My Body-Mine (29 page)

Chase:
Did you invite anyone else?

Jane:
No, it’s really not a big deal since
only a limited number of review copies of
my book
will be available
, and there will be other authors there who are already established. I’ll invite everyone once I have my own book signing.

Chase:
Sounds good. Free for a run later?

I hadn’t seen Chase since
the
night
of the S&M event
, and part of me longed for the contact, but I also didn’t want to be the kind of woman who blew hot and cold and kept men on a string. I needed to resolve my situation before I interfered in his life anymore.

Jane:
I’m not sure that’s a great idea.

Chase:
How many more weeks are you going to make me wait? Are we backtracking now?

Jane:
Maybe it’s best if we hang out with other people.

Chase:
Oh, I get it. You need a chaperone.

Jane:
No, you do.

Chase:
You don’t trust yourself with me.


Jane:
Get over yourself, Chase.

Chase:
I think the problem is that you can’t seem to get over me. No worries on my part. I’m good with it.

Jane:
UGH!

Chase:
Come on, Jane. I understand things are still unresolved with Marcello, and I won’t push for anything, but if we’re friends like you say …

Jane:
Fine!

Chase:
LOL. Time?

Jane:
Tomorrow, after my lunch with my mother. I’ll need to run then.

Chase:
That good, huh?

Jane:
Worse. 2:00 p.m. on Johnson Street?

Chase:
Perfect.

As Chase had warned, I did indeed receive a call from Parker. I briefly contemplated letting voicemail deal with it, but I had resolved to stop hiding.

“
Hey, girl,” she said, once I answered her call.

“
Hi, Parker, Chase said you might be calling me.”

“
Did he, now? I guess I was right then that he cut his date short to go
rescue
you?”
Yet again
percolated through her words.

Nipping it in the bud I said, “I do appreciate that you introduced me to Chase, but you don’t get to micromanage our friendship.”

“
If you are taking advantage of—”

“
I think it’s safe to assume you have adopted Andre’s concern for Chase’s well-being?”

“
Chase is a good man.”

“
Again, I’ll reiterate for your benefit and Andre’s, Chase and I are just friends and as such, we’ll decide how that works for us. Please stop trying to parent me because I must say, you’re working my last nerve, and up until now my mother has been the only one to win that particular award.”

I seethed with anger at the unsaid words—Chase, a good man and therefore Jane, a bad woman. I got the implication loud and clear.

I went on, “If you care about our friendship, Parker, you need to let the past go. Sandy has. She’s finally set a date. You’re the last holdout. I’m happy you’re coming to
the
signing
party
but if this is the attitude you’re carrying and Andre clearly is, I’d rather you not show.”

“
Hey, wait a minute, Jane
—
”

“
Seriously, Parker … you defended me at the club and are now adopting Andre’s point of view. Chase helped me out of a bind, but I had no idea I took him away from his date, not that that is any of your business. He made his own choice. We’ve put our pasts behind us; maybe it’s time for you and Andre to move on too. I love you but I will not tolerate this much longer.”

“
I don’t know what to say.”

“
Say you’ll butt out of our business and stop worrying so much.”

“
I’ll try,” she said.

“
Okay … well … I’m going to run. Talk to you later.”

“
Bye.”

* * * *

The next day I sorted through my workout clothes and chose a pair of gray running shorts, black sports bra and a peach tank top. Stuffing them into my backpack along with a couple bottles of water, I placed the bag beside my sneakers with my socks balled up in one of the shoe openings. I then dressed in a long, flowing dark-blue skirt and a matching light-blue sleeveless top with built-in bra. Slipping into my brown sandals, I mulled over the lunch with my mother. Since it was odd for her to have made the call in the first place, I wondered what she had in store for me.

I waited outside Beverly Hills Café for my mother as the breeze blew my skirt against my legs. She parked in the second row and as she stepped out of the car, my eyes opened wide over her transformed appearance. Her usual Jackson Pollock crazy patterned polyester blouse was gone. She wore a deep purple silk blouse with a bow tied at the throat. The practical low brown heels had been replaced with shiny black pumps, and in place of her knee-length beige skirt she wore black knit slacks. The most shocking change had to be the smile on her face.

I
stood there,
frightened.

As she approached she said, “You look lovely today.”

I decided then and there that some alien must have taken over the person I had known my whole life, because the woman in front of me did not resemble my mother. Not in dress or personality. She had even changed her hairstyle and wore dangly earrings, making her appear softer
and younger
overall. Then it dawned on me, she must be getting laid.

“
I’m at a loss for words, mother.”

“
Why is that?”

“
Well, your voice sounds the same, but I don’t recognize the woman in front of me.”

“
Let’s get some lunch,” she said, grabbing my elbow and leading me into the restaurant.

I glanced down at her hand, as though some tentacle might sprout there.

After being seated she asked, “What are you having?”

“
Just a side salad. I’m going for a run after lunch.”

“
Okay, would you care for a glass of wine?”

“
Just water for me, thanks.”

After the server left I said, “Who is he?”

“
How do you know it’s a he?” She actually laughed.

My mother laughing?
I must have been dreaming. I shook my head in disbelief. Laughing as well, I said, “Or her?”

“
Jane, I’m in love. Do you know how long it’s been?”

“
No, Mom. A long time, I imagine.”
Oh my god.

“
Thirty years.”

“
Wow … wow. You look at least ten years younger, so it must be a good thing. I feel like I don’t know you anymore.”

“
You just haven’t seen me happy in a long time,” she said, reaching across the table and touching my hand.

I’m not sure I had ever seen her happy. I looked down at the hand that held mine and said, “So do I get to meet this person?”

“
I’d like that a lot, but right now I need more time before I’m ready to … what does your generation say? Be out with it?”

I stifled more laughter, which threatened to turn into hysteria.
So she
i
s involved with a woman.
Holy shit
. “I understand, Mom. I’ll be here when you’re ready.”

“
She’s really an amazing woman who has opened my eyes to a most important fact about life.”

“
And what is that?”

“
That life isn’t over.”

My eyes filled up. Was this the mother who had tended me the first few years of my life, before the relationship between my mother and father soured?
My mother a lesbian?
Life continued to take me on a strange and twisted odyssey. My mother’s heart had been opened again. I wondered if that would ever fully happen for me.

“
What happened to you actually helped me,” she said.

“
With Luke?” I said, glancing up in question.

“
I had almost lost you and I felt helpless. Georgia listened to me. She also can be rather forceful and says what’s on her mind. She told me flat out, months before any attraction started between us, that I was a cold woman and pushed people away. I didn’t talk to her for several weeks after that.”

My mouth hung open, but no words came out.

“
I finally gave in because I missed her friendship, and then I had to admit she was right. I pushed you away as well. She’s the one who encouraged me to pick up the phone and call you.”

“
I’m stunned, Mom, and completely elated for you.” I squeezed her hand before hurrying to the bathroom. I closed the toilet seat and sat down. Tears flooded my eyes for my mother and the thirty years she had lost to anger and regret. I blessed this new woman I had yet to meet. If my mother could change, then maybe my future could still right itself. Her happiness left me hopeful and encouraged about what might still come.

I washed my hands and splashed water on my face. Back at the table, I settled into my seat and said, “I have some news as well.”

“
Oh?” my mother said.

“
I’m about to be published.”

“
Now it’s my turn to say, ‘wow.’ You must be thrilled.”

“
Mostly excited but it’s also scary.”

“
That makes sense, Jane. Whenever you risk putting yourself out there to be judged by others, fear is a normal response. I’m so proud of you. What is the book about?”

“
It’s called Falling
Through The
Rabbit Hole.”

“
So you wrote about your time with Luke?”

“
Yes,” I said and took a sip of water. Placing the glass down I said, “Will you promise me something?”

“
Anything,” she said. She made solid eye contact with me.

“
Don’t ever read it, please.”

My mother, that new person sitting in front of me, wore an expression of such compassion I wanted to jump up and hug her. “Okay, Jane, I won’t. For both our sakes.”

“
Thank you, Mom.” We sat lost in our own thoughts for a few minutes as we ate our lunch. “So tell me more about Georgia,” I finally said.

That lunch was the best time I could ever remember having with my mother. She gushed over Georgia, who turned out to be ten years her junior. They spent their days and nights together, and for the first time in my mother’s life she had started exercising
—taking daily walks with Georgia—and she had actually quit smoking
. I left the restaurant completely stupefied by my mother’s disclosures and looking forward to seeing her again.

* * * *

Arriving at the beach ten minutes early, I had plenty of time to change into my running clothes.

“
So was it brutal?” Chase asked as he approached.

I bent over, stretching out my lower back and responding from between my legs, “Just the opposite.” I rose up and turned to face Chase.

He embraced me in a warm hug and said, “That’s cool. And a surprise, I’m guessing?” He rested his head on mine and breathed in deeply.

“
Mmmhmm,” I said in response.

We held each other too long, but I didn’t want to let him go. I felt emotionally raw, and his hug comforted me.

“
It’s good to see you too,” he said, as we finally broke apart.

I smiled at him and said, “Sand or pavement?”

“
I vote for pavement,” he said and we took off running north amid the multitude of snow birds settling in Hollywood Beach for their winter vacation. “So it went well with your mom?”

“
She’s in love and happy. I don’t ever recall seeing her happy. It’s a new side to her and I hope it lasts.”

“
Love can do amazing things for people.”

“
Love can make people do some amazingly stupid things as well.”

“
Granted. I can’t argue that point, but not all love is the same.”

“
That’s true. My mother’s metamorphosis has left me rather encouraged.”

He smiled at me and picked up the pace as we rounded the corner away from the beach and onto the side streets.

“
Hey,” I said to his back.

“
Sorry, I run faster when I’m excited.”

“
Down, boy,” I said, laughing.

He slowed and we turned around, heading back the way we came. His stride matched mine as we glided through the throng of people until we reached the far side of the boardwalk, where the crowd thinned out.

“
You were right,” I said as we slowed to a jog to start our cool down.

“
Always nice to hear, but what about, specifically?”

“
Parker called.”

“
How did that go?”

“
Not so great. She and Andre seem to think I’m some kind
of beast of
prey.”

“
I’ll talk to Andre.”

“
If you think it’s necessary. I pretty much told her to back off and stay out of our business. I also told her to get over the past—we had. But maybe it’s not that easy for them. I want to be compassionate, but mostly it just really pisses me off.”