My Paper Heart (19 page)

I sighed. "Alright Kristi. Thanks for listening to me and yes, I am excited for the wedding. It's about time."

"LOL." Yes, she spoke in text. "Alright little, text me if you need anything else. I have another hair trial."

"Bye big."

Not too long ago I was worried because Blaine wouldn't sleep with me. That turned out fine. Better than fine actually. So I guessed being worried about him saying the L-word shouldn't be too hard either.

∞

One of my favorite things about nights in Louisiana was being able to stargaze. Sometimes I would feel like such a little girl. I loved to just lay in the grass and count the stars as lightning bugs would fly all around us. It may have been hot and mosquito ridden in Louisiana, but it still made me smile.

"Libby baby, you know for being a city girl you’ve seemed to adapt to the Bayou pretty well." Blaine smiled as he laid out the blanket

We found a place that was still on Blaine's property, but pretty far out. It was shaded by weeping willows, but there was a small hole in the tops of the trees that made it secluded and still gave us a good view of the stars.

I was digging my hand into a Tupperware container full of pralines. Blaine gave up on trying to make them, but his mom did a fabulous job. I knew that I was supposed to be trying to fit into my dress for the wedding, but I couldn't resist them.

"Hey, don't eat them all now baby!" He sprang up taking the container from me before plopping back on the blanket.

"I wasn't going to." I pouted, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I know." He patted the seat next to him. "I just wanted some for myself."

"Well you can't have them!" I laughed, jumping on top of him and knocking him down on onto his back on the blanket.

He almost dropped the pralines all over as I pinned his arms back behind his head.

"All of this for some pralines?" He smiled.

I leaned in so I was only about an inch from his face. "Yes, haven't you tasted them?" I could feel him exhale as I leaned and kissed him, still smiling.

He ran his fingers through my hair, looking into my eyes. "I don't think you realize how beautiful you are." His voice was like a southern lullaby.

"You southern boys." I whispered nuzzling his nose with mine.

"Do you have other boyfriends in Louisiana than just me?" He cocked an eyebrow.

Way to be Blaine and ruin my perfect moment to say it.

"Well." He rolled over so that he was now on top of me. "I guess if I have some competition."

Slowly he inched down, taking my shorts with him. He rolled back up and crept his fingers along my panty line, and then tugged them down with his mouth.

"Blaine." I propped up on my elbows. "You know I don't do outdoors. What if your mom walks out here?"

"No." He poked his head up from between my thighs. "You said no outdoor sex…this isn't technically sex…"  Slowly he moved his fingers between my thighs.

It definitely wasn't something I could say no to. Especially when he was already down there. I also knew it could be my chance to finally just blurt out those words.

Just as I was at the point of climax, I moaned, "I…I…I love you."

I waited for what seemed like hours for him to say something. Hell, for him to even stop his tongue from what it was doing. But when I looked down, I couldn't see anything but his blonde mop of hair between my legs. Finally he put his head up and wiped his mouth, while rolling back over to the side of me. He laid on his back and propped his hands behind his head.

"And you said you didn't want any outdoors action." His eyes darted quickly in my direction before looking back up at the stars.

I just looked at him. It was like my eyes were just staring through him. Did he not hear me?  I thought I was pretty loud. I kept pondering if I should say it again, or even ask him about it.

I shifted my body weight so that I was laying my head on his shoulder. He ran a free hand through my hair. I thought maybe he was waiting for his right moment too.

He opened his mouth then shut it again. We were silent for what seemed like forever, and then he reached his hand out and pointed upwards.

"Those stars kind of look like the big dipper."

"Yeah." I nodded, trying to blink the tears back.

Chapter 21

It had been a while since I had blurted out that I loved Blaine, and still he had said nothing about it. We were supposed to be leaving for Chicago together in about a week and I didn't know if I could do it. It had been like I was walking on eggshells all week.

Every time I would see him, it was hard for me not to scream,
why don't you love me
?  It wasn't the easiest subject to just bring up to someone either. It wasn't like I could just walk up to him and say 'Hey Blaine, remember when you were going down on me and I said I love you?'  Yeah that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

The worst part about it, was that I felt like I had no one to talk to about it. Kristi was busy with her wedding, and besides Brittany, the only other real friend I had, in town, was Blaine.

I didn't want to look through search engines for answers or try and watch sappy love stories. Which trust me does not always work like you think it will. I just wanted the answer right there and now, so I turned to an unlikely source.

 I was sitting at my desk, so I could still see Dina standing at the counter and checking her email. It wasn't like we talked too much on a normal basis. One would think since we had that talk weeks ago about Blaine that things would change. But we didn't really say much to each other unless she was asking about the budget, or telling me about some new thing she appraised.

This wasn't going to be easy. For a while I just sat there and stared at her. I couldn't believe that I was actually desperate enough to want to ask Dina for advice. But she seemed to know what she was talking about, and she must have loved Jackson (ignoring her infidelity of course).

With Beau, love was never a problem. I knew that I didn’t love him and I think he knew he didn't love me as well. He would always say Love ya babe, but it was more of a term of endearment than anything. It meant nothing more than him saying 'Can you hand me another beer' or 'thank you.'  I didn't want Blaine to think that's all it was when I said I loved him. It wasn't like a stupid crush or whatever Beau and I were. And now the problem was how to tell him…again…

"Hey Dina." I absently waved a hand as I stood in front of the counter

Dina recently decided to try contacts and would blink constantly, like a bird in flight, when she talked.

"Um."
Blink, blink, blink
. "Hi."
Blink, blink, blink
.

"Yeah." I bit down on my bottom lip shifting from one foot to the other. "I was just wondering if you had lunch plans."

"Don't you usually go off somewhere with Blaine for lunch?" She tapped a press-on nail clad fingertip against her teeth.

Maybe lunch wasn't such a good idea. I forgot how much she touches her lips and teeth. No, I had to be strong. This dilemma was killing me and I had to talk to someone about it.

"No, he actually has to work on the other side of the Parrish today, so he told me to just go get lunch without him."

Not a complete lie. He was working on the other side of the Parrish, but I actually texted him and said I was busy for lunch. He suspected nothing, oddly.

"So, yeah, how about pizza down the street at the bowling alley?" I shot a very weak smile.

She exhaled deeply. "Alright. I guess I've got nothing else to do for lunch."

She stood up. Her outfit was more hideous than usual. She had on a green khaki shirt dress, that showed way more cleavage that was appropriate for the office, and she was rather curvy. I wasn't even going to guess her bra size, but it was definitely a lot more than my barely B's. She also decided since it was summer, that it was still okay to pair some nude stockings with the dress, and hey stockings go great with open-toed gold sandals. She was pretty much a walking mess. But I was going to be nice. I knew that what I wore for band in high school wasn't exactly appealing, and if I was looking for advice, I couldn't be judgmental.

The bowling alley was a block away. It was nothing special. They had six lanes and it was upstairs from the post office. It was built in the 1950s and completely decorated in flamingo pink and mint green. The first time Blaine took me there I thought it was some sort of a joke, but it was definitely very real.

 There was a small snack area that contained a pretty decent sized bar with a few pink tables and booths around it. For being a bowling alley it had pretty good pizza. And since Blaine worked there all through high school, he knew all the best places to sneak away to fool around. It may or may not have been a good thing that Dina and I were at the bowling alley for lunch.

"Is this where you always eat lunch?" Dina questioned as we started up the steps.

"No, but I find it to be a really cool place in a quirky sort of way." I was jabbering away nervously. "And besides, they have really good pizza and cheese fries."

She shrugged as we got to the top of the stairs. "If you say so."

Dina looked almost bored with me. She had already yawned and checked her cell phone about a dozen times since we left the office.

"Um, shall we order and then go grab a booth?" I pointed toward a corner booth near a really nostalgic-looking mint green juke box.

"Whatever." She shrugged again.

I was hoping the rest of our lunch would be a little bit more productive as I walked over to the counter.

I recognized the boy behind the counter, he couldn't have been more than sixteen and looked like one of the before pictures in a zit cream ad. I always caught him staring at me, and I think his voice squeaked even more when I came into the bowling alley.

"Hey Libby, is Blaine here?" He squeaked while looking behind me.

"No, just me and Dina today for lunch." I smiled, pointing my shoulders in the direction of Dina, who had simultaneously slid in beside me at the bar.

The boy behind the counter couldn't hide his smile as he grinned bigger than a Cheshire cat. "Oh, alright. Well, what can I get for you?"

Small towns: everyone seems to know who you are, where you live, and your pet's name.

"Um, well I am going to do the personal cheese pizza and a Diet Coke." I beamed. Maybe he'd give it to me free if I smiled enough at him.

"I'll have a catfish po'boy and a Mountain Dew." Dina said, still looking down, which didn't really matter because the boy didn't even take his eyes off of me.

"Alright I'll get that right up for you, Libby." His eyes didn't shift with that same goofy grin on his face.

"Okay." I nodded, trying to still force a smile and a small wave as Dina and I headed over to a booth.

"You know we haven't really, um, talked much lately." I tapped my fingers against the table. I was grasping at straws trying to think of what to say.

"It's true." She started blinking again furiously.

"Here are your drinks." The pimple-faced guy from the counter came over, almost tripping over his on feet while he slid the drinks onto our table. He still couldn't hide that grin. I was thinking that Blaine and I never got our drinks brought to us.

"Thanks Tripp." Dina sighed, still not looking up.

Tripp was still looking right at me. I flashed a weak smile. "Yeah, thanks."

"No problem, Libby. Your food will be right up!" He beamed and almost slipped again as he headed back to the bar.

"Well that was weird." I forced an awkward laugh.

"I'm sure you get that all the time." Dina mumbled before taking a big swig of her Mountain Dew.

"Not really." I took a sip of what I thought was Diet Coke, but was definitely Pepsi. It wasn't that I minded it, but someone should have told me.

"Actually, I don't."

She rolled her eyes. "Please Libby, ever since you came to town I think every boy has had a permanent hard-on."

Ouch, that was harsh. I thought Dina and I had some kind of kinship after our talk about Blaine and after she opened up to me about her past relationship. I guess I was wrong about that one.

"Well I don't think I'm going to be leaving Blaine for the bowling alley boy anytime soon. Of course he might leave me for the gutter ball girl, but that's up to him." I took a big gulp of my drink.

"What do you mean?" Dina finally looked up.

I couldn't hold it in anymore. It was like letting a huge weight off my shoulders. I spilled everything from being the ugly duckling in high school, Beau picking me out in a crowd at a fraternity party, my struggle with college, and meeting Blaine. By the time I wanted to get to my latest debacle with the 'L' word, Tripp had brought out our food.

 I think Dina was happy for a break, the way her eyes actually didn't blink for about ten minutes straight, said it all. I was just happy that the bowling alley wasn't too busy and the whole town didn't hear my whole life story.

When Tripp left, after about a minute of gawking, I continued.

"I asked you to lunch because I didn't know who else to turn to. I told Blaine that I loved him."

Dina almost choked on her sandwich. She quickly excused herself and wiped her mouth. "And?  So now you're in love?  Are you asking me if I can help him pick out a ring?  I don't think you'd like my taste in jewelry."

"He actually didn't say it back." I took a quick bite of my pizza, muttering as I spoke.

"HE WHAT?"

Almost everybody, about all six people, at the bowling alley stared our way.

"Dina," I whispered.

Everyone quickly went back to what they were doing, pretending like they didn't hear us.

"Sorry Libby." She whispered, taking a quick drink. "But did I hear you right?  You told him you loved him and he didn't say it back? "

I nodded.

"Well, what did he say?"

"Nothing." I took another bite of pizza and spoke with my mouth still half full, covering my mouth with my hand as I chewed that last bite.