My Once and Future Love (39 page)

Oh my God…

No wonder she never went home for the
holidays.

Mr. Lawson looked up in surprise. “Elizabeth
was nineteen. Breast cancer. Toward the end, work happened to pick
up, so…I wasn’t there for the process. Elizabeth never forgave me
for that. She was there for all of it, of course. Sarah…she didn’t
say a word about…” He broke off, visibly composing himself.
“Anyway, my daughter’s been mad at me since, not that I blame
her.”

He was such a berk for never askin’ his
mother about the family. When she couldn’t give him answers to why
Beth stopped talking to him, he stopped bringing up the topic or
anything related to her. After the way they broke up, she was an
off-limits subject.

“I’m glad she has a friend here,” Mr. Lawson
added.

“Yeah. Friend.”

****

Jacob was asleep in a chair. My body was on a
hospital bed—I looked awful—and all the lights were off except for
an indirect glow in the wall above my head.

“Am I dead?”

“Can you not hear the heart monitor?” I stood
to my left—rather, a slightly different me stood next to me. She
wore a figure-hugging dress, no glasses, and her hair fell in
glossy waves.

“Sorry. Uh, why am I talking to myself
outside my body?”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re not. You’re
dreaming
. Or something close. And I need to figure out how
to snap you out of it.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You ran away again, only this time into your
own head.”

“I don’t--”

“Uh, yeah, you do. Something hurts, you hide
every time. Do I have to remind you?”

Chapter Eight

I sat up, eyes snapping wide open, then
squinted in the darkness, trying to see the room with what little
help came from the light filtered through the curtains. This didn’t
look like my bedroom.

I moved the bedclothes off my legs and swung
my feet down to stand. Silk fabric smoothed over my body to brush
my knees. A nightgown. Not my particular style of pajama pants or
shorts with a tee or tank.

Looking down, I had more cleavage even though
I was braless. What the hell? Last I knew, women didn’t gain a cup
size overnight without a good reason.

I crept toward the light filtering in under
the door, wary of any objects that might be in my path, and
breathed a sigh of relief when I found the doorknob. Stepping into
the hallway, I could see better now, the moonlight shining through
a large window at the other end.

This was the upper story of a house, and I’d
never seen it before. My photos were on the walls, sorted in
collages by particular event just like at home. How could I live
somewhere and not remember it?

A door labeled “Allison’s Room” by a little
hand-painted sign was on my right. The writing was my mother’s
hand. Turning the knob quietly as possible, I bit my lip and looked
into the room. A little girl, probably no more than two, slept in a
crib.
Whoa
.

I hastily backed out of there, not wanting to
wake her or face the possibility of having a child I couldn’t
remember. It would explain the change in my figure, though. What
was going on? Why wasn’t any of this familiar?

Flash of a car hitting mine, searing pain in
my body, and darkness.

The next door was ajar, a night-light shining
into the hall. I stepped into the bathroom and shut the door,
cringing at the sudden bright light when I flipped the switch. The
woman looking back at me in the mirror
couldn’t
be me.

“I can see.” It clicked to me for the first
time I hadn’t needed to reach for my glasses. “Man, I’m slow. Maybe
I had eye surgery?”

The woman in the mirror looked like an
improved version. Leaning forward, I peered closer to the mirror,
and thought she looked less stressed. Her hair was colored a deeper
shade of brown, subtly highlighted, with a one-length cut flowing
over her shoulders. The mirror also showed her body to hip
level.

I ran my hands over my new curves and turned
to the side. My hips and butt were fuller, but I still had a flat
stomach, though it felt less taut then I remembered.

“Okay, if this is my house, then there must
be some info somewhere that will tell me where it
is
.”

I turned off the light and continued slowly
down the hall. It widened into a junction point. To the right was
another hallway with doors and to the left, the staircase.
If
this was mine, then my purse was either by the door, or
in the kitchen.

It wasn’t by the front doors, so I glanced
both ways and saw the kitchen to my left. “Aha!” I said, then
clapped my hand over my mouth. “Ooops.” I tiptoed to the
counter.

A black leather handbag with lots of pockets
sat next to a pile of mail. I unzipped the center section and dug
around for a wallet. The kitchen looked like my style, if I had the
money for a place like this. Weird. I pulled out the wallet.
Opening it up and glancing at the driver’s license, I screamed and
dropped it.

I was Mrs. Lindsey.

“You okay, sweetheart?”

I whipped around to see Jacob, shirtless and
in a pair of sweatpants, his dark hair shorter than I was used to
and deliciously tousled. I swallowed and nodded, hugging my body
and feeling suddenly exposed in the thin gown.

“Bug,” I croaked.

He stepped forward, loosely wrapping his arms
around my waist. What the hell? “Aww, did you have the spider dream
again?”

Only my mother knew about that nightmare. I
hadn’t even told him when we were dating.

I nodded, feeling shock take over. “I need
some water.”

He nuzzled my nose with his, making me ache
with the sweetness of it. “Come back upstairs. I’ll help divert
your mind to more pleasant thoughts,” he said, letting go.

“Yeah.” God, my heart was pounding so hard,
he had to hear it. I bet the neighbors could hear it.

He took my hand and led me up to the bedroom
I woke up in.

“Um, goodnight,” I muttered, getting into
bed. It was just a dream; it was just a dream…

I lay on my side with my back to him and
twitched when his arm wrapped around my middle. He pulled me close
and started kissing my neck. My heartbeat skyrocketed. Why did my
mind have to torture me with this?

“Mmm, I missed you earlier,” he said.

“I was only downstairs.”

“So? I still like having you right here.” He
slid his hand toward my breast.

“I’M tired,” I yelped, stopping his hand
before it reached forbidden territory.

He propped his head on his hand and looked
down at me with concern. “You alright? You’re acting a
little…weird.”

“Am I?”

“Sweetheart…you can tell me anything.”

I sighed, averting my eyes. “I-I just woke up
feeling…weird.”

He shifted to settle me into his arms again.
“Anything I can help with?”

I shook my head. “No. Thanks. I’m sure it’ll
be different in the morning.”

“Alright.” He nuzzled into the back of my
neck, cuddling closer. “Goodnight, baby.”

“Mm-hmm.”

He drifted off quickly.

Wake up, wake up, wake up.

Screeching metal and waling sirens. Pain
everywhere, especially my leg
.

My eyes popped open. Daylight shone through
the curtains in the dream room. I hopped out of bed.

“Mmm, where are you going?” he asked.

“Thought I’d take the shower first.”

He smiled sleepily. “Want some company?”

“No, no, I’m good. Go back to sleep.”

“Okay…”

It was a relief to get into the master
bedroom and lock the door.

Married?
Maybe I hit my head. There
was no way I’d forget being
married
. I plunged my head under
the water and tried to clear my mind. For the next twenty minutes,
I was at home in my little cottage and everything was normal.

Pretending I wasn’t here didn’t work, of
course. Home didn’t have a granite shower with massaging
showerheads. Home didn’t have fancy salon shampoo and conditioner
or heated towel racks. And home
definitely
did not have
carpet so soft it felt like walking on a cloud.

“Denial isn’t going to help you,” I told my
mirror image. “You need to wake up.”

“You can leave any time you want to, you
know,” Mirror-Beth said.

Well, that was a new way to chastise myself.
“Really. I don’t even know how I
got
here.”

Mirror-Beth arched an eyebrow. “Don’t you?
This is what you could’ve had.”

“I created this place?”

“And you can end it. Just wake up.”

I glanced down at his stuff on the counter.
“He’s so nice here.”

He knocked on the door, making me jump.
“Baby? You okay?”

“Yeah.” I cleared my throat. “Yeah…”

“You’ve been in there a while…” He didn’t
sound convinced.

“I’ll be out in a minute.” Please don’t have
a key.

“Okay…”

My new husband was waiting for me when I came
out of the bathroom.

“Hi,” I squeaked, surprised. “You really have
to stop doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“Appearing in a room so when I’m not looking,
there you are! It’s creepy.”

“I’ll…try to walk louder in the future…”

“Good. Thank you.”

I went downstairs. Calling up all the
babysitting experience locked deep in my brain, I discovered
spending time with Allison came pretty easily. It was even fun.

We stayed in the backyard most of the day.
She chased butterflies and picked flowers. Then we lay on the grass
while I pointed out shapes in the clouds. It was amazing how much
she talked at not quite two. She babbled on and on as we cuddled
until she tired herself out. I didn’t realize I drifted off, as
well, until I felt something tickling my foot.

“Hey,” I said, blinking at him.

“Hi, yourself,” he said, grinning. “I came
out to see if you’d had lunch, yet, and my girls were snoring their
heads off.”

“I was not. I do
not
snore.”

“As the man who sleeps next to you every
night, love, I’d have to say you do,” he teased.

“I do not. My parents would have mentioned
it.” I picked up Allison and carried her inside.

“So ask your mum. I bet I know what she’ll
say…” he sang.

“Oh, shut up.”

Wait, Mom was here? Alive? How? Had I entered
a parallel universe and traded places with a luckier Beth?

He laughed as I carried the girl up to her
room.

We watched a movie while she napped, then
made dinner and fed her in her highchair. He went into his music
room after that, so I went to bed early and faked sleep when he
came upstairs.

He wrapped his arms around me from behind and
nuzzled my hair. He’d always liked the scent. I’d forgotten how
well we fit together.

I heard a beep. Beep. Beep. Smelled a
faint hint of Obsession and heard my ex ask me to wake up
.

How did you accept suddenly being happy when
you’d been miserable for so long? I felt like I was stealing
something that didn’t belong to me. Picture of sanity, that was,
since I was locked in my own head.

While I made up my mind, the bed dipped next
to me, confirming I was still here. My mind was cruel keeping me in
this fantasy.

His honeyed voice murmured in my ear. “It’s
almost noon, gorgeous. You gonna lie about all day?”

Resisting opening my eyes, I said, “I was
thinking about it.”

He chuckled, sending butterflies fluttering
in my stomach. “I’d like to let you, but there’s a little munchkin
that gets pretty cranky if she doesn’t see her mum.”

I opened my eyes, wrinkling my nose up as I
rolled over. “But I don’t wanna be a grown-up today.” I pouted and
fluttered my eyelashes. “Can’t you do the Mr. Mom thing?”

“Ooo, pouty…you know what that does to
me.”

He kissed me, cutting off my reply. Eight
years without this, I’d almost forgotten how talented he was. He
hovered over me, burying one hand in my hair while the other
caressed my cheek. His thumb brushed back and forth over my
cheekbone as he lazily kissed my breath away. I wrapped my arms
around his back.

I wanted to fight it, to say I wasn’t his
Beth, but god…it’d been so long. How could I turn him away?

It was over before I had time to savor it. He
brushed my lips with his one last time, kissed the tip of my nose,
and pulled back, smirking.

“Awake now?”

“Uh-huh.” My nipples certainly were.

He rolled off the bed, the smirk now a full
smile. “Better be downstairs in ten minutes, baby, or I’m comin’ to
get you.”

I nodded and scampered into the bathroom.

That set the tone for the whole day. He
flirted, teased, found excuses to touch me… I knew he wanted to get
laid, but there was no mistaking the love in his eyes for his
Beth.

Love I never saw in my Jacob.

This one kept showing me new sides of
himself.

We sat cuddled up on the sofa after dinner,
Allison put to bed. “Tell me our history,” I asked.

“I believe you know the story, love. You were
there.”

I twisted to look at him and poked his ribs.
“Just humor me, please? I want to hear it from you.”

“Very well,” he sighed. “If I must.”

“Drama queen. Get on with it.”

“Now, see, if I’d known you were this bossy,
I probably wouldn’t have taken up with you,” he teased, eyes
twinkling with mischief.

“
Jacob
.” I started to get up, only to
be grabbed around the waist.

“Alright, alright. Quit your wigglin’, woman.
I’ll tell the story.”

I stopped struggling and leaned back against
his chest.

“Right…the night we reunited. Well, I was on
a writing streak and you know how I need my munchies.”

I nodded, smiling.

“So I found an all-night market, and I’m
pushing my cart about, working through a new melody in my
head--”