My Brother's Keeper (21 page)

The suitcase had kept the moisture off his clothes. He unpacked and put everything away.

Ellis was not as successful with Rudy’s suitcase. He left it sitting by the basket of dirty laundry in his room.

Dinner consisted of catfish and vegetables. Ellis fixed Jon a plate and put it in the fridge. Then he stared at his own for a good twenty minutes, took two bites and then scraped the rest into the garbage.

He lay down on the couch.

Outside the living room windows, the sky turned dark.

Had something happened to Jon? Images of Jon, broken and bloody, flashed behind his eyelids every time he closed them. Aside from the occasional appliance cutting on and off and a creak from the house settling, the silence was unbroken. The thoughts that grew to fill the emptiness were suffocating.

How many times had Ellis wanted Rudy to stop talking so he could have a few minutes of silence? Now he wished he’d been more grateful that Rudy had been there to make the noise.

The front door opened, jerking Ellis from the fugue state he’d found himself in. What if it was George bringing him more bad news? Without Jon, there would have been nothing left for Ellis.

“Ellis.”

What if he looked and Jon wasn’t there. What if he’d fallen into the black pit Rudy’s death had opened?

The floor creaked.

Jon put his hand on Ellis’s shoulder.

“Look at me.”

What if he wasn’t real?

His touch moved down Ellis’s arm to his clenched hands.

“Ellis. Please look at me.”

He did. “Are you real?”

“Yes, baby, I’m real.”

Warm lips pressed against the place close to Ellis’s temple. Jon’s dark brown eyes were filled with concern. He ran his knuckles down Ellis’s cheek.

“I fixed you some dinner. It’s in the fridge.”

“Thank you.” Jon kissed Ellis again. “It’s wonderful.”

“But you haven’t eaten it yet.”

“I can still appreciate the gesture.”

Ellis touched Jon’s face. His fingertips rasped against Jon’s unshaven chin. His lips were chapped and his cheeks were damp. Maybe it was misting outside. Ellis hoped it was. “I love you.”

Jon nodded.

“I’m sorry I said that.” That horrible group of words that should have never been strung together. “I just don’t know what to do. I’m lost, but I don’t know where home is to even try and get there. I’m afraid. All the time. I feel angry. All the time. I can’t think. And sometimes I’m not sure what’s real or a nightmare.”

“It’s normal.”

“Nothing about this is normal.”

“You’ve been through something horrible. What you feel now is normal.”

Ellis searched Jon’s face. “Is this what it was like for you?”

Jon’s gaze slid away for a moment. He nodded.

“How did you deal with it?”

“You never deal with it.” Jon picked at a few stray hairs sticking to Ellis’s forehead. “You survive it.”

“I’m not sure I’m strong enough.”

“Yes, you are.” Jon sat on the sofa. He tugged Ellis by the arm until he leaned into him.

Ellis inhaled, taking in Jon’s natural rich scent. The turmoil brewing in his mind eased.

“I noticed you unpacked the truck. Does that mean you’ve changed your mind about leaving town?”

“There’s no need.”

“Lenny’s not in jail yet. I think that’s reason enough.”

“People are afraid of him. Do you really think they’re going to be willing to find him guilty?”

“You’d be surprised how brave people can be when it comes to punishing criminals.”

“Maybe. But it will only take one coward on the jury to set him free.”

“Let’s go to bed.” Jon sighed. “We can worry about everything tomorrow.”

Ellis had no idea if he slept or not. He would close his eyes only to open them back up a few minutes later. If he did sleep in those short moments of darkness, he didn’t dream.

Beyond the panes of glass, the moon was full. It turned the thin, white curtains silver. A pale line traced Jon’s profile, highlighting his strong jaw, and dusting over the scar across his nose.

Even sleep couldn’t erase all the seriousness from his expression.

The rhythmic thump of Jon’s heartbeat was marked by the slow rise and fall of his chest.

It would be Halloween in a week. By this time last year, Rudy had his costume picked out. What had he dressed up as? The memory was buried under too many other things for Ellis to dig out.

Every year, the shop owners on the square organized a candy collection with games and hayrides. As a child, Ellis’s classmates would talk about the costumes and the haunted house, all the while showing off the bags of candy they’d acquired.

He used to be so envious because he never got to go.

Their family celebrated Halloween in the same manner as a birthday. From the little bit he’d heard from his parents and going by the questions Rudy bombarded them with every year, they did it because people felt uncomfortable with Rudy partaking in the festivities.

It all worked out the same. Rudy would eat too much candy and wind up with a stomachache.

Thanksgiving would be next month.

Then it would be Christmas.

Each holiday that passed would be a mark in this new life. The one where Rudy didn’t exist.

Jon pulled his arm out from under Ellis’s head and sat up.

Ellis turned on the bedside light. “Jon?”

He stared at the windows with a blank expression. The terrible things he’d witnessed reflected in his eyes. Things so horrible they only came out at night.

“Jon, wake up.” Ellis shook him. “Jon. Jon.” Ellis put both hands on Jon’s shoulders and shook him again.

Sometimes it was like this, other times he crossed the room, stepping over the bodies.

Ellis pulled Jon’s face around. He patted Jon on the cheek. The first few taps were soft. The ones following were almost a slap.

“Jon. C’mon, you need to wake up.”

Jon blinked several times and his gaze shifted, but the hollow look in his eyes didn’t disappear.

“Evil may look like a man, but it isn’t.” Jon said. “It’s a disease. It burrows into the ground waiting for a way out. Growing and getting stronger. Then it infects those who touch it. The fever, the sickness it causes burns up the soul and replaces it with something Big and Terrible.”

Jon’s name squeaked out of Ellis. He shook him again. “Please wake up.” The full weight of Jon’s stare fell on Ellis. The power of it spread like frost over his skin.

Jon said, “Rule number four, Ellis.”

Those same words echoed in Ellis’s head, but spoken in Rudy’s voice.

Rule number four: It has to happen.

Jon rubbed his face and squinted. “Ellis?”

“Are you awake now?”

Jon pinched the bridge of his nose. “Shit. I did it again, didn’t I?”

“Sort of.”

“I’m sorry.” He yawned. “What time is it?”

“I don’t know.”

Jon looked at the clock. “Barely three thirty. Jesus. You think I could at least do this at a decent hour.” He laughed, but it dried up when he turned back around. “What’s wrong?”

“What…” The creak in Ellis’s voice made his throat itch. He swallowed. “What were you dreaming about?”

“Go on back to sleep.” Jon stood. “I’m going to go downstairs for a bit.” He limped a step and Ellis grabbed his hand.

“Tell me what you were dreaming about.”

“Why?”

“Because you said something.”

“What?”

“Something Rudy said to me.” Even in the low light Ellis saw the color drain from Jon’s face.

Jon waved a hand toward the door. “You might as well come with me then. You probably won’t want to sleep after I tell you.”

“Here.” Ellis put a cup of coffee and two aspirin in front of Jon.

He picked up one of the pills. “What’s this for?”

“You keep rubbing your forehead.”

Jon popped the pills and washed them down with coffee. He wrinkled his nose.

“If you’d waited, I was going to get you some water.”

He drank some more. “This is fine.”

When Jon’s cup was empty, Ellis took it back to the kitchen.

“I could have refilled it on my own.”

“Why? So you can keep stalling?” Ellis brought it back. “Tell me about the dream.”

“It’s more like a conglomeration of dreams. It didn’t really make sense.”

“I still want to know.”

“Yeah.” Jon turned the coffee cup around in his hands. “It was about my brother.”

“The barn?”

“No, outside of M’s.”

“That’s the restaurant on Grant Road.”

“Yeah.”

“That’s new.”

“I dream about him in places I’ve seen him before.”

“Like I said—”

Jon lifted his gaze.

“When did you see him at M’s?”

“The day Rudy…” Jon’s Adam’s apple bobbed with each swallow. “Danny was at the corner across the road.” His hand shook, sloshing his coffee. Ellis made him put down the cup and grabbed some napkins from the holder on the table. “Thanks.” Jon wiped up the mess. “The night before, in the hotel… It felt like I was being watched.” He shook his head. “No. Not watched, it felt like someone was there. Right there, but I couldn’t see them.”

“Has that ever happened before?”

“No.” He picked at an invisible spot on the table. “It happened again the next day, only it was different.”

“How?”

“He was there.” Jon opened and closed his hands. “I touched him. I held him. He smelled like the outside and the shampoo we used to use. He breathed, he had a pulse, and he was warm.”

Ellis tightened his grip on his cup.

“He wasn’t a hallucination. He was real.”

Jon looked at Ellis with eyes that begged him to believe. He reached over and squeezed Jon’s hand.

“He spoke to me. He said, ‘Now you will understand.’ Then he was gone. Like he’d never been there, but I knew he had. Even the carpet was warm from him standing on it.” He huffed a breath. “I panicked. I took off across the road with every intention of hitting the package store and getting smashed out of my gourd.”

“What stopped you?”

“The lights on the patrol cars.”

Pain swelled in Ellis’s throat. “Rudy…”

“I went to see what happened and…” Jon drank his coffee. “You think I’m crazy, don’t you?”

“No.”

“Then you’re doing better than I am.”

“You said yourself he was real.”

“I know. But he couldn’t have been.”

“You don’t sound very convinced.”

Jon cleared his throat. “I’m not and that’s what scares me.”

More than ever, Ellis wanted to learn how to use a gun.

“You’re quiet,” Jon said.

Ellis lifted his cup to his lips, but it was empty. “I’m going to get a refill. Do you want some more?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Ellis threw away the pile of coffee soaked napkins.

There was a gun range on the other side of Maysville, but that was a good thirty miles one way. If Jon wasn’t going to teach him he’d do it himself. But he needed a gun first. A hunting supply place had rifles, but he wasn’t sure they carried small guns like the one Jon had. Then there was a pawn shop off the square. Ellis was pretty sure he’d seen guns there when he bought the lawnmower a few years back.

“You okay?” Jon stepped into the kitchen.

Ellis almost dropped the coffee pot. “Yeah, I’m…” He poured a cup. “Fine. I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

He poured the other cup.

“You know you can talk to me, don’t you?”

About everything but this. Ellis stared into his coffee cup. “I’m going to go to the funeral home tomorrow and make arrangements for Rudy.”

“I’ll go with you.”

“No. This is something I need to do alone.”

“Will you at least let me ride into town with you?”

“Why?”

“Just in case you decide you need some support.”

“What are you going to do while I…”
Take care of my brother
.

Jon shrugged. “I’ll find something.”

Ellis didn’t want to risk Jon finding out, but if he argued he could become suspicious. If Jon was going to go, he had to make sure he was out of the way. “I guess we could use a couple of groceries.”

“Then you can drop me off at the super store.”

Ellis nodded. “Okay, we can do that.”

“Thank you.” Jon kissed Ellis on the temple and returned to the dining room.

Ellis released the breath he’d been holding. “Do you want any breakfast?”

“Only if you promise to eat with me and not throw it away like you did with your dinner last night.”

Ellis took a sip of coffee. It made his raw throat ache. He walked back into the dining room. “I’ll eat. But not here. I can’t eat here.”

There were too many memories. Memories to cherish and, at the same time, curse because they would be burned into his mind forever.

Ellis might never see the ghost of his brother but he would still be haunted by him.

Ellis dropped Jon off at the grocery story and went to the funeral home.

It didn’t take much time. He signed a few papers and a death certificate was written up. When offered a catalog to choose an urn, Ellis declined. There were two reasons he didn’t want to put Rudy’s remains in an urn.

The first, was that he wanted to set his brother free as soon as possible.

The second, in case he wound up dead. Then they could put his remains with Rudy’s.

Because either he or Lenny was going to die.

Ellis would make sure he left a note for Jon so he’d know what to do, along with the key to the safe deposit box so he could access the money to pay for any expenses.

Every reason not to go after Lenny was suffocated by the irrational grief tearing him apart. Even knowing the hurt it would cause Jon couldn’t stop the compulsion driving Ellis. He was simply made helpless by the madness of his anger.

East Main Pawn had begun life as a used book store, then a resale boutique that lasted all of two years before closing its doors. Fifteen years later, it was one of the few permanent fixtures in the ever changing community.

Ellis opened the door and the bells tied to cross rail clanged against the wrought iron bars. The inside of the shop was still the same as Ellis remembered it, shelves to the left with various power tools, generators lined up along the wall, a case full of jewelry, and of course the stretch of glass counter displaying guns.