Monitored (The White Coat Series Book 3) (2 page)

Connor had also asked our parents to live alone, but his motives were more along the lines of, “I need a really cool place to throw some parties, sooo, let’s make it happen?” He didn’t ask our parents just like that of course, instead leaning more towards my excuse and blaming his failing grades on dorm distractions and not on the actual copious amounts of alcohol and hangovers he was having. I couldn’t blame him though, I understood he had his own problems, ones that weighed huge on that poor kid’s heart.
 

It was what happened when a football jock, soon-to-be fraternity bro, came out as gay.

I couldn’t imagine the turmoil that must have been raging through my poor twin his whole life, fighting himself for who he was, feeling ashamed for who he loved. He told me in the parking lot of a McDonald’s. It was late, probably two in the morning, and we had just finished leaving one of our friend’s house parties, asking our taxi driver to drop us off at the McDonald’s only a ten minute walk away from Connor’s place. This was after we had convinced him to go through the twenty-four hour drive-thru for us. I was almost not even going to go to the party, I felt like I should have been studying for a Biology test I had a week from then, but Con insisted that I make the trip. He said he really needed my support and that the night wouldn’t be the same without me there. Now, looking back, I could see that Con wanted me to go just so that we could get trashed over free jello shots and make the coming out a little easier.

It honestly did take me by surprise. Con had always been more on the macho side, which now, looking back on it, didn’t really mean much, but at the time I never really thought that he was struggling with his sexuality. For a split second, I remember thinking
--
is he joking? Just to test our relationship? But there was something in his voice which immediately dispelled that idea. Con sat there, on the sidewalk with the street lamps shining down on us, his Big Mac resting sloppily on his lap, as he divulged his biggest secret, tears threatening to take over.
 

“I love you and I’ll always love you,” I remember saying, reassuring him that I thought nothing different of him. We were all raised to be open, supportive individuals, so homosexuality was never an issue for me. What did hurt me was knowing that not everyone out there was like me and my family. There were dangerous, vindictive, disgusting people out there that would not be nearly as accepting, and that’s what scared me.

“Does this mean I’m a lesbian?” I asked, in a little bit of a drunken slur. Con laughed, knowing then that it was going to be alright, for that moment, things were ok.
 

This night was different though, tonight I wasn’t sure how things were going to end up. I had a ton to think about, and I hadn’t intended on dumping it out all on Connor now. But I also couldn’t stay at my place alone tonight, that was way too thug-life for me. I slept with a bat under my bed, but I wasn’t sure if even that would stave off a crazy drug-dealing maniac.

I walked up the cracked, red brick steps to Con’s house, it was one of those quaint one story homes, more charm than space. My parents didn’t want to completely spoil us so I guess they imposed their limits, although we didn’t complain. How could we? This was still a lot nicer than having to share a bathroom with ten other girls.

It gives me chills just thinking about it.
 

It wasn’t so much that we were showering in the same stalls, it was more the community aspect of it. I usually liked keeping private, especially about my own body which I never really felt one-hundred percent comfortable with. I’m not one of those girls totally oblivious to their looks, don’t get me wrong. I know I’m not bombshell, but I’m not pig with lipstick on either. Naturally, college had me becoming more open and confident, which, of course, led to me deciding a ten minute fuck in a bathroom stall would be an excellent idea.

Spoiler alert; it wasn’t.

Connor opened the door and let me in, my big Nike duffle bag in tow, practically dragging on the floor. I looked over at him and just started crying. I couldn’t help it, tears took on a mind of their own and decided to run down my face in torrential amounts. I shook like a trembling, newborn fawn into Connor’s arms, feeling his chest heave in controlled bursts of tears as well. We both knew our lives were never going to be the same and that scared us so damn much. It’s an indescribable feeling, knowing that everything you’ve ever felt was the norm was now swept from underneath us. Along with that were the drastic shifts in expectations for the future. Literally, looking ahead my life took a complete one-hundred and eighty degree turn. Before, I saw the future as a college student, nights spent locked up in my room studying intermixed with alcohol-raged, sweaty nights spent dancing away to music that I would remember years later. Now all I saw was a baby, a baby that I had no idea what to do with.

Connor must have seen a similar one-hundred-and eighty degree turn, minus the baby and probably the nights spent studying. I’m sure he was terrified of what mom and dad were going to say, and the rest of the family, along with what that meant for his future, who he would end up with. It was all way too much for either of us to process, so we both just cried, like two little twin babies left in some tangled up nest in the middle of a crazy jungle. Both of us lost, both of us hoping that somehow, maybe someone would help and pull us out. Just a nudge, then I can do the rest by myself.

All I need is a nudge.

***

“Shit,” Con said, crunching on a protein bar he had left unwrapped on the coffee table.

 
“Yeah, shit,” I said, playing with the tassels of a tacky, navy green pillow that Con insisted was somehow in fashion. Or at least attractive.

“What are you going to do?” Con asked, opening with the obvious question from the start. it was something that, well to be truthful, I just hadn’t decided yet. Both options were on the table, and I didn’t know which one was going to be chosen. There was one choice that was tugging at me a bit more than the others.

“I’m leaning towards adoption,” I said, just spewing out my first instinct. Saying it out loud helped make it sound more solid, more real. It made it somehow less scary. And then I thought of Dr. Evans, well, Blake. I clearly had to tell him, I wasn’t going to play out some secret pregnancy plotline from an overdramatic Spanish soap opera. That would require me to cry in various volume levels with my face scrunching up for long stretches of time, just something I didn’t want to sign up for.

So I needed to tell him. It was the aftermath that I was nervous about.
 

He had a wife.

Oh no, no, oh jeez, no.

I was a home-wrecker. I was one of the girls I detested, the ones that I wanted to tie around one large, old oak tree and send floating down a river, one that ended in a raging waterfall. I could feel the slow, lulling waters of a peaceful river underneath me. I could hear the roaring of the foaming waterfall from where I was.

I was a fucking home-wrecker.

I clutched the tousles tight in my hand as I stifled back another cry, creeping up on me with the speed of a primed cheetah. This was so messed up.

“Shh, hey, girl. Listen to me, you’re strong. You’re strong and you’re one of the fucking smartest people I know. You also are very attractive and just happen to share a strong resemblance with me.”

“Just happen.”

“Exactly,” Con said, throwing an arm around my shoulder and drawing me into him. ‘Just happen,’ was something we often said to each other growing up, a phrase that meant things were just going to happen and we needed to roll along with them, we needed to just happen and things would work out. It was oddly comforting and silenced the choked back tears, sending them back into their emotional cave, waiting for the next opportunity to jump.

“So what are you gonna do about Dr. McBabyDaddy?” Con asked with a smile and a small pump of my shoulder, reminding me to find some humor in the situation. He was always good at keeping me away from the dark, making sure that my mood was always uplifted. I guess that’s how we complimented each other the most, he helped in making sure that I was sane and I helped in making sure that he didn’t end up failing Physics. We balanced each other out and helped the other succeed, it was why I loved him.

“Tell him and consider whatever he has to say.” I sighed, looking out of the window and into Connor’s unkempt backyard, a bush creeping over one of the wooden planks that made up the fence. “I’m the one choosing though.”

I was scared, scared of what he would say. I knew that he wasn’t going to leave his wife for me, that part was obvious. So how could he let me loose like that? An unaccounted for liability roaming the streets, ready to leak out this “news” to the nearest journalist. The media would be on it in a heartbeat.

“Famous celebrity plastic surgeon; mistress in college! Wife has gone and taken everything with her!”

“Famed and real-life Dr. Hotty discovered in bed with someone who can’t even legally drink! What will happen to his career? His wife? His future child? Find out tonight!”

“Blake Evans, disgusting cheater gives up his practice after allegations and proof surface. Tune in at ten to hear the details on this developing story.”

All headlines ripped straight from whatever news outlet you wanted to look at. Blake Evans was a public figure, and here I was with something that would tarnish him forever. I could only see him wanting one option.

“Of course, Sky. Listen, this is going to turn out fine, trust me.” He planted a brotherly kiss on the side of my forehead and we sat there, wondering if things were actually going to be fine or if it was just a lie we had to keep repeating. Something to keep us trucking through the mess. I took a moment and stretched the tight muscles in my neck which allowed me to compose myself, feeling the strength come back to me. I was going to be ok, everything was going to be ok.

“How are you feeling?” I asked, becoming more concerned about my brother now. The last thing I wanted to do was overload him with even more drama, but tonight I couldn’t help it.
 

“Fine... You know I didn’t come down with a cold right?” he said, poking a finger into my ribs. I chuckled, knowing that Con knew what I had meant.

“Do you feel happier?” I wanted him to be happy, I so wanted my brother to be happy. It wasn’t fair seeing him and knowing how much he had hurt inside.

“Yeah, I actually, genuinely, do. Even though not everyone knows, I feel so much more open, like I’m not thinking about everything before I do it.” He took a deep breath next to me, expelling all that negative energy in one huge exhale, like a ship billowing out of port. It was his time to go sail and figure the world out, figuratively of course, Connor hated the water.

“Soo… have you met any guys?” I couldn’t help myself, I wanted to know what my Con was up to, who he was dating. I didn’t actually need to give my stamp of approval, but I liked to think that it at least counted for something.

“Actually,” he paused, I could tell he was smiling just by the way his voice changed, it was what happened when he brought his cheeks up and created those dimples that seemed to attract girls by the droves. Well, and guys now too.

“Tell me, tell me everything.” I sat up and scooped a leg underneath me, leaning back on a less tacky dark yellow pillow.
 

“Well, we met on Tinder.” I cocked an eyebrow. “Oh, don’t act like you don’t know. It’s that online dating app for your phone? You end up chatting with people you think are hot? Nothing?”

I broke my farce, unable to hold it any longer. I had actually met my last three dates on Tinder, they all turned out to be… well, less than optimal, but they were great conversationalists! I still expected a prince to come save his Tinderella and put on the glass slipper, er glass iPhone case? Whatever the situation, I ended up cracking and smiling over at Connor, admitting the truth.

“You honestly think you could have gotten that by me?” Con playful tossed a pillow, the tacky one, at my head, causing it to bounce off and land on the plush bleached blue carpet he had pinned under the front of his couch.

“Whatever, so you met a guy?” I swooned, slapping his knee playfully. It felt comfortable talking to Con about this, about guys. Like something we were meaning to do for the longest time and just finally got around to doing it, two elderly friends coming together after years for a cup of tea and falling into something so ordinary, neither blinked an eye. That’s how it felt.

“Yeah, we met for some drinks at Hamburger Mary’s,” he said, smiling and blushing at the same time. It was rare to see my brother blush and it always had a warming effect on my heart, like a little space heater just chugging along in my chest cavity.
 

“And?” I prodded, knowing that it couldn’t have ended there.

“Well, we’re still talking. He’s actually a Theta,” Con said.

“Nice, you guys can go to your frat formals together and be super bro-y,” I teased, knowing that Theta was short for another fraternity on campus, I also knew that Con had a tendency to “bro-out” as I liked to put it. This involved him wearing various shades of neon, boat shoes without a boat anywhere in sight, and khaki shorts that are short enough to show some thigh action, but long enough to hide the ball action. Thankfully, this wasn’t Connor on most days, just the ones he got the urge to dress like that, almost like he was a werewolf.

Hah, a fratwolf. Transforming in the middle of the night to the sound of a kegger.

I needed to tame my imagination.

“He’s actually as far from a bro as you are. He’s premed and really into studying and shit.”

“And he’s in a frat… why?”

“Said his father wanted him to, so he’s just sort of going through the actions,” Con said, apparently getting to know this guy really well. That sounded like a pretty tough place to be in.

And then I remembered; I’m pregnant.

The breath whooshed out of me, my lungs compressing in one, united, tight hug. I felt my mind go foggy as my senses dulled and my cheeks got wet all over again. Con wrapped his arms around me and held me in another embrace, it was a hug that seemed like everything was going to be ok. The types of hugs that really speak more than words can ever say, and once again I felt myself calming down.