Mr. Darcy's Refuge (31 page)

It was even worse when the ladies withdrew. While Darcy had no objection to Mr. Gardiner’s company, Bingley was in a dangerous mood, and Mr. Hurst was as usual well in his cups. Even the best companions in the world could not have made up for being separated from Elizabeth. With so few days remaining before she left Lambton, Darcy wanted to spend every available moment with her.

Bingley pronounced with great care, “I suppose
you
knew as well, Darcy.” Although the comment was seemingly unrelated, no one had any doubts as to what he referred to.

“Your sister told me of it, yes, and I should have told you. I was under the misapprehension that Miss Bennet was pursuing you in obedience to her mother’s commands rather than as a result of her own sentiment.”

Mr. Gardiner said, “You were mistaken, but understandably so. While I myself have no doubts of Jane’s sentiments, it is likely that, had she felt otherwise, she still would have been instructed to behave in the same way.”

“You still should have told me! It was my decision to make, not yours!” Bingley’s fists were clenched by his side.

Hurst lifted his head from the back of his chair. “Wha’s that?”

None of the men paid any attention, and Hurst’s head slumped back again.

“You are quite right,” said Darcy in a clipped voice. “I should have told you. I was in error not to have done so.”

“That is easy for you to say now that the cat is out of the bag!”

“I tried to tell you this in May, but you did not wish to hear it.”

Bingley subsided a little at this reminder, and settled into brooding over his port while Mr. Gardiner carried on a determined conversation about fishing.

Darcy was quite out of patience with Bingley by the time they rejoined the ladies. Not even the balm of Elizabeth’s presence could soothe him, especially when he considered how the larger company precluded his opportunity for those precious five minutes alone with her. Still, he had duties as the host, so he laid forth for the company the plans he had made for a picnic on the following day.

Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst were in raptures at the idea, but Darcy was not surprised when Mrs. Gardiner said that they had friends in Lambton whom they had been neglecting. “With so many other ladies present, though, I see no reason why Lizzy cannot join your party if she wishes,” Mr. Gardiner said.

Darcy thought he would never manage to repay Mr. Gardiner for all he had done.

***

The picnic at Pemberley was different from any Elizabeth had ever attended. There were six large baskets filled with delicate pastries, lobster patties, the finest fruits, cold meats, cakes, and at least four different wines, all served to them by a pair of uniformed servants. Costly damask cloth covered the ground to protect the ladies from a dangerous blade of grass. Elizabeth resolved that if this was Mr. Darcy’s idea of a picnic, she would have something new to teach him.

Elizabeth devoted her time to an attempt to draw out the shy Miss Darcy, which was less successful than it might have been since Miss Bingley would chime in whenever the girl actually said something, causing her to go silent again. At least Mr. Bingley seemed in slightly better spirits, if he was not quite his usual amiable self. Through it all, Elizabeth could feel Darcy’s eyes on her, and it would give her a dizzying boost of joy when she looked in his direction and their eyes met.

When the meal was done and the carriage drawn up, Darcy held Elizabeth back from entering it with a touch on her arm. When all the other ladies were seated, he said in a tone that brooked no argument, “Elizabeth and I plan to walk back. Bingley, may I trust you to see the ladies back to Pemberley House?”

As Bingley agreed, Elizabeth raised an amused eyebrow at Darcy, since this was the first she had heard of this plan. Not that she objected -- some time alone with Darcy, even if it was along a public lane, was precisely what her spirit needed.

Once the carriage was out of sight, Darcy steered her off the lane, then across the moor for a few minutes until they reached a well-worn path into a small copse. “I hope you do not mind. It will give us more privacy. It leads back to the lane again before we reach the house.”

“No, indeed. I wish it were more private still,” Elizabeth said without thinking, since they could still be seen from the lane and she wished she could be in his arms.

“You should be careful what you wish for,” Darcy said roughly. “Especially since you will get your privacy in a moment when our path takes us behind that copse and into the shadow of the rise. There you will find a very private hollow.”

“Indeed? And I suppose you planned this as well?”

“I am
trying
to behave like a gentleman, Elizabeth.”

She slipped her hand into his elbow. “I do trust you, you know.”

“Even after I announced that we had planned to walk? Thank you for not contradicting me.”

Elizabeth laughed. “I was not always so compliant with your wishes, was I?”

“During those days we were stranded at the parsonage? No, you certainly were not. In fact, there were moments when it seemed that if I wanted you to do something, the best way to accomplish it would be to tell you to do the exact opposite.”

“Yes, I was feeling rather contrary and quite embarrassed to be so perturbed about our situation when all those poor people had lost homes and loved ones!”

“Yet you were all kindness to them, especially to Jenny. You even tolerated
me
in her presence!”

“Poor Jenny. I wish I could have said good-bye to her before I left. It must have seemed to her as if I did not care. I hope she is doing well.”

Darcy’s brows drew together. “Mrs. Collins has not kept you informed?”

“Only that Jenny was to live with her aunt at Rosings. My father will not allow me to read Charlotte’s letters if she speaks of you, so she rarely mentions anything about that time.”

“Jenny did go to live at Rosings, but once she was able to walk, or perhaps I should say run, Lady Catherine objected to the noise so young a child made in the house. Her aunt did not want to give up her position, having worked at Rosings all her life, so Jenny perforce was sent to an orphanage.”

Elizabeth stopped in her tracks, horrified by the thought of Jenny in one of those terrible places. “How could she? Poor, poor girl! It would have been better for her had she died with her parents. Oh, I cannot bear it!”

“If all has gone well, she should no longer be there. I gave orders for her to be taken from the orphanage, and to find a family who will care for her.”

“You are so good! But how did you even know what had happened?”

“Mrs. Collins wrote to me last month, concerned that nothing was being done to rebuild the village, and many of the villagers still required assistance. She hoped I could intercede for them with my aunt and convince her to devote some resources to the situation. Since Lady Catherine is still more inclined to berate me than to listen to me, I instead sent my steward’s assistant to lead the recovery efforts. I asked him to check on Jenny’s well-being.”

“Thank heavens you did! I know there are many children condemned to those horrible places, but somehow it is worse to think of a child who became dear to me there.”

“How could I not help Jenny? Albeit unwittingly, she played a role in bringing us together.” Darcy’s voice was tender.

“Do you remember how she called me Mrs. Darcy?” She tightened her hand on his arm, moving as close to him as she dared. “So much happened in those few days, and my life has been so very different since then.” Unaccountably, she felt the urge to cry.

“I wish…” He did not finish what he had started to say, but his expression was stern.

With some anxiety, Elizabeth said, “Is something the matter?”

“No, all is well.” He sounded gentler now, and then he laughed.

“What is so amusing?”

“I am laughing at myself, for reasons that I had best not share.”

She stopped and gave him a mock glare. “Can you not trust me with your secrets?”

“No, this one I should not tell you, Elizabeth. Believe me.” He laughed again, his voice low.

“I want to know, or I shall imagine the most terrible things!” She tugged teasingly on his carefully knotted cravat, creating disarray where there had been perfection.

“If you insist, minx! It is my own personal conundrum. The first day you were here, when I asked you whether it was difficult for you to be with your father, you kept your feelings hidden. It made me want to kiss you until there could be no doubt that you are mine. Just now you were open with your feelings, and I was so glad of your trust that it gave me an almost uncontrollable urge to kiss you. So it seems I am fated to spend all my time wanting to kiss you senseless.”

“A truly terrible fate, sir!” Elizabeth proclaimed with due solemnity. “How will I ever survive it?”

“You should not laugh at a desperate man,” he growled back teasingly. “Do not think it has not crossed my mind that the one way to force your father to let me marry you sooner would be to seduce you. In fact, there are probably no more three or four minutes per day when that idea does
not
cross my mind.”

“Mr. Darcy!” Elizabeth was half-scandalized, half-tempted to throw herself into his arms. “You can lay that thought to rest. You would, after all, need
my
cooperation.”

He looked at her searchingly, then closed his eyes tightly. “You really do not know, do you?” he said in an odd voice.

She crossed her arms over her chest and smirked. “What do I not know?”

“That you are a powder keg of passion just waiting for a spark. I can feel it whenever I touch you. Good God, it would be so easy to make you want more, and I do not trust that I would have the strength to stop.”

Elizabeth lurched back a step. He might as well have slapped her across the face, or perhaps dug her heart out with a dull knife. No, that would be less painful than this, because she would be dead and never have to face him again. “Why not just say I am a shameless wanton and have done with it?” she said icily. “I had not realized that your opinion of my morals was so low. This is the estimation in which you hold me! I thank you for explaining it so fully. Good
day
, Mr. Darcy.” She turned and hurried in what she hoped was the direction of the lane as quickly as her legs would carry her, but there was no way to outrun the pain.

“Elizabeth, wait! That is not what I meant!” Darcy’s feet crashed through the underbrush behind her.

She picked up skirts and ran into a small grassy clearing, tears of humiliation burning in her eyes. She could not believe this was happening, that he had said such a horrible thing. Then his hand clamped around her arm, causing her to stop so abruptly that she tripped over a hidden root. He grasped her around the waist before she could fall, but she tried to twist away from him. Then they were both on the ground, Elizabeth lying half underneath Darcy, the scent of damp earth and dried leaves rising around her.