My Skylar (21 page)

I couldn’t bear him a child. This was my own private, selfless decision as far as I was concerned,

and I didn’t expect anyone to understand.

Overall, my routine that summer was pretty predictable. Lizete would make me eat some

Cuban-style breakfast in the morning before I’d take the subway into the city. I hadn’t made any

real friends here, so instead of hanging out in Manhattan after work, I’d just go straight home and read.

All of that changed the day I met Charisma. She looked like the typical wealthy Manhattanite

that frequented the fabric store, but she was closer to my age. She had medium-length caramel

hair and perfectly manicured nails. She had classic good looks but wouldn’t be considered

gorgeous. It was obvious she came from money based on how well she was dressed.

“How can I help you?”

“I’m redecorating my bedroom and looking for a bold, black and white damask with a velvet

feel for the drapes.”

“I think I have just the right thing.” I led her upstairs to where the most expensive materials

were housed and showed her what I had in mind.

She gasped as she ran her fingers along the textured fabric. “That’s exactly what I was

picturing. How did you do that?”

I smiled. “I’ve just gotten to know the store inside out. Do you have measurements?”

“No. I’ll probably have to come back.” She gave me her hand. “I’m Charisma, by the way.”

“Skylar.”

“Skylar. That’s a pretty name.”

“So is Charisma,” I said as I returned the roll of fabric to the shelf.

She leaned her head to the side. “Are you from around here?”

“I live in Brooklyn with my father. I’m just here for the summer.”

Looking me up and down, she asked, “Do you mind my saying something?”

“Sure.”

“You’re such a pretty girl, like a blank slate. You could be stunning if you wore a little makeup

and dressed up a bit. I love to make people over. It’s sort of my hobby. Let me know if you’d be

interested.”

“What are you with some kind of ambush makeover show?”

“No. I swear. I just think it would be fun. I guess I have too much time on my hands.”

“Apparently.”

“Where do you go to school?”

“I just graduated high school. I’m taking a year off and thinking of applying at the end of this

year, probably majoring in interior design. You?”

“I go to Wellesley. I’ll be a junior.”

“Wow.”

We walked downstairs, and she rummaged through her Coach bag for her phone.

“What do you do for fun, Skylar?”

“I dunno…read? My life is pretty boring.”

“You’re kidding, right? You’re in the city of dreams for the summer, and you’re spending your

time stuck in a book? We need to change that. You’re too young to live like a hermit. What’s your

number?”

She jotted it down in her phone as I recited it.

“What do you suggest I do for fun?”

“You can start by letting me make you over, and then we’ll go out. There are some cool 18 and

over clubs downtown. How about this Friday night?”

“Um…not sure if I want to be your pet project.”

“I won’t take no for an answer.”

I shrugged. “Okay. I work here until eight on Fridays.”

What did I have to lose?

She clapped giddily. “Yay!”

“What do I wear?”

“Don’t worry about that. I have tons of clothes at my apartment. I’ll bring the measurements

for the drapes and pick you up.”

“Okay, see you at eight on Friday.”

What the hell just happened?

***

Charisma turned out to be a bad influence in more ways than one. At the time, though, I

thought meeting her was the best thing to ever happen to me because it had gotten me out of my

funk.

We started hanging out a few times a week. Her family’s apartment wasn’t too far from the

fabric store, so I would walk over after work and sometimes spend the night. The doorman got to

know me and would let me go right up. Her parents were vacationing in Fiji that summer, so she

had the whole place to herself. The décor was modern, lots of white with sleek geometric furniture.

There was a small bar in the corner of the living room, and Charisma would make me

whatever mixed drink I wanted. SoCo and Sours and Cosmos were my favorites.

For the first time in my life, I actually understood the hype. Getting hammered helped to

momentarily ease the pain. Nothing else had been able to do that. With each drink, the bad stuff

faded away, replaced by a euphoric fogginess. While blissfully intoxicated, I’d also tell Charisma

all of my secrets, including the real reason I had broken up with Mitch. She wasn’t able to provide much insight, but it was good therapy just to get it all off my chest to someone impartial.

She introduced me to some of the friends she grew up with, and they’d often join us for our

cocktail hours. Also in the group was Charisma’s cousin, Chad. He was tall, blonde, preppy and

had teeth that shined like the top of the Chrysler building. He was home from Harvard for the

summer.

Whether it was the way he looked at me or the subtle brushing of his hand on my knee, Chad

always made it clear he was interested. Charisma had been trying to get me to give him a chance.

He was attractive and nice enough, but I wasn’t sure I was ready to date. She told me he never had

serious girlfriends, so I knew that meant he just wanted to “hook up.”

A part of me knew it was time to lose my virginity. I was the last person I knew who was still a

virgin. A bigger part felt a deep sadness at the thought since my first time was always supposed to belong to Mitch. He was truly the only guy I wanted, and if I was going to lose my virginity now, it probably didn’t even matter whom it was with; all other guys were interchangeable.

Charisma was pouring Midori into the glass for my drink. “You need a good fuck to get you

over that Mitch dude, Skylar.”

Tonight, we were scheduled to go to Club Nicole downtown with Chad and a few girls in

Charisma’s circle.

Chad walked in with his usual fitted sweater smelling like the woodsy cologne he always wore.

“Skylar, I wanna see how you dance tonight.”

I was already starting to get buzzed. “A few more of these, and you might just get your wish,

Harvard punk.”

Charisma handed me another drink. “Doesn’t Skylar look pretty tonight?”

“She always looks pretty. In fact, pretty isn’t a strong enough word for her.”

Charisma winked at me. “Should I be leaving the room now?”

I said nothing and continued to sip my drink. She was totally pushing the Chad thing. Maybe

I’d give him a chance.

***

Chad clasped hands with him, confirming my suspicions that despite his Ivy League status, he

was also a well-known party boy. I let out a sigh of relief because it was the first time we’d

successfully used the fake i.d.s that Charisma scored downtown.

The humidity outside was replaced by a blast of cold air-conditioning that made my nipples

harden. My ears felt like they were going to explode from the loud techno music.

Chad disappeared then returned with a beer for him and a Tom Collins for me. There were

girls dancing in cages, and people would dance around them on the sides of these raised

platforms. I downed my drink and suddenly felt like I wanted to join them. As if on cue, Charisma

pulled me up there, and the two of us, drunk off our asses, started to grind on each other. We

caught the attention of a group of men dancing nearby. I normally wouldn’t have been caught

dead dancing around a cage with some random guy rubbing his balls up against me. At the time,

though, and under the influence, it felt totally normal.

Chad whistled at us. When the music switched, he gave me his hand and helped me down.

“That was fun!” Charisma said as she danced away through the artificial smoke toward the bar

where the other girls were waiting.

Chad’s breath was warm and smelled like beer when he spoke into my ear. “You wanna go

upstairs?”

“What’s upstairs?”

“It’s the VIP area.”

I looked up at the balcony, and it seemed dark with a hint of purple lighting. I could only make

out shadows of movement up there.

“Sure,” I said, suddenly feeling anxious.

“Let’s get another round before we go,” he said.

Chad returned with our drinks and reached out his hand for me to follow him up the black-

carpeted stairs. The music became more distant with each step. A guard stood at the top. “Hello,

Mr. Carter.”

“Hey, Hollis.”

“Why did he call you, Mr. Carter?” I asked as we sat down on one of the purple velour couches.

He smirked. “Because my parents own this club.”

“What?”

“My family actually owns three of the nightclubs on this street.”

I knew he was loaded but Jeez…

“Wow. That’s really cool.”

“I think so.” He took my drink and placed it on a table. “See that door back there?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s a private room. The walls and floor are made of glass that overlooks the dance floor

downstairs, but nobody can see up into it.” He lowered his voice. “We can do whatever we want on

top of everyone, and no one will know. Do you see what I’m getting at?”

I thought about it for a good thirty seconds because I knew what he was really asking me.

“Sure.” Even in my drunken state, I was fully aware of what was about to happen. The hairs on my

arms stiffened as he took my hand.

Inside the room, the sound of the music seemed distant, but the beat of the bass was more

pronounced.

He shut the door, and I heard the lock click. My heart started to pound as he said, “Stand in

front of the wall. Enjoy the view.” He came up from behind me and kissed my neck. “I’m enjoying

this
view.” He ran his fingertips down my arm. “You have an incredible body. Have you ever been a dancer?”

I stiffened and shook my head. “No.”

The contact felt good, but not in a comfortable way. My body responded, but this felt foreign,

not like it had been with Mitch. My heart and mind weren’t in it. Nerves replaced the intense

passion I always experienced before. Still, I needed to grow up and wasn’t going to resist anything if he tried. I needed this. Mitch was moving on, and I needed to see if another guy could help me

to do the same.

The beat of the music vibrated through my tense body as Chad continued to kiss my neck then

began to suck on it.

“I’m gonna make you so feel good, Skylar. I’ve wanted you for so long.”

I closed my eyes, trying to push away my conscience as Chad slowly unzipped my dress and let

it fall to the floor. He turned me around and plastered my body against the glass wall.

“Are you sure they can’t see?”

“It’s one-sided. Don’t worry.”

I focused on a black chrome chandelier dripping with crystals as he slowly pulled down my

underwear.

There’s still time to change your mind.

“I bet you’ve never done it like this before…on top of hundreds of people.”

Should I tell him I’m a virgin?

“Definitely not. Not…like this.”

He unhooked my bra and began sucking on my breasts. Everything was happening so fast, but

in a way, that was how I wanted it. I didn’t want to feel it. I just wanted it over with as if my

virginity were the last piece of Mitch I needed to let go of in order to move on.

I closed my eyes again and heard the zipper lower on his pants.

He stopped kissing me. When I opened my eyes, he reached into his back pocket. The condom

wrapper crinkled as he ripped it open with his teeth. I looked down and watched as he slipped it

on then squeezed the tip. I couldn’t help but notice how much smaller he was than Mitch.

Chad didn’t waste any time. Within seconds, he lifted me up and wrapped my legs around him.

I immediately felt the burn as he tried to enter me while Lady Gaga’s
Do What You Want
played on the lower level.

How ironic.

“Ow. Slow down,” I said.

“I’m hurting you?”

“Yes.”

“Okay…sorry, baby.”

Don’t call me baby.

I inhaled slowly and decided I was going to do whatever it took to withstand the pain. When

he pushed inside me again, I whimpered but breathed though it as my back hit the wall.

“You’re so tight,” he said as his dick thrust harder again into my burning vagina.

I was pretty sure he mistook my heavy breathing for a good thing as he continued to fuck me

slowly. When he gradually broke through my hymen, he began to pound into me faster.

As the pain between my legs subsided a little, the realization of what was happening started to

sink in. My eyes were closed, and all I could see was Mitch’s face. The burning between my legs

paled in comparison to the image of his blue eyes burning into my soul in that moment. It should

have been him. Tears came pouring out of my eyes as Chad’s movements became more

pronounced. A few minutes later, he said, “I’m about to come.”

I sniffled and lied. “Me, too.”

As he moaned, I tightened my eyes to rid them of the tears.

When the movements stopped, he slowly pulled out of me and looked down. “Fuck.”

“What?”

“There’s blood everywhere.”

When I lowered my head, I saw red all over his khaki pants, and it was also running down my

leg.”

“Shit. Is that your period?”

I covered my mouth unable to fight my tears and shook my head.