My Friend Leonard (33 page)

 

I
t's morning I get out of bed walk downstairs. In the week I have been here we've established a routine, I wake Leonard up, help him brush his teeth, wash his face, shave, help him out to the veranda, where I drink coffee and he drinks water. Leonard isn't in his room I walk out to the deck he's sitting on his chair. He's smoking a cigar, staring out across the backyard. He speaks.

My son.

What's going on, Leonard?

Sitting here, enjoying the morning, smoking a fine cigar.

Big day ahead?

You could say that.

You got plans?

You could say that.

Where's Freddie?

He'll be here in a little while. I told him I needed some time alone with you.

What's up?

He turns to me.

You still think about Lilly?

Of course. Every day.

What do you think about when you think about her?

I remember our time together. How she felt when I held her, how she kissed me, how she smiled, what her laugh sounded like. I remember holding her when she'd cry. I remember talking to her and writing her in jail. I think a lot about what our life might have been like, I invent scenarios that we would have experienced together. Sometimes I think about what it must have been like for her when she died. What she was thinking and feeling, why she did it.

Why do you think she did it?

She felt too much pain. She just couldn't deal with it.

And how do you feel about what she did?

A small part of me still hates her for it. A part of my heart is still broken.

Most of me accepts that she did what she did because she thought it was right, and I respect her decision.

He nods, looks back across the yard. He takes a drag of his cigar, exhales, puts the cigar out in an ashtray.

That was a great cigar.

I smile.

Good.

My last one.

You want me to get you more?

I mean it's the last one I'll ever smoke.

Why?

He stares at me for a moment.

I'm going to ask you to respect the decision I'm making.

What are you talking about, Leonard?

I'm in too much pain, my son. I don't want to waste away anymore. I want to go out on my terms, with some dignity, before I turn into a wailing, delirious, drugged-up skeleton.

Don't do this.

We've had a good time here together, and this has probably been the best week of my life. It's only gonna get worse, and I'm not gonna let it.

No.

Are you going to respect what I'm going to do?

I shake my head.

No.

Please understand this, and respect it, and accept it, the same way you did with Lilly.

No fucking way, Leonard. You're not gonna kill yourself.

He stares at me, into my eyes, they are the only part of him that still has life, he stares at me, stares at me.

Please, my son. It's time for me to go.

What are you going to do?

I'm going to ask you to take Bella out for a walk. Stay away for a couple of hours. When you come back, I'll be gone.

I shake my head.

No way, Leonard.

I have a bottle of pills. They're pain pills that I received to deal with what's happening to me. I'm going to take the entire bottle. I'll go to sleep, and I won't hurt anymore.

Please, Leonard. No.

I'm not doing this to hurt you. You're the most important person in my life, the only person I've got in this world, the only person I love. You're my son, my motherfucking son, and I'm proud of you, and who you've become and how you conduct yourself, and I know you don't believe in this, but I'll continue to watch over you, and protect you, and I'll look forward to seeing you again.

He stares at me, into my eyes. He opens his arms.

Give me a hug, my son.

I step forward, let him hug me, start to cry. I don't want this to happen and I don't want to let it happen, I don't want to lose my friend, my best friend, the man who saved me, who helped me, guided me protected me watched over me took care of me I don't want him to die, I don't want him to die, I don't want him to die. He pushes me away I don't want to let go of him he pushes me away.

Be proud, be strong. Live honorably and with dignity. You can do anything you want to do. You're my motherfucking son. Always remember that. Always remember that.

Tears stream down my face I'm having trouble breathing my hands are shaking I'm scared in shock I can't believe this is happening. He stares at me, into my eyes. I'm scared in shock I can't believe this is happening I speak.

I don't want this to happen.

He chuckles.

I don't want this to happen either, but I'm in . . .

I interrupt him.

I DON'T WANT THIS TO HAPPEN.

I'm scared in shock I start to cry I start to sob.

NO. NO. NO. NO.

He stares at me. I look at him I sob I'm scared in shock I don't want this to happen please please please God if you exist save him, save him, save
him and I will devote my life to you, please someone anyone stop this please just stop this I sob please please please.

Leonard leans over, puts his arms around me, he hugs me as I sob, hugs me as I sob. He waits until I stop sobbing he speaks.

If you're gonna cry, cry because of all the good times we had, and all the laughs, and all the fun shit we did, and cry because those memories make you happy.

I look up at him. He speaks.

We had good years, my son. Great years. The best of my life.

He stands he takes my hand, I stand and we look at each other for the last time, the last time. He speaks.

It's time now.

I start to cry again.

You gotta leave me. It's time.

 

I
get Bella leave the house as I walk away my legs give. I fall I can't get up I can't move I sit on the grass and I sob uncontrollably sob uncontrollably sob uncontrollably sob. When I can I get up and I walk to my truck and I get inside and I close the windows and lock the doors and lie in the backseat and I hug my dog my little dog Bella and I sob uncontrollably sob.

 

F
reddie knocks on the window I'm still in the backseat I don't know how much time has passed I'm exhausted, spent, I don't want to move can't begin to comprehend what's happened can't begin to comprehend what's in that house can't begin to comprehend that my friend Leonard is gone, my friend Leonard is gone.

 

I
can't get out of the car. I feel safe in it, feel protected. I can't stop sobbing. Freddie calls an ambulance it comes they remove the body. I can't see it, can't look as they take him away. I sit in the backseat and I sob uncontrollably sob.

 

F
reddie brings me food I can hardly eat. He takes Bella for walks. When it gets dark, I get out of the car go inside. As soon as I step through the door I start crying again I walk straight up to my room I lie in bed and I cry.

 

I
t's morning I'm awake I'm so tired I can hardly move. I go downstairs Freddie has coffee and cigarettes. We drink the coffee and smoke the cigarettes and cry together.

We start cleaning the house, boxing up Leonard's belongings there isn't much a few clothes, a few art books, a few pairs of slippers, we throw away medical supplies.

We eat lunch. I tell Freddie stories about Leonard we laugh between tears. We clean.

We eat dinner we laugh between tears.

I cry myself to sleep.

I wake up. Coffee and cigarettes. Freddie gives me the number of a lawyer who set up Leonard's estate. Leonard asked Freddie to give me the number after he was gone. I call the lawyer make an appointment for the afternoon. I go see the lawyer, it's not Andrew the lawyer, it's a probate lawyer. He has an oak desk, oak walls, he wears a gray suit, has a gray-haired assistant who calls me Mr. Frey. He tells me that Leonard has left two trusts. One of them, which is for me, has a significant sum of money in it. I tell him I don't want it, that I want to give it to the institution where we met. He tells me that it is a sum of money large enough so that I will never have to work again, never have to worry about money again. I tell him I don't want it, that I would like him to do whatever he needs to do so that the money goes to the institution where we met. He nods he tells me that the other trust is set up so that a pair of graves in Chicago will always be tended and will always have fresh roses. I ask him how long that will continue to go on. He looks at some papers, looks back at me says the instructions state there is a sum of money in place so that the graves will be tended for as long as the city of Chicago exists. I start to cry again. I sit in the lawyer's office and I cry.

 

I
'm doing the last of the packing, cleaning, the doorbell rings. I walk to the door, open it. Snapper is standing in front of me. I'm terrified, absolutely fucking terrified. I think about slamming the door, but know it won't make a difference. If he is here to hurt me, the door won't stop him. He speaks.

Hey, Kid.

What's up, Snapper?

Not much. You?

You're a few days late.

He shakes his head.

No, I'm not.

Leonard's already dead.

I've known where he was for the last six months. I never would have hurt him. He was a great man, the greatest I've ever known. I'm here to pay my respects.

I step aside.

Come on in.

Snapper comes in, says hi to Bella, gives her a pat on the head. He asks if there's any alcohol in the house. There is a liquor cabinet, I look inside of it, tell him it's stocked. He asks for a scotch on ice and a glass of ice water. I get two glasses, get the ice, pour the scotch, pour the water. I give him the drink he tells me to keep the water. He asks to see the place where Leonard passed. I take him out to the deck. He reaches into his pocket, takes out two cigars, speaks.

Before he quit drinking, he drank scotch, after he quit drinking, he drank water. These are Cubans, they were his favorite. Let's smoke and drink in honor of our friend.

I smile, we toast, light the cigars. Snapper asks me about Leonard's last
days I tell him, he says he wishes he could have been here with us. He asks where Leonard is now I tell him he's being cremated, that I'm picking up his ashes tomorrow. He looks at me, speaks.

I thought that's what he would do. That's good.

Why?

There's something you and I need to do.

What?

Can you get Bella back to Los Angeles, have someone take care of her down there?

Probably. Why?

He tells me why, tells me what we're going to do. We find Freddie. I introduce him to Snapper. I can see fear on his face I tell him everything's cool, that Snapper has come to pay his respects. I ask Freddie if he can take Bella to Los Angeles. He says he's not sure, Snapper takes a roll of hundred dollar bills from his pocket asks him if five thousand dollars will make him sure. Freddie asks why, we tell him, he agrees to do it for free. The three of us go out for a steak dinner together. We order more food than we can eat, Snapper and Freddie drink a five hundred dollar bottle of wine, we leave a huge tip.

In honor of our friend.

 

I
teach Freddie how to drive my truck. I give Bella a big kiss she licks my face they drive away.

Snapper and I pick up Leonard's ashes. They're in a box. We put the box in the backseat of the white convertible and we buy an atlas and we start driving east.

We drive across California into Nevada. We drive through Utah cross the mountains into Wyoming. We keep the top down, we drive fast, we take turns at the wheel, switch every few hours. Night comes Snapper sleeps I drink coffee and smoke cigarettes and drive, morning comes I sleep Snapper drinks coffee and smokes cigars and drives. We drive through Nebraska and Iowa and Illinois we drive through Chicago we've been driving for thirty-two straight hours. We switch back and forth one drives one sleeps we stop for food and coffee, cigarettes and gas. We keep driving the Mercedes is a strong car we drive eleven more hours through Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New Jersey. We drive into New York. We're both tired, spent, it's early morning we're almost there. We keep driving into Connecticut. Snapper knows where we're going has driven past the entrance with Leonard too many times without going in this time will be different.

We approach a wooded drive there's a sign out front. We pull up to the drive Snapper's behind the wheel. He turns to me, speaks.

You ready?

I smile.

Yeah, I'm ready.

Ask Leonard if he's ready.

I turn around, look at the box, speak.

You ready, Leonard?

I stare at the box for a moment, look back at Snapper.

He's says he's been waiting for this day for a long fucking time.

Snapper smiles. We start moving down the drive, through the woods, we come out there's a parking lot to our left filled with Mercedeses and BMW's, Jaguars and Porsches, there's a Rolls sitting apart in a corner. To our right there's a clubhouse, a beautiful, sprawling white building with a columned entrance and a valet station. Spread out behind the clubhouse there's a golf course, we can see sparkling dew on the grass.

We pull up to the valet. A uniformed attendant steps forward. Snapper steps out of the car I step out of the car. I reach into the backseat and I pick up the box. The attendant looks at Snapper, speaks.

May I help you?

Snapper takes a bill from his pocket, hands it to the attendant.

Put it in the lot. Make sure it gets a good spot.

Are you playing golf?

We are.

Do you have clubs?

That's not for you to worry about. Just make sure the car gets put in a good spot.

The attendant nods, gets in the Mercedes, the last of Leonard's many white Mercedeses, and he drives it into the parking lot. We step toward the front door. There's another uniformed attendant at the door. He looks at us we've been driving for the last two days we don't look like we're here for golf. He speaks.

The service entrance is around back.

We step forward. I have the box in my arms. Snapper speaks.

Is this the front door?

Yes.

We're going to walk through it.

The attendant speaks.

Excuse me, Sir . . .

Snapper interrupts.

We're not here to cause trouble, we just need to go through that door. It can be difficult or easy, either way we're going through it. I would highly recommend you make it easy, because if you don't, I will make your life very fucking difficult. Once we're through, you're not going to notify or call anyone, and we'll be gone within thirty minutes. Is that understood?

The attendant looks scared. He nods, speaks.

Yes, Sir.

Snapper reaches into his pocket, hands him a bill.

Thank you.

The man takes the bill. Snapper looks at him.

You normally open the door for people?

Yes, Sir.

Then do it for us.

The man opens the door.

Thank you.

We walk through the door enter a foyer. There are beautiful polished dark wood floors, a mirror, an oak reception table with a huge bouquet, there is subtle flowered wallpaper. A hall stretches out in front of us we walk down it ahead of us there is a large room with couches, tables, chairs, a wall of windows looks out onto the golf course. We walk straight ahead through the room there are sets of French doors we open them walk outside.

It's a beautiful morning, sunny crisp clear. It will be hot later but it isn't now. There's a pro shop and cart station to our left, fifty yards away. Without speaking we both start walking toward it. There's a putting green in front of it, there are three men on it lining up putts. Snapper looks at me, speaks.

Let's follow the rules while we're here.

We walk around the putting green, walk up to the cart station. A young man steps out from the station, asks if he can help us. Snapper steps onto a cart, gets behind the wheel. He looks at the young man, speaks.

We're taking this cart. You can pick it up in the parking lot in a little while. If you try to tell me I can't take it, I'll knock your fucking teeth out. And if you call anyone and tell them we've taken it, I'll do much, much worse.

The young man nods, speaks.

Understood.

Snapper hands him a bill, speaks.

Thank you.

He turns to me, speaks.

You ready?

I nod, speak.

This one's for Leonard.

Snapper smiles, speaks.

This one's for Leonard.

He turns the key, steps on the pedal, we pull away. We drive straight through the course. We drive down the middle of the fairways. We ignore the golfers who are surprised by us, who yell at us, who ask what we're doing. As we pull away I open the box, and as we drive we take turns reaching into the box and spreading the ashes. We put ash on every tee on every fairway on every green. We spread our friend Leonard across the perfect, beautiful green grass of the golf course that he spent his life dreaming of playing, just like one of the members. With each handful of ash we say this is for you, Leonard, and both of us have tears running down our faces the entire time. We spread Leonard's ashes, our friend Leonard's ashes, our magnificent friend Leonard's ashes.

When we finish we pull the cart into the parking lot. We get out, we start walking down the drive that led us here. We leave Leonard's Mercedes in the parking lot, right where it belongs, right where it will stay until someone takes it away. We walk silently, for the first time in a long time we are both without some semblance of our friend. We have left him where he belongs, and where he will stay. When we reach the end of the drive, Snapper takes a phone out of his pocket, calls a taxi service. When he's finished with the call, we sit on the ground and wait. Neither of us speaks, we just sit and wait. Ten minutes later, two cabs arrive. We stand. Snapper looks at me, speaks.

I guess this is it, Kid.

I guess so.

He reaches into one of his pockets, takes out a card, hands it to me.

That's Olivia's business card. I wrote my number on the back.

I feel like an asshole. I didn't ask you about Olivia. How she's doing?

She's good. I'm trying to convince her to marry me.

Tell her I said hi, and that I said you're not as bad as you seem, and that I think she should marry you.

He laughs.

You call me if you ever need anything, or if I can ever help you in any way.

I smile.

I probably won't.

He smiles.

That's probably best.

Thank you, Snapper.

Thank you, kid.

We give each either a hug. We separate. Snapper speaks.

You going back to Los Angeles?

I'm gonna stop in Chicago for a few hours.

Visit your girl?

I gotta tell her Leonard's coming to see her.

He's probably with her already.

I hope so.

Snapper looks at me for a moment, nods, opens the door to one of the cabs, gets inside. It pulls away as I get into the other cab. The cabbie looks at me speaks.

Where you going?

Airport.

Which one?

LaGuardia.

Where you headed?

I'm going to see a friend, then I'm going home.