Mr. Big (4 page)

“You're not having much to eat,” mumbled Nelson as he made his way to the couch to watch television.

“I already told you! I'm sick,” said Jennifer. “And why do you have to spend all your time sitting on that bloody couch? You're either sleeping or watching TV day and night.”

No response.

One bite was about all Jennifer's stomach could handle this morning. She figured something was definitely wrong, and it was about time she saw a doctor.

“Nelson, I need to walk to the doctor's office. Can you come with me?” she asked.

No response.

Between episodes of vomiting, Jennifer managed to get dressed and make her way down Bennett Avenue to see her family doctor, alone.

“The first thing we need to do is to arrange for some blood work and a urine sample,” said Dr. McDonald. “Is there any chance you could be pregnant?”

Jennifer was speechless. With everything that had happened in her life since meeting Nelson, she hadn't had a chance to even consider having children.

“I . . . I . . . I guess there's a chance,” she managed to say.

“Well, sounds to me like you may be having morning sickness,” said Dr. McDonald. “But let's find out for sure.”

Jennifer left his office and made the ten-minute walk to the hospital. With her empty stomach, there was no problem getting lab work done this morning.

But on her walk home, she had time to think. With each step, reality began to sink in.
I am pregnant
, she thought.
It makes sense now
.

But what about Nelson? Was he capable of being a father? There was so much work in looking after him, she thought. Maybe he would change. Maybe having a child to look after would get him off the couch.

She quickly put Nelson out of her mind and thought about what life would be like with a child.

Fear turned to excitement.

As she walked home that afternoon, she didn't need a doctor to tell her she was pregnant.

She already knew.

When she got home, Nelson was in his usual spot, perched in front of the television, oblivious to the world around him. Jennifer had no intention of sharing her thoughts with him. And that certainly wasn't difficult, considering Nelson hadn't even asked how her doctor appointment had gone.

For the next two days, she went about her business as normal. Until the time came to go back to the doctor for her results.

“Well,” said Dr. McDonald. “There's no question about it, you're definitely pregnant.”

Jennifer had already had time to absorb the changes that were about to occur in her life. But hearing those words still had a quite an impact.

Her senses were heightened. She was elated at the thought of having her own little family, and she couldn't stop smiling as the doctor passed her a handful of brochures. There were instructions about her nutrition, vitamins she would have to take, appointments that would have to be made.

It was all a dream come true. She could barely stop herself from running down the street as she went home to tell Nelson.

She walked into the apartment and set about making supper right away. The moment had to be right when she told him, and making his favourite meal would be a start to setting the mood.

He didn't say much, just kept watching the television and flicking through the channels.

The two of them sat down and ate without saying much at all. Jennifer was waiting for just the right moment, when suddenly she just blurted it out.

“Guess what,” she said. “We're soon going to need a bigger apartment. I'm pregnant.”

Nelson poked his fork around in the mashed potato. He didn't say a word.

Jennifer had never felt so uncomfortable in her life. The seconds felt like minutes. She felt feverish. It was almost as if she was about to faint. He wasn't excited in the least. In fact, she believed he was far from happy.

After what seemed like an eternity of silence, she asked him, “Aren't you going to say anything, my son?”

“I guess it's all right,” he said.

It wasn't exactly the response Jennifer was hoping for. And as much as she was excited about having a child, there was one thought that suddenly crossed her mind. It filled her with dread.

If he was like this now, what was he going to be like as a father?

12

With the morning sickness out of the way, Jennifer couldn't ever remember feeling better. Nelson spent most of his time sleeping, and that gave her time to decorate the apartment and accomplish all her goals in the remaining months before the new baby came along.

Things were also looking up with Nelson. He had finally begun to show some emotion about becoming a new father. Last week they were out shopping, and at times he even seemed to enjoy looking through the baby clothes. Though with only their welfare cheque to rely on, there wasn't much money to go around for anything related to the new baby.

Luckily, there was still plenty of time left in the pregnancy for Jennifer to help Nelson warm up to the idea of having a child.

But it wouldn't be as easy as she'd hoped.

“Nelson,” yelled Jennifer over the sound of the television. “Tomorrow is my ultrasound. That means we can actually see our baby. The appointment is at two o'clock. Don't forget.”

She shook her head as she walked away. Sometimes she wondered if he was even listening at all.

The next morning, Jennifer went through her preparations, which included drinking plenty of water. By one o'clock she was badly in need of a pee. But that would have to wait.

“I'm not going,” said Nelson.

“What did you just say?”

“I don't want to go, I'm tired,” he said.

Jennifer sighed. She wasn't totally surprised, and now she had bigger things to worry about. Nelson just wasn't as excited as she'd hoped, but now she also had to make it to the hospital with an extremely full bladder. She got dressed and walked to the medical clinic, alone. There were many times her stomach hurt so badly she never thought she'd make it.

“Jennifer Hicks, room three,” rang out over the hospital PA system.

Jennifer could barely walk, she needed to pee so badly. But that was nothing compared to her excitement over finally getting to see her child.

She climbed up onto the hard table and lifted her shirt as she was instructed to do. The warm gel was placed on her stomach, and she lay there as the technician did her job.

For what seemed like an eternity, the ultrasound technician moved the transducer around her growing belly. She carefully watched her expression studying the baby ever so carefully. Every few seconds there was a click, and Jennifer was growing more anxious by the minute. It seemed as though there was something bothering the ultrasound technician, and Jennifer couldn't help but worry something was wrong.

“I have some news for you,” the woman said.

Jennifer couldn't even speak, she was so scared. At that moment she wished someone were here to help her through this.

“Look at the screen,” she said.

Jennifer lifted herself up onto her side to look at the blurry dark image.

“This is your baby's head,” she said. “But as you can see, here is the second head. Congratulations, Jennifer, it looks like you're having twins.”

It was something that Jennifer had always wished for. Two babies, born at the same time! They would grow together and have each other for a lifetime. Her only hope was that they would be of the same sex. She was already dreaming about putting them in matching outfits, and the fun they would have.

13

As she expected, Nelson handled the news the same way he treated the pregnancy. There was no reaction of surprise, shock, or joy. He just went on changing channels and sleeping the days away.

But for Jennifer there were things to be done. The money wasn't there for decorating, but she had plenty to keep her busy.

Besides her regular medical checkups, she also had to start prenatal classes.

“The classes are extremely important,” she explained to Nelson. “This will teach me how to deal with the labour, and what to expect.” She begged him to go with her, but Nelson refused to attend.

But that wasn't stopping her from making sure her babies would be well taken care of right from their very first moments.

On the first class that Wednesday evening, she bundled up and walked across town by herself to be part of the prenatal class.

She was the only single mother in the room, but she learned about the importance of her nutrition and about some of the exercises she should be doing to stay healthy.

For the most part, the things she learned were things she had already adapted into her lifestyle since she had found out she was pregnant. Her doctor agreed that she had never been healthier, and he was happy to see her being so careful about her condition.

There were ten other people taking the class with her. She was the only expectant mom to be there alone, and at first she didn't care. But it became more difficult as the couples joked about the cravings and other things that came with pregnancy.

And it didn't get easier. When they moved on to topics discussing how important it was for the dad to support the mother during pregnancy, Jennifer longed for Nelson's support. As she watched the husbands learn how to comfort their wives in labour, Jennifer had never felt so alone.

Her second prenatal class would be her last.

“What is wrong with you, my son?” she snapped after she came home from the class. Jennifer was yelling even before she had time to shut the apartment door. “All the other fathers go to the meetings. Why can't you? Why?” she screamed at him. “I want to make sure I have healthy babies, and all you want to do is lie around this apartment and watch that damn television.”

She raged on for several minutes, but Nelson still had nothing to say.

14

Friday morning.

Jennifer was half asleep when she felt Nelson nudging her.

“What time is it?” she asked.

“It's nine o'clock,” said Nelson. “You need to go have your blood work done today. Lets go.”

“That's not until this afternoon, Nelson. I need to get up, shower, and get breakfast.” Jennifer was confused. It wasn't like Nelson to take an interest in anything she had to do, and here he was waking her for an appointment that was still hours away.

“I want to leave now,” he said.

Jennifer sat up. She could see the panic in his face, and she knew something wasn't right.

“Nelson, we don't have to leave for a few hours. You're going to have to wait.”

What happened next was beyond anything she could have anticipated.

Nelson began to yell and started slamming his forehead into the bedroom wall. It wasn't a seizure, that much Jennifer knew for sure. But he was hitting his head hard enough that she expected to see him put a hole clear through the drywall. Suddenly, he grabbed his hair and pulled out a handful. He continued to smash his head into the wall. There had been too many strikes now for Jennifer to count.

Suddenly, he began to wail again and dropped to the floor on his knees. He continued to hit his head against the floor.

Jennifer didn't know where to turn. She ran to the phone and dialled Nelson's mother.

“There's something wrong with Nelson. He's hitting his head against the wall and the floor. I'm afraid he's going to really hurt himself.”

Within minutes, Nelson's mother was there. She talked him down out of his rage and stayed with him until Jennifer returned home from her appointment.

By then, everything appeared to have returned to normal. It seemed to Jennifer that this wasn't the first time his mother had dealt with “one of his fits.”

15

Despite being extra careful about everything she ate, getting around was becoming more and more difficult for Jennifer in the months leading up to the winter of 1999.

Being pregnant with twins meant the doctors wanted to keep a close eye on the pregnancy. Of course, that meant regular visits to the doctor's office.

Jennifer walked over to the apartment's main window and looked out at the falling snow. It had been snowing for most of the morning, and the roads were a mixture of watery puddles and slush.

“Nelson, I have to go to the clinic this afternoon. Is there enough money for a taxi? I really don't feel like walking.”

“Huh,” he laughed. “You don't need a cab to walk over to the clinic.”

That was the last he had to say on the matter. He got up off the couch and started to get dressed.

Jennifer didn't need to ask where he was going. Nelson and his mother had started spending time at the bar together. He wasn't a drinker, but Jennifer knew he and his mother liked to play the slots together.