Mr. Darcy and the Secret of Becoming a Gentleman (4 page)

“Mr. Darcy, I barely know how to respond; even if I did, what would be the point?”

“If you would consent to it, I want to tell Bingley what I have told you. I came to you first because I thought you already knew all that had happened from your sister. I wanted to discern if there was any hope for the two of you before I spoke to him.”

Jane was again lost in her thoughts. Turning her attention to Darcy, she asked, “I take it that while you were in Kent, you and Lizzy discussed what you have just told me. And that you thereafter mentioned some of it in your letter?”

“Yes. Unbeknownst to me, your sister had guessed my role in the affair before I… proposed. She then led me to understand how wrong I had been. I tried to explain in my letter why I interfered in your affairs, but afterward I realized that an explanation to your sister was not enough. I came here hoping to undo the harm I have caused.”

After a thoughtful pause, Jane gave Darcy a compassionate smile and stated, “It must have been very hard for you to come. I thank you for the effort. I know it cannot be easy to see Lizzy again.”

Darcy colored and Jane recognized the pain in his eyes. “Miss Bennet, Mr. Bingley once told me that you were an angel. At the time, I believed it was simply the hyperbole of a man in love. I now see that he was right. That you are concerned about my feelings after the harm I have done you is more than anyone could expect.”

Jane colored with embarrassment at Darcy's praise and the reference to Bingley's affections. She then replied, “Mr. Darcy, I simply believe what you have told me, as would anyone. I understand that you made an honest mistake about my regard, and I cannot fault you for attempting to protect your friend. You may have been too hasty in forming an opinion of me, but I can forgive that mistake, given that you have come all this way to correct the error, at no small cost to yourself.”

“I sincerely thank you. I hope I can be worthy of your generosity. I would like to start by returning to London to speak to Bingley. May I tell him that if he were to call upon you, you would accept his visit?”

Darcy waited for Jane's response, while a contrariety of emotions crossed her face. After a pause, she said, “Mr. Darcy, I am not sure what to say. The one thing I have learned from this conversation is that things are not always what they appear. I need to think about all you have told me.”

“Please, Miss Bennet, let me tell Bingley what happened and that you will consent to see him. He is innocent in this. The fault is mine alone. Please blame me.”

“Sir, I have already told you that I do not blame you for what happened, and I do not intend to start. I similarly do not hold Mr. Bingley at fault. But I am not sure it would be in anyone's interest to meddle in what now seems to be the work of fate.”

“But it was not fate. I wrongly interfered, and the misguided actions of others should not be rewarded.”

“Yes, you are right that it was the work of humans, but that is what troubles me. I cannot discount so easily the objections of Mr. Bingley's sisters.”

“But if you still care for Bingley, it should not matter what his sisters attempted to do.”

Jane replied with a patient but determined smile, “Sir, you stated earlier that we had similar natures, and I think that you are right. We both have a habit of hiding our feelings, and we have both suffered for it. Like you, I also cannot simply ignore the objections that will be raised against my entering into what some will call an imprudent match. Mr. Bingley's sisters obviously have strong objections against me, and I would not want to enter into an alliance with a gentleman that would cause his family pain and strife. I know that such considerations gave you pause; please allow me the same latitude.”

Darcy was struck by Jane's words and did not know immediately how to reply. He then said, “Madam, I do understand your concerns. But if I may be so presumptuous, let me entreat you not to look at the gift of love by studying only its obstacles. I have found from experience that it does not turn out well. Apparently, a leap of faith is required.”

“Sir, I will take your advice to heart, but I cannot decide so quickly.”

“I certainly understand, and I did not mean to rush you. I will await your decision at your leisure.” Looking up, he added, “I see that we are fast approaching the town. Do not feel obliged to entertain me. I would certainly understand if you would like to be alone. Shall I summon my carriage to return all of you to Longbourn?”

With a genuine smile, Jane replied, “Thank you, sir. But I think I will not be able to return home without reporting that I have been of some use in the pursuit of your sister's gift. Do you not intend to buy her something?”

“I do.” Darcy returned her smile and offered her his arm. “By all means, lead the way. I am at your disposal.”

Jane called to Kitty and Maria to let them know where they would be. Despite Kitty's protests, the party agreed to head back in a half hour's time. As they walked, Jane pointed out the sights of Meryton. Darcy, who had never paid attention to it on his prior visits, noticed how similar in essentials it was to a town near Pemberley. As they chatted amiably, Jane reminded Darcy that he had to buy something for his sister to satisfy her mother's anticipated queries. He asked her for suggestions.

“Well,” Jane began, “I find that my mother is often right about what sort of gift to buy. She suggested that you should get her something in a style that you previously admired to help direct her toward that fashion. Ribbons for her hair would be the simplest and quickest. Have you any preferences?”

Frowning, Darcy replied that he had honestly never given it any thought before and really could not recall anything distinctive about his sister's hairstyle or anyone else's.

With a smile Jane encouraged him to think harder. Considering her words, he finally said, “I think I do vaguely recall that I once saw a very attractive style where contrasting ribbons were used. Does that sound correct?”

“Yes, I know exactly what you mean,” exclaimed Jane. “Lizzy frequently wears her hair in that fashion, and it is quite flattering.”

Realizing her mistake, Jane quickly looked at Darcy, who had colored with embarrassment. “Since I know what we want, it should only take a moment,” she said with a reassuring smile. Relieved by her tact, Darcy agreed to the scheme. Not long after their return, Kitty and Maria joined them.

On the walk back to Longbourn, Darcy had hoped to speak privately with Jane again. He realized he had failed to arrange how Jane would eventually convey her answer to him once she had sufficient time to reflect. An opportunity for a discreet discussion, however, did not arise. The girls monopolized Jane, excitedly telling her about the acquaintances they had seen in town. Not long after that topic was exhausted, Maria screwed up her courage and asked Mr. Darcy about news from Rosings. His brief response led Maria to a long exaltation of Lady Catherine's generosity toward her during her visit to Kent.

As Darcy approached the house to escort the ladies home, Mrs. Bennet invited him in. Behind her he could see Elizabeth. He impetuously attempted to catch her eye, but she kept her gaze on the carpet. Darcy interpreted this as a sign of her disapproval. She was, in fact, bracing for the mortification that her mother would surely inflict.

In reply to Mrs. Bennet's request, Darcy said, “Madam, thank you for your generous invitation, but I must be going.”

“Oh, certainly, sir, I understand. Was Jane helpful with your shopping? She is a very clever girl in many ways.”

“Yes, madam, she was very helpful.”

“Well, Mr. Darcy, I am happy to hear it. I am sure she would be willing to assist you with your sister whenever you need. Just ask. But in the meantime, I hope we will see you again soon. You know you are always welcome—dinner or tea. It does not matter. Now that… things have worked out so well, do not be a stranger. As I said, you are welcome at any time.”

With a strained smile and a curt nod, Darcy simply replied, “Yes, thank you.”

Unwilling to let her prey escape so easily, Mrs. Bennet continued, “Oh, Mr. Darcy, I almost forgot. Have you heard that there is to be another assembly in Meryton in just two days' time? We would all be honored by your presence. I know Jane would particularly enjoy your company. Everyone will be there. You really should not miss it. You will come, won't you?”

“Madam, my plans are yet unfixed. I am not sure…”

Interrupting him, Jane turned to Darcy and decisively said, “Sir, I do hope you can attend. I would like to continue our discussion.”

Elizabeth looked up in surprise at Jane's words. Mrs. Bennet beamed with pride. Darcy gave Jane a look filled with understanding and said, “In that case, Miss Bennet, I will be sure to attend.” Elizabeth watched in disbelief.

Similar Dispositions

Elizabeth's curiosity about the events of the day had to be delayed until she could talk to Jane alone in her room. The wait was interminable. Mrs. Bennet spent the entire dinner hour speculating as to Jane's future happiness with Mr. Darcy, and the houses and jewels she would have at her disposal. Jane protested profusely, stating as adamantly as a woman of her sweet disposition could that Mr. Darcy was simply being friendly and civil. Mrs. Bennet dismissed the premise out of hand. It was clear from the way Mr. Darcy acted that he was in love with Jane, and besides, Mr. Darcy did not have a civil bone in his body.

Elizabeth knew that Jane must have been telling the truth about Mr. Darcy's intentions. She always told the truth. Nonetheless, she could not help feel that maybe Jane was too naïve to properly understand his motives toward her, whatever they were. One thing was certain: Her mother had not imagined that he had singled Jane out. But what could he mean by it? Her mind kept going over the possibilities. Only two seemed likely. Either he had come to Hertfordshire to press his suit again and he wanted Jane to help him, or he wanted to make her jealous by actually courting Jane.

Given his actions toward Bingley, both ideas seemed preposterous. Then again, the idea of him sipping tea in their front sitting room while making small talk with her mother was even more ridiculous, and that had actually occurred. Whichever way, the underlying problem was the same. He had not accepted her rejection of his proposal. From his reaction at Hunsford, she could understand how that could come to pass. He had obviously never contemplated that anyone would reject his offer of marriage once he condescended to make it. It probably was not that he still wanted her; it was just that his intolerable pride could not allow the rebuff to stand. He wanted her to either reconsider or regret her decision. Either way, he would be sorely disappointed.

If he were trying to make her jealous, it would never work. You could not be jealous over someone you have no feelings for even if they sought comfort elsewhere. Besides, Jane would never seriously accept his intentions if she advised her against it. If anything, it was sad that he had failed to move on with his life. It was a pathetic ploy. If it were not so infuriating, she might have pitied him. But, then again, maybe Jane would accept his attentions. She had been so lonely since Mr. Bingley left, perhaps in her sadness she would latch onto Mr. Darcy as Charlotte had done with Mr. Collins. No, that was impossible. Besides, Mr. Darcy could not really want Jane; she had the same embarrassing family and lack of social connections that she did. Was he seeking to punish himself by limiting his selection of potential brides to the one family of which he could not approve? That was similarly impossible.

Since her return from Meryton, Jane had indicated several times that Mr. Darcy was not seeking her attentions. It must be true. If that was the case, then he must be trying to engage Jane as an ally. That endeavor would also prove fruitless. Jane might have agreed to speak to her on his behalf, but Elizabeth would never reconsider her refusal. The fact that he was trying to force himself on her was devastating evidence that he had not changed. To attempt a reconciliation in such a heavy-handed fashion showed that he was as self-centered as ever. It seemed like something Mr. Collins would do. Hopefully, like Mr. Collins, he would find someone else to occupy his time. It just could not be Jane.

She had to admit, though, that his continued attentions were flattering on some level. She could not imagine what she had done to inspire his continued interest, especially after the harsh words they had exchanged at Hunsford. Could he still be in love with her to such an extent? He had said that he ardently loved and admired her. But she thought him incapable of actually understanding those emotions. Elizabeth's patience was finally rewarded when she and Jane retired for bed. Unable to wait another moment, Elizabeth exclaimed, “What on earth did Mr. Darcy say to you, or did he request your company only to walk along in silence?”

“Actually, Lizzy, he talked quite a bit. I think you may have misjudged him. While I think that he has made some grave mistakes in the past, he is, in essentials, a very kind and honorable man.”

“Jane, I feared that he would try to use you in this manner. You do not know him! He is neither kind nor honorable, and if he thinks he can use you to prevail on me to reconsider his offer, he is sadly mistaken.”

“No, Elizabeth, he made it quite clear that he had not come to seek a reconciliation with you. He said he would not impose upon you in that fashion again. He came to speak to me. He wanted to talk to me about… Mr. Bingley.”

Elizabeth sat in astonishment as Jane continued. “He has come to make amends, Lizzy. He wants to tell Mr. Bingley what happened, and he wants my permission to tell Mr. Bingley that I would see him if he returned to Hertfordshire.”

Elizabeth could not be more amazed. “Jane, I am all astonishment. Did he actually say he would speak to Mr. Bingley?”

“Yes, he said he wants to return to London directly, to tell him everything. He is just waiting for my response.”

Elizabeth grabbed her sister's hands in excitement and exclaimed, “Oh, Jane, this is too good to be true!” Seeing that Jane's response was somewhat restrained, Elizabeth added in a serious voice, “I hope you are not angry with me. I learned of Mr. Darcy's interference in Kent, but I did not want to tell you because I did not think anything could be done about it. I wanted to spare you any further pain.”

With a generous smile, Jane replied, “Do not be concerned, Lizzy. I know that you have only the best of intentions.” Overcome with love for her sister, Elizabeth gave Jane a warm hug.

Suddenly anxious, Elizabeth asked, “But, Jane, can we trust Mr. Darcy? Why did he not simply tell Mr. Bingley and bring him to Hertfordshire?”

“I am very confident of Mr. Darcy's intentions. He explained to me that he had assumed you would tell me about his letter, and because he thought I already knew what had happened, he wanted to speak to me before he approached Mr. Bingley.”

“I suppose that his assumption was reasonable,” Elizabeth reluctantly conceded.

“Lizzy, I think the entire affair was an honest mistake on Mr. Darcy's part. He was simply trying to protect his friend. I cannot fault him for that. Do not think ill of me for saying so, but I think our mother may have contributed to his misjudgment of my regard for Mr. Bingley.”

With a wry smile Elizabeth said, “Well, I am sure that is more than possible. But, in any regard, I still cannot forgive him. I do not think you understand all that he has done.”

“No, Lizzy, I do. He also told me that Caroline and Louisa never told Mr. Bingley that I called upon them in London and that he thereafter helped them conceal the fact. He truly regrets his behavior.”

“And well he should,” Elizabeth angrily exclaimed. “There is no excuse for his deception. It was the height of arrogance to presume that he knew what was best for his friend.”

“But, Lizzy, once he realized his mistake, he attempted to correct it. Is that not worthy of our forgiveness?”

“Well, I suppose Mary could find a sermon to tell us it is, but I would still not be convinced.”

“But, Lizzy, sometimes people do things that they would not normally do in order to protect the people they care about. When you returned from Kent, you did not tell me about your news of Mr. Bingley because you thought it would only bring me further pain. Mr. Darcy acted in a similar fashion because he still believed I did not have sincere affection for Mr. Bingley.”

“But, Jane, I would have told you the moment I thought you needed to know.”

“I know you would have, Lizzy. But that is exactly what Mr. Darcy did. As soon as you let him know that he was in the wrong, he came here to confess it to me, and he will tell Mr. Bingley as soon as I grant him leave.”

Jane took Lizzy's hand in hers. She wanted to make sure Lizzy understood that her next comment was an explanation and not a rebuke. “Lizzy, if you both used a little deception in the past, it was because you both had a desire to protect someone you cared for. You both have very definite opinions, and that sometimes means you take matters into your own hands. If it is a failing, it is one I can surely overlook. Do you think you can find it in your own heart to do the same?”

“Jane, you are too good. I must confess I never considered it in that manner before. I think I am quite blind to my own shortcomings. Unfortunately, rather than making me feel more generous toward Mr. Darcy, it has made me more critical of myself. We both acted badly. I am so sorry I substituted my own judgment for yours. It was arrogant of me! Can you forgive me?”

“Lizzy, of course I can. I am not blaming you in the first place. I am just trying to make you understand why I have forgiven Mr. Darcy.”

“Well, Jane, I will truly think about what you have said. But the important thing is that Mr. Bingley will soon know the truth, and I am sure that once he does, he will return on his fastest horse.” Seeing Jane frown, Elizabeth entreated Jane to tell her what was bothering her.

“Lizzy, Mr. Darcy thinks… that there is still a chance… I mean, Mr. Darcy wants my permission for Mr. Bingley to further his acquaintance with me. He wants to be able to tell Mr. Bingley as much when he sees him. I told Mr. Darcy I was not sure it was a good idea. I asked for time to think about it. At the end of our visit, I indicated I would decide by the Meryton Assembly. I am just not sure what to do.”

“Jane, there is nothing to think about. Of course you will welcome his visit. I know that you still care for him. If Mr. Bingley's sisters and Mr. Darcy had not interfered, you would be well on your way to happiness. Nothing has changed in that regard.”

“But, Lizzy, I cannot help but think that Mr. Bingley's regard for me could not have been as strong as I had hoped if he was so easily turned away. Perhaps it was for the best that it happened.”

“Jane, he was lied to! You cannot judge his reaction by that. You have to give him an opportunity to prove himself. For once, I am in complete agreement with Mr. Darcy. You must let him speak to Mr. Bingley, and when he does, you should let him convey to Mr. Bingley that it is not too late.”

“I don't know, Lizzy. Even if I thought that he still cared for me, I have other concerns. It is clear that his sisters object to the match. How can I come between Mr. Bingley and his family?”

“Jane, that is not your concern. As much as I know it pains you, you cannot please everyone. You will either disappoint Mr. Bingley or his sisters. You owe his sisters nothing. Do you really want to have Mr. Bingley hurt further by their actions? If he wants you, and you return his affections, that should be all that matters.”

“Lizzy, I cannot help feeling that it would not bode well for an impending union to have one of the families involved object to the match. I think the strife would eventually damage Mr. Bingley's regard for me. I am not as independent as you, Lizzy. I am not sure I can overcome the resentment, and I do not want to disappoint Mr. Bingley in the long run.”

Elizabeth gave her sister a warm hug and said, “Oh, Jane, you are so dear.” Releasing her, Elizabeth added, “I wish I could make everything perfect for you because truly you deserve it. But, as it is not, I suppose we shall make do as best we can. You will have to decide, but I do not think you should throw away love simply because there are objections.”

“That is exactly what Mr. Darcy said!”

Raising a skeptical eyebrow, Elizabeth asked in an incredulous tone, “Is it?”

“Oh, yes. He told me that a leap of faith was required and that I should not look at the gift of love by seeing only its obstacles… Lizzy, he said that he had learned from experience that if you do, it does not turn out well.”

Jane waited for a response from Elizabeth but did not get one. After another pause, Jane said, “Lizzy, I think he truly regrets what happened between you.”

Forcing a lighthearted manner, Elizabeth said, “Well, I am not so sure about that. After seeing our mother this afternoon, I am sure he is rejoicing in his near escape.” Seeing Jane's frown, Elizabeth added in a serious tone, “Jane, while he may agree with me about you and Mr. Bingley, I am sure he will never recover from the injury I have inflicted to his pride. You yourself told me that he wanted to make it clear he had no further intentions toward me. I am sure laying eyes on me this afternoon was an odious task. Do remember that he still thinks very ill of our family. Hopefully, we will keep our interactions to a minimum. Maybe our mother will let me forego attendance at the assembly; that way I will spare him further discomfort.”

“Lizzy, I do not think that is necessary.”

“Perhaps not, but it might be in everyone's best interest. In any regard, I know for sure that Mother would never let you miss it. I am afraid she has the wrong idea about you and Mr. Darcy. She will be inconsolable if he leaves for London before he proposes to you.”

“I know, Lizzy. What am I to do? I tried to tell her this evening that there is nothing between us, but she will not listen.”

“Hopefully Mr. Bingley will return and set everything straight.”

This time, it was Jane who did not answer. Seeing that her sister needed time to think, Elizabeth bade her good night and returned to her room. They both had fitful sleeps trying to digest the surprising events of the day.