More Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops (14 page)

(Customer walks into the bookshop and looks around admiringly)

CUSTOMER:
I love old bookshops.

BOOKSELLER:
Thank you.

CUSTOMER:
I always think I might find something really good in them. You know, like a treasure chest owned by Victorian pirates. That’d be pretty cool.

(Phone rings)

BOOKSELLER:
Hello, Ripping Yarns Bookshop.

CUSTOMER:
Hi, am I talking to a real person?

BOOKSELLER:
Yep.

CUSTOMER:
Not a recording machine?

BOOKSELLER:
… No.

CUSTOMER:
Prove it!

CUSTOMER:
I’m bored. Can you recommend something for me?

BOOKSELLER:
Sure, what kind of books do you like to read?

CUSTOMER:
I don’t want to read a book! Didn’t you hear what I said? I’m BORED. I need something INTERESTING to do!

CUSTOMER:
Urgh. Shakespeare. He’s everywhere, isn’t he? You can’t escape him. I wish he’d do us all a favour and just die already.

CUSTOMER:
I’m looking for a book on the war of 1066.

CUSTOMER’S FRIEND:
When was that?

CUSTOMER:
How much are your books?

BOOKSELLER:
The prices are written in pencil inside each book.

CUSTOMER:
But how much are they?

BOOKSELLER:
They’re all different prices.

CUSTOMER:
Why? They’re basically the same.

BOOKSELLER:
Well–

CUSTOMER
(interrupting)
: They’re all made of paper! They all have words!

LITTLE GIRL:
I read a book last week called
What Katy Did
.

BOOKSELLER:
Did you like it?

LITTLE GIRL:
It was OK. I didn’t think it was very realistic, though. My name is Katy, and I haven’t done any of the things that the girl in the book has done.

CUSTOMER
(Holding up a nineteenth century edition of
Oliver Twist
)
: Where’s the barcode on this? I want to price check it on my smart phone.

BOOKSELLER:
… Barcodes didn’t exist back then.

CUSTOMER:
Oh. Well, how am I supposed to find out if I can buy it cheaper somewhere else then?

BOOKSELLER:
…

CUSTOMER:
Could you look it up for me on your computer?

CUSTOMER:
The Sheep-Pig
? Is that some kind of mutant?