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Authors: Marilynn Griffith

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BOOK: Mom's the Word
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The Once-Was

I once was a star,

Shooting to the moon

On mile-high heels.

My hips spanned the

Galaxy, curving at the speed

of light. My light is gone now,

My wonder moved

On, taken residence in your

Eyes. In your laughter, I

Hear echoes of my reign,

Top notes of the once-was.

For you, I'd gladly give it

All again, flinging my hopes

Into outer space, tossing my words into

The black silence, once and for all.

 

—Karol
Upon waking, first Sunday after Hope's move

Chapter Three

K
arol Simon once stood in the foyer at church with Hope, looking for new moms to encourage.

This morning, weary and alone, she'd hidden from them.

They found her anyway.

One of the newest moms thrust a chubby baby in Karol's face. “I think he has thrush. His mouth is all white. I remember Miss Hope telling me something to use? Vinegar maybe? Someone said you might know…”

She took a deep breath and the baby. He returned her smile, just wide enough for her to see his coated tongue. “Yes, vinegar. Swab his mouth with it. You'll have to do yourself, too. Call the doctor. Maybe some gentian violet. It's messy, though. They have quick pills now. Antifungals. Limit your sugar—”

A three-year-old biter was pushed forward next. His mother, almost in tears and afraid to check him into the nursery—he'd bitten half the class the week before—hugged Karol after she finished dispensing more of Hope's secondhand advice.

“Thank you,” she said softly. “He's really a good boy. I don't know why he does it.”

Karol nodded and gave the young mom a squeeze. Having a child do things that other people didn't understand could be embarrassing and even hurtful. Though church was supposed to be a place of grace and healing, people were still people and nobody wanted to see teeth marks on their kid—Karol included.

“If it doesn't get better right away, you may have to keep him with you in the overflow room for a few weeks. I had to do that with Judah and he still has his moments now and then, but for the most part, he's over it.” She left out the fact that Judah still took a bite out of Mia now and then. No sense putting the woman over the edge, right?

As time wound down before service started, Karol hugged and helped all the women she could, all the time feeling like the biggest hypocrite on earth. On the way to church, Mia had thrown her shoe out of the window and Karol had nearly been run over when she pulled off the shoulder to get it.

And now she was standing in the foyer like some sort of Supermom, giving out advice when she really wanted to run to the bathroom and cry. Though she loved Hope and appreciated all her friend had taught her, she couldn't imagine how Hope managed to help all these women and run her own houseful. Karol had been hard pressed to stuff Mia into a dress and get her to church with both shoes. And yet, these women thought she had all the answers.

It was funny, but scary, too. Karol couldn't have been more relieved when she finally made her way into the sanctuary. The service flew by on mandolin strings and beats from the drums the last visiting missionaries had brought from Kenya. It was a unique and soothing sound.

Pastor Newton's sermon had been moving and informative as usual, but Karol found her mind wandering toward grocery lists and her mothering goals for the week: working with Mia on writing her name for kindergarten, getting Judah to help her in the kitchen with dinner and trying to get Ryan to make friends with someone who wasn't a fictional character or historical figure. She had her work cut out for her, especially on the last count. Ryan was now old enough to join the youth group, but after two Sundays there without Hope's sons, Aaron and Anthony, Ryan had slid into the pew beside Rob and Karol this morning without offering any explanations. Though she wanted to question him, a sharp nod from Rob kept Karol from dong so.

On the one hand, Karol was relieved. Some of the boys in the youth group were much older and more experienced than Ryan. She'd thought he might do better in joining the group after the eighth grade when he'd had a little more time to grow up. At the same time, though, each week that went by without him making any new friends, drew him further and further into the world of books, a place even Karol had a hard time pulling him out of sometimes. Rob didn't seem too worried. “There are a lot worse things the boy could get into besides reading. And think about it, Karol, he gets it from you.”

That was exactly what worried her. Karol's love for books had led her down many roads, including a crazy attempt to be published when Ryan was young. Hope had helped her see the sense in focusing on raising her children instead of trying to fulfill some impossible dream. Somehow, though, that dream, or some part of it, had been passed on to Ryan. There were still boxes under her bed full of writing no one had ever seen—and never would see. Even this morning, she'd climbed into her window seat and scribbled out a poem. It was a madness of sorts, one she didn't want Ryan afflicted with, though in her heart, she knew it was too late.

And yet, the pastor's words rang true in her mind.

Trust God.

She didn't take the best notes or hear every word of the sermon, but the gist of it was, as always, applicable and true: God is faithful. He knows what He's doing, even when we don't. As the final amen was said, Karol directed that thought to her friendship with Hope, her marriage to Rob, her worries over her children and even her relationship—or lack thereof—with her new neighbors. Somehow, God would work it all out. She certainly couldn't.

When church let out and the women began to cluster around her again, Karol repeated the pastor's words and told them all to go home and trust God with the babies He'd given them. He'd tell them what to do with their children much better than she ever could. Some of the women seemed disappointed, but others were strengthened and thankful for Karol's confidence.

She was just happy to take Rob's hand and escape to the car.

 

Though Karol's two youngest children had been acting up lately, there were no incidents at the restaurant after church. Though they'd usually gone to buffets with copious amounts of family fare with Hope and Singh, today Karol had asked Rob to head to historic Frenchtown for some soul food: ribs, macaroni and cheese, greens seasoned with smoked turkey, tea as sweet as the morning had been sour and sweet potato pie that reminded Karol of the mother she sometimes imagined she would one day have or become.

Today, she doubted either.

Judah and Mia were so mesmerized by the sweet potato pie that they seemed back to their old, compliant selves, eating quietly with their best manners. As the family rose to leave, an elderly couple had complimented the children's behavior.

The woman, who all of Karol's children had greeted without the usual urgings, shook her wrinkled finger in the air and waved them over.

“Now see, you are a good mama. Children now days won't half speak to nobody and then they come in the restaurant and run all over and act a fool. Y'all are doing a good job. Just keep on like you doing. They are gonna turn out all right, you'll see. God bless y'all.”

Though she accepted the compliment and gave the older woman a careful hug, Karol knew something for sure—she was a failure at motherhood. Rob cradled her head into his lap and tried to convince her otherwise that afternoon while their children watched
Finding Nemo
for the millionth time.

“You're a great mom, Karol.”

She rolled her eyes before looking up at her husband. “Mia threw her shoe out of the van this morning.”

Her husband had to be at service early to greet visitors and clean the windows. It wasn't a position exactly, just something Singh had always done. Rob had joined him a few years ago. Now their sons went, too, leaving Karol and Mia alone to fight over hair and dresses.

This morning, Mia had settled on a pair of Mary Janes a size too small. Karol had tried to explain that she was sending them to Hope for one of her daughters, but Mia had really lost it then. “Can I go with my shoes? It's no fun here!” she'd wailed, throwing herself onto her canopy bed. Being the only girl had its privileges…and its problems.

Rob stifled a laugh. “She threw them totally out of the car? But you two made it to church on time and she had both shoes on—”

Karol clenched her teeth. “I pulled off the shoulder and ran across the highway to get it. No one had run over it yet, thank God. They almost hit me, though.”

Her husband's jaw tightened then. “I don't like that at all. There was an accident on that shoulder last week. The exits near the church are pretty close together as it is. Next time, leave the shoe.”

She flipped onto her stomach, fluffing her afro from where it flattened in the back. “Now you know I couldn't bring that child to church with one shoe. That's just—just—”

“Life? Seriously, I don't know why you insist the kids dress up on Sunday, anyway. None of the other kids do now that Hope and Singh's kids aren't here.”

Karol sat back on the couch beside her husband. “I know you think it's silly, but it's just important to me. I was raised to dress up for church. It was a sign of respect for God's house. I know everything is modern now, and I'm glad that I don't have to be dressed to the nines every time I go, but I just like for the kids to look nice.”

“Mom! He's kicking me and I'm sick of it. He's trying my patience.” Ryan raised a hand over his brother's head prepared to give it a sound whack in front of his parents as he'd done so many times before when they weren't watching.

Rob responded before she could. “Knock it off, Judah. And you, too, Ryan. Neither of you are allowed to put your hands on each other. Behave or the movie goes off.”

Ryan jumped up and stood in front of the television before clicking it off. “Fine. I don't like this movie anyway. You always pick little kid stuff for them. What about me?”

Judah started to cry. “See what you did? Now we have go take a nap like babies—”

“I'm not a baby!” Mia burst into tears. “Mom-eeeeee!” She dived onto the couch and into her mother's arms, knocking her head against Karol's chin as she went.

“Humph. Yes you are. You're both babies,” Ryan said before starting out of the room. He was in rare form today. Or maybe it was just the hormones that Karol kept forgetting he was getting to the age for.

“Okay, enough!” Karol sat Mia on the cushion next to her and swung her arms like an umpire. “You can watch the movie or not, but the fighting has to stop. And the yelling. I've tried very hard not to raise my voice at you the past few days, now I need you to do the same.”

A tear wet the corner of Karol's eye as Ryan shrugged and stormed upstairs. Having to leave Mia in the van alone this morning and dash through the traffic and now this—all simple things, but difficult, too—had taken Karol to the breaking point. And the thought of the same group of young mothers who used to cluster around Hope waiting for her had really taken her past the point of no return.

Wonder what they'd think of me if they could see this scene?

Rob stood and started helping the smaller children up the stairs. “Okay, you all have upset your mother. Time for a nap. Mom and I might take one, too. You all did so well at lunch today. I need you to act that way at home, too. Ryan, I'll deal with you later, okay, son?”

“Yes, sir.”

Karol wiped her eyes, and helped her husband lead the kids upstairs and into their beds despite their pouting and complaining. Could they take a Sunday-afternoon nap without their friends next door to keep an eye out in case the children woke up?

Mia and Judah had always known that if they woke up before their parents, they could wander over to Miss Hope's for a hug and an afternoon snack. She and Hope had even staggered their naptimes to look out for one another. After the monster truck showed up next door to remove every kid-related thing in the yard, Karol was fairly sure their new neighbors wouldn't be any good for nap coverage. Still, she only had time to blow Rob a kiss before sleep overtook her.

 

“We've got company,” Neal said as he entered the house with a little girl in a pink bathing suit a size too small. Despite her ill-fitting outfit, she held her head as if balancing a crown. The little girl's hair, two long braids in front and a giant afro puff in back, made Dyanne long to dig her fingers into it.

On another day, she might have done just that, but it was Sunday, her catching-up day. Even if she was out of the office, she still needed to stay on top of things. With authors like Fallon on her list, she had to. Not to mention that ton of books for the new line. There was just too much to do to be dealing with someone else's kids.

“You run along now, okay, sweetie?” Dyanne said, before shooting her husband a glare. He knew what she was up against. Why had he brought the child inside?

Watch it. He might be warming up to the baby thing. Be nice.

She was about to tell the little girl how cute she was when the wild thing ran and flung herself against the wall. “The tree! You took the treeeeeeee….”

Neal wiped his brow on the towel around his neck. He was ahead of her on scouting out a jog trail, it seemed. “Calm down, honey. Your friends' tree was beautiful, but we live here now so we have to start over.” He walked toward her and crouched down to eye level.

The little girl paused, bringing a finger to her chin. “So you're gonna make your own tree? With her?”

Dyanne, who hadn't moved since the girl attacked her new wallpaper, almost leaped across the room and hugged her. She was starting to love this kid more by the minute.

BOOK: Mom's the Word
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