My Skylar (24 page)

through hell too because of what that bitch did. He didn’t mean for it to happen, but I just

couldn’t be there for him, couldn’t stand by and watch while she…” I shut my eyes.

Dr. Rhodes finished my sentence. “Had his baby.”

I nodded as a teardrop fell. Thinking about it never got easier. Saying it out loud was

impossible.

My mother and Mitch’s mom had grown apart after Janis moved from across the street to live

with her boyfriend in the next town over. They were also a bit divided because of what happened.

So, my only connection to Mitch over the past five years had been Davey. He had explicit

instructions not to tell me anything unless I asked, and he respected that because he understood

how hard it was for me. I didn’t even have the courage to attend Davey and Zena’s wedding a

couple of years ago out of fear that Mitch would be there.

All I knew was that Mitch had dropped out of BU, moved back to New Jersey and that

Charisma gave birth to a boy who would now be about four-years-old. When Kevin’s job

transferred him here from Maryland, I had to prepare myself for the fact that I’d have to face the

things I had been running from. But I wanted to come home. I missed my mother. It was time.

“You did what you felt you had to do to survive, Skylar. There’s no telling that things would

have been better off for him if you’d stayed. He would have had to deal with your pain as well as

his own. You wouldn’t have been able to change the situation if you had stuck around. You knew

what you could handle, and you made the decision that was best at the time.”

I picked the lint off my skirt. “Maybe.”

“Besides guilt, what else did you feel when you saw him?”

This was going to make me sound horrible. “Lust. We always had a strong physical connection.

I’ve never felt anything like it with anyone else. I wanted to touch him, but I couldn’t.”

“Guilt, lust…what else?”

“Fear. That might have been the most prominent. I’m afraid of what he’s been through. I’m

afraid that he hates me. I’m afraid he’s in love with someone. I’m afraid of the unknown, and I’m

not sure I ever want to know everything.”

“What does Kevin know about Mitch?”

“He knows what happened before I left New Jersey, but he doesn’t know about the Target run-

in. When I first moved to Maryland and met Kevin, he saw how broken I was. Mitch is not one of

his favorite people to put it lightly, and it’s better if I keep this to myself.”

“You think he’d be upset?”

“I’m not very good at hiding my feelings. If I tell him about it, he’ll know.”

“He’ll know what?”

“Just that…”

She adjusted her glasses. “That you’re still in love with Mitch.”

***

business trip to Virginia. He would leave on a Tuesday night and come home on Friday. Kevin

worked for a medical device company as a manufacturing manager. The reason for our move home

was so that he could manage their new plant in New Jersey. He still had to travel back to his old

office from time to time. I didn’t mind this because it gave us some space from each other. It

wasn’t that I didn’t want to be around him, but he liked everything just so: the house clean, a

warm meal every night, and he wanted to have sex more than I did. It was kind of nice to be able

to just lounge around after work, eat cereal for dinner and read my book.

“Have you seen my light blue dress shirt with the white lines?”

“No.”

“It’s not in the closet. It’s got to be in the laundry.”

“Then, it’s dirty.”

“You haven’t done any laundry since last week? What have you been doing?”

“I’ve worked just like you, and then I’ve been to the hospital a few times to visit the kids. You

know that.”

“Sky, I have no problem with you volunteering with sick children, but when the house starts

going to shit, you really need to budget your time better.”

“I can wash it real quick.”

“There’s no time!”

“Alright. I’m sorry.”

“You should be.”

Just leave. Please. So, I can breathe.

It wasn’t that I hated living with Kevin. I just preferred it sometimes when he was away. He

was difficult to live with, but I respected him. He made me feel safe and had saved me during a

time when I wasn’t sure I was going to survive.

Depression had taken over my life when I first moved to Maryland. It was just one month after

Mitch discovered Charisma was pregnant. There were still a lot of unknowns, such as whether she

could prove he was the father. I couldn’t bear to be anywhere near him, so I took off without a

plan, initially moving in with a high school friend who went to college out there.

When I asked Davey about the baby shortly after it was born, he told me that a DNA test

confirmed Mitch’s paternity. That was all I needed to hear. At that point, I knew I wasn’t coming

home, so I enrolled in design school and got my own place.

I had just started my freshman year at Maryland School of Design and lived in an off-campus

apartment when I met Kevin. He was my downstairs neighbor, five years older and established in

his career. Spending time with him gave me something to do besides thinking about what I left

behind. It started as a casual friendship. Kevin was a foodie and introduced me to eclectic

cuisines, like Ethiopian and Moroccan. Over time, our relationship turned into something more.

When I finally opened up to him about Mitch, he vowed to help me forget. Sex with Kevin was

good—not as great as what I imagined with Mitch—but certainly better than my first time with

Chad. In recent years, though, the spark that existed in the early days had significantly waned. It was sad, but lately, touching myself was preferable to intercourse with Kevin.

He was packing his small suitcase, placing travel-sized toiletries into plastic bags. His flight

was at 7:00 in the evening. “I left you a list of stuff I need you to do for me this week on a sticky note. It’s hanging on the fridge.”

“Okay.”

He liked to think I was his secretary. He made more money than I did in my job as an interior

designer, so I guess he felt I had to earn my place here. Kevin did provide a good life for me. I

didn’t want for anything and never had to worry about paying the bills. Even though I resented

him sometimes, I felt the good outweighed the bad. No man is perfect, right?

“And Sky, don’t forget we have dinner with one of my supervisors, Ray Michaelson and his wife

on Friday night. Buy yourself something nice to wear, not like that red dress you wore last time.

That was too low cut in the front.”

Note to self: buy dress with low back to the ass to compensate.

“Got it.”

My anxiety lessened with each second that passed as his suitcase rolled toward the door. “I’ll

call you when I get in tonight.” He gave me a peck on the lips.

“Have a safe flight.”

As always, I stood at the window until his car was completely out of sight before I let out a

deep breath and plopped on the couch with my kindle.

After an hour or so, I meandered into the kitchen and poured some Lucky Charms into a bowl.

Dinner. Done. Leaning against the counter eating my cereal, I noticed the to-do list plastered on

the fridge.
Pick up dry cleaning. Organize junk drawer.
I stuck my middle finger up at the sticky note and took a marker to it.

I remembered that
Dancing with the Stars
was on and took advantage of the fact that I’d have the television to myself. Kevin wouldn’t be caught dead watching one of my shows. When he was

home, I’d usually read in the bedroom while he watched the History Channel or BBC America.

Halfway into some football player’s Paso Doble, I got bored, put on my reading glasses and opted

to start my new book.

During a pivotal sex scene, my mind drifted, and suddenly, the image in my head of the main

male character transformed into Mitch. He was dressed exactly as I remembered him from Target:

paint-stained jeans, unruly hair and big, rough, hands with tattooed letters on his fingers. Mitch

had gotten even more painstakingly handsome with age and had clearly been working out. His

new rough exterior was definitely working for me. It hurt just as much as it brought me pleasure

to have these thoughts. Still, I just couldn’t stop. With my eyes closed, I imagined Mitch doing the things to the heroine that the author described—the heroine who happened to be my

Doppelganger. I clutched my pink blanket in frustration and continued to read until I fell asleep.

***

up from the couch. With a palpitating heart, I ran out the front door.

Smoke was billowing from a car across the street. A man in a dark hood stood in front of it

with his back facing me as I approached cautiously.

“Is everything okay out here?”

He didn’t say anything. My nerves kicked in because it dawned on me that I could have just

interrupted an attempted break-in. He wasn’t moving, and just as I was about to run back inside

and call the police, he turned around.

Crystal blue eyes lit up from under the darkness of the hood. “Skylar…it’s me.”

The shock nearly knocked the wind out of me, and I shuffled backwards. My breath was visible

in the frigid night air as I tried to catch it. “Mitch?”

We silently stared at each other until headlights from an approaching car forced me to move

out of the way and closer to him. His familiar smell invaded my senses, triggering an acute onset

of unwanted desire. My body was still frozen as I stood there confused. My teeth chattered.

He broke the silence. “I’m sorry. It’s cold. Go back inside.”

There was that look again, the same pleading look he gave me at Target, like his eyes were

screaming a million things at me while he said nothing. Something deep within me was

screaming back at him even louder despite my own silence.

“What are you doing here?” I finally managed to ask.

Several seconds later, his voice was hoarse when he said, “I don’t know.” He looked down at

the pavement and repeated in a whisper, “I don’t fucking know what I’m doing here.”

“You happened to be outside of my house late at night looking like the Grim Reaper setting off

fireworks or some shit, and that’s all you have to say?”

He looked up at the sky and laughed, shaking his head. “You always manage to make me laugh

at myself even in the worst situations. How do you do that?”

My tone softened. “Seriously, what’s going on?”

“There’s no good answer for that. So, I’d better go. I’ll call a tow truck for my car.”

He started to walk away.

It felt like I was losing control of my bladder. Even though I was afraid to talk to him for fear of having to face things that would shatter me, I just couldn’t let him walk away. “Wait. Don’t go.”

He stopped in his tracks and turned around, looking surprised as he walked back toward me.

“I’m here.” He said it with a level of raw emotion that told me he meant it in more ways than one.

I swallowed, and my heart beat faster with every step he took.

What was I doing?

“Do you want to come in?”

CHAPTER 21

MITCH

Hell yes, I wanna come in.

I nodded and followed her across the street and up the few steps to her door.

“Thank you for inviting me in,” I said, wiping my feet on the autumn leaves that were etched

on her welcome mat.

Skylar’s home was warm and welcoming. Walking in there had felt like a small reprieve from

hell for a quick glimpse into heaven. There was simply no place else in the world I’d rather have

been.

Still in shock that she even asked me inside, I followed her into the bright white and marble

kitchen. She immediately began pouring water into a stainless steel kettle. “I’ll make some tea.

You look like you could use it.”

Spiked with Jack Daniels would be ideal, but I’ll take it.

“Thanks,” I said as I lowered by hood.

My eyes wandered over to the refrigerator where a list written on a sticky note had the words

“Yeah…fuck you” written over it in red Sharpie.
What was that all about?

She interrupted my thoughts. “How long were you out there anyway?”

“About an hour…or more.”

She didn’t need to pry any further about what I was doing out there because at this point, it

was painfully obvious.

She looked back at me as she reached into her cupboard for cups. “Notice anything

interesting?”

“Huh?”

“While you were out there?”

I chuckled. “You still bite your lower lip when you’re concentrating on something.”

“And?”

“You smile to yourself for a long time after you laugh at the television.”

“Anything else?”

“Your roof could use an update.”

“Wow…call 1-800-Stalker, get free home improvement advice.” When she cracked a small

smile, I returned it and started to calm down.

The teapot whistled, and she went to the stove to pour the steaming water into two ceramic

cups. She added sugar and milk without asking because she knew how I liked it. She placed the

cup on a saucer and as she handed it to me, it shook from her trembling hand. Even though she

had been joking around, I was clearly making her nervous. My chest filled with hope because that

only confirmed that I still had an effect on her.

My hand intentionally lingered on hers for a few seconds as she handed me the tea. “Thank