My Side (31 page)

I shot him a look.

Mike nodded, “You do
look good. The coconut-cream pies are doing you some good.”

When I looked back at
Mike, Lochlan was smirking from behind him. I looked down, “I better go. It was
nice seeing you guys.”

Mike hugged me again.
I kept my eyes down, so I wouldn’t have to see the dark blue eyes staring at
me. I waved again, as I turned and walked away. I went to where a bouncer was
standing. He moved and I sat. Lise smiled at me, “Oh my God, I didn’t think you
were coming. I asked you like a month ago and you said no. I love your dress.”

I laughed, “Thanks.
Yeah, Dean changed my mind. I wanted to see everyone.”

She winked, “Your
brother is looking fine.”

“Yeah, he is in his
element. This is
him
.”

She smiled, “This is
everyone’s. Anyone would want this life.”

I was about to tell
her how wrong she was, but I decided to keep my mouth shut. Let her have her
fantasies. Everyone needed a dream.

The girl on the other
side of me whispered, “So the girl who had your seat is the one he’s gonna fuck
tonight. Lucky, huh? Every show Lochlan picks a girl from the audience and she
stays with him backstage.”

I felt sick, but I
made myself remember how strong I was. I smiled, “Poor thing. I heard those
musicians
can’t
get it up, ‘cause they do too much
coke.”

She made a face,
“Ewww, really?”

I nodded.

“Yikes, I was all
jealous, but damned if I’m suffering through some limp biscuit. God love her
for getting picked.”

I laughed. Lise hit my
arm, “You are wicked.”

I shrugged, “Whatever.
She got to go backstage because I didn’t want to be.”

Lise winked, “The best
part of the show is up front.”

I never thought about
that.

The opening act was
good. They were indie sounding and fun. The songs were toe tapping almost. They
did a great show but we all knew why we were there.

They left the stage
after receiving a good cheer.

Lise looked at me with
an animated smile, “Eeeeeek.” she squealed. I laughed until the lights went
black, then my heart raced.

Lights flashed onto
the crowd. We could see smoke above our heads.

His voice sang softly
from the dark of the stage. A light flicked on to Leon. He played the keyboard
softly. Another light flicked on revealing Gerry. He was lightly hitting the
cymbals. The next light was Mike with the bass. With each light being switched
on, the crowd screamed.

When the light hit
Loch, they lost their minds. He sang softly until the light flicked onto him.
Then he rocked. The crowd was off their feet. I was shoved forward instantly.
My hands shot into the air, and I clapped along with everyone. The song was
intense and fast. His jumped to life, using the whole stage. Song after song my
wall crumbled. I screamed along with the fans. They were still amazing. His
control over the crowd was ridiculous. He was still the puppet master.

Lise and I gripped to
each other, screaming and shouting the words to the songs. The girl next to me
cried.

I was in a trance, a
Lochlan trance,
shit
. But then I felt an elbow in my
back. I shoved back. We were pressed into the stage. They did their last song
of the night. I was deaf and voiceless but it was bliss
;
the best thing that had happened to me in a long time.

My heart was full.

Until…

“We want to thank
y’all for coming to the show. We love Boston!” He threw a hand in the air. The
crowd screamed and shoved forward again. I winced. I was going to have stage
bruises later.

He waved, “Night
y’all!” he pointed at me, “Don’t leave.”

My jaw dropped. Lise
screamed.

The girl next to me
made a face, “Oh God. He wants to invite you for the limp biscuit too.”

I started to laugh but
the crowd pushed forward again. The lights shut off and then on. The band was
gone.

I grabbed Lise’s hand.
It was getting chaotic in there. Danny came to the front of the stage and put a
hand out for me, “Come with me.”

I hesitated but I was
again pushed forward. I put Lise’s hand in his, “Her first.”

He hauled her up like
she weighed nothing. I put my hand in his, but I was pushed into the stage. I
almost fell under the people. I heard Lochlan shout and grab my arm. He hauled
me onto the stage, just as the bouncers were getting everyone back and forcing
people out the doors. I looked out over the sea of people and then felt myself
get picked up and dragged to the back. I slapped his arm, “Put me down, Loch.”

He hesitated for a
second; I could feel his heart beating against my squished arm. He put me down.
His face softened, “Are you okay?”

I slapped his hand
away when he tried to touch my cheek, “I’m fine.”

Lise was smiling at
Danny like he was her savior.

Gerry brought out
trays of champagne, “To celebrate our Boston concert!” He seemed to miss my
near death.

The guys all grabbed
one. He handed one to
me and Lise
. Leon gave me a sly
grin. I scowled at him. Mike backhanded him lightly in the stomach. He nodded
at the darkened face stalking me like I was prey.

Leon looked confused,
and then I literally watched the light bulb come on.

Lochlan held up his
glass, “To Danny and the band for the amazing job you all do. I feel like the
luckiest guy ever.”

The glasses clinked. I
sipped the champagne. He walked in front of
me,
pushing me back with his presence, “Don’t leave me. Let me try to explain.”

I shook my head, “I
can’t do this.”

He took my champagne
and put it down on the table next to us. He took my hands in his. The smell and
warmth was too familiar. It made me feel sick almost. His eyes burned down on
me. I pulled away, “I have to go.”

I looked at Dean.
He nodded and gave Gerry a kiss
, “
See you
at home
.”

I smiled at them all,
“Excellent show.” I looked at Lise, “You coming?”

She looked at Danny,
‘No. I’ll get a ride home with him.”

I smirked, “Eww. Okay.
Night all.” I walked away, feeling their eyes burning into my back. We had to
drive with the other people out of the parking lot. It took forever to get back
on the main road.

He stopped the car
outside my apartment, “You okay?”

I nodded slowly, “I am
okay. I feel conflicted about him, but I feel strong about my decision. I’ve
seen him, we’ve touched hands,
I
didn’t falter. I
think I’m safe from the thing we had.”

He sighed, “That’s too
bad.”

I frowned, “Why?”

He shrugged, “I don’t
think I’ve ever seen him look more in love with you. Gerry agreed. It was the
best they’ve played in months.”

I shook my head,
“Don’t be such a bitch.”

He smiled, “See you
Monday.”

I laughed, “Thanks for
making me face my fears.”

He nodded, “That’s my
job.” I got out and went upstairs.

I was in the kitchen
drinking from the carton, when someone walked out of the hallway, “Hey.”

I ripped my mace from
my purse and sprayed before I realized what had happened. Seeing it was
Lochlan, I dropped it and rushed to him. “Oh my God, baby. Are you okay? Never
mind, dumb question. Come on.” Tears streamed down his face. “Jesus, Erin, you
trying to blind me for real?” He blinked and looked at me, his eyes were
completely red. I winced and got the
eye-wash
station
from the first aid kit. I pulled him to the sink and started to flush his eyes.

He blinked some more,
“Is this stronger than the last time?”

I laughed, noticing my
eyes were burning too. “I don’t know.” I filled the cups and started the eye
washing. He cleaned his face. I opened all the windows and doors.

I came back into the
kitchen feeling slightly justified, “I’m sorry but why are you here? How did
you get in?”

He held up his key. I
had forgotten to ask for it back. Technically, the apartment was still his. He
never had stopped paying for half.

“How did you beat us
here?”

He chuckled, I think
at
himself
, “I ran some of it and had a car pick me
up. I knew you would be stuck in the traffic. I couldn’t let you slip through
my fingers again.”

He ran across the city
for me? Even the evil, man-hating bitch inside of me had to give that some
credit.

He looked at the
floor, “I didn’t think it was fair to you, the band, and mom. They all saddled
me with the band and everyone’s success. Gerry bought a house, and everyone was
buying cars, and there was no way I could back out. Their success was based on me
being in the band. My dad was dead and everything felt too big. My mom needed
help and I never thought about what she wanted. I wanted things to stay the way
my dad had done it.”

I took a step closer
to him, “You don’t need to tell me this.”

He looked at me, “I
needed you to see my side. You never see it.” He sighed, “So I wanted you gone,
because I had obligations; I never wanted you to feel like one of them. I
wanted your life to be better than always waiting for me to have a free minute.
I knew if I pushed you away, you would come back here and finish school, and I
could try to win you back later. Then Gerry told me Dean said you seemed like
you were over me. He said you had been flirting with some lawyer, who was
talking about your summer job being at his firm. I panicked. I came here and I
saw you at school.”

I started to feel the
desperation that was all over his face. He had been watching me?

“You were laughing
with a guy. He was older than you. He was dressed like a lawyer and he suited
you. You were so clean and shiny and perfect together. He was your kind of guy.
You looked alive again. I didn’t know what to do. You looked so professional
and he touched your hand and you let him.”

He gave me a look,
“But you came tonight.” He hopped off the counter, “It gave me some hope.” He
walked to me. I almost wished I had my mace again.

I shook my head,
“Don’t.”

He ignored me and
walked right up against me. My braless breasts squished against his abs. He
looked down on
me,
“Seeing you tonight made me
realize…” he bent and kissed my cheek, wrapping his arms around me. He kissed
the other side of my face, “I don’t have to be a singer. I don’t have to be in
a band. I don’t have to do anything in this whole world. But I do have to make
you love me again.”

He lifted my chin and
pressed his lips against mine. “That’s all I want, baby. I don’t even care if
you love me back. Just let me try again.” His hands slid down my body, lifting
my dress. He cupped my ass cheeks and lifted me into his arms. I wrapped my
legs around him. He walked to the bar and sat me on it. He cleared the shit off
with a swipe of his arm.

Instantly, our lips
moved against each other hungrily. His touch lit me on fire, worse than before.
His hands got between my legs. He grabbed my underwear, ripping them, pulling
them off of me. He pulled back my dress and unzipped his jeans in one movement.
I was still wet from the show. He pushed himself into me. I gasped as he shoved
into me hard. There was no controlling him. He was long past that. I gripped to
him as his fingers bit into my hips. He thrust hard and fierce. His lips never
left mine. We breathed each other in, in moans and sharp inhales.

He pulled me into each
thrust, filling every bit of me. He held me so
tight,
I could feel the desperation in his fingertips. I could taste it in his kisses.
I came hard, leaning back, letting him have me. He spread my thighs more and he
came inside of me with an explosion. Breathless and confused, we clung to each
other. He placed out-of-breath kisses on my stomach.

I watched him. He
glanced up at me, “I missed you.”

I smiled, “Me too.”

He lifted me off the
counter, “Let’s go have a shower. I’m sweaty from the concert.”

I put a hand on his
chest, “Wait.”

He shook his head,
“Not another minute, princess.”

After the shower, we
lay in each other’s arms, wrapped tight and constricted.

“I like the effect
coconut-cream pie has on your body.”

I laughed, “Are you
saying you like my new fat?”

He lifted my breast
like he was weighing it, “It makes you look fuller, like a woman.” He sucked my
nipple, “Makes me want to touch you more than before, which was a lot.”

I laughed, “I
remember.”

He stroked a finger
down my cheek, “I’m sorry I hurt you. I hate myself.”

I shrugged, “I
understand and I don’t.
I just… don’t… can’t forgive you.
That’s going to take time and we can’t just be together like living together,
like before, until I can get there.”