My Favorite Senior Moments (3 page)

L
EVITICUS
19:32

Lord, you didn't have to deal with loafers and tennis shoes when you were on earth. A basic sandal was good enough for all occasions.

6

A Loooong Time!

Marge and Bill
had been dating for some time—well, a
loooong
time. Thirteen years, actually. Marge is 93 years old and still works in the same real estate office she's been with for the past 52 years. That's a loooong time too. And Bill, at age 100, has been retired for a loooong time.

Several years ago the two signed up for a Panama Canal cruise. They're not married, so they did the proper thing. Each shared a cabin with another single person of the same gender. Every morning Marge and Bill met in the dining room for breakfast and then spent the day together. Their time together ended late into the evening—sometimes past midnight after dancing a loooong time to the music of a live band.

One night as Bill walked Marge back to her cabin, he grabbed her hand and stole a little kiss on her cheek. The two chuckled and snuggled close as they approached Marge's cabin door. Just then a woman walked by. She paused. “You two are so cute together. It's really nice to see older people show a bit of romance. It gives me hope for my husband and me. By the way, how long have you two been married?”

Bill answered without hesitation. “A loooong time––but not to each other.”

“Oh, dear!” The woman exclaimed and then rushed off.

Bill and Marge cracked up.

Bill slapped his leg. “She didn't give me time to explain. She must think we're having an… ”

“We are!” interrupted Marge. “An affair of the heart. And I'm certain our late spouses would be happy for us.”

Today's Thoughts

Through wisdom your days will be many, and years will be added to your life.

P
ROVERBS
9:11

Lord, although the time I most look forward to is being in heaven with you when my days on earth are finished, I'm glad I'm alive today.

7

The New Dress

One Thursday Evelyn
bought a new dress—a sleek little number in black with a low, round neckline and a snug-fitting skirt. She had the figure to wear such a piece even at age 65. Ev and Ron had been invited to a country club dance the following Saturday night, and Ev wanted to look her best. She also made a trip to the salon for a cut, perm, manicure, and pedicure. It wasn't often these days that the two of them had an opportunity to attend a gala.

In fact, when she thought about it, life was getting a bit dull. Dinner at home most nights, followed by a couple of hours of news on CNN and maybe a sitcom or two before going to bed at 10.
What happened to romance?
Evelyn wondered as she reminisced about the good old days. The days and nights when Ron would slip an arm around her shoulder and whisper sweet nothings in her ear—the kind one heard in songs on the radio or saw in movies while holding hands and sharing a box of popcorn. She missed those times and wondered why they had to end just because they were getting older.
What can I do about this?
Ev pondered some ideas she'd read about that might light the romance fire in her husband again. She wasn't expecting frenzied and passionate love. After all, they weren't exactly kids anymore. But a bit of playful coziness would be nice once in a while.

So Ev plotted. She decided to create an evening to remember—a candlelight dinner with iced tea in wine goblets, chocolate-covered strawberries for dessert, and a romantic movie—something cute
and tender about people their age—perhaps
Hope Springs
or
On Golden Pond
. She woke up on Saturday morning eager to dress up for the dinner and dance at the country club that evening. She was also excited about putting her plan in place for the romantic evening with Bill the following week.

At five-thirty Evelyn donned the last of her accessories—dangling black earrings with a touch of silver to match her silver-strapped sandals. She walked down the hallway to the living room where Ron was waiting. He looked handsome in his dark suit and red-striped tie.

“What do you think of my new dress?” Evelyn asked as she entered the room.

“New wife, you mean. You look hot!”

Hot?
Ron hadn't used such a word in reference to her ever.
Hanging out with the teen grandkids, I gather,
Evelyn decided. She smiled, holding back a chuckle.
I got his attention, at least.
She pushed a bit further. “The dress? What do you think? It was kind of expensive, but I thought… ”

“Here's what I think. Let's stay home!” With that comment, Ron plastered a kiss on his beautiful wife.

Evelyn reported that they went to the club as planned, and, afterward, in the privacy of their home they continued their gala evening.

Today's Thoughts

I will bless her with abundant provisions.

P
SALM
132:15

Lord, thank you for taking care of all my needs, even those I'm not aware of. I praise your holy name.

8

Pretty in Purple

Rosalind invited her
family to meet her for lunch at her favorite coffee shop. It would be her treat because they were going to celebrate her granddaughter Hannah's fifth birthday. Everyone, dressed up and smiling, arrived on time and settled into a large corner booth.

Rosalind's daughter Amanda took one look at her mother and nodded with approval. “Mom, you look beautiful. Purple is definitely your color. You should wear it more often.”

Amanda's young son, Donny, poked his two-cents worth into the conversation. “Yeah, Grandma. Purple is a good color for you. It matches your hands.”

Rosalind looked at the spider veins on her hands and laughed. “Good observation, Donny. And my dress matches my legs too.”

“You mean those purple lines on your legs?”

“Umm, yes, those are the ones.”

“Well, at least they go with your dress. But if you wear some other color, I think you should stick to pants, don't you?”

“Good idea!”

Today's Thoughts

Those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.

M
ATTHEW
23:12

Lord, it takes courage to hear someone—especially a child—speak so bluntly. But truth is truth. Help me humbly receive what people say and not take offense where none was meant.

9

Catch of the Day

Rose and Juliette
were tired of being each other's primary companion. They enjoyed their 50-year friendship, but they longed for some manly input in their lives. They each wanted to find a man who would take them out to the movies, or to dinner, or to a concert, or for a walk in the park. Someone who would care for them, although they weren't necessarily looking for marriage—not at their respective ages of 72 and 73.

“Been there, done that,” Rose said. She'd become a widow at age 31.

Juliette, on the other hand, would have welcomed a spouse. But after being single for so many years the thought of living with someone of the opposite gender frightened her. She was set in her ways. She didn't want a man—or anyone, for that matter—coming into her home and messing with her routine. A male
companion
to go out with would be just right. They'd enjoy an evening together and then say goodnight and go home to their own houses.

One Tuesday afternoon the two women met to discuss strategy for attracting the kind of men they were interested in. They considered several dating websites, including ChristianMingles, eHarmony, and Match, but they decided against dating services. They'd rather meet someone at church, the gym, through a book club, or while line dancing.

They talked over what they planned to do and then parted company, agreeing to meet the following Tuesday to compare notes.

The next week Juliette strode into the café where she was to meet Rose. Her friend looked dejected. “What a sour look,” Juliette remarked. “What's wrong?”

“What's wrong is nothing. Absolutely nothing has worked for me. I've dressed up, stepped out, and started conversations, but not one man has picked up my signals or shown interest. How about you?”

Juliette beamed. “I met a man I'm interested in!”

“Where?” Rose asked.

“At Colonial Funeral Home.”

“An undertaker?” Rose wrinkled her nose. “Not terribly romantic.”

Juliette laughed. “Not the undertaker, silly. One of the pallbearers at my neighbor's funeral service.”

Rose chuckled. “Well, you beat all. Clearly I've been hanging out at the wrong places.”

Today's Thoughts

Delight yourself in the L
ORD
; and He will give you the desires of your heart.

P
SALM
37:4
NASB

Thank you, Lord, that what I need and want comes to me when I trust you, ask you for guidance, and wait for your plan to unfold.

10

Check, Check, Check!

Barbara got out
of bed, splashed some water on her face in the bathroom, and then took a brave step. She looked in the mirror. She'd been using a new anti-wrinkle cream for several weeks, and today was the day to check for results. She stretched her cheeks and prodded her eyelids.
I don't look any different
, she thought. “Another 50 bucks down the drain!” she said to her reflection in the mirror. She picked up the jar of goo and tossed it into the trash. “Take that, you hypocrite!”

Barbara was fed up with the obvious signs of aging. How crummy! She didn't feel like 71, but her face told a different story. And it didn't help her ego one bit when another volunteer at the rescue mission suggested she try the anti-wrinkle cream. Who was she to dish out advice? She was 72 and losing her hair!

Barbara sat down in the kitchen and nibbled on a banana while the coffee perked. She reached for her iPad and clicked on the Bible app. “Lord, what do you think? Am I as dreadful looking as I feel or as old as my friends indicate with their little jabs and unwanted ideas?” She did a quick search. It didn't take long to discover what mattered to God—the fact that she loved him and that he was renewing her mind and life day by day.

Today's Thoughts

We do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.

2 C
ORINTHIANS
4:16

Dear Lord, some of these situations I encounter are down-right funny and some are down-right pathetic. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. So I'll turn to you in my disappointment, knowing you will never forget me or overlook me no matter what I do or how I look.

11

Facin' Facts

Harold walked into
the hair salon aware that he needed a good cut. The small amount of hair he still had needed trimming now and then, much as he hated to part with even one strand. And he certainly wasn't going to let it grow to the point where he could wear a “comb over.” No way! What were guys who resorted to such a last resort thinking? Didn't they ever look in a mirror? They probably weren't using their heads!
Hey, pretty funny!
Harold smiled at his own joke and then proceeded to the chair by the front window. This was Maggie's station. Harold knew she'd be gentle with his ego.

She said hi and draped a long cape around his neck to cover his shirt and jeans. Next she looked at his unruly clumps and ran a comb through them. “What'll it be?” she asked.

“I need a trim.” Harold held Maggie's gaze.
Was she going to make a wisecrack? She wouldn't… or would she?
Harold had become so sensitive about his thinning hair that he was sure everyone who looked at him was ready to stab him with a cutting comment.

Maggie picked up her scissors and began clip, clip, clipping. Then she cleaned up his neck with an electric razor.

Harold broke the silence with a joke of his own. “How about we paste the scraps here?” He pointed to the bald spot on the top of his head.

“Nice you can joke about your condition,” said Maggie. “Most men are so sensitive. I just keep my mouth shut when I'm working on a baldy.”

A baldy? Is that what she thinks of me?
Harold felt his face flush and his temper flare.
Easy for her to say. She's only 30 years old and has enough hair to last a lifetime.

“No, I've learned my lesson,” Maggie continued. “One guy got up and walked out on me when I made a simple comment. I didn't mean any harm at all. Just facin' facts, you know.”

Harold was hooked. Now he had to hear what she'd said that had driven the man out of the shop. “What could be so terrible?” he asked.