My Addiction: Second Chances Series (2 page)

“Sometimes life gives you a second chance because just maybe the first time you weren’t ready.” – Unknown Author

Some months before…

I took a deep breath as I looked around my brother’s house. I took the keys from the lock and closed the door, sitting my bags in the doorway. I would love to say it was great to be home, but, quite honestly, under the circumstances, it wasn’t. I looked around his living room feeling the loss of one of the greatest women I knew come over me. My older brother by five years, Lock, was blessed with meeting one of the nicest human beings I’d ever known; Marjorie “MJ” St. Pierre. She was one of those women who everyone loved the moment you met her. She was only 5’3,” but had so much personality that it made her seem six feet tall.

MJ was exactly what my brother needed in his life. She brought life and meaning to him that I was all too thankful for. He needed to learn how to live his life without feeling like he needed to help me live mine all the time. However, I understood why he was that way. Our father left my mom when I was ten, and our mother was heavily into finding another wealthy bastard to snag after my father. Lock decided that it was his job to be both parents to me, and, the moment Lock took over in the parental capacity, he drove me mad. Even though he got on my nerves, he was always there for me. He had my back through college and medical school. He made sure I finished school and wasn’t sidetracked. I love my brother, but, shit, back then he was a pain in my ass.

He raised me, sacrificing his own life in the process. But, MJ, man, she truly taught him how to
live
.

In my eyes, MJ and my brother were destined for happily ever after. So, the moment we found out that MJ had inoperable cancer, it broke my heart. The attempt to prolong her life lasted for about a year. She fought hard, and he supported her until she had no fight left.

MJ lost her battle about five years ago, and I lost my brother shortly after. Her death was very hard for him, but he’d never admit it. Lock buried his head in his work, and nothing else mattered but putting bad guys away. When I’d mention he should get back out there and that MJ wouldn’t approve of the way was living, he would just grunt and tell me to mind my own business.

He would say to me, “Until you find that person that makes your heart stop, that weakens you and builds you up at that same time, someone that embraces who you are and loves you in spite of yourself, completes you in every way,
then
come talk to me. You show me
then
how you can move on with your life without her.”

When Lock would say things like that to me, I’d simply nod my head and walk away. He knew I had found that person that did everything he’d mentioned and more. She’s my weakness, the kryptonite that had the capability of sucking the life from me, leaving me with nothing. I knew she had this power over me the first day I met her, but, for some reason, it was impossible for me to stay away. This wasn’t a secret. It had always been that way, and Lock wasn’t oblivious to how I felt about her. It was his choice to ignore it.

I pulled off my t-shirt, grabbed my bags and moved to the spare bedroom in the back of his house. He and MJ designated this space mine when they bought this two-story house seven years ago. A long hallway separates a nice sized bedroom and full bathroom from the rest of the house. I have a door in my room that exits on the side of the house and a sliding glass door that exits onto the back deck. This used to be where I studied most nights and where I stayed when I came to visit my brother, which, by the way, hadn’t been often.

I dropped my bags on the floor and fell on the bed looking up at the ceiling. This day was tiring and these last few months were hell. Just as I closed my eyes, my phone vibrated on my hip. I blindly reached for it, looked at the screen and took a deep breath.

“Hello,” I answered hoping that this conversation wouldn’t last very long.

“How was your drive?” my newly ex-fiancée asked.

“It was fine.”

“So are you at your brother’s house now?”

I sighed. “Yes, Nora, I’m at my brother’s house. As a matter of fact, I’m lying across the bed as we speak about to close my eyes for a little while.”

She got quiet, and I listened to her breathing on the other line. I had a feeling she was probably lounging on the couch as she sipped on her midday glass of red. I closed my eyes and waited for her to decide what she wanted to say to me. I didn’t have to wait too long.

“How long are you going to be gone?” she asked.

“I don’t know Nora. A few months maybe.”

She got quiet again and again I waited. One thing about Nora, you couldn’t rush her when she had shit on her mind to say. It’s like pulling teeth, but I guess that’s why we got along so well. I had an unbelievable amount of patience, and it took that much to deal with Nora.

“So this is it then?”

“Nora, we talked about this before I left, didn’t we?”

“As I recall you talked mostly.” She paused then softly said, “You don’t love me anymore, is that it?”

I sighed again and sat up. “I’m not saying that I don’t love you. It’s just that I don’t think it’s enough. Nora, there are things missing between us, and I feel like we’re just going through the motions. We’ve been just roommates for months now. I haven’t felt like an ‘us’ in a long time, and I know you’ve felt the same way. As we talked about a few days ago, we can’t enter into a marriage like that.”

“Yes, you mentioned a lot of things that I had no clue about. For instance, I didn’t know you hated my friends. They really like you, and I thought you felt the same way. I also agree that we don’t spend a lot of time together, but that’s your fault, not mine. I think we are right for each other. I think we can make it. I’ll work on the things you mentioned, okay? We can hang out with your friends too. I just never thought you wanted to because you never suggested it. But, Braddock, I don’t think we should give up.”

I ran my hand through my hair in frustration. My goal was to get away for a while and not have to argue about this shit. She’s right though. I had never suggested that we go out with my friends because none of my friends or their wives liked Nora. Nora constantly complained and smothered me to death every time we hung around my friends. I had no room to breathe. She told me that she had to stay around me to keep an eye on my friend’s girlfriends. In her mind, every female wanted me.

What she needed to do was look at her own friends. They’re the ones that constantly gave me the eye, or tried their best to get me alone with them. Some of them even overtly flirted with me, but she claimed she didn’t see it.

“Nora, look, I’m not just giving up. We’ve talked about making changes to our relationship multiple times. I’ve asked that we spend more time together alone. I’ve even suggested getaway trips when I had time off, but you’ve always found a reason or an event that would trump everything, so I stopped thinking it could work. I don’t want to string you along with hopes of something that I’m not sure I can provide. And I don’t want to waste any more time trying to figure shit out.”

I could hear the accusatory tone in her voice, when she asked, “And you’ve been feeling like this just recently?”

“Come on, what did I just say? This hasn’t just come about. I’ve been feeling like this for a long time, Nora. Stop making it seem like this is all news to you and that you didn’t have a clue about what was going on.” I paused for a moment then said to her, “Look, we both need this. I’m sure in time you’ll see that things between us just aren’t how they’re supposed to be when two people decide to spend a lifetime together.”

“So what am I supposed to do Brad? Wait for you to get a clue about what you have, or just let you go?”

“I’m already gone, Nora.”

“What does that mean exactly?”

“It means I’m done. I don’t want to string you along, and I don’t expect you to wait around for me to get a clue, as you’ve said, so what we had is over, Nora. We’re both free to find the right person that fits us because we aren’t it for each other.”

There was another pause, then I knew what was coming… the claws.

“You’re seeing her again, aren’t you? That’s, it isn’t it?”

“No, I’m not seeing anyone, Nora. You’re being ridiculous.”

“Am I, Braddock? I’ll bet you couldn’t wait to get there and see her.” She paused, then laughed. “Oh my God. You’ve been seeing her all this time, haven’t you? Behind my back, you’ve been fucking that bitch.”

I shook my head. “I’m done talking, Nora. Goodbye.”

I hung up just as I heard her say my name. I tossed my phone on the bed next to me, fell back against the pillows and closed my eyes again. I don’t know what’s up with my life or what I’ve done to deserve this, but this shit is for the birds.

*******

I slept for about five hours, which I really needed. I’d been on rotation for days, and I hadn’t had a decent night’s sleep in weeks. Residency was a bitch, but, now that I was done, I needed a break. I completed my residency at Houston Methodist Hospital in their Cardiology center, and I accepted a three-year fellowship with the top surgical team there, which was great for me. I was thankful that I got the opportunity to work with my mentor and advisor, and I was extremely thrilled for the break between the fellowship and finishing my residency. For some reason, my life felt like a damn roller coaster that seemed to never stop. What I told Nora was the truth; I needed this break. Quite honestly, I really needed to separate myself from her and our old life.

She and I were together off and on for years. However, the last two years it seemed that we were finally heading somewhere. She had my back during my residency and sometimes I felt if it wasn’t for her support I would have lost my mind. But these last few months, things started to change.

We were unraveling quickly. She was starting to take on a role that I never asked her to do. She started to turn me off with the way she was trying to run my life. I already had a mother. I didn’t need another one. She was picking out my clothes for me, telling me what to eat, and who we should hang out with. She even made dinner dates with co-workers that I couldn’t stand, behind my back. This might sound petty to you but the hell if I’m going to have someone hold my balls for me. I’m more than capable of doing that shit on my own. No, what I needed from her was a helpmate. I needed someone in my corner at all times. I needed a best friend, someone I could lean on whenever I needed to, especially when stressed.

To be blunt, I wanted a woman to know me. A woman that knew everything there was to know about me. She would know and understand that there would be days when I needed a blowjob to take my mind off of the messed up shit in my life, and, in the same token, just know when I needed her to screw my brains out. I thought Nora was that woman, but, apparently, she was not. As it seemed, this woman didn’t exist.

As I unpacked, my brother called and asked if I wanted to meet him for dinner. I told him I had plans of my own later, but I’d call him when I was done. I threw on some workout clothes and headed for the fitness gym for a quick workout. I ended up running into a few guys I knew from high school and decided to play a few games of basketball. We ended up playing about six games before I called it a night.

I started to call my brother and tell him never mind about dinner. I didn’t feel like eating much though, but I could do for a drink or two. So I texted my brother, telling him to meet me at McGinley’s, a bar and grille dive we used to frequent when I lived in Dallas. The place was located in Plano, west of Route 75 on Parker, and was a privately owned local business with the best drinks, grilled food and atmosphere I know. When I walked in, I inhaled, and all the memories of my past flooded me.

I sat at an open booth and nodded my head at a few people I remembered from way back when. It seemed that the regulars hadn’t changed a bit. I placed an order with a cute blonde for a beer and thought about how I made it from Highland Park to the mean streets of West Plano. I know that statement is an oxymoron, “mean streets of West Plano,” but for a kid coming from streets paved with gold, West Plano was rough.

I won’t say I grew up with a platinum spoon in my mouth, but my father was very well off. I was used to the good life, easy street, until my father one day kicked my mom, my brother and me out of his house. At ten, I couldn’t understand what the hell happened. For a very long time, I thought my father didn’t give a shit about us. I felt like he got rid of us like useless garbage. I found out later that my mom cheated on my father with a man who she felt had more money. She thought she would be set for life. However, her new savior didn’t like the idea that she came with kids, so he dropped her like a bad habit.

Alimony wasn’t an option for my mom, so she relied on the next best thing, child support. It was important to her to make sure she was able to buy what she wanted, keep her spa dates with her high society friends, and country club membership. Unfortunately, child support just wasn’t enough support for her, and she was forced to get a job.

We stayed in a very rundown apartment complex in a neighborhood that wasn’t very favorable. Now, since I mentioned we lived in Plano, you’re thinking how bad could it be, right? I mean, it’s Plano—I get it. Well, I won’t say it was Oakcliff, one of the roughest neighborhoods in South Dallas, but there was a huge difference between East and West Plano. The closer you got to the Dallas Tollway, the better the neighborhoods were. Closer to Route 75 though was a toss-up.