More Than You Know (30 page)

She barely slept all night. Early Monday morning, Julia opened her heavy eyes and stared at the ceiling again. Had she even slept at all? she wondered. Barely. Between the tossing and turning, her brain unable to stop grinding, and her heart just aching, who could sleep?

She wasn't even hungry. She lay in bed for a while and watched the sunlight filter through her curtains, making patterns on the walls, and felt absolutely miserable.

At eight o'clock, her phone pinged with a text message. Her heart stopped for a second and stuck in her chest before taking off with a wild gallop.
Please,
she thought.
Please be Dane.
She reached for the phone and looked.

It wasn't a text from Dane, but from his sister. Taken aback, Julia read:

Julia flung back the covers and practically ran to the shower.

 

 

Dane had spent the first half of Sunday nursing a hangover, and the second half up at the main house, spending time with his whole family: Tess, his father, his brother, and his two nephews and niece. He loved Charles's kids because they were his blood, and really, they were kind of sweet, separately. One-on-one. But they were really young, and motherless, and Charles often spoiled them out of guilt. So, when all three children were together, they often turned quickly into a loud, bickering mess that resembled a miniature version of the Wall Street floor. At the end of the evening, by the time Dane had walked across the enormous back lawn to Tess's house, it had felt like a sweet escape.

He'd gotten Julia's messages. He wanted to answer them. He didn't mean to play games. But he just couldn't yet. He wasn't sure what to say, or how to go about it. Yes, Julia's texts and voice mail seemed heartfelt and appropriately repentant. But . . . he was still hurt. Tess had accused him of pouting. Maybe a little. He went to sleep much earlier than usual, intending to text Julia on Monday.

It was gorgeous out when he woke up, and he felt much better, all traces of the hangover finally gone. He realized with a rueful twist that he was thirty-six now—yes, closer to forty—and these days, the effects of a hangover hit him harder and longer than they used to. That made him cranky. So he went up to the main house to work out in the gym there, which he knew his father kept in top shape solely for Tess's benefit. After a good workout, he walked back across the grass, letting the sunshine bake dry the sweat on his skin as the salty scent of the Sound floated on the air.

Tess sat at her kitchen nook, Bubbles in her lap and her laptop open on the table.

“I wondered where you went,” she said. “Good morning.”

“Morning, Tesstastic.” He took the orange juice from the fridge and poured himself a short glass. “I was in the gym. Now I'm going to jump in your pool for a while. Want to join me?”

“Thanks, but no. Maybe later. Getting through a bit of work here.”

“Gotcha. What are your plans today?”

“Don't have any,” she said. “Work's so slow this week, with Labor Day weekend a few days away, I won't go in. But I'll do something from here. Might get some reading done later on. You?”

“I'm going to be a lazy ass and hang out by your pool most of the day,” he said, grinning. “Probably watch a movie later. I'm just going to relax. The world won't fall apart without me for a day. I'm playing the boss card. I'll go home tomorrow, like I'd planned. But hooky today.”

“Good for you,” she said. She ran her hand along her dog's soft white fur. “Hey, want to do a lobster dinner down by the water? Maybe over in Blue Harbor, or Port Richard?”

Blue Harbor. Julia.
Dane sighed inwardly. He hadn't thought of her for all of two minutes, and boom, she was back on his mind. “Port Richard sounds good. I'm in.”

He didn't bother to shower, just changed into the swimsuit that he kept in one of Tess's guest rooms and headed straight to the pool.

The sky was bright with sunshine as he swam a few laps. He leaned idly against the wall and watched a few white puffs of cloud creep slowly along the brilliant blue sky.

He missed her.

When he went back inside, he'd text her back. Or maybe call. Yeah . . . he'd call her. He missed the sound of her voice. He missed her throaty laugh, and the way her voice lilted with humor when she bantered with him, and the way her voice got rough and hot when she moaned beneath him. . . .

Emerging from the pool, he shook off some of the water before drying off with a colorful towel. He angled one of the deck chairs toward the sun and lay on it, closing his eyes as the sun beat down on his skin. When his swim trunks were dry, he'd go in and text Julia back. He didn't know what he'd say, but he'd answer her. . . .

He realized he must have drifted off when the sound of the sliding glass doors closing startled him. He heard soft footsteps slowly cross the deck. But he didn't bother opening his eyes as he said, “Please tell me you brought me a nice, cold drink, Tesstastic.”

“No. I just brought me.”

The voice made his eyes snap open, and he put a hand over them to shield them from the sun. It wasn't his sister standing there. It was Julia.

Chapter Twenty-One

Julia exited Tess's house through the sliding glass doors, not knowing what to expect, but prepared for anything. She was here for a single purpose, and she wouldn't go until she'd given it her all. So she ignored the way her heart pounded against her ribs as she made her way across the back deck. The wood, stained and polished, shone under the gleaming sun. Her favorite smells of summer assaulted her: salty air off the Sound, freshly cut grass, even the faintest hint of chlorine from the pool.

And there he was, sprawled out like a Greek god in repose. Dane was stretched out on a lounge chair with his eyes closed, apparently asleep. The tingles that usually started whenever she saw him wasted no time, shooting through her mercilessly as her eyes caressed him. He was so flipping gorgeous . . . the low burn in her belly reminded her it had been a few weeks since they'd had sex. It was amazing how her body instantly, undeniably responded to his. Just looking at his half-naked body made her ache. It took serious restraint to keep from straddling him to wake him up.

A wicked grin lifted her lips. She could do that. Take him by surprise.

No, this wasn't the time for sex. But the image flashed in her mind: straddling him, securing her legs around his hips, scraping her teeth along his chest before kissing her way up to his gorgeous mouth, and looking into those beautiful blue eyes as she whispered to him, “I love you. I'm sorry for being an ass. Please forgive me. Let's just love each other. . . .”

But he surprised her instead. Without opening his eyes or moving, he spoke. “Please tell me you brought me a nice, cold drink, Tesstastic.”

She hesitated for a second. Then she drew a deep breath, gathered up her courage, and said quietly, “No. I just brought me.”

His eyes flew open. He lifted a hand to shade them from the sun and stared at her. “Well. This is . . . unexpected.”

“I bet.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I came to see you, obviously,” she said, fighting to keep her tone calm, not quivery. It was suddenly a little hard to breathe.

He stared for another long beat before asking, “How'd you even know I was here?”

“Heh. Well . . . a little birdie told me.”

His lips curved. “A little birdie with long, dark curly hair who lives here, perhaps?”

“Perhaps.” She smiled back, a small smile, as their eyes met. “I'd like to talk.”

He nodded, then gestured toward the nearby table. It had a huge, blue-and-white striped umbrella sticking up from the middle that shaded it from the sun, and six cushioned white chairs around it. “Your skin will burn out here in five minutes flat. Why don't we move over there?”

“Thanks . . . that'd be better, you're right.” She swallowed hard and drew another deep breath to try to calm her racing heart as they took seats across from each other at the white, rectangular table. The sound of Tess's dog barking resounded from within the house. Dane watched her as she smoothed her turquoise cotton sundress beneath her and got comfortable.

“Want a drink?” he asked. “I'm thinking a pitcher of ice water would so hit the spot right now.”

“Agreed,” she said. “But I want to say what I came to say.”

His eyes held hers. “Before you lose your nerve?”

“While I still have your interest.”

The corner of his mouth curved up wryly. “Julia, you always have my interest.”

Something about the way he said that, and the way he looked at her, gave her hope. He didn't seem angry at her, and up until that moment, she hadn't been sure if he still was or not. Buoyed by that realization, she said, “I don't know where to start.”

“Say whatever jumps to mind,” he suggested.

“Okay,” she said. “I love you.”

The grin, meant to cajole and charm, slid off his face. His features stilled and his eyes went soft. “Well. That's a damn good start.”

She bit down on her lip, then let out a short nervous chuckle.

“Say it again, please?” he murmured.

Her heart melted into a puddle of warmth and light. She locked her gaze with his and said, “I love you, Dane. I'm very much in love with you.”

“Cool. I wouldn't want to be the only one.” He grinned an easy, captivating grin.

She blinked at him. “What?”

“I'm totally in love with you, too,” he said. “Like, crazy in love with you.”

Her heart stuttered before taking off with a rapid pound. “You'd have to be, since I drive you crazy,” she cracked.

He laughed, his eyes sparkling. “You do! You really do. But I love you anyway. So go on, I'm listening.” He reached across the table and took her hand, intertwining their fingers. The touch sent a jolt of warmth rushing up her arm, and she stared at him. “I mean, you came all this way . . . I'm thinking you have more to say than that?”

He loved her too
. He loved her, he was smiling at her, he was sitting there looking all delicious and holding her hand, waiting patiently to hear her out. God, this was better than she'd dared to hope. She'd told him she loved him, and the king of the ladies' men wasn't running away. In spite of everything, in fact, it seemed he was running toward her. Astonishment froze her brain for a minute, then the words came out in a rush.

“I'm so sorry for the other night,” she said. “I was an unbelievable bitch, I was rude, I was thoughtless. But that's the thing, I wasn't thinking. I was in shock.”

“I know.”

“I had
no
idea Colin was coming. And then holy crap, there he is, standing there!”

“I figured that out.”

“And then when I saw you roughing him up—which I totally understand why you were, but I didn't then—I was just so scared he'd leave. And I desperately didn't want him to leave.”

Dane nodded. “I understand that.”

“Thank you. But that didn't make it all right that I took out my fear on you. I treated you horribly, and hurt your feelings, and made you angry, and I'm very sorry.”

He nodded again and gazed at her, his eyes filled with kindness. His long fingers caressed hers as he held them.

“I'm sorry for a lot of things,” she went on. “I'm sorry for pushing you away every time you tried to care for me, support me . . . it's just that the truth is, that scared me too. Because I was falling for you, and I was trying really hard to deny that, and it's hard to deny that when you were being wonderful all the time, you know?”

“Hmm. Sorry about that. I'll try to suck more.”

His mouth twitched and the corners of his eyes crinkled. He was suppressing a laugh, she could see it. It made her heart squeeze. God, she loved him. Until that second, she hadn't even realized how much. It was overwhelming.

“No, you don't have to suck. I love that you're wonderful.” She fidgeted with the edge of the table. “I know you know this, but I'm going to say it. The men I loved, who let me down and hurt me . . . they left me damaged. Are you really okay with that?”

His voice pitched low and somber. “I know you were. I don't care.”

“You sure? Because you could find a younger model with less baggage with a snap of your fingers.”

His gaze held steady. “I like older women. Better in bed. Better at life.”

“True. Unless they're broken like me.”

“How does that song go? You're not broken, just bent.” He leaned in and tightened his grip on her hand. “I know the feelings you have scare you. And maybe you
were
broken, or damaged. But you're not anymore. You're strong. So leave all that crap behind for good. And move forward . . . with me.” His eyes burned into hers.

Her breath caught and she actually felt physically lighter. He really did want her too. “You've been so understanding. Patient. Kind. You've been what I needed. What I secretly wanted. And the fact that it came to me made me want to fight it, to run. But I don't want to fight it anymore.” Her eyes stung with tears and she squeezed his hand in hers. “I don't want to run anymore. I love you. I want to be with you, and I want to . . . well . . .” She sniffled. “I don't know what you want. But I just needed to say I'm sorry for how I've been.”

“Thank you for that apology,” he said gently. The grin returned. “I know that was really hard for you. I'm humbled. Seriously.”

“You know what?” She laughed at herself. “I can sing in front of a room of hundreds of people, but I've never been so nervous in my whole life as I was when I rang the doorbell here today.”

His grin widened into a smile. “I'm not that scary, am I? I know Tess isn't.”

“Of course not,” she said with a snort. “But coming here today was. I had so much at stake. I really screwed up and I knew it.
You
didn't give me the okay to come here; Tess let me know you were here. I didn't know if you'd even talk to me. You haven't returned my texts. I took a chance. I had to try.”

“I was licking my wounds,” he admitted. “But that's done. I was going to call you today. Soon, actually. You saved me a call. A call to try to work things out.”

“You were?” She blinked. “What were you going to say?”

“That I'm sorry I blew up at you like that. I was on edge, frustrated, and then when you were so . . .” He shook his head and interlaced his fingers with hers. His skin felt so warm, his touch assuring. “I acted like a petulant child. I was hurt that you were pushing me away again, and I lashed out. I'm sorry for that.”

“Thank you,” she murmured. “But I understand. I pushed you to that point.”

“Doesn't make it okay. So I apologize.” He squeezed her hand again, a reaffirmation of his words. “And I was going to make sure you were all right.” His thumb caressed the back of her hand. “How'd it go with your son? Did you get to talk with him?”

Warmth and delight surged through her. “Yes, I did. He's wonderful. I'll tell you about that later, all right?”

“Sure. I'm happy for you, Julia. Really.” He grinned, and his eyes relayed genuine affection. “Can't imagine what that was like for you . . . okay, tell me later. Back to us.” His grin faded and his expression turned serious. “What do you want for us?”

“Well, I, um . . .” She licked her lips, suddenly dry from nerves. “I'd like to try it a different way now. Or, more accurately, with me not being so closed off and defensive. With us being together . . . like, a real couple. I mean . . . I love you, Dane. I don't want to be with anyone else, and I don't want you to be with anyone else.” Her stomach twisted nauseously. “I'm rambling and groveling here. Say something, cut me off, will you?”

His grin almost a smirk, he stared into her eyes for a few long beats, then rose from his chair and moved around to her. “Stand up, please.”

She did, meeting his intent gaze.

His hands came up to cup her face tenderly. “I love you, Julia. I'll never hurt you on purpose, but I'm human. What I can promise is that I'll never knowingly, willingly do anything to cause you pain. I'll never lie to you. We'll be partners. I'll treat you with the respect and affection you deserve, and nothing less.”

A light breeze blew, shifting a lock of her hair into her eyes. He caught it quickly and brushed it back, tucking it behind her ear. “I know now I kind of pushed at you to trust me. Because I trusted you, and wanted that in return, and it frustrated me that I wasn't getting it. So I may have been a little . . . well, pushy.” His lips twitched in a flash grin. “I'm used to getting what I want. And fixing things. Maybe even
managing
them, as you pointed out. But you pushed back. Rightfully so. You don't give me an extra inch. I love that. I
need
that.” His gaze softened. “I need
you,
Julia.”

Her breath hitched and stuck in her throat. If he hadn't been holding her, she might have actually swooned.

He smiled and continued in the same warm tone, “I want us to be together too. You're the only woman I want. I've never met anyone like you, and I never will. You're smart, talented, passionate . . . so beautiful, so damn sexy . . . and strong. And, on top of all that, you call me on my bullshit.” His smile widened and his hands caressed her face again. “Julia, I think you're amazing. I want you all to myself. So, if you can find it in yourself to trust me, truly and completely? We really can have it all. I believe that.”

Her heart fluttered wildly in her chest, but her hands lifted to hold his wrists as she met his direct gaze. “I do trust you completely, Dane. If I didn't, I wouldn't be here right now.”

“I hoped so. . . .” His expression sobered as he caressed her cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. “That you trust me means the world to me. Because I know that's harder for you than anything else. I trust you, too, of course, but I always have.”

She looked deeper into his eyes. Something cold and hard inside her melted away, and what replaced it felt something like freedom. She never thought tying herself to someone again could make her feel free, but it did. So she swallowed hard and said, “I want everything, with you.”

His smile returned. “Then that's what we'll have. Everything. Together.” He lowered his head, brushed his lips tenderly across hers, and whispered, “I love you.”

Finally relaxing, she let herself lean into him and smiled back. “I love you too.”

“That's all we need. So it's you and me now, Red. We got this.” His smile was like the sun. “You and me. Everything.”

“Everything,” she whispered back, and pulled his head down to hers to kiss him deeply. As his arms banded around her and his mouth consumed hers, she felt as if her entire core filled with light. With hope, and optimism, and trust, and deep love.