My Body-Mine (30 page)

“
Well I’m offended on both our accounts. You, the trollop, and me the hapless victim.”

“
Oh my god,” I said as the giggles spilled out of me. “Oh, that was good. I think we should make plans with them and wear our name tags.”

We both grinned as we jogged back up to our starting spot and stretched against the wooden fence bordering the parking lot.

“
Jane, I know you aren’t free to date at this point, but I’d like to spend more time with you ... as a friend.”

I stopped stretching my calves and stood up. “Well, in all honesty, with Parker and Andre’s voices in my head, I feel like I’m taking advantage of you
—
given how you feel about me.”

“
How we feel about
each other
. Isn’t that what you mean?”

“
I don’t know how I feel about you, Chase.”

“
Really? I thought we agreed to have only honesty between us.”

“
I’m not ready. Is that better?”

“
Much.” His triumphant smile and raised pointy eyebrows made me want to punch him in the arm and hug him at the same time.

I felt lighter and younger with him, and found it difficult to admit even that much. He seemed to lift some of the heaviness from my life. My body certainly responded to him, but I had learned the hard way that lust was not a valid indicator of a good emotional fit. Even though he wanted more from me, I didn’t feel the pressure to be someone other than myself or in a different place emotionally. From him that is. Parker and Andre were another story.

“
Would you consider meeting up with Parker, Andre and me for dinner before the signing
party
?” Chase asked.

“
Only if they promise to behave. I don’t want to be pissed off right before I have to interact with people I don’t know. I’ll be meeting my publisher for the first time in person, not to mention the other authors from the publishing house.”

“
I’ll take care of it and I promise they’ll be on their best behavior.” Chase squatted down to loosen his sneakers, and after rising he said, “Can I see you before then? It’s still a week away.”

“
I’ll think about it,” I said with a secret smile of my own. “Have a great rest of the day.” I waved as I headed back to my car.

“
You forgot your hug,” he shouted after me.

“
I’ll take two next time,” I yelled to him as I got behind the wheel.

Damn he’s cute.

M
arcello’s mother continued to improve, and he finally took time away from the hospital to Skype with me. I felt anxious and slightly nauseated leading up to the time we would meet online. I hadn’t seen him for weeks and I didn’t know what it would feel like to do so. Would he try to resolve our issues via cam? Would he order me to play with myself for him? In all honesty, I missed the sex but I didn’t think I could do it.

The ding dong ring of Skype finally came through and I accepted the video call. I watched as Marcello populated my screen.

“
Hi, Jane,” he said. He wore his usual black slacks and a white, button-down shirt, and I could see him sitting in a chair with the laptop on his lap. I couldn’t decipher his mood.

“
Hi,” I said. “How’s your mom doing?”

“
Much better. Her speech is slowly returning and the doctors expect her to make a full recovery.”

“
You must be so relieved.”

He breathed out a long sigh and said, “I am, but I would feel even better if I could just convince her to come to Florida with me. She can be a stubborn woman.”

“
Do you know when you’ll be home?”

“
No, sweetheart, I don’t. I’m sorry to be missing your signing
party
. Are you excited about it?”

“
Excited, nervous, wanting it to be over with already. We’ve finalized the interior and the cover so I’m feeling good about that but—”

“
You’ll be fine, Jane. You’re quite a natural with people. Just be yourself and smile that radiant smile of yours and I’m sure you will find plenty of people interested in your book.”

“
Yeah, I know you’re right. I’m just anxious about it.”

“
Understandably.”

I watched Marcello tugging at his lip and wondered what to expect next.

“
We need to talk about us,” he said.

“
I know.”

“
Is this about Luke being in town?”

“
Is what?”

“
Jane, don’t play games with me,” he said, his voice deeper than usual.

“
Are we talking about the event you dragged me to? What does Luke have to do with that?”

“
Everything was going so well until you found out he came back to town.”

Furious, I threw my hands up in the air. “Why is it so hard for you to understand that I’m not like you and Janice? I don’t want the kind of relationship you have with each other, and I most certainly would never submit to the abuse you subjected her to. I don’t want this life. We were having a wonderful time and I grew to love you, in my own way, but now I see the extent of the submission you want from me, and
I don’t want it
. I gave away more than I ever should’ve to Luke, and you of all people, the one who has told me time and again
not
to do so, should know better.”

“
Janice said you asked her if she’d heard from him.”

“
You aren’t listening to me and have already made up your mind. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH LUKE,” I yelled, thoroughly exasperated. “Look, I’ve got to go. I don’t want to fight you and certainly not when you’re a thousand miles away
and tending to your mother
. I’ll start searching for another place to live, and I hope when you’re willing to really listen to what I’m saying, you’ll find a place in your heart for us to be friends.”

“
Jane, this isn’t how I wanted the conversation to go.” He appeared sad and frustrated.

“
Me either.”

After ending the call with Marcello, I loaded Facebook, fought my conscience for a few minutes and finally gave in and reached out to Chase.

Jane:
You on?

Chase:
For you, always.

Jane:


Chase:
Done hiding from me?

Jane:
For now.

Chase:
LOL. Fair enough. Can I see you?

Jane:
When do you get off work?

Chase:
Whenever I’d like.

Jane:
I just realized something.

Chase:
What is that?

Jane:
I have no idea what you do.

Chase:
LMAO! You never asked.

Jane:
What’s wrong with me?

Chase:
Nothing in the least.

I honestly found it refreshing that you didn’t care.

Jane:
LOL. I guess I don’t. :P

Chase:
Come here and give me that tongue.

Jane:
I’ll think about it. So what do you do?

Chase:
Strategic marketing.

Jane:
And what is that exactly?

Chase:
Website design and branding for high-end companies.

Jane:
Oh, so you’re creative.

Chase:
Hopefully someday you’ll let me show you just how creative I can be. ;)

Jane:
You are so bad!

Chase:
Or good. So what time should I pick you up?

Jane:
I could come to you …. Maybe pick up lunch on the way? What do you like?

Chase:
Surprise me. Should we invite Andre and Parker?

Jane:
Definitely not!

Chase:
Good! See you when you get here.

I took a quick shower and towel-dried my hair. I threw on a pair of black jean shorts, a maroon top and black flip-flops. As I shook out my brown waves, I decided to add earrings set with small red and turquoise stones. Before leaving I ordered food from my favorite Thai restaurant and on my way out, grabbed my wallet, cellphone and black hoodie.

As I drove, I realized that my heart was actually fluttering at the prospect of spending the day with Chase. The time had come to stop lying about my feelings for him. Ready to start the next phase of my life, I also recognized that any significant steps forward with him would have to wait until after the
signing party
. Then I could focus on finding a new place to live and a job to sustain me, at least until my book sales took off
,
which I knew could take a long while.

After retrieving lunch, it took me about twenty more minutes to make my way to Chase’s apartment building. I had no idea where to park or how to get into the building.

Me:
Where should I park?

Chase:
You can park on the right side of my car. I have two spots. I’ll meet you down by the elevator.

Me
: K

After descending into the underground garage, I spotted his sporty blue cruiser. I pulled in alongside and examined myself in the mirror on the back of the visor. Scrunching my waves and giving my hair one last fluffing, I scooted out of the car with the bag of food.

He stood waiting for me by the elevator. Taking the bag from my hand, he pulled me in for a hug. I melted against him, savoring his subtle aftershave and unique smell. Just then I wanted to lose myself in his arms. I wanted to forget about Marcello and how we’d ultimately part, about Janice and our broken friendship, the beach house, the signing
party
, finding a job and a place to live, all of it. I just needed to be me for a day with nothing hanging over my head. Could Chase do that for me?

“
You seem distracted,” he said, as we rode up the elevator.

“
I have a lot on my plate and would love a vacation day away from it all.”

“
What do you mean?” he asked, taking my hand and leading me into his apartment. He placed the food on the bar and led me to the low beige couch situated by the wall of books.

We sat opposite each other. Crossing my legs, I said, “My life seems so up in the air. Marcello and I haven’t resolved our issues and I need to find a job and a place to live. Then there’s you and me—”

“
Okay, and what would a vacation away from all that be like?”

“
Selfishly, I’d just love to spend the day with you without worrying about what it’ll all mean in the future.”

“
Selfish or not, I think that’s a great idea.” He smiled his crooked, secret smile and looked so confident that I believed he could make my wish come true. He stared directly into my eyes and I felt his desire.

I wanted to fling myself into his lap and kiss his full mouth, tasting him finally, but instead I just stared.

With a wink of one of his bright hazel eyes, he gave a chuckle and asked, “So what did you bring me?”

We moved over to the bar and I unloaded two containers of food. “Hope you like Thai food. I brought Pad Woon Sen and Pad Thai.”

“
Forks or chopsticks?” Chase asked, as he headed toward the kitchen.

“
Chopsticks,” I said
,
rais
ing my
voice so he could still hear me.

He came from the far side of the apartment carrying two plates, chopsticks, napkins, a serving spoon and a large bottle of water. “Would you care for some wine too?”

“
Sure, that’d be great.”

I arranged our plates and napkins on the bar as Chase poured us both glasses of water and white wine. He switched on the audio system and music began to play.

“
You like Adele?” I asked, staring at him in disbelief.

“
I told you, I’m a cool dude with eclectic tastes.”

“
I thought I wasn’t
allowed
to call you dude.”

“
There’ll be times when you can call me anything you’d like. Maybe we’ll have one of those later?” His cheeky smile made me laugh.

“
You’re a silly man,” I said.

“
You have no idea,” he said, as he plated us a serving of each dish.

We ate and drank in comfortable silence. The hunger I felt on the way over quickly gave way to excitement. I consumed far less than was normal for me.

“
Are you done working for the day?” I asked when I could no longer stand the silence.

“
I have a conference call at five, but we have plenty of time before then. Are you done eating?”

“
Yeah, for now, but I’d love some more wine.”

He cleared our plates and the rest of the food then poured more vino for us. We each took a sip and he said, “Since today is your vacation day and carries no obligations for the future, what would you like to do?”

The mere question set my pulse racing, and I could feel a blush warming my cheeks. I had to force myself to ask the question. “C
an
we just hold each other?”

“
Bed or couch?”

“
That’s it?”

“
Would you rather cuddle somewhere else?”

“
Well, no, I mean … I meant, I guess I wasn’t sure you’d be game.”