My Heart is Yours (22 page)

“I could learn. You could teach me.” Jason winked at
her over his plate.

“Alrighty then, let’s do that.” Sam challenged.

Jason smiled. “I have to go by my dad’s tomorrow.”
He said suddenly; like he was ripping off a band aid.

“What? Why?” Sam said as if Jason had just said he
had to go swimming in a sea of sludge tomorrow.

“I have a lock box with some extra money hidden
under my old bed. Everything happened so fast and I haven’t been
back since the wedding. We need that money.” He said sternly. Sam
frowned.

“I’m gonna go when I know he’s out. I still have my
key, which I’m leaving there tomorrow. My home is here with you.”
Jason’s face betrayed no more pain like it had in the past at the
mention of his father, there was only anger now.

The sun was high in the sky as they walked to
Jason’s old home. Sam had insisted on going with him. Jason
unlocked the white door, more paint peeling off onto the ground.
Inside was dark and clothes were scattered everywhere. The couch,
the coffee table, the kitchen counter. They could smell old food in
the fridge. Jason grabbed Sam’s hand and they walked up the creaky
stairs to Jason’s old room. The walls were white and stained. All
that stood in that room was a twin bed and an old wooden dresser.
The contents of which was now at their house.

“Where is it again?” Sam asked as she glanced
around. She’d probably only been in here six times since the
Ramsdens adopted her.

Jason pulled a steel colored lock box out from under
the bed. “Right here.” He said as he lifted it up. “Come on, let’s
get out of here.” He left his key on his old dresser.

Right outside the front door they heard a deep,
booming, drunk laugh. They froze. Jason’s father.

He had black hair, tan skin and dark eyes like
Jason. But the similarities stopped there. Jason’s dark brown eyes
were warm, like the melted chocolate in a chocolate chip cookie
just out of the oven. His father’s were flat, lifeless and cold.
Like the bark on a dead tree in winter. “Hey!” He boomed. “Where
the hell you been, boy? What the hell you doing back here?”

Jason kept a tight grip on Sam’s hand as they turned
to face him. He took in the young woman standing in front of him
and was too drunk to remember he had known her for seventeen
years.

“Who the hell’s this chick with you?” He said.

Jason coolly replied, “My wife.” His face was a
stone chiseled mask.

“Your what?” His father spat. Spit actually flew out
of his mouth.

“Sam Ramsden. Now she’s Sam Channing. You’ve known
her for seventeen years. We got married a month ago. She’s your
daughter-in-law.”

“Huh.” He said, as if they were talking about the
weather.

“’Huh?’ Your son gets married and that’s all you
have to say?”

Something in his father’s eyes shifted and he said,
“You’re not going anywhere. You’ll stay here.”

“The hell I will.” Jason answered.

Sam peeked at Jason through her hair.

“What’d you say, boy?”

“The hell I will. I’m gone. I want nothing to do
with you. We’re happy now. You’re nothing but a worthless, dead
beat, drunk waste of space. I hate you. You’re pathetic. And I’m
done. Screw you, you bastard.”

Before she saw it she heard it. A fist slamming into
someone’s jaw. Jason slammed his fist right back into his father’s
jaw.

“Stop! Please! Stop!” Sam yelled. A chilly gust of
wind blew her hair.

Jason’s father looked up. “Stay out of this bitch!”
More spit flew from his mouth. The smell of beer was in the
air.

“What did you call her?” Jason yelled. Rage coursed
through his body and he had his dad down on the ground, the fists
coming one after the other faster than Sam could keep track of.

On some level, she knew Jason needed this. His
father had beaten him for years. So she let him keep his father
down and throw those punches.

Finally, she touched his shoulder. “Jason. Jason.”
She said gently. He looked up at her and then down at his father.
Black eyes, nose bleeding. Drunk. He got up and took Sam’s hand.
They walked back to their house. Leaving his father on the ground
and out of their lives.

***

S
am stared at the doctor
in front of her. She could not bring herself to believe what he
just told her.

She shook her head. “No, I can’t be pregnant.” She
stared at the sterile white walls surrounding her.

“Have you and your husband had sexual relations
recently?” The doctor asked as he glanced at his clipboard.

“Yes.” She stammered.

“Then you absolutely can be.”

Sam walked home, staring out at the street. The
images blurred before her eyes. When she looked up the front door
that she stood at was not hers, it belonged to her brothers. She
hesitated a moment before turning the gold painted doorknob.

“Hello?” A deep, velvet smooth voice called.

“John?” Sam called.

“Hey. What are you doing here, Sammie?” John’s brow
furrowed when he saw her face. “Are you okay?”

She inhaled deeply and exhaled for almost ten
seconds. “I don’t know.” She finally said.

“What’s wrong?” He put down his bag on the soft
carpet and removed his baseball cap.

They sat on the worn brown couch together. Sam
didn’t know how to say what she had to say. “I’m pregnant.” She
said quietly. Directness seemed the best approach.

John’s eyebrows lifted into his hair. “What? You’re
pregnant? Does Jason know?”

“No. I just found out half an hour ago. I . . . well
I missed my period and thought it was nothing but I guess I was
wrong. I’m two weeks along.”

John made a face at the word ‘period’.

“What are we going to do, John? What will Jason
say?” Sam finally turned toward him.

“He’ll be thrilled.” John said. “You two can raise
this baby. You can do it.” He nudged her shoulder.

Sam wasn’t sure she believed his enthusiasm. It
seemed much too easy to get that out of him. She dropped her head
in her hands. “I don’t know.” She mumbled into her palms.

“When are you going to tell Jason?” John asked as he
rubbed her back.

She snorted. “Never.”

“Sam.” He cocked his head to the side and gave her
his best responsible-older-brother-look.

“Today.” She said grudgingly.

At dinner that night Jason noticed Sam fidgeting
with her silverware. The homemade beef stew sat on the table; it
was largely untouched by Sam.

“Sam, what is it? Something wrong, baby?” Jason put
down his own spoon and reached over the table to hold her hand.
They always sat next to each other; never across from each
other.

“I don’t know.” She answered honestly.

Jason gently grasped her hand and pulled her onto
his lap. “Tell me.” He said as he caressed her cheek.

“Okay.” She held her breath for a moment. “I’m
pregnant. Two weeks along. How do you feel about that?” Direct
again. To the point.

Jason’s dark eyes looked blank for a moment. It was
like he couldn’t comprehend what Sam had just told him. Then they
lit up so much that Sam could swear there were diamonds in them
starting out at her.

“We’re having a baby?” He said with a Cheshire cat
sized grin. “I’m going to be a Daddy?” His face lit up even more at
the word ‘daddy’.

“Yeah.” Sam trailed. “You’re happy about this?
You’re not upset?”

“No!” He jumped up, then put a hand on Sam’s waist
to keep her from falling.

“I want to have a baby with you, Sam. I love you.”
He said quietly.

“You think we can do this?” She asked him
slowly.

“Yes, I do. Are you upset? Do you not want a baby
yet?” Jason asked her as his eyebrows furrowed together.

“Of course I do.” Sam said as she rubbed her
pregnant stomach. “I didn’t know if you wanted one right now…”