing down my throat lump, “I think he had started dating Ariel even before he and Mommy had decided to get a divorce. He had been cheating on my mother.”

“How do you know that?” Star asked.

“The first time I saw them together, I felt they were just too comfortable with each other. They acted as if they had been living together a long time. It's just something you know,” I concluded.

“Yes,” she agreed. “It is.”

I began to think we all had a lot more in common than we first thought. I guess Doctor Marlowe knew what she was doing after all.

“When Charles Allen came by to pick me up, I realized this was actually my first real date. I had gone to the movies with other girls and met boys and then we'd all gone for pizza and stuff.

“Daddy always used to tell me he would be there to greet the first boy who came to take me out. He liked to tease me about it and threaten that he was going to ‘inspect that boy like a Marine drill instructor.' The boy
would tremble in his shoes and he would know that ‘if he didn't respect my little girl, he'd have hell to pay.'

“I used to dream of that scene. It was nice to think of your father as your great protector, suffering that delicious pain all fathers have to suffer when they see their little girls grown and ready to be dated. How many movies had I seen where the mother in the film reminds the father that ‘She's not your little girl anymore. She's a young woman.'

“Daddy wasn't there, however. He was off with his new young woman and I was the last thing on his mind,” I said. I felt my throat closing and the weight in my chest grow heavier and heavier. Everyone's eyes were on me, big eyes of pity. I hated it. I looked away, bit down on my lower lip until it hurt and then turned back almost angrily.

“Charles Allen was wearing a sports jacket and jeans and he looked more handsome than ever. My mother made sure to appear when he came to the door. I remember I thought she might as well be using a sledgehammer to beat in her comments.

“ ‘Oh, what a beautiful young couple you two make,' she cried. ‘You look very handsome, Charlie. And just look at Misty. She's blooming like some magnificent flower. She reminds me so much of myself at her age. But that's what a daughter's supposed to do for a mother, right?

“ ‘You two have a great time,' she said waving her hand as if she was laying a blessing.

“I practically dragged Charles Allen out of the entry-way and fled to his car.

“ ‘Quickly,' I told him, ‘drive before she thinks of something else.'

“He laughed and we shot off and I felt as if I was beginning the rest of my life.

“Neither of us liked the movie. We left early and went for pizza. Charles Allen shocked me when the waitress brought our Cokes. He pulled a small metal flask from his inside jacket pocket and whispered that it was rum. He poured a little into my Coke and a lot into his own. I was really surprised. He had such prissy manners in public, I never would have dreamed he would do something like that in a restaurant.

“I wasn't that excited about rum. I mean, I've had it before at parties and pretended to like gin, even though I thought it tastes more like medicine, but the rum in the Coke wasn't bad. I didn't notice it having any effect on me.

“After we ate, he suggested we go to his house. He said the servants had the night off and we could listen to music and talk and not worry about anyone looking over our shoulders.

“It was still quite early so I agreed.”

“I know what he wanted,” Star said.

I turned to her.

“I really wasn't going there to do it,” I said.

“Right,” she said and rolled her eyes.

“I wasn't. I was going to tell him that, too. I wanted us to know each other more and care about each other more.”

Star looked as skeptical as could be.

“When we arrived at his house, it was as quiet and as
empty as he had said it would be. We went into the media room and he put on some music and then he went to his parents' bar and made us both another Coke spiked with rum.

“The sofa had a control panel built into the arm and he could dim the lights and raise and lower the volume of the music.

“ ‘My father has some X-rated movies hidden. I know where they are. You want to watch one?' “ he asked.

“ ‘No,” I said quickly.

He didn't look disappointed. He nodded and smiled as if I had passed some sort of test.

“ ‘Good. I knew you were a mature girl,' he said. I suppose that made me feel very happy and maybe I was a little less aware of what was happening. I drank the Coke and rum a little too quickly, too.

“Suddenly, Charles Allen put his hands on my hips and then brought them up and began to fondle me.

“I was very excited but frightened too as his hands explored under my clothes.

“ ‘Maybe someone will come in,' I warned.

“ ‘No,' he insisted. ‘Everyone's out for the night. Relax,' he added, kissing me on the neck and cheek. ‘You smell so good.'

“I had a whole speech ready, but the words got jumbled in my brain. It didn't take long for him to get my tank top off and my bra and then he showed me he was prepared.

“I did put up some resistance, started to talk him out of it, but he had a whole speech ready, too.”

“Oh, I can't wait to hear what that was,” Jade said.

“He said things like we shouldn't deny ourselves now. Our parents were off making themselves happy, so why shouldn't we? ‘What do you think your mother's going to be doing tonight? And what do you think your father's doing? Same as mine, I'm sure,' he said.”

“So you let him do it,” Star concluded.

“It happened so fast. We were both naked and he started. I remember I was trembling so hard, he laughed, but I was terrified that it would be so painful. Of course, it was my first time, so there was pain and I concentrated on that so much, I didn't enjoy a moment and I don't think Charles Allen did either. It all happened quickly, more like something that had to be done and over with.

“He started to complain, blame everything on me. I didn't need someone to be nasty to me then. I needed some understanding. He made me feel so insignificant, talking about how inexperienced I was and how experienced he was. I challenged him, telling him I didn't know any girls he had been with, and I knew he had no love affair with any college girl.”

“I bet I know where he claimed he got his experience,” Star said.

“Where?” Jade asked her.

“The street,” she replied and looked to me for confirmation. “Am I right, girl?”

I nodded.

“He went with prostitutes?” Jade asked. I nodded. “He bragged about it.”

“Ugh, how could you continue to go out with him?” Jade asked me.

“I didn't much longer,” I said.

“How come?”

I closed and opened my eyes.

“After I got home that night, I wasn't feeling very good about myself. I felt. . .dirty. I took a bath. The house was empty, quiet. Mommy was still not home. I had no one to talk with. I just needed someone. I called Daddy. Of course, I wasn't going to tell him what I had done, but I just wanted to hear his voice. It wasn't terribly late, but all I got was his answering machine and I didn't leave a message.

“I cried a lot that night. I felt so lonely, never as lonely and afraid as I did then.”

“What about your girlfriends?” Jade asked.

“I had drifted away from most of them and I didn't know anyone I thought was mature enough to talk about it all anyway. Mommy didn't come home until very late that night. I was asleep, but I woke for a moment when I heard her footsteps and heard her open my door to peek in at me. I didn't say anything. She closed the door and I fell back to sleep.

“In the morning I felt as if I had been wounded and a great scab had formed over me. I think if Charles Allen and I had gotten to really know and like each other and really fallen in love with each other, it would have been different, but I kept thinking about how he had made me drunk and I just felt as if I had been used like some prostitute. It's hard to hold onto self-respect when you let things like that happen to you.”

I paused and smiled at Doctor Marlowe.

“A lot of this I've realized with Doctor Marlowe's
help,” I said. The others looked like they understood that.

“Mommy slept late that morning. I made myself breakfast and went out back to relax on the chaise by the pool. It was a beautiful day, warmer than usual. I knew Mommy wouldn't be getting up soon. Whenever she stayed out late, she had to sleep late to protect her youthful skin and keep her eyes from drooping.

“Bored, I got up and fetched our Sunday paper off the driveway and then went out back to look at the magazine section. As I was thumbing through the paper, I came upon the social pages and nearly missed it. I actually started to turn the page when the name Fitch struck me and I sat up and spread the paper out to read under the picture. I recognized Charles Allen's mother, of course.

“His father was with her. They had attended a charity affair and they were listed as one of the important couples. That's where they were the night before.

“I was very confused. Do rich divorced people still go to social affairs together? I wondered.

“There was a tiny trickle of ice water running down the sides of my stomach. I rose and went inside, dazed, afraid. I didn't know what to do, but an idea came to me and I called Charles Allen's home, only when the butler answered, I asked for Mr. Benjamin Harrison Jackson Fitch.

“The butler wanted to know who was calling and I said an old friend from college.

“When he said, ‘Just a moment,' my heart did flip-flops. Moments later I heard Charles Allen's father say, ‘Hello,' and I hung up.

“His parents weren't getting a divorce?” Jade asked astounded.

I shook my head.

“The bastard,” Star said.

Cathy was nodding.

“Did you confront him with it?” Jade wanted to know.

“That day,” I said.

“What did he say?”

“He claimed they had reconciled, but I pointed out that he had told me they were divorced just the night before and I repeated things he had said to me before we had made love.”

“And?” Star pursued. She was leaning over, her hands clenched as if she was ready to jump up and follow me over to Charles Allen's house to beat his face into mush.

“He paused and said, ‘What difference did it make now?'

“ ‘If you don't know, I feel sorrier for you than I do for myself,' I told him and hung up.

“I've never spoken with him again,” I said and looked at Doctor Marlowe. Her eyes told me I could say what was in my heart so I did.

“But you know what,” I told the others, “I don't hate him as much as I hate my parents.”

“Why?” Star asked.

“Because they put her in that place,” Jade said, her eyes small and sharp as she stared right through me. “They left her naked and alone and vulnerable, to use Charles Allen's word.”

“Yes,” Cathy said in a loud whisper. We all looked at her. “That's very true.”

We all became very quiet, each of us looking behind our own eyes at the thoughts and pictures that played on our private screens.

“How do you all feel about continuing?” Doctor Marlowe asked. “We can take a short break, have a little lunch, go outside, walk around the house, get some air and put in another hour or so.”

“Misty is the one who should decide,” Jade said, her voice filled with compassion.

“Yeah,” Star seconded. Cathy nodded.

“I'm all right,” I said. I wasn't. I had a long way to go to be all right.

Maybe I would never be all right.

But at least I was with people who would know why not.

T
he breezes were sweet with the newborn fragrances of spring. Now that we were outside after lunch, we all felt even worse about going back inside, where we had to revisit our private nightmares. Doctor Marlowe walked with her head down, her arms folded and her shoulders a little slumped. My mother would be very critical of her posture, I thought. The four of us remained a little behind her, none of us really walking together. Cat stayed at the end, walking the slowest, her eyes shifting cautiously from Jade to Star to me.