Mr. Darcy Forever (23 page)

It’s meant to be
, she told herself.
It's right.

And so she walked down the driveway towards the cottage by the estuary.

Sarah wasn’t in the mood for shopping. She’d poked around a few of the shops and, to acknowledge how close she was to Cornwall, had bought copies of Daphne Du Maurier’s
Frenchman’s Creek
and
Jamaica Inn
at the local book shop. She had to admit that Tavistock was one of the prettiest places she’d ever visited with its grand town hall and Georgian buildings but she needed to stride out – she needed to be somewhere vast and lonely where there were no handsome men to disturb her equilibrium.

Being ever-practical, she bought a few provisions to take back to Barton Cottage before she left Tavistock and then drove the short distance to Dartmoor. It was a landscape she’d never seen before but the acres of boulder-strewn moorland pleased her eye. Pulling over to park, Sarah swapped her neat flat shoes for a pair of walking boots and then followed a footpath lined with deep green bracken.

The path led to a distant tor which looked like a sleeping dragon in the afternoon light. She hadn’t realised how high up she’d driven but, looking around, she saw tiny villages dotting the wide valleys and the steeples of churches far below. In the distance, she spotted a group of dark ponies, free to wander wherever they wanted. Sarah envied them that freedom, knowing that, at some point, she would have to return to face her problems. But, for now, with the wind in her hair and the sun on her face, she could pretend that everything was all right. She could refuse to think about Alec and the way he looked at her.

But you can’t stop thinking about the way
you
look at
him, a little voice told her
.

As she reached the tor, she tried to distract herself by admiring the sculptural shapes of the stones around her. You could see for miles from up here and, as she tipped her head back and gazed into the never-ending sky, she knew that she had failed to run away from her problems - even for the brief space of a day because, no matter how far you ran, you couldn't run away from yourself.

She leaned back against the rough rock and closed her eyes, feeling the fall and rise of her chest as she breathed in the moorland air. It was so quiet here and that was just what she needed right now; it was just her and her thoughts and, finally, she allowed herself to speak the words that had been hovering in her mind for days now.

‘
I’m falling in love. I’m falling in love…’

‘
I have never eaten so well in my life,’ Mia said, finishing a lunch that Alec had thrown together with the ease of a professional chef.

‘
That’s what holidays are all about, aren't they?’

‘
But I feel so guilty. I'll have to run around the whole estate at least ten times before we leave.’

‘
Don’t talk about leaving,’ Alec said.

‘
I don't want to,’ Mia said. ‘It’s too awful to even think about.’

‘
Then let's not,’ he said. ‘Let’s fill the day with happy things.’

Mia laughed. ‘Yes! Let’s do that!’

That afternoon, they walked along the coastal path for miles, the sun warm on their limbs and the salty tang of the sea in the air. Their conversation drifted easily and seamlessly from subject to subject and the hours passed by.

The sun was beginning to fade as they retraced their steps and, reaching Alec’s cottage, he turned to Mia.

‘
Well, I guess Sarah will be back now,’ he said.

‘
Oh, she’ll be out for hours yet.’

‘
Really? Where’s she gone?’

‘
I don’t know – some town where they sell lavender spray.’

Alec looked perplexed.

‘
Come on – I don’t want the evening to end yet. It’s so beautiful.’

‘
Where do you want to go?’

‘
I don’t know. Let’s make it up as we go along,’ Mia said, taking his hand and leading the way.

They followed the path through the wood, the sweet scent of bluebells heavy in the evening air. Dusk had started to swirl around the trees as they left the main path and their footsteps were soft and silent.

Mia had never felt more alive in her life. Although her limbs had cooled as they’d entered the wood, she still felt wonderfully warm.

It’s because you’re in love
, a little voice said and she knew it was true. She’d fallen head over heels in love with this man and the knowledge made her feel giddy.

‘
Where
are
we going?’ Alec asked after they’d been walking for a good ten minutes.

‘
You know where we’re going,’ Mia said. ‘Into the woods.’

‘
But we’re in the woods,’ he laughed.

Mia turned to look at him and they stopped walking. She suddenly felt shy – as if she was with a stranger.

He is a stranger.

Mia shook her head. She did not need to hear Sarah’s voice now. Anyway, she was wrong. Alec wasn’t a stranger at all. They’d spent all day together, talking like old friends. She couldn’t know him any better if they spent the next fifty years locked in deep conversation.

Doing her utmost to block out any feelings of doubt, Mia leaned towards him, gently pressing her lips against his until she felt him return her kiss. She couldn't remember the last time she’d wanted to be kissed by somebody so much. But she didn't want to stop at a kiss and she could feel that Alec wanted more too.

She watched as he took off his coat and laid it down amongst the thick bluebells.

‘
You’re sure about this?’ he whispered. ‘I mean –’

‘
Stop talking and just kiss me.’

His mouth descended and she was instantly consumed by the moment, closing her eyes and surrendering herself to his touch, desperately trying to shut out the voice of her sister who was screaming at her.

What are you doing? Mia! Stop now!

But she didn't stop and neither did Alec.

When Sarah had finished telling Lloyd about her drive up to Dartmoor and the terrible realisation that she’d allowed herself to acknowledge there, he looked at her as if she were quite mad.

‘
You fell in love,’ Lloyd said. ‘Is that it? Is that what you think makes you’re a bad person?’

‘
You don’t understand. That was just the beginning.’

He looked pensive. ‘But it’s not your fault,’ he said. ‘We can’t always choose who we fall in love with.’

‘
Can’t we?’

‘
No.’

‘
You sound like you’re talking from experience,’ she said. ‘Are you?’

‘
Are you trying to change the subject?’

‘
Maybe,’ she said with a tiny smile. ‘And maybe it’s time you told me a bit more about yourself.’

He looked surprised by this but then nodded. ‘I suppose it is,’ he said, ‘although there’s not a lot to tell.’

‘
Tell me anyway,’ Sarah said, really not wanting to say anything more about her past to Lloyd today.

‘
Okay,’ he said with a sigh. ‘There’ve been two relationships in my life. Two major ones, anyway. One was with Chrissie – a girl I met in my first job. We dated for a couple of years and then drifted apart. No hard feelings and all that.’

‘
And the second?’ Sarah asked after he’d paused for what she deemed long enough.

‘
The second was more complicated. The second one moved in with me.’

‘
Did she have a name?’

‘
Oh, yes,’ Lloyd said with a bitter laugh. ‘April.’

‘
That’s a pretty name.’

‘
And most unsuitable too,’ Lloyd said. ‘Not that she wasn’t pretty, you understand. She was. Pretty as a spring day. That’s when her birthday was too. She was named after the month she was born in but – what can I say?’

Sarah cocked her head to one side. ‘I don’t know but I hope you’re going to say something.’

Lloyd grinned. ‘She was more like winter, I’m afraid. To me, at least, although not at first. It kind of crept up in our relationship like an ice age.’

‘
Oh, dear,’ Sarah said.

‘
It was just little things at first like a comment here or a frown there but it all turned into some appalling relationship war in the end.’

‘
I’m sorry,’ Sarah said.

‘
Don’t be,’ he said. ‘It’s all in the past and that’s where it should stay.’

Sarah frowned. ‘How did it end – exactly?’

Lloyd let out a huge sigh. ‘Exactly?’

Sarah nodded encouragingly.

‘
I came home from work one day and I found the house – well – I’m not sure how you’d describe it.’

‘
She’d trashed it?’

‘
Not really,’ Lloyd said. ‘Not by a normal person’s standards but by yours and mine, I guess you’d consider it trashed.’

‘
How do you mean?’

‘
She’d gone right round the house unstraightening curtains, leaving dirty cups out and drawers half-open – that sort of thing. She’d unmade the bed and had even left the toilet seat
up but the really terrible thing was she was laughing –
hysterically
! She thought it was all hilarious and she kept pointing at me and shouting, “Your face! You should see your face!” It was dreadful.’

‘
That’s horrible!’ Sarah said.

‘
Yes, she really knew how to push my buttons. She’d even rearranged all the kitchen cupboards – every single one of them – so that everything was in the wrong place. Well, you’ll know how disturbing it is to open a cupboard and come face to face with something that shouldn’t be there.’

‘
That’s so cruel. I’ve never heard anything like that.’

‘
Yes, I think I’d rather have had a punch on the nose!’ he said.

‘
So, I’m guessing you haven’t remained friends,’ Sarah said.

Lloyd looked at her and laughed. ‘You’re guessing right.’ He took a deep breath and stood up. ‘Why are we wasting valuable time talking about such people when there is this beautiful city to explore?’

‘
Because you said you wanted to know all about me and I wanted to know about you too.’

‘
Well, I think we've had quite enough revelations today, don't you?’

Sarah nodded. ‘I do,’ she said.

‘
How about some lunch? I’ve found the perfect place. It is clean, quiet, and the tablecloths are straight.’

‘
And the food?’

‘
Not sure.’

‘
Well, as long as the tablecloths are straight, that’s the main thing.’

‘
Exactly,’ Lloyd said. ‘You know, it’s so refreshing to meet somebody who understands these things.’

Mia was still on edge with the whole lavender incident and couldn't get her sister out of her mind. She’d been quite sure Sarah had been there and it was more than the scent of lavender – it was a
feeling
, a prickling of the skin, a certain
frisson
.