My Lucky Days: A Novel (42 page)

“Open your eyes, Katie.”

And then I saw him. He held my gaze through every move, through every push, through every touch. He watched me with nothing but pure love. I knew because I’d seen it before. And I’d seen it so many times in my memory that I was afraid it was nothing but a figment of what I had wanted it to be.

But right now. I knew it was real. Everything about us was real.

“Come for me, Katie,” he whispered. It was so intense. This gripping feeling with him. He moved against me and in me. My thighs tightened around his waist as I held on to him. I moaned into his neck as my mouth hushed the sound against his shoulder. My teeth lightly grazed his skin. He didn’t stop until every piece of me had surrendered to him.

We held each other, covered in a sheen of sweat. Everything felt good. My mind. My body. My heart.

And suddenly, the beautiful sunshine was ripped from me as the reality of what just happened slammed me in the gut. I stared at Lucky in horror. “We didn’t use protection.”

“Katie. It’s okay. I um . . . I don’t have anything. I’ve been tested. If you’re worried.” Something flickered in his eyes—humiliation, regret, remorse—but I didn’t care.

“That’s not the problem.” Panic rolled through my chest. “I’m not on birth control. What if I get pregnant?”

His face twitched as the color drained from his cheeks.

“That’s what I thought.” I swallowed the lump in my throat before pushing him off me. I scooted back against the headboard, wrapping my arms around my legs, hugging myself into a little ball. I couldn’t.
This
couldn’t happen again. I tried to take a breath, but my lungs wouldn’t cooperate. The air got stuck in my throat.

Hannah was wrong. This story had the same ending. And I needed to get out of here. Jumping off the bed, I grabbed my clothes. My hands were shaking to the point I could barely pull my panties up my legs. And the clasp on my bra refused to cooperate. I tried over and over again as the tears fell down my cheeks.

And then I felt his arms around me.

“It will be okay,” he whispered against my hair.

“No.” I tried to twist away. My legs started to buckle as a sob choked my throat.

“It’s okay.” He voice was soft. Lucky held me tighter against his chest.

“No.” But there wasn’t any fight left in me. He pulled me back toward the bed until I was in his lap. I cried into his bare shoulder with my bra half-fastened across my back. He smoothed my hair. I heard his voice, but everything was getting fuzzy. I felt that pain again as the panic took control.

His forehead pressed against mine. I felt his hands rubbing over my back. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I just wanted you so bad. But if it happens, I know it will be okay. We could do it.”

“But what if it’s not?” I whispered as another tear slipped down my cheek. “What if it happens again?”

And there I said it. My biggest fear. It wasn’t Sam. It wasn’t us. It was this.

He put his hands gently on each side of my face. Our eyes met as he wiped away my tears. “We can’t control that, Katie. Today or five years from now. But if it happens? We will go through it together this time. Not alone. Not separate. Not drowning ourselves in things that just rip us apart even more. We are choosing to be happy together. But we are also choosing to be broken together.”

“The broken pieces hurt, Lucky.” I sniffled. “They hurt really bad.”

“I know they did. I know they still do sometimes. I feel them too. Maybe not in the way you did. But I felt them. And it hurt me. And it killed me even more knowing we felt them while apart. I won’t let that happen again.”

His arms were around my body, holding me tight to his chest. My heart was beating loud. He must have felt it. Every beat shaking me from the inside out.

Lucky moved his fingers in soft circles on my back. It felt nice. My muscles started to relax. And then I heard his voice, humming lightly against my cheek. I recognized the tune before he whispered the words. Lucky was singing my song.

A thousand minutes may pass.

And a hundred thoughts may come.

But all of those disappear.

When I’m sittin’ in the sun.

Starin’ into your green eyes.

Watchin’ them change with your smile.

Wantin’ to kiss your lips.

’Cause I need to taste them for a while.

“I’ve missed hearing that,” I whispered.

His lips brushed against my forehead. “I haven’t sang it in a really long time.”

“You haven’t?”

He shook his head slightly. “No.”

“I kept waiting for it, you know.” I touched his face, running my fingers over the stubble on his cheeks. “But you never put it on an album.”

“I never recorded it. I’ve never played it on stage either.”

“Why?” I whispered.

“It wasn’t mine to share.” He smiled before his lips captured mine. We were kissing and eventually, he started singing again.

Watchin’ you as the moonlight shines.

I keep askin’ myself,

Could this girl really be mine?

So I pull you in close, kissin’ you softly.

And then your hands are in my hair.

My lips are on your skin.

I get lost in the feel of your body,

As you let me touch you again.

And even when the sky is full of snow,

And the ground is nothin’ but ice.

I feel the beat of your heart,

And the warmth inside.

I crave the taste of your lips.

The way your body moves against my skin.

And the way you let go as you close your eyes,

And your heart lets me in.

A glimpse of your smile.

Won’t ever be enough.

’Cause my heart keeps tellin’ me,

I’ve fallen in love.

I don’t know how I ever thought our love was the kind that burned bright for only a short time. As he held me in his arms, slowly rocking us back and forth, singing my song, I knew our love was rare and beautiful. It would burn bright for all eternity. A never-ending flame.

We eventually crawled under the covers and our bodies were intertwined as tight as our hearts. He lifted my fingers up to his lips, kissing each one. “I’ve got one more commitment. And then I’m done.”

“Done?” I looked at him in confusion.

“I’ve got to go to New York in a couple of days. I’m kicking off the Good Morning America Summer Concert series. I’ll do a quick interview before. They don’t know it, but I’m making my official announcement with them.”

“What are you doing?”

“What I need to do.” He smiled. “I’m gonna tell them that I’m taking an extended leave of absence to spend time with my family. I recently just adopted a child. And I’ve been going full speed since I was nineteen. I need a vacation.”

My mind was spinning, trying to process what he was saying. “For how long?”

“For as long as I need to be gone. Depending on how things are going here, it could be years before I want to be pulled in every direction again.”

“What if it’s not the same when you go back?”

“That’s a risk I’m willing to take. Maybe they won’t like me anymore. Or maybe I’ll sell ten times the amount of concert tickets after being gone for a while. It doesn’t matter. I wanted to have it all at the same time. But it didn’t work out that way. I had a really successful career. I’ve even got two Grammys. But now it’s time to be successful in this part of my life. With people I love. I want that. Even if it means I never sing in another stadium.”

He was serious. And I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. I never wanted him to give it up. Being a singer was part of him, ingrained in his very soul.

He kissed me, leaning his forehead against mine. “I know you think I need to be out there. I don’t. I’ll be okay.”

“I’ll love you either way,” I whispered. And I truly would. Because I had loved him up close and from a distance. I had loved him even when my heart hurt. I had loved him when I didn’t think I should and even when I convinced myself that I didn’t.

His eyes bore into mine. And then he kissed me hard with every ounce of emotion inside of him. His lips said the same thing back to me. Lucky eventually pulled back, leaving a little kiss on the tip of my nose. “I know you wanted to do this slow. I don’t think that’s really possible with us.”

“I know.”

“But you can take it slow with Sam.”

I swallowed the sudden knot in my throat. “Okay.”

“A little at a time until we figure out how to do this with us and with him.”

I rested my head against his chest. I felt his heart beating. We stayed like that until the sun disappeared from the sky and I fell asleep wrapped in his arms.

T
he summer sun blazed above my head as I planted flowers in my backyard. It wasn’t nearly the caliber of beauty I saw off the patio at Hannah’s house, but my flowerbeds brightened up the view when I looked out the little window over my kitchen sink. It was the little things that made a house into a home. Those details were always important to me.

The smell of dirt was strong in the air as sweat dripped down my forehead and into my eyes. Taking off my gardening gloves, I went inside to cool off and get a drink. As the water ran from the tap, I grabbed a paper towel, wetting it enough to run over my face. I leaned against the counter, feeling the cold air blow from the vents.

School had ended for the year. I had spent the last few days with my students, which never got easier. I still hated the goodbyes. After months of seeing their smiling faces, my students would move on. They would leave. And I would be in the same spot, waiting for the next round. I would do it all over again. And that was okay. The payoff was so much greater than the heartache.

I saw my phone light up, indicating an incoming text. Picking it up from the counter, I read the new message. I smiled.

L
UCKY:
I’m back in town. Can I come over later?

M
E:
I’ll be home all afternoon.

L
UCKY:
Good. Can’t wait to see you. I missed you.

M
E:
I missed you too.

Setting my phone back down, I took another drink of my water. Lucky and I were still trying to figure this all out, trying to get to know the new versions of ourselves. Schedules had been tough over the last week, and we’d only seen each other once since that afternoon at the pool house. But that didn’t stop the texts. Or the phone calls. We talked every night. And it felt good hearing his voice again.

I was still nervous about this new life we decided to start together. He told me more about Sam. The little things he knew at this point. We planned to meet soon. When he got back from his last commitment. And that made me nervous. It shouldn’t. I had dedicated my career to children. But this was different. Sam was depending on me. He was depending on us not to screw this up.

A few days ago, Lucky flew to New York for the
Good Morning America
appearance. His finale. I’d watched the show alone this morning in my house. And just as he promised, Lucky did a brief interview before the concert, announcing his retirement hiatus. The host blinked for a second from shock before launching into a slew of questions.

It was hard for me to hear. Tears had fallen down my cheeks, but it meant this was real. This new life of ours was really going to happen. And Lucky was happy. He was going out on top. And he was okay with his decision.

Our worlds were suddenly changing. The loose ends had begun spinning and turning like threads, wrapping around each other as the pieces closed up the holes. And the truth: I was happy too. More than I had been in a really long time.

The door to the house opened, and I saw Peyton walking inside, wearing her large dark sunglasses and caring a little suitcase. She pulled the expensive brown sunglasses off. Her entire face was puffy and red in a way that only came from hours of crying. I should know.

“He’s married,” she said as the tears fell down her cheeks. “I’m the fucking other woman. I’m no better than the home-wrecking whore who fucked up my marriage. Actually, I’m worse. ’Cause he’s got kids. A whole little family in Cincinnati fucking Ohio.”

My heart immediately broke for my roommate. I went over, putting my arms around her. She clung to me as the sobs started again. “Hey, you didn’t know. That’s not your fault.”

“I know.” She sniffled. “But it doesn’t make me feel any less disgusted. I spent an entire week in his family vacation home.”

“How did you find out?”

She pulled back. “Well, he sure as hell didn’t tell me. I found a photo in this really beautiful frame shoved in a drawer under these blankets. I guess since it was summer, he thought I wouldn’t be digging around in a drawer full of blankets.”

She let go of me, going over to the couch, falling onto her back with her shoes on the cushions. “They were beautiful. All blonde and tan. Her ring was
sooo
big, I could see the diamond glaring at me in the photo. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought it was the picture that came with the frame. But it was the beach outside the condos. And that was him. Arm around his wife. Hand on the shoulder of his daughter.”