Mr. Big (6 page)

“Please don't try to get up yet,” the nurse instructed Jennifer. “I'll put the girls on your chest. Just relax.”

It was a moment like no other. Their warm little bodies felt so right against Jennifer's skin. She couldn't wait to begin taking care of them.

“I want to put their own pyjamas on them,” Jennifer told the nurse.

The nurse giggled at Jennifer's eagerness. “Let's get you up and on the mend first, okay?”

The next morning, there was no stopping Jennifer.

She could manage to stand nearly upright. It was uncomfortable, but it was just enough to change the girls' diapers and get them into their own clothes.

Despite her pain from the surgery, Jennifer was also the first to give them baths later that afternoon.

“Beautiful girls you have there, Jennifer,” said Dr. Kent.

Jennifer looked up. He was just walking into the room as she was drying one of the girls off from her bath.

“They are,” she said, smiling with pride. “Has Nelson seen them?”

“He was here for their birth and watched from behind a curtain,” said Dr. Kent. “I'm sure he's as proud as you. He also called wanting to speak to you yesterday, but it didn't make much sense to me. Nelson wanted to know if I would release you from the hospital so you could get a PIN number assigned to a new bank card,” explained her doctor.

“You weren't even awake. I hope you're not offended, but I asked him if he was crazy. You've been through a lot, and that bank card isn't something you need to worry about.”

For the next five days, Jennifer didn't worry about much at all. It was the best time of her life. Nelson didn't bother to visit, but he did continue to call.

And his reason for calling was always the same. “When are you coming home?” he'd say. “I'm having seizures. I need your help.”

Jennifer had a private room at the hospital. It was just her and the girls, with help from the hospital staff. It was a good time, and she was enjoying the peace and quiet.

On Tuesday morning, a nurse asked her a question that, until then, she hadn't even considered.

“We can't keep calling them Baby Hart One and Two,” said the nurse. “Do you have any names in mind?”

“No, I don't,” said Jennifer. “But I think Karen and Krista sound nice.”

And there was no more to consider. Karen and Krista Hart it would be.

19

A week later, Jennifer was finally allowed to bring her children home. She got up that morning, gave them their baths, and dressed them in their little pink jogging suits. She still had a lot of pain from the surgery, and standing up was quite difficult, but she wasn't about to let that stop her.

Today would be the day they would finally have their own bed in their own home. Jennifer was excited, and she had plenty to do before Nelson and his aunt Lucy came to pick her up this afternoon.

The first thing she had to conquer was the mountain of gifts that had been donated to her and the girls. The town of Gander had proven its generosity on many occasions in the past, and she was surprised at how supportive people actually were.

Stacked in the corner were boxes of formula, diapers, clothes, and other necessities. All were donated by people who wanted to make sure the twins had a good start in life.

She continued getting the girls ready until it was nap time. She had an hour or so before lunch was served, so she took the time to relax herself.

Lying on the hospital bed, she was looking forward to her own blankets and pillows. At the same time, she wondered how Nelson would be, now that life had changed considerably and the twins needed so much care.

It didn't take long before she got her answers.

“I can't believe we're going home.” Jennifer nearly cried as she dressed the girls in their little jackets. March was still considered mid-winter in Gander, and she wasn't taking any chances. She snuggled them in blankets and put them into their respective baskets, while Nelson and his aunt Lucy watched on.

They were ready for the car.

Lucy grabbed Karen, while Jennifer carried Krista. Nelson walked slightly ahead of them. The twins were born a healthy size. Karen weighed in at five pounds and eight ounces, and Krista weighted seven pounds.

For Jennifer, those seven pounds felt a lot heavier as she tried to navigate the hospital hallways with the heavy basket. With each step she felt like the six-inch scar from her surgery was pulling apart.

When they finally made it to the front entrance of the hospital, Aunt Lucy walked to the parking lot to get the car. When she arrived back at the main door, she quickly hopped out from behind the wheel to help Jennifer. They both put the girls into their car seats. Nelson was already in the front passenger seat and hadn't said a word.

Jennifer knew he hadn't been entirely excited about the girls, but she wasn't expecting him to be so cold.

At the apartment building, Nelson was out of the car and up the stairs before Aunt Lucy had the ignition turned off.

Between the two women, they carried the babies and all the supplies up the stairs and into the apartment. It took several trips back and forth to the car, and Jennifer could feel the incision was starting to hurt from the strain. But there was work to be done, and she was too excited to let a little bit of pain prevent her from enjoying bringing her babies home.

“Will you be okay now?” asked Aunt Lucy.

“I'll be fine. I just need to get the girls into their crib, and then we will all be getting a good night's sleep,” replied Jennifer.

Aunt Lucy left Jennifer and the two children, and Nelson was already in front of the television.

“Help me bring the girls into the room,” said Jennifer. “My surgery is beginning to burn. I really think I've overdone it today.”

All the gifts, diapers, and clothes were stacked by the door, and Jennifer knew it was just as well to get it packed away in the bedroom. Nelson picked up the basket with little Krista and brought her into the bedroom. Jennifer followed with Karen, and her eyes shot open with shock when she walked into the bedroom. Jennifer felt like all her questions about Nelson were answered.

He simply wasn't interested.

In a box in a corner of the bedroom was the girls' crib. He hadn't even attempted to open it while she was in the hospital.

She was sick, tired, excited, and happier than she had ever been in her life. Yet she stood in the doorway of the bedroom looking down at the unopened box with tears in her eyes.

He didn't care.

So instead of getting ready for bed, Jennifer mixed several bottles of formula for the girls and arranged them in the refrigerator so that she was ready for the endless feedings she would face through this night. She made a suitable changing area in the room with diapers and wipes so everything was readily accessible.

Then she quietly took a knife out of the kitchen drawer and opened the crib box.

There seemed to be a thousand pieces and endless instructions.

The tears were coming again. The channels changed in the living room.

The girls were hungry again. They were always hungry, it seemed.

What is wrong?
thought Jennifer.
This damn infant formula just isn't satisfying them.

After the feeding, she went back to assembling the crib.

“What is wrong with you, my son! Can't you get off that couch to do anything?” She yelled at Nelson for being so irresponsible, but at the same time she knew it was useless. Her screams fell on deaf ears, so she continued on.

By nine o'clock that night the girls were finally lying in their crib. She had only bought one, because they would be moving to a new apartment soon. She just prayed she had done a good enough job and that the thing wouldn't fall apart in the night, sending the girls crashing to the floor.

When they get their own room, I'll have another crib to put together
, she thought.

Once Jennifer finally got to bed that night, she was beyond exhausted. She was also sore, and sad, but that didn't stop her from falling into a deep sleep immediately.

“Where am I?” She sat up abruptly from her sleep. One of the babies was crying, and she realized she had been asleep for quite some time.

The pain from her incision quickly reminded her of where she was. The clock indicated Jennifer had been asleep for two hours, and Karen and Krista were hungry again. Nelson was lying next to her.

When she tried to stand, the pain from her cut intensified. But without a word to Nelson, she went to the refrigerator and made another two bottles of formula.

She took turns feeding and burping them both and went back to sleep.

An hour later, she was awake again. They wanted more food.

For the next twenty-four hours she would wake only to feed and change her babies. She did it all without any help from Nelson.

20

The application to Newfoundland and Labrador Housing had already been approved.

In a few weeks the family would be moving to a housing unit where the girls would finally have their own bedroom. Both Jennifer and Nelson were looking forward to having their own space, but Jennifer was hoping that the move would also lighten the bills. Lately it seemed the money was running out too quickly after payday. She didn't see the welfare cheques. They belonged to Nelson. On payday he would pick up groceries and pay the bills, and Jennifer was glad that was one less chore she had to worry about. The only time Jennifer saw cash was when she would get her family allowance cheque.

“Nelson! I need money for diapers,” Jennifer called out. She could hear him getting up off the couch and rustling through the closet. She was down to two diapers and Nelson was headed out, for God knew where, or how long.

“I don't have any money,” he said.

“What do you mean? We just got our cheque! What did you do with it?”

Nelson was going to the bar more often these days. She wasn't sure if he was alone or with his mother, but she suspected he was spending more time playing the slots, a habit for which their meagre income from social services didn't make room.

“Well? I need diapers, so figure something out,” she snapped.

Nelson left and came back soon after with diapers. “I borrowed the money from Mom,” he said. “But these girls are getting too expensive. If I gets that settlement from insurance, I won't have to worry anymore.”

Discussions had already begun between lawyers and the insurance company on a settlement from the car accident, and Nelson was anxious for his hearing.

“I'm sick of trying to buy everything,” Jennifer pleaded. “You're not giving me enough money to pay for the things I need for the girls. This is going to have to change, and I can't wait for you to get a settlement that you don't even know you'll win yet.”

Jennifer was well on her way to recovering from the operation, and the girls were now two months old.

She was getting a little more sleep at night, thanks to a change in the girls' diets. Though her family doctor didn't approve, Jennifer was convinced the infant formula wasn't agreeing with the babies' bellies, so she took things into her own hands. One morning, after a particularly restless night, she washed the formula down the drain.

“This formula just isn't satisfying them,” Jennifer said. “If I don't change their milk, I'll never get another night's sleep again.”

From then on, Karen and Krista went on a diet of Carnation condensed milk mixed with water. Dr. McDonald wasn't impressed with Jennifer's decision. But she was right in that it did wonders for the girls' sleep. Finally, she began getting more rest.

She was starting to handle her day-to-day chores a little better, too. Nelson's new medication seemed to have brought his grand mal seizures under control for several months now. The grand mal seizures had been particularly tough on Jennifer, as well as Nelson. He would fall to the floor, shaking uncontrollably, and there were many times Jennifer wondered how he had come out of it without seriously hurting himself.