Mr. Right (14 page)

“I wasn’t playing you. What would you have done if you were me, Jess? How was I going to bring that up?”

“You shouldn’t have flirted with me and when you saw I was reciprocating you should have told me the truth.”

“Would you have still wanted to get to know me if you would’ve known the truth?” I asked softly. “Like, really? Would you have wanted to know?”

“What can I say?” She sighed. “Yes, no, I don’t know. I just feel like honesty is the best policy.”

“I agree it’s the best policy.” I sighed too and wondered if this was the time for me to come out with the full truth about everything. Would she really want to know the truth? Would she ever talk to me again? Would she be forgiving? I already knew the answer to that. I knew she wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me if she knew. And that made me feel sick to my stomach. I knew this would be it. And I just couldn’t have that. Not yet. Not now. I couldn’t deal with losing her. Not when I’d barely had her. I knew it was selfish of me and it wasn’t fair and it didn’t make sense.

“Why did you invite me to this dinner?” She looked at me expectantly, and I wasn’t really sure what to say.

“I’m not really sure,” I answered honestly. “I wanted to see you, I suppose. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I suppose that’s nice of you.” She made a face and we just stared at each other for a few moments, both of us wondering exactly what we were doing there. I knew that that wasn’t the answer she wanted to hear. I knew that both of us really didn’t know what we were doing there, what we wanted to happen, what we thought could happen. And at that point I didn’t care. At that point all I wanted was another opportunity to get her into my bed.

“Yeah, everyone knows I’m a nice guy,” I said with a small laugh and then reached under the table and ran my hand up her leg and didn’t stop until I reached the top of her thigh. I saw her eyes widening as I ran my fingers down the middle of her legs and she gasped as I rubbed gently. “Wouldn’t you agree?” I said with a wink and licked my lips slowly as she gazed at me with desire in her eyes and she moved her body back and forth slowly.

“
W
here are we going
?” Jess giggled tipsily as we walked out of the restaurant, feeling lighthearted from copious amounts of wine and good food.

“It’s a surprise.”

“A surprise, huh?” She turned her head to look at me and gave me a sweet smile. There was a sparkle in her eyes that made me smile back widely at her and I wondered what I was doing. Wasn’t I supposed to be turning her off of me? Not making her fall for me harder.

“Yes, a surprise. Don’t you like surprises?”

“I love surprises,” she said again and she reached over and grabbed my hand before pulling it away quickly. “Oops, sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” I said, my heart thudding. I hadn’t held hands with a girl in years and it made me feel uncomfortable. “Come, let’s cross the street before the lights change,” I said and started jogging across the street. I watched as she ran in her heels slightly clumsily and she gasped when she met me over on the other side.

“We could’ve waited for the lights to change again,” she said as she stared at me, and I looked down at her legs for a few seconds before responding.

“We could have, but we didn’t,” I said with a small smile. “Now, come on, let’s go.”

“I don’t even know where we’re going,” she said, pursing her lips and mumbling something under her breath.

“What are you mumbling?” I asked her, and she shook her head.

“Nothing.”

“Uh huh.” I licked my lips. “Don’t make me spank the answer out of you.”

“Spank the answer out of me?” She gave me a look and started laughing. “You wish.”

“Do I really?” I asked her and stared down at her ass.

“Yes.” She giggled and I reached over and grabbed her and pulled her towards me for a long, deep kiss. “Oh, Evan.” She sighed as she wrapped her arms around my neck. My hands fell to her ass and squeezed slightly and her body melted into mine. I could feel myself growing hard at the feel of her body against mine and all I wanted her to do was lift her dress up and pull her panties to the side so I could take her. I didn’t even care that we were still in the street. I didn’t care that it would be entirely inappropriate of me to do anything. Inappropriate and selfish.

“What are you doing, Evan?” She wiggled against my body and I held her closer to me. “Was this the surprise?”

“Do you want this to be the surprise?” I whispered against her lips, breathing her in. “Do you want me to take you right now?”

“We’re in the street.” Her eyes widened.

“So?” I bit down on her lower lip. “How hot would it be if I fucked you right here and now, quickly, so quickly that no one would even know? Only us.”

“I’m not an exhibitionist.” She tried to step back, and I watched as she swallowed hard. “I would never do that.”

“I’m sure there are many things you said you’d never do before.” I gazed into her eyes.

“Like sleep with my kinda-boyfriend’s dad?”

“Yeah, like that.” My heart dropped. I really didn’t want to keep that lie going anymore, but I didn’t know how to let her know the truth.

“I don’t want to keep doing things I don’t think I should be doing.” She licked her lips nervously.

“Why not?” My hands slid up her waist and towards her breasts.

“Because that’s not who I am.”

“That’s not who I am either.”

“You’re a player,” she said softly. “You’re playing games with me.”

“You’re playing games with me as well.”

“I don’t know what we’re doing here.” She sighed and I could see she was starting to think too much.

“Neither do I, but maybe we don’t have to know.”

“Yeah, maybe we don’t have to know.” She made a face. “What am I doing?” She made a moaning noise and looked up at me. “I think I might be crazy. Like certifiably crazy.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m here with you and I have no idea what we’re doing or what I’m doing and I just don’t know.” She groaned and licked her lips nervously again. “I don’t even know why I’m telling you this.”

“I’m glad you’re telling me. I’m glad you’re open with me,” I told her honestly.

“Why?” she asked, batting her eyelashes up at me.

“I don’t know.” I sighed and then pulled away. I reached down and grabbed her hand. “Come with me, though. I want to take you somewhere.” Her hand felt small and warm in mine and I held it tighter as I led her to one of my favorite places in the city.

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see,” I said as we walked. We got to the park entrance and I saw the confused look on her face as I escorted her through the gates.

“We’re going to the park?” she asked me as she walked quickly.

“Don’t you like feeding ducks?” I teased.

“What are we going to feed the ducks?” she said slowly. “And are they even awake right now?”

“Hmm, that’s a good point,” I said with a laugh. “I was going to feed you to the ducks, but maybe they’re sleeping right now.”

“You were going to feed me to the ducks?” she said breathlessly.

“Yeah, but I decided I wanted to have you all to myself.”

“So you’re going to feed me to yourself?” she said slowly and then laughed. “Does that sentence even make sense?”

“If you’re asking if I’d like to eat you, then the answer is yes, and yes it makes sense.”

“Oh,” she said breathlessly, and I laughed.

“Don’t worry, that’s not what’s going to happen right now, though. We’re not about to go and have orgasms in the grass, though I think that would be amazing fun.”

“Evan,” she groaned.

“That’s my name. Next time you say it, you’ll be screaming.”

“Evan,” she said again softly and giggled. “Sorry, not screaming.”

“Funny.” I laughed. “Let’s see if you’ll be giggling later.”

“Why, what’s going to be happening later?”

“You’ll see,” I said and then stopped suddenly. “Okay, close your eyes now.”

“Close my eyes?” She looked at me with wide eyes. “Why?”

“Because…”

“Because why?”

“Because I said so.”

“That’s not a good enough reason for me to close my eyes.”

“Stop being difficult, Jess.”

“I’m not being difficult.” She made a face at me. “You’re the difficult one. Tell me why I’m closing my eyes and then I’ll decide if I want to do it.”

“Just trust me.”

“Why should I trust you?”

“Because I’m asking you to, quite nicely as well.”

“And that’s a good enough reason?”

“I think so? Don’t you?”

“You’ve already lied to me once.” She made a face at me, and I almost laughed at the cute expression she was making. I would have laughed if the truth of the matter wasn’t that I’d actually lied to her more than once and that the biggest lie was still outstanding. How could I tell her that? I just couldn’t tell her that.

“Jess, please?”

“Fine. Fine. Fine.” She put her hands on her hips and glared at me. “If you dump me in any water, I will scream and never talk to you again.”

“Why would I dump you in any water?”

“I don’t know.” She pursed her lips. “But I know you guys. You always do dumb things.”

“I’ve done plenty of dumb things in my life, yes. But I promise you that I will not be dumping you in any water tonight.”

“Okay, good,” she said and then slowly closed her eyes. “Oh, my God,” she mumbled as I grabbed her hands and started guiding her slowly. “I hope I won’t regret this.”

“You won’t,” I said and then started humming Frank Sinatra’s song, “Strangers in the Night”. I felt quite calm and happy, and oddly excited. I wasn’t sure why, but I was enjoying myself. I was enjoying being in this moment. And it had nothing to do with my sexual attraction to her. It had nothing to do with me wanting her. It was just that I enjoyed her company. She was a girl. And I was a boy. And we had this weird connection. And while it was definitely weird, it was unique and special and I didn’t want to question it. Or her. I just wanted to be in this moment and enjoy myself. I didn’t want to think about what was going to happen if and when she found out the truth. I knew I was going back and forth on what I should expect from her and how I should treat her, but I couldn’t stop myself. While I knew the best thing for her would be to forget me, I also knew I didn’t want to just give her up that easily. It was too hard. It wasn’t something I wanted to do. I just didn’t know how to continue in this situation. I didn’t want to be selfish and hurt her, but I also just couldn’t give her up. She was like a drug to me. She was something I was already craving. I needed for her to be some part of my life. In this moment. Just until I’d had enough of her. Once I’d had enough of her, then I could give her up and everything would be okay. I just wasn’t sure if that meant both of us would be devastated by the end. I knew I was a horrible man. I knew that in every fiber of my being. However, I just didn’t know how to not be that man. I’d been him for all of my life.

“You can open your eyes now,” I said as we reached the swings that overlooked one of the ponds in the park.

“I can barely see,” she said as she blinked and her eyes adjusted to the darkness. “Oh, the swings?”

“Yeah, do you like swings?” I asked, not sure what she would think about them.

“Yeah, swings are fun.” She looked at me and gave me a small smile. “Alyssa and I actually like to go swinging late at night for fun.”

“Really?” I said with a small smile.

“Yeah, it’s fun. Exhilarating. There’s a swing in Ecuador, where you’re actually swinging over the city. We’d love to go there one day.”

“I think I’ve heard of it.” I nodded as we got on to the swings.

“Yeah, it looks super scary, but really cool as well,” she said as she started gaining momentum and moving back and forth faster, her hair and skirt flying in the wind as she started moving higher and higher.

“Yeah, that would be super cool.”

“Did you know there are eight thousand stars in the sky right now?” Jess said breathlessly as she swung back and forth on the swing.

“Exactly eight thousand?” I said teasingly as I glanced over at her.

“Yes, exactly eight thousand.” She laughed.

“How do you know there are exactly eight thousand stars?”

“Because I counted them all.” She giggled, the sound making me feel warm inside.

“That’s a lot of counting,” I said with a smirk.

“Did you think I couldn’t count that high?”

“I don’t know what to think.” I laughed as she scrunched up her face in the moonlight.

“You’re mean,” she said as she continued swinging higher and higher and laughed. “I feel like I’m flying right now.”

“So you’re having fun?” I said hopefully, wondering if she was really enjoying the simple pleasure of swinging on the swing.

“Yes,” she said simply. “I am.”

“I’m glad,” I said as I kicked my legs out and stared at the stars in the sky, while we swung in companionable silence and synchronization. I stared up at the moon and wondered if Neil Armstrong had gazed down at Earth and wondered what the billions of human beings were doing and thinking as he walked on the moon.

“You know what I think about sometimes?” Jess interrupted my thoughts, her voice soft as her hair flapped in the wind.

“No, what do you think about sometimes?” I asked her curiously.

“I wonder if there’s a God and if he’s looking at me and wondering what I’m doing with my life.”

“What do you think the answer is?” I asked her curiously.

“I mean, I don’t really know,” she said. “But I’d like to think that there is. I’d like to think that he’s watching over me, guarding me, protecting me.”

“Yeah, that’s a nice thought to have.”

“You’re not a believer?” She glanced over at me as she swayed back and forth, her voice carrying in the wind.

“I don’t know if I believe,” I said honestly. “I have many different thoughts in my mind.”

“Good thoughts or bad thoughts?”

“Both.”

“I see,” she said, and I watched as she started slowing herself on the swing.

“You see and know a lot tonight.”

“What can I say? I’m a naturally inquisitive person.”