My Best Friend's Bucket List: Volume One (5 page)

“
Yeah. It's one of my hobbies I guess.” I said.

“
You still play guitar?”

“
Almost every night.”

“
How's Dick?”

“
Good.” I said.

“
That's good.”She said.

There was a tension in the air, the room
felt like it would explode, I looked at Cynthia's face. Her soft
features. The tension increased as she met my gaze. I felt a rush
of nausea, from excitement, nervousness even.

“
Do you wanna-”

“
What?” I said, fast, my heart going into
overdrive.

“
You wanna see the bedroom?” Before she even finished the
sentence I was on her.

Our lips mashed into each other. Our groins
created severe friction. I licked her neck and sucked on her bottom
lip. She bit my face and neck. I pulled her hair until she
moaned.

Let's just say it got worse(better)as we
undressed each other on the way to her bed.

An hour later we got dressed. I stole kisses
here and there. There was apprehension on her part. Of course
things could not just be like they used to. That's why she was
being apprehensive. It made sense. For the first time in over an
hour I remembered my mission.

“
I really hate to fuck and run but I need to talk to Dick.
He's about to make a big mistake and I can help him.”

“
That's OK Tuck, go to your friend.”

“
Is your number the same? I'll call you later.”

“
Don't worry about it. Yeah the number hasn't changed.”
Cynthia said.

I waved to her as I pulled away, back down
toward the main street, there was something behind her eyes that
wasn't right.

My BlackBerry vibrated in the pocket of my
jeans. I had completely forgotten about it due to the fact that it
hadn't peeped in hours. I retrieved it.

The screen said, Incoming Call From Auntie
Fucker. It was Dick.

“
Hey.” I said.

“
Hey, man. How are you feeling?” Dick asked.

“
I feel great, man, seriously.”

“
I fucked up with Lorrie. I tried to fix it but I couldn't. I
made that shit worse. I'm gonna come back and we can talk about
it.” Dick said. I realized he thought I was still in the
hospital.

“
I'm on way to you, man. You're at Lou's right?”

“
Yeah, but you're in the hospital-”

“
I escaped, it's a long story. Listen, Lorrie is at our place
crashed out on the couch. I gave her some bourbon, she's fine. She
wants to see you, she's sorry. I think at this point you both
are.”

“
Tuck, man, how did you escape and get Lorrie to forgive
me?”

“
I didn't do it. She did it all, dude. Just meet me back at
the apartment. We can talk there.” I said.

Me and Dick hung up and I headed home
feeling great. On top of the world even.

Twenty minutes later I sat at the kitchen
table with Dick. We watched Lorrie Lovitt saw logs on the
couch(that means sleep heavily for those of you that don't
know).

“
She looks like an angel.” Dick said.

“
She is an angel.” I responded.

We had hashed out everything. I told Dick of
my escape from the hospital. Lorrie's interrogations. My visit to
Uncle Tommy and my encounter with Cynthia. He was happy at the
notion that me and Cynthia might be getting back together. I was
happy that he'd finally seen the light and decided to give it his
all with Lorrie.

Some minutes later Lorrie awoke to find Dick
staring at her. Of course I was there too, but you know how that
goes. They were in each others arms kissing and squeezing each
other something fierce. I fought the acid in my throat and tried to
focus on Cynthia.

Dick and Lorrie went to his room and closed
the door behind them. I stretched out on the couch. Happy to be
home and in my bed. The couch now smelled like Lorrie, this made me
smile, I put on headphones. Set the laptop on my stomach and looked
through iTunes. I looked at some of the songs played earlier while
me and Lorrie sat side by side.

It was time to try and put
my focus on Cynthia. That was what Uncle Tommy had intended to do.
Force a run in with Cynthia Garcia to force me to go
cold
on Lorrie Lovitt.
It had half worked. Tommy had realized I didn't have the moxie to
go it alone. In end he did help me.

BlackBerry vibrated in my pocket. It was
Cynthia.

“
Hey, you.” I said.

“
Tuck?”

“
Yeah, it's me, what's up?”

“
We can't see each other,” She was crying. “Ever
again.”

“
Why not?” My voice cracked.

“
I'm engaged. I hid my ring when I saw you in your Uncle's
driveway. This isn't my sisters place. I share this house with my
fiancee. He's away on business.” Cynthia could barely speak now.
Saliva and congestion took over.

“
OK.” I hung up before she could continue.

I needed sleep but could not. The Lorrie
Lovitt Mixtape Playlist was my next project. It took all of 12
minutes to complete. I was battling sleep at that point. There was
also a half bottle of bourbon in my belly. The bourbon fixed the
headache I had from crying.

I fell asleep well aware that tomorrow was a
Saturday and the beginning of a weekend with Dick and Lorrie.

The Lorrie Lovitt Mixtape Playlist

#1) The Everly Brothers – Bye Bye Love

#2) Death Cab For Cutie – Lack Of Color

#3) The Cure – Friday I'm In Love

#4) Hawthorne Heights – Speeding Up The
Octaves

#5) Insane Clown Posse – Another Love
Song

#6) The Airborne Toxic Event – Innocence

#7) The All-American Rejects – My Paper
Heart

#8) Fall Out Boy – 7 Minutes In
Heaven(Atavan Halen)

#9) Say Anything – Every Man Has A Molly

#10) Dashboard Confessional – Screaming
Infidelities

#11) Say Anything – Total Revenge

CHAPTER 4

Pumpkin Patch Epiphanies on
a Saturday

(Brandy Hocks and a little
Ducky that knows too much)

After the third time I heard Dick give
Lorrie Lovitt an orgasm, the trip to the kitchen for more liquor,
well that had me eyeballing our fine cutlery. It was then that 2
things became apparent. 1) I was drunk. 2) Cutting my own throat
was just the kind of hair brained scheme that would kill me.

I was too young and pretty to die. Laughing
maniacally, drunk, the shiny stainless steel kitchen knife was
placed back into the drawer. I stumbled back to the couch laughing
uncontrollably.

The door to Dick's room opened. Now Lorrie
Lovitt's pornographic noises spilled into the living room(my
bedroom). Dick stood over me, scratching his head.

“
Man, are you OK?” He
asked.

“
YEAH!” I continued to
laugh, wondered who was giving Lorrie orgasms while Dick checked up
on me. “HEY.”

“
What?”

“
Who's giving Lorrie those
orgasms as you stand here staring down at me?”

“
WHAT?”

“
I hear Lorrie cumming,
Dick, I'm no idiot, but I don't understand how that can be if you
are standing here, Bro Hym.”

“
Bro Hym? Dude you are
fucking wasted. I took Lorrie home three hours ago. She even said
bye to you.” He said. My body started to feel a little sober(only a
little).

“
Are you
serious?”

“
Dude, I was standing next
to her. You looked right at her and waved. You had your headphones
on, but you made eye contact.”

“
Shit.” I said, my head
spinning.

“
I know, you must have-”
Dick tried to say but I jumped up and shoved him aside. I rushed to
the kitchen sink and puked up pure whiskey. Dick laughed until he
couldn't breathe. My face was hot, throat burned, I hacked up
bloody saliva. From Dick's room I could still hear Lorrie
moaning.

“
What the fuck is that
noise?” I said through a congested throat.

“
Fat Teens Love Threesomes
#17.
” Dick said.

“
I should be able to
recognize porno sounds versus the real thing. I'm losing it. Need
sleep.”

“
We both do, I just wanted
to rub one out before bed, I couldn't sleep.” He said.

“
Yeh. I just needed a few
hundred drinks.”

“
You alright?”

“
Cynthia's engaged.” I
said and sat on the couch, looked at the ceiling.

“
What the fuck? Why did
she fuck you then?” Dick asked.

“
One last hurrah I
suppose.”

“
That's fucked up. She
should know better. At least you got some.”

“
At least I did. I'll see
ya in the morning,” I stretched out on the couch, pulling the
blankets on me, “I'm gonna hit the hay.”

“
Good night,
man.”

“
Night.” I replied. Dick
shut off the lights and retreated to his room. I fell back asleep
immediately.

I'm standing in a graveyard, the Autumn wind
blows leaves around me. I'm dressed in a charcoal colored suit.
There is a rotted dozen roses in my fist. I stand before an open
grave. Only inside the open coffin, is me. I'm looking down on
myself.

Lorrie and Dick stare down at my corpse. I
try to yell at them, to tell them I'm not really dead. I walk
toward them and stop. There faces are grim. I reach out to grab
Lorrie's arm, my hand goes through, like I'm air. I'm wind.

The wind blows and with it comes the scent
of pancakes and frying bacon. I shiver and look in the direction of
the scent. My dad stands at a kitchen stove. He's cooking up
pancakes and bacon. There is a long bloody slash on his throat,
below his chin, strings of meaty flesh blow in the wind. Blood
drips from the wound onto the bacon and pancakes.

“
Dad.” I say. He looks at
me and smiles. “You're bleeding all over the breakfast.”

Dad laughs, then says, “Join me. It's fun.
Even the food tastes saltier.”

I say, “I can't. I have unfinished
business.”

“
Oh yeah? What's that?” Dad
asks. He smiles smugly.

“
There's this
girl...she...I don't know. She makes me feel real, like I matter.
You probably don't get it.” I say.

“
I get it, Son. YOU don't
get it.” Dad says.

“
What don't I get?” I say.
The pancakes soak up the thick sticky throat blood. The blood burns
in the frying bacon pan.

Dad says, “She will never love you.” He
pauses. “But you know that don't you?”

I say, “Anything is possible, right?” But I
don't believe it.

Dad says, “Will animals ever speak fluent
English? Will men ever stop killing each other? Will we ever stop
wanting things we can't ever have? Is the whole world doomed?”

“
I don't have those
answers.” I say.

“
And that is why you need
to except your fate, Tucker.” He says.

“
What's that?” I
say.

“
You will die trying to
convince Lorrie Lovitt that she should love you.” Dad says. He
takes a bite of blood soaked pancakes, he chews, bits fall out of
the slit in his throat.

I shiver violently and...

I woke up shaking. The
sliding glass door that lead to the second story balcony of our
apartment, that door at the foot of the couch, it was open. Cold
early Autumn air wafted through. I smelled pancakes and
bacon
for real.

Irritation mixed with overwhelming dark
depression settled over me. The skies outside were cloaked in dark
gray scattered clouds. The sun was their bitch. My stomach and
throat burned, head in agonizing pain. I needed a drink.

I turned away from the now
closed sliding glass door. The scene that played out in front of me
was almost as bad as the pointless omelet scene from
Spider-man 3.
The scene
where Harry and Mary Jane did the Twist while making omelets for
lunch.

Lorrie and Dick were cooking up pancakes and
bacon. They worked in unison like a well oiled machine. Lorrie had
changed and looked fresh as a daisy. Dick seemed very rested also.
The two flipped pancakes and fed each other piping hot bacon.

Good for them, they will be too preoccupied
to notice I woke up, I will just return to bed.

“
TUCK! YOU'RE UP, MAN!” It
was the voice of Dick, my brother from another mother.

“
HEY, TUCK!” The voice of
Lorrie Lovitt squeaked.

“
Fuck.” I whispered and
laid back down anyway. The bacon smell forced a growl from my
liquor sodden stomach. I thought of my dream and immediately
decided against solid food for that day.

Walking past the love birds, I pulled a
bottle of Jim Beam from the freezer, threw some ice cubes in a
tumbler full of the amber liquid. I topped the drink off with a can
of Mountain Dew Pitch Black. The first sip of the cold beverage
sent chills down my spine and up my face.