Mr. Darcy's Refuge (12 page)

“Could you perhaps find it in your heart to be slightly less obscure?”

He looked away, then said with a certain resoluteness, “Marriage is not the only thing a gentleman can offer to a woman he admires.”

Now she was truly shocked. “You do not mean that he would have asked me to be… that he would have offered me
carte blanche
?”

“I
hope
he would not have. However, I had never seen him so taken with a lady, and yet he seemed so convinced that marriage to you was impossible. He is not accustomed to being denied anything he desires, and so I feared what he might say if he thought you were favorably inclined toward him. I have no doubts as to what you would have said in response, but I hoped to avoid the situation arising. I have a powerful dislike for embarrassing scenes.”

“You will be relieved, then, to know that Mr. Darcy chose to take the honorable route despite my despicably low connections.” Inexplicably, she felt annoyed that the colonel suspected Darcy of less honorable plans. Darcy might have said things he ought not to have, but she could not imagine him making such a dishonorable suggestion to her.

He smiled, returning to his old amiability. “I would not have put it that way, but yes, I am glad of it, for both of you, and if you do desire to marry my cousin, you will have my very best wishes, and I will never raise this subject again.”

Realizing her own manners had been at fault, Elizabeth said quickly, “I am very grateful for and touched by your offer. Will you allow me a little time to consider it?” Almost as soon as the words had left her mouth, she wondered at them. Two days ago she would have been delighted to receive an offer from the colonel. Why was she hesitating now?

“Of course. I know I have taken you by surprise and that the circumstances are less than propitious, but I will remain hopeful of a happy outcome. In the meantime, I shall enjoy the unexpected pleasure of your company, which is made even more delightful by comparison to that which is currently found at Rosings Park.”

Elizabeth accepted the redirection of both the conversation and her own thoughts with relief. “I can only imagine! May I inquire whether you have been profiting from the constant stream of wisdom which issues from Mr. Collins’s lips?”

He laughed. “I would refer to
that
as a flood, rather than a stream, and it puts the torrents outside to shame. Even my aunt seems to begin to tire of his compliments.” His expression sobered. “Lady Catherine, like all of us, has been very worried about Darcy. She did not go so far as to put on black, but she has given up hope, fearing all her plans for Anne’s future were for naught. Not, of course, that Darcy ever had any intention of marrying Anne, but Lady Catherine only hears that which she wishes to hear.”

“I imagine that if she had any hint of what was happening here, she would have commanded the waters to part so that she could rescue him from my clutches.”

The colonel chuckled. “Most likely she would have simply assumed they would part as soon as she drew near.”

“Indeed. She is already a true proficient at giving commandments and has no need to practice.” Elizabeth tied off a thread, then examined her attempt at a doll dress. By some miracle, it actually resembled a dress. She hoped it would fit Jenny’s doll. Cocking her head to one side, she said, “I do believe this elegant attire requires some trim to be truly fashionable. I wonder if Mrs. Collins has any bits of ribbon in her rag bag?”

***

Darcy returned in time for dinner with the welcome news that the water had receded slightly and that a few of the cottages furthest from the riverbank might be habitable soon. “I hope they will be; the barn is overcrowded, and tempers are beginning to flare.”

Colonel Fitzwilliam inquired about the damage while Elizabeth helped herself to small portions of several dishes in the first course. Cook had somehow managed to find enough provisions to prepare a variety of dishes. No doubt the ham came from the stores in the cellar, but Elizabeth wondered about the presence of the chicken ragout, and whether it indicated that Charlotte might arrive home to discover one chicken less than she had left. Taking a tentative taste, she discovered it to be tender and well-seasoned with a delicious tang to the sauce.

The colonel apparently reached the same conclusion. “I shall stop feeling any pity for you for being stranded here, Darcy. Had I realized the kitchen staff here had such talents, I would have arranged to be trapped here for dinner more often.”

Darcy cleared his throat and gestured to Sally. “Ah, yes. Sally, you may tell Cook that tonight’s dinner is acceptable.”

“Acceptable?” exclaimed the colonel. “It is a sight better than what is served at Rosings!”

“Acceptable,” Darcy repeated firmly, dismissing Sally. “Have no fear; Cook and I understand one another tolerably well.”

Elizabeth arched an eyebrow. “Have we
you
to thank, then, for the disappearance of tasteless dinners and bread that could serve as building stones?”

Darcy shook his head, but with a slight smile. “Some people simply appreciate a challenge. She did not choose to expend her best efforts on Mr. Collins, since he noticed no difference.”

Colonel Fitzwilliam drawled, “You actually spoke to a mere cook? Darcy, you shock me!”

Elizabeth, seeing that Darcy looked somewhat offended, said, “Mr. Darcy has done an admirable job of managing a difficult situation here. The tenants have much to feel grateful for.”

Darcy looked at her, his face unreadable. “You have also risen to the challenge admirably, Miss Bennet, especially with young Jenny. She showed me the picture you drew of her. She is very proud of it, and rightfully so.”

“You flatter me, sir. What little talent I have for drawing lends itself more to caricature than to portraiture. It is fortunate for me that Jenny is not a critical audience.”

“I thought you captured her likeness quite well.”

“The drawing served its purpose, which was to convince her to sit still so as to avoid injuring her leg further.” Elizabeth was surprised to be exchanging pleasant conversation with Mr. Darcy. Perhaps it was the presence of his cousin that allowed him to be more civil.

Nonetheless, she was conscious of the discomfort inherent in spending an unchaperoned evening with two gentlemen, each of whom had offered her his hand in marriage, reaching the conclusion that the efforts of the day might have fatigued her sufficiently that anyone would understand her need to retire from their company as early as possible. The fact that those efforts had primarily been on the part of Mr. Darcy rather than herself, and that making doll clothes was not in fact particularly tiring work, did not seem particularly relevant. Besides, she had not yet finished the novel loaned to her by Charlotte which sat waiting on her bedside table, and if she stayed up late reading by candlelight, who would be the wiser?

As it happened, the novel could not hold her attention that evening, not when she had so many decisions to make. The thoughts crowding her head demanded to be heard. She had been shocked to discover that Mr. Darcy considered his proposal to be still an open question, if not an expectation. Colonel Fitzwilliam would no doubt expect an answer to
his
offer the next day, and she had no idea what to tell him.

Two days ago she would have accepted him with pleasure. She liked and esteemed him, and believed she could learn to love him. His income, while not sufficient for the lifestyle he had been raised to, seemed perfectly satisfactory to her, and neither his breeding nor his manners could be questioned. Yet it seemed somehow improper to accept him in light of Mr. Darcy’s proposal, unwanted as it might have been, but if interfering with his cousin’s desires did not trouble the colonel, she could not understand why it should bother her.

Still, the colonel had
not
in fact proposed to her two days ago, and had not done so until he decided that he or his cousin must marry her. Darcy, on the other hand, had spoken when nothing forced his hand. Did this mean that the colonel was more concerned with preventing Darcy’s marriage than with marrying her? She knew he admired her, but he had also admitted that his father’s wishes played some part in his decision. Did that speak for him or against him? Taking his family’s views into account displayed a pleasing sense of duty, but hardly indicated strong feelings on his part. She thought he would be disappointed if she refused him, but not heart-broken, but she could not say the same for Darcy.

Her heart began to thud in her chest. Was that what felt so troubling in all this? Darcy had said nothing further about his feelings for her, but instinctively she knew that he had been hurt, badly hurt, by her refusal. It had shown in his tight-lipped looks, his long absences – perhaps even in his foolhardy behavior risking himself to rescue Jenny’s doll. Yet he had still shown concern for her, buying her the cloak in town and assisting her when she could no longer face riding the mare. Even then, he had not taken advantage of her when he could have. She could not deny that if she were only to judge on depth of the gentleman’s feelings, Darcy would come out ahead.

It was one thing to refuse him, but would it be cruel to him if she married his cousin, where he would have to see her with another man at family occasions? She might not like him, but it was another matter to deliberately make him unhappy. After misjudging and hurting him by believing Wickham’s lies, was she now to end up coming between two men who had such a long history of friendship? That was an idea she did not care for in the slightest. Yet why should she be forced to refuse an excellent offer just because it might hurt Darcy? Annoying, aggravating man!

She snapped the forgotten book shut and put it aside. It was unfair that a fluke of the weather should have placed her in such an impossible situation. As one who disliked having her choices dictated to her, she would have preferred to believe that the gentlemen overstated the risk to her reputation, but argue as she might, in her heart she knew they were correct. If it were only the two gentlemen and Lady Catherine who knew of her situation, it could have been covered up, but Maria Lucas could not keep a secret if her life depended on it, and it was beyond reasonable expectation that Mr. Collins would remain silent on a matter such as this. Between the two of them, word would reach Meryton that Mr. Darcy had spent two nights alone with her, and that would be the end of her respectability.

Now she wished she had not come upstairs so early. After being trapped indoors all day by the inclement weather, she needed some fresh air, to walk, to move, but instead she was trapped by her own device, with only her thoughts for company. In the end, the best solution she could find was to wrap a shawl over her dress, open the casement window a few inches, and sit beside it with an unopened book in her hand.

***

Despite his sudden sense of foreboding, Darcy had somehow managed to respond appropriately when Elizabeth had said goodnight to them at a ridiculously early hour. He had thought things had gone rather well at dinner. He had managed for once to participate in a conversation with her instead of sitting silently and watching her laugh with Richard. She had even praised his efforts and defended him to his cousin when he had despaired of ever hearing a positive word from her, but then she had excused herself at the first possible moment. Had he once again misread her?

Becoming aware that his cousin was eyeing him oddly, Darcy crossed to the sidebar and poured out two generous helpings from the decanter. “It barely deserves to be called brandy, but it serves the purpose.” He offered one to Richard.

Richard raised his glass in a silent toast. Taking a careful sip, he made a wry face. “I have drunk worse, but it is not up to
your
usual standards, that much is certain.”