Mom's the Word (17 page)

 

“He hates it.” Ryan announced Steve Chaise's opinion of Fallon's book with a flat, bored voice. The verdict had forced its way through the fax machine just sixteen minutes after the first chapter had been sent.

Usually, Dyanne would have spent half the day trying to figure out how to break the news to Fallon. Now she had to get it out before she found herself head down in the toilet losing her lunch. Ryan, who'd read the pages as many times as she had, picked up the originals and scanned them again as though assessing them once more.

“What do you think?” she asked before biting the bullet and heading downstairs.

Ryan put the pages down. “I think he's right, based on that chapter. I've seen more of the book and things really do open up a lot later. Have you noticed that the pages since your Dad got here are a cut above the others? I mean really. She's in a good storytelling groove now. The faith seems more inherent instead of just tacked on like she remembered it was supposed to be a Christian book.”

Dyanne nodded, pausing again to remind herself that this was the neighbor boy from next door and not some publishing mogul. Though in some ways everything in her life seemed out of control, she had to admit that God had been doing a great job in a lot of areas, too. She'd worried that helping out with Karol's kids would keep her from getting Fallon's book done, but the truth was she would never have been as far along as she was without Ryan's help. As for his comments about the book, she totally agreed.

“It's true. I really like the pages from the past four or five days. The story of how she became a raw foodist—”

“Except when she's not a raw foodist!” Ryan echoed one of Fallon's most famous quotes.

“Exactly. I was thinking last night that this second section is less of a self-help book and more of a memoir.”

“Yes! That's what it is. A memoir. Wait. Give me a pen.” Though Ryan could use the computer fairly well for a boy heading into middle school, when it came to book talk, he most often asked for a pen to scribble down something and pass it to Dyanne for her approval. This time, he seemed to be writing forever.

Dyanne's stomach had started its afternoon gymnastics session when Ryan finally passed her the notepad. There were several scratched-out phrases, circles, stars and arrows that Dyanne couldn't follow, but the final result was boxed at the bottom of the page with, “What do you think? New Title?” scratched beside it.

“The Green Grandma's Guide to God, Mangoes and other Miracles,” Dyanne said slowly, already starting for the stairs. “I get where you're going, Ryan. I don't know if this will be the final, but I'm feeling it.”

He smiled and started down the stairs behind her with his hands jammed into his front pockets in satisfaction. “I was thinking sort of Sweet Potato Queen vibe, but not, you know?”

She paused on the stairs. Until three weeks ago, the boy had only read classics, Christian novels and some fantasy here and there. Now he was doing market analysis like a professional. “I think you've spent too much time on our bookshelves. That one might be over your head.”

He agreed. “Just scanned it.”

Downstairs, they found Fallon, Judah and Dyanne's father cooking chicken and rice seasoned with the herbs from Fallon and Judah's latest project—a herb garden. She could tell from their expressions that they were about to ooh and ah her about being pregnant and insist she sit down and all that other foolishness, so she cut right to the point.

“Steve Chaise isn't too hot on the first chapter. Doesn't think it's genuine. Says it's forced and too safe. Doesn't sound like you. I think you should consider his—”

“He's right,” Fallon said, stirring fresh lemon balm and garlic into the rice. “Kelvin and I have been talking about it this morning. He thinks my stories are my strength. I suppose I use them more in my speaking than my writing. What do you think?”

Dyanne smiled. Her father grew more useful every day. “I agree—”

Fallon waved her publicist away. “I was talking to Ryan. Speak up, child. You're the boss here, you know.”

Though it was obvious he wanted to answer, Ryan's good manners won out. “I'll let Miss Dyanne answer that. We had a discussion before coming down.” He took a step back.

Reverend Kelvin gave the boy a nod of approval.

“All right, Dee Dee. Hit me with it. I thought the kid would at least take it easy on me. You're a pistol when you're not pregnant. I know you're going to take me through it now.”

Dyanne took the seat that her father held out for her. Protesting any longer would only make him insist more vehemently. “Sorry if I've been snarky, Fallon. I don't mean it. Bear with me. It's getting better.”

“You're doing fine, sugar. Don't pay me any mind. That's my nerves talking.”

They both laughed, Dyanne knew that Fallon had a point. Neal had been walking around on eggshells, too. She'd have to pray harder and get more sleep. Sleep and food were the big ticket items these days. “Ryan and I both like your latest pages the best. I think it starts heading to a good place in chapter three or so and just gets better from there. What do you think about a memoir instead of your usual type of work?”

Fallon stopped stirring. “A memoir? Oh, I don't know. Those always seem so…egotistical.”

It wasn't easy, but Dyanne managed not to laugh in Fallon's face. “I'd say that you have a healthy ego, so that shouldn't be a problem. It doesn't have to be your whole life story. More like your take on life. A series of essays and stories. Your thoughts on God, vegetables and love.”

Ryan whipped out his notebook and started scribbling again.

Reverend Kelvin smiled. “I think it's a wonderful concept. It could also fit with your nonprofit, once you figure out what it's going to be. God, vegetables and love is a good place to start. If someone could teach children just about those three things, the world would be a different place.”

Dyanne wanted to hug her father as she watched Fallon's conflicted face become peaceful.

Judah, who'd been shucking peas intently into a bowl and taking in their every word, lifted his head only when he'd set the last one free from its pod. “Put some recipes in there, too. You're good with food.”

Fallon let the spoon slide into the pot and put a hand on her hip. “That child done opened it all up for me now. If y'all need me, I'll be in the office. Kelvin, will you finish up this rice for me?”

The reverend had already picked up the spoon. “I've got this. You just cook up something good on that computer. Go on now. I'll bring you some food up later.”

“Bring me some, too…” was all Dyanne could get out before she made a run toward the hall. As she banged through the bathroom door, she heard Fallon giggling on her way up the stairs.

 

While Fallon was great for comfort or a quick meal, there were many things about having babies that she just didn't know.

“Even if I'd had a child, everything has changed so much these days that it seems totally different from what I remember when my sisters and friends were having children,” Fallon said after another round of Dyanne's anxious questions. She was going to recommend that Dyanne call Karol Simon next door, but Dyanne didn't want to be a bother.

Karol saved them both when she came over uninvited and smiling with a basket of hot muffins. “Look, I hate to barge in, but I know how it was when I was pregnant the first time. I'm no expert, but I just wanted to let you know that you can ask me anything and I'll find out if I don't know. We're up late so call anytime. If you need me to run errands for you when I go in town, I can do that, too. Anything. Just let me know.”

Dyanne bit into a muffin and started in on her questions: “Why does my belly itch? Should I keep working out? Can I really breastfeed for as long as they recommend? Are these colors right for the nursery?” On and on she went, until she stopped herself. “I sound like a bride, don't I? Planning her wedding.”

Karol laughed. “A little. It's sort of like that in a way.”

Fallon made tea and they sorted through paint chips and swapped wedding stories. Dyanne paused a little before sharing hers. “We got married at the courthouse. It was very romantic really. Neal had told me that he'd marry me after graduation, so we'd gotten some of the things we needed and were in the planning stages. Then he got accepted to grad school and I got my job and…we just got married.”

“I love it!” Fallon clapped her hands together. “People do all that uptight planning and end up divorced before the wedding is paid off. We could use a little spontaneity now and then. Well, I can, anyway. You, Dee? I'm not so sure. If I'd known the Mango Man back then, I might have given him some different advice. I'm just glad that we've got you now.”

Karol smiled. “Yes, I really am glad. I'm so excited for you, too. I know on the phone you sounded hesitant in giving me the news about the baby, but I really am happy for you. We all are. It'll be wonderful to have a baby around this place again. We'll try not to spoil your little one.” She took another sip of tea.

Fallon crunched a biscotti she'd unearthed somewhere. “Speak for yourself. I'm going to spoil that kid rotten, right, Dee?”

The women's voices folded around her against the cold of her own expectations. She held their words tight and close, especially Karol's, who seemed so convinced that Dyanne could and would make a good mother. Each day, Karol came back, bringing a little something to smooth Dyanne's way—sometimes it was as simple as a roll of paper towels to clean up the last meal she'd lost, but she always made Dyanne feel as if she wasn't alone, as if she'd crossed over into the sorority of motherhood.

It was only after getting to know Karol better that she realized this group wasn't as organized or well-outfitted as she'd supposed. What they did have, these mothers, was stronger than most anything else, a love different from what a woman felt for her husband, her siblings or even her own mother. It was a fierce and covering love, Dyanne knew, even if she was only starting to feel the flow of it. It came more slowly than she would have liked, but it came, often after holding hands in prayer with Karol Simon.

It seems like only yesterday you bounced past me, trucks in both pockets of your kindergarten coat. I thought you'd be short forever, following behind me.

What a fool I was.

I follow now, seeking the endless curiosity walking proud on forever legs. You are becoming defiantly handsome, strangely beautiful and eagle-eyed enough to see the strings to all my puppets. You know how I throw my voice, hide my soul.

My faith-paint peels away under your unflinching gaze, but love me

Anyway. I know I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you, the long, lean reflection of the best of me.

Just when I feel hopeless, you look up from dragging dreamy fingers

In the sand and tell me to go in peace, to rest in the grace that is you.

—Karol, day 19, for Ryan's birthday

K
arol's twenty-one days weren't quite up, but Rob agreed to let her be Mom for one day. Ryan's birthday. It had taken much more heart and hurt than she'd thought it would to rewrite the book that now rested in her hand. The cover was cool and hard, just as she'd always thought it would be. What she hadn't expected was the rush of emotion when Rob cracked the spine, read the first words.

“It's so good. Even after reading it so many times the past few days. I am so proud of you.”

He'd seen everything in the past week, read through all the curling, pained papers beneath their bed. He'd seen all Karol's mistakes, all her fears, all the parts of her that only worked on paper, the pieces that even she could only see on the page. He'd seen it all and yet he loved her. If it were possible, she thought he might have loved her more. The quiet confidence of his feelings now felt fierce and proud.

That made Karol happy because it was what she'd felt for Rob all along, but been unable to express. In all those years, she thought she'd been trying to get published but her stories and poems had really just been one long love letter.

The breath caught in Rob's throat as he finished the dedication, a poem for Ryan. Ryan might not be able to appreciate the truth of the words until he was older and had children of his own, but that was okay, too. She liked to think that she was giving her son something that he could grow into but never grow out of.

“This is the best gift. Oh—” Rob swiped at his eyes but didn't actually cry “—he's just going to love it. And that cameo of him on the cover? Priceless.”

A week before, Neal had taken a picture of Ryan fast asleep with his head in a book and a pen in his hand. The image had struck something deep in Karol and she'd decided to incorporate it into the cover of
Indigo Dawn,
the novel she had just completed. There was a young boy in the novel and Ryan fit his description.

“I enjoyed writing that poem, too. I think I'm going to do one for each of the children. Start a tradition. Poems for their birthdays. With gifts of course.”

Rob closed the book and put it back in its nest of tissue paper inside the gilded box they'd chosen. He shut the lid carefully. “I think that's a wonderful idea. I don't want you to feel like you have to do that, though. You might be busy writing another novel. You have some really great stories—”

Karol put her thumb to his lips then brought it to her own. “Thank you for saying that. For believing in me. For so long, I was bound by those boxes under the bed. I didn't know it, but I'd put some expectation on myself and when I didn't achieve it—”

“Yet.”

“Let me finish. When that first manuscript didn't get published, I think I felt like there was nothing else I could be good at. So I tried to be a good mother, but that's hard to do when you're living next door to Hope. So I tried to be the best wife—”

“And that's hard to do when you're married to a jerk.”

Karol threw a wad of paper streamers at Rob. “You are not a jerk, but if you keep interrupting me you will be severely punished.”

“Promise?” He grabbed her by the waist.

She laughed. “I guess this is God's way of shutting me up. Anyway, to make a long story short, I've decided to do what Pastor Newton spoke about last Sunday—give myself away.”

“To us?” Rob asked hesitantly, no longer laughing.

With a nod, she confirmed his thoughts. “To you.”

He held her face in both hands. “But what if you're meant for other people, too? What if we're—if I'm not enough?”

“You are more than enough,” Karol said softly. “If God wants me to share my words with other people, He'll show me. He'll show us. Until then, you'll have to suffer through reading my stories,” she said in a low voice.

They kissed slow and easy and held each other for what seemed like a very long time.

“How long before the kids are due back from Neal and Dee's?”

“An hour, I think, but I was going to get them early. She's hardly keeping food down, poor thing.”

“Ryan is helping. Fallon begged me to let them come. They're all outside. Leave them for a few more minutes and follow me.”

“I don't know—”

“Leave them. I think I've got a story for you. Or the beginnings of one at least…” Rob smiled and took his wife by the hand.

 

Ryan's party surprised everyone. Even Karol.

At the sight of her parents, who hadn't been talking to her much lately, her eyes went wide.

“Mom? I mean Faith? I had no idea you planned on coming. If I'd known, I would have—”

Her father's hug smothered her words. “Karol, you don't need to do anything special for us. And sorry for coming without any notice. I tried to call, but couldn't get you. Your mother just decided this morning to drive down. It's so good to see you. You all have to get up to Atlanta soon.”

Faith ran her fingers through her new haircut—a shorter version of the old one—and pressed her lips to her daughter's cheek in something that resembled a kiss. “Yes, Pops—Eric—insisted that I call you, but you know how you all are about the phone. I just figured that you wouldn't be doing anything for the child with the way you were acting the last time I was here. I'm happy to see that I was wrong. Quite wrong, in fact.”

That made Karol smile. Not only had she been surprised by the appearance of her parents, but Hope and Singh, who had called to cancel days before, had shown up, too, bringing the whole clan with them including Bone the dog. Mia had run so far and so fast and screamed so loud when they pulled up that Karol had thought a wasp had bit her. When she'd seen what, and who, had caused such a reaction in her little girl, Karol had run to join them, too.

Though their last meeting had been awkward and painful, the old friends fell into each other's arms with an easy grace that made both Karol and Rob smile. He and Singh headed off for the grill, while Karol and Hope cut cake and poured drinks.

That is, until her parents had arrived. Now she stood with them under the shade of the tallest tree in her yard with her sweaty hand enveloped in her father's cool ones. Rob had insisted that she give her parents one of the few books they'd printed. Karol didn't want to, but she did give them a copy. For once, Karol felt as though she had surpassed her mother's expectations and it should have felt good, but there was something in her mother's eyes that kept her from enjoying it—fear.

“Faith, are you all right?”

Judah wiggled between them to give his grandfather a hug. Karol tried to wipe the icing off his face, but her dad shook his head and let the boy scramble up into his arms. Karol's mother normally would have had a fit, but she didn't notice. Faith's eyes were glued to the wraparound porch of the house next door.

“Who is that? That woman. Over there.” Faith lifted her hand and almost extended her finger but so many years of manners training wouldn't allow her to fully point. Karol wished they'd included some other things in those charm classes her mother had taken as a girl. Many other things.

Judah swallowed and answered before his mother could figure out which person Faith was talking about. There were several people on the porch next door but somehow Judah knew exactly who his grandmother meant.

“That's Fay-Ray. My grandma. She rocks. Wanna meet her?” Already out of his grandfather's arms, he grabbed at Faith's slender hands with icing-covered fingers.

For the first time, she didn't pull away. Her purse, however, a slim suede bag from Italy, slipped off her other wrist and hit the ground. Karol and her father bumped heads trying to pick it up.

Faith crouched in a position from her daily yoga class and looked into Judah's eyes. “I'm your grandmother, sweetie. You know that.”

The boy shook his head and took a deep breath, ensuring that he could get his words out all at once. “You're Number Two. Faith the Second. Mommy—I mean Karol's—mother. Grandmas make cookies and get dirty and dance in the kitchen. That's what me and Fay-Ray do. We have a garden, too. Wanna see? You come on, too, Pop Pop.”

Karol held tight to her mother's purse and patted Judah's shoulder. “Her name is not Fay-Ray, honey. She's an author staying next door. Fallon Gray? Perhaps you've heard of her. They say she's quite famous. She's been a godsend—”

“Did you say Fallon Gray?” It was her father's turn to squint across the balloons and streamers into the shade of the porch next door. “As in Fayette Renee Allen?”

“Well, I don't know about that…” Karol was in unfamiliar territory now, trying to understand what was happening. She remembered now that Fallon had mentioned knowing her father and made a comment about her mother, too. Both of them moved slowly across the yard, faces blank as though they'd seen a ghost.

Or worse yet, a skeleton.

Karol wrapped both hands around herself as Rob approached from the grill, where he'd left Singh.

“Is everything all right?” her husband asked. “I glanced over and you all looked like you'd gotten food poisoning from the potato salad or something. What's going on?”

She squeezed Rob's hand once and shrugged before setting off behind her parents. “I don't know, honey. And to be honest I'm not sure I want to know.”

He followed close behind. “Do you want me to come?”

Karol shook her head. “Probably not.”

“Do you need me to come?”

“Please,” she whispered.

Though Karol and Rob had set off behind Karol's parents, they reached the edge of Dyanne's yard at the same time. Ryan was on the porch with Karol's book held high. Fallon's rich laughter peppered Ryan's recounting of all his mother had done to get it published. Dyanne's father took the book and had begun to flip through the pages when Karol's father, Eric, left them all and climbed the stairs of the house next door.

Fallon's laughter stopped abruptly. “Eric?”

“It's me. You look good, Faye. But then you always did.”

There was an awkward silence as no one knew what to say or do to stop the conversation raging, one that required no words.

“I do what I can, Eric. I do what I can. That's a great girl you raised over there. Good grandkids, too. C'mon, Judah. It's okay. We're just old friends. Faith, you come on, too.” She motioned to Dyanne's father, whose usual smile was absent. “This is Kelvin. He's Dyanne's daddy—she's my publicist—and a good friend. A very good friend.”

At that, the reverend's smile returned. “Come on up here, y'all. Have a seat. There's room.”

Eric took the seat next to Fallon, but not before stopping to shake the reverend's hand. Karol winced at the tightness of their grip. It was a wonder neither of them broke a finger. Both men kept smiling but Rob passed Faith on the stairs and extended his hand in greeting.

Ryan, unencumbered by the foreboding of his mother, pushed forward, shoving a copy of
Indigo Dawn
into Fallon's hands. “Did you see it? Mom finished her book. It's amazing. You've got to read it. Promise me.”

“I promise. Congratulations.” She tucked the book into her bag on the floor.

Judah plopped into Fallon's lap. She poured a glass of water on the table beside her and dipped a napkin into it and started to wipe his face. “I see somebody enjoyed the cake,” she said softly, talking into Judah's curls. “Make sure you brush your teeth later. Now give me a hug and take Ryan back to his party. He just came to visit us old folks and tell us about his fabulous gifts. Go on now. We'll check on the garden later, when everybody is gone.”

That was all Judah needed to hear. “Come on, Ryan. Let's go.”

Ryan looked reluctant but he let his little brother take him by the hand. “Okay. I'll come back later and see how Miss Dyanne is doing.”

Karol looked concerned. “I noticed she disappeared all of a sudden. I thought she might have just been tired. Is she okay?”

Fallon smiled. “It is well. She's resting. God knows. You just enjoy your family today. Your beautiful family. And congratulations on the book. I can't wait to read it. Faith, how have you been? You look stunning as usual. So well put together.”

Karol watched in awe as her well-put-together mother crumbled before her eyes. “I'm doing all right, Faye. Thanks, um, for asking.”

Rob looked at his wife with questions in his eyes, but Karol could offer no answers.

The reverend stood and smoothed the pleats in his pants. “Faye, I'm going to go on inside and see how Dee and Neal are making out, all right? If you need me, just holler. You know I'm here for you. I'll be praying.” He turned to the rest of the group. “Nice to meet you, Eric and Faith. Rob and Karol, always good to see you. If nothing else, I'll see you at service in the morning.”

Rob stood and shook the man's hand again. “Oh, yes. They say you'll be bringing the message tomorrow morning. I've heard about your teaching for years. I'm looking forward to it.”