Monster (Impossible #1) (16 page)

I stopped in my tracks, my gut twisting with shame.  He had heard us.  Of course he had heard.  He had borne witness to my wanton cries, my utter submission to my captor.

“Why can’t you see that she’s manipulating you?”  He continued angrily.  “You’re going soft.  She’s only fucking you so that you’ll keep her safe.”

“Shut up, Bradley!”  Sean’s enraged roar made me take an involuntary step back.  The power in it was terrifying.  “Just get out.  I can take care of myself.  I don’t need you anymore.”

There was a moment of stunned silence.  Then Bradley was striding out of the room, storming towards me.  He spat on the floor as he glared at me contemptuously.  “This is all your fault, whore,” he flung out the venomous accusation.

I wanted to return his baleful look, but the words struck too close to home.  I dropped my eyes, shrinking away.

“I should have killed you when I had the chance,” he said, his voice lowered so that Sean couldn’t hear.

I jumped as his fist connected hard with the wall beside my head, my shocked gaze drawn to his.  “Let that be a warning to you.  Sean can’t protect you forever.  I’ll make him see sense.”

I couldn’t suppress the tremor that ran through me, and I swallowed hard.  We stared at one another, and for a moment, I thought he really was going to hit me.  His face contorted with fury, he turned from me, flinging open the front door and then slamming it behind him.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I slowly made my way to Sean’s room.  He was lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling.  His fists were clenched, and his face was tight with anger.  I stopped in the doorway, unsure of what to say.

“It’s not true,” I finally said quietly.  “I’m not using you.”

He grimaced, still not looking at me.  “I know,” he said hollowly, but there was a thread of doubt in his tone.  I couldn’t help being hurt at the sound of it.  Even the slightest hint of his suspicion cut me to the core.

“I’ve been thinking,” he continued quietly.  “I know that you want to leave.  But you know that I can’t let you go.”  His gaze finally flicked to me.  “It must be miserable for you to be cooped up in here.  It hasn’t been so easy for me either.”  He hesitated for a moment, his eyes searching my face.  “I want to take you outside.  Then at least you won’t feel so… trapped.  I don’t want you to be unhappy, Claudia.”  That touch of anguish, of shame, was back in his expression.

I’ll be unhappy as long as I’m in your presence,
I thought.  But I didn’t say it aloud.  Going outside meant people, maybe a chance to escape.

“Okay,” I breathed.  “Thank you.”

He smiled at me gently, that sweet smile that tugged at my heart.

Drawing on years of practice, I forced my walls all the way back up.  I refused to let my feelings for him hold me back.  I was getting away from him tomorrow.  Resolved, I returned his smile.

I lifted my face to the sun and breathed in deeply, relishing the scent of grass, damp earth, and the hint of asphalt.  Sean had brought me to Central Park, and I couldn’t help feeling a touch grateful to him for bringing me somewhere with some greenery.  And plenty of people.

I knew that I could scream for help, start making a scene.  We even
passed a police officer, but something held me back.  As much as I wanted to get away, I couldn’t bring myself to betray Sean, couldn’t bear to cause him more pain.  The last thing I wanted was for him to end up in jail.  The idea of him hating me for doing that to him was unbearable.  I would just have to find another way.

I found my eyes drawn to the children who were happily playing in the park, beaming as they enjoyed a day out with their parents.  I felt a pang as I missed my work, missed making children smile every day.  There was a steady stream of them headed towards the carousel, several of them practically skipping as they approached it.

The carousel.
  This was it.  My way out.

I took Sean’s hand in mine, and he looked down at our intertwined fingers in surprise.  Giving him a gentle tug, I pulled him in the direction of the ride.  “Come on,” I said, smiling.  “Let’s go on the carousel.”

He stared at me.  “Seriously?”  He asked.  “Aren’t you a little old for that?”  But he began following my lead.

“Come on, old man,” I teased.  “What are you, scared?”

He chuckled at me.  “I know you’re trying to manipulate me, woman,” he said, amused.  “But I’ll bite.”

“Thanks,” I beamed.  My smile wasn’t forced this time.  My stomach fluttered in anticipation; I was almost free.

I tried to keep from bouncing on the balls of my feet as Sean paid the four dollar admission fee.  He glanced over at me.

“You’re really excited, aren’t you?”  He asked, smiling.  It seemed my joy was infecting him.  If he only knew what was really making me happy, he wouldn’t be so pleased.

I carefully tucked my dress beneath me before straddling a beautifully-crafted palomino horse.  Sean mounted the whinnying white stallion beside me.

“Ready?”  He grinned over at me.

“Yep,” I said happily.  But my gut twisted as guilt suddenly struck me.  I forced it down.

The ride started, the carousel beginning to spin.  Adrenaline began pumping through my veins as I waited to act.  I let us run the circuit once, twice before making my move, hoping that Sean would be disoriented from the motion.  Then I dismounted swiftly, jumping from the edge of the ride.  I stumbled, almost falling as the world spun around me for a moment.  But I had to move.

“Claudia!”  I heard Sean call out to me as I began to run.  I knew that I was making a scene as I felt the eyes of the crowd on me, but I didn’t care.

“Claudia!”  His voice was closer this time, and I redoubled my pace.  I was going to have to find a policeman, after all.

But his long legs carried him faster than I could run, and he closed the distance between us within less than a minute.  I swallowed back a scream of frustration as his hand closed around my upper arm.

“Claudia!”  He said my name angrily.  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“Getting away from you!”  I fought to keep from shouting hysterically.  Too many people were watching us already, and I still couldn’t bring myself to betray him.

“I can’t let you leave me, Claudia,” he said harshly.  “You know that.  Stop fighting me.”

I twisted in his grip, and his fingers dug into my flesh.  “Never,” I hissed.  “I will never stop fighting you, Sean.  I will never stop trying to get away from you.”

Angry, frustrated, desperate tears were running down my cheeks.  Sean was staring at me, wide-eyed.  “If you care about me at all…”  I choked on the words.  “If you feel anything like what I…  Please,” I begged.  “I need my life back.  I need
myself
back.  I don’t know who I am when I’m with you.  I don’t
like
who I am when I’m with you.”

His hand dropped from my arm, his eyes clouded over with such an intense cocktail of emotions that I couldn’t separate one from the other.

“Go,” he said softly.

I sucked in a breath, incredulous.

His muscles tensed.  “Go,” he said more harshly.  “Before I change my mind.”

I obeyed his command, turning on my heel and walking away from him as quickly as possible.  I didn’t dare start running again lest it awaken the predator within him, goading him into pursuit.

I breathed deeply, but the scent of freedom didn’t smell nearly as sweet as I had thought it would.

Chapter 10

I got a taxi to take me all the way back to Yonkers, paying the cab driver when I reached my house; Bradley still had my purse.  And my phone too.  I supposed I would have to buy a new one, and I would have to cancel my credit cards.  Not to mention that I had no idea how I was going to get my car back.

I enumerated the mundane things that I needed to take care of in order to fill my head with something other than thoughts of Sean.

But he was impossible to banish from my mind.  I lay awake for long hours that night, unable to take comfort in the feeling of being back in my own bed.  It felt cold and empty without Sean’s reassuring warmth beside me.

I had never cried so much in my life, not since my parents had died.  I cried in anguish, in anger, in hatred.  He had broken me, and I couldn’t forgive him for that.  How could I have been so foolish as to give into him?  How could I have actually wanted him to take me, wanted him to
beat
me?  Thinking back on it now, the memories didn’t quite feel real.  The thought of me submitting so completely, so meekly giving myself over to a man was so jarringly different from my normal self that I could hardly believe what I had let him do to me.  The disparity between my two selves was made excruciatingly evident now that I was back in my own life.  I had always loved the protection of my solitude.  But not anymore.  Now I felt empty, unfulfilled.  And it was all
his
fault.

It was nearly three in the morning when sleep finally pulled me under.  But my dreams were haunted by him: his fierce gaze, his cocky smile, his erotic touch.  I felt far from rested when I awoke the next morning at seven
AM.

I was going back to work today.  Surely returning to my normal routine would help me rebuild my life, would allow me to gather up the pieces of myself and force them back together.  Mechanically, I took a shower and got dressed, feeling oddly confined by my slacks and high-collared shirt.  I pinned my hair back in its usual tidy bun, but it felt tight against my scalp.

This is who you are,
I told myself firmly. 
You are Dr. Claudia Ellers, not some little woman who lets a man dress her up as it pleases him.

I was distracted from my thoughts when my doorbell rang.  That must be the rental car service; I had ordered one the night before.

But when I pulled open the door, I found a sharply-dressed man wearing a pair of aviator sunglasses.  He was tall, about six-foot-two.  His strong jaw was clean-shaven and his dark blonde hair carefully styled.  He certainly didn’t look like someone who worked for the rental car company.  Peering around him, I saw only one black sedan parked in the street, with no U-Rent van in sight.

“Claudia Ellers?”
  The man asked, his voice a deep timbre.

“Yes,” I replied hesitantly, utterly confused.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a black leather wallet.  He flipped it open to reveal a card with an official-looking stamp emblazoned upon it.

“I’m Agent Clayton Vau
ghn, FBI,” he said in a brusque, business-like voice.  “Can I come in?”

I blinked at him, taken aback. 
FBI? 
Could he possibly know about my abduction?  I bit my lip, not wanting to tell him about Sean.  But how could I refuse him without raising suspicion?  I stepped back to admit him.

“Come on in, Agent Vaughn,” I said courteously.  I led him over the foyer and into my living room, gesturing towards an armchair.  “Please, have a seat,” I invited as I positioned myself on the couch across from him, my back ramrod straight.  “What can I help you with?”  I asked as casually as I could manage once he had settled himself down.

“I’m here to ask you about Sean Reynolds,” he said bluntly.

My heart sank.  How could he possibly know?

“Oh?”  I said, trying to keep my voice cool and steady.

He took off his sunglasses, and his light blue eyes regarded me seriously.  “You were seen in Central Park with him yesterday,” he said.  “You seemed to have some kind of altercation.  What were you fighting about?”

“It was nothing,” I said quickly.  “He’s my boyfriend, and we just had a disagreement,” I lied.

Agent Vaughn’s brows drew together. 
“Your boyfriend?”  He asked, clearly skeptical.  “How does a well-respected doctor from Yonkers end up with a drug dealer for the Westies?”

My heart stopped.  “What?”  I asked faintly, my mind refusing to process what he had just said.

He looked at me sternly.  “Are you telling me that you seriously didn’t know about his criminal activities?”  He said disbelievingly.  “You were seen leaving the apartment that he shares with Bradley Smith.  We’ve had them under surveillance for a week.  And you were never seen entering the premises in that time.  Do you honestly expect me to believe that you spent more than seven days in his home without suspecting anything?”

“Sean…”  I choked on the words.  “Sean is
one of the Westies?  He’s in the Irish mob?”

It couldn’t be true; this couldn’t be happening.

But Agent Vaughn didn’t let up.  “I have to admit that I’m surprised at you, Dr. Ellers,” he said reprovingly.  “We know that your parents died as a result of mob violence.  What are you doing with a man like Sean Reynolds?”

My head was spinning; I couldn’t seem to draw breath.  My heart was shattering.  My parents had been gunned down in the street for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.  And Sean was a part of that world?  How could I have let him touch me?  How could I have ever felt anything for him other than disgust?

I hugged my arms around my stomach, suddenly feeling sick as the world blurred around me.

The sofa shifted beside me, and there was a large hand firmly stroking up and down my back.  “Breathe,” a deep voice ordered.  I gasped, forcing air into my lungs before my panic
could take me completely.  The room began to materialize around me again as my breathing slowly returned to some semblance of a normal rhythm.