My Soul to Keep (The Soul Keeper Series - Young Adult Paranormal Romance) (23 page)

***

Monday morning I take a seat in first period. I had
eight missed calls last night, all from Sam. His messages say he is sorry in
eight different ways. Last night I decided it would be best for everyone if I
just went back to being invisible Brennen again. I move from my usual seat and
take one that is surrounded by students already. When Sam comes in I don't look
up from my notebook. I don't care how sorry he is. How he treated me yesterday
was unforgivable. From where I am sitting I see him from the corner of my eye,
and he keeps looking at me.

Mrs. Cohen hands out a pop quiz on Oliver Twist. I
busy myself with it and when the bell rings I hand in my test and squirm out of
the crowd and as far away from him as possible. When lunch comes, I sneak off
campus and eat lunch at a small cafe nearby. Emily is texting me. “Where are
you?” “Sam says he's sorry.” “What happened with you two?” “Brennen you are
worrying me.” I text back, “I am fine, I just left for lunch.
TTYL.”
It is enough to silence her queries for now. I know I
will have to face him soon, but the wound he caused is too fresh. Sam sends a
long message:

I
know I screwed things up between us. I know I do not deserve your forgiveness.
My emotions overwhelm me sometimes and make me blind to the pain I can inflict.
I will give you some time and space if that is what you want. As soon as I shut
my front door yesterday I knew I was being an ass. I turned back around, but
you were already gone. What have I done? I can't believe I acted the way I did.
I was stupid, and I will say it again, I am truly sorry. Yours, Sam

I read it and reread it until I have to leave and go
back to campus. I still don't get why he acted that way. Dr. Kennedy could have
a field day with him. After Spanish, I manage not to run into Sam the rest of
the day and since this week is Thanksgiving we have off until next Monday.
After school I go over to Emily's house so I can fill her in, otherwise she may
show up on my doorstep tomorrow.

“Hey Bren, come on in.” Emily is already out of her
school clothes and into a plain tee and sweat pants. We go straight to her room
and shut the door. Her room is dim and decorated in a funky spastic vibe that
screams her name with punctuated exaggeration. A neon pink dresser displays an
array of expensive perfumes to small Happy Meal toys. Her mirror is home to a
collection of scarves and her bed is stark white in comparison to the rest of
the space. From her ceiling hang at least a hundred origami cranes, suspended by
clear filament.
   

“So I kind of heard Sam's version of what happened
and I am on your side completely.”

“I am going to tell him that we are over. I can't
see being with someone who would ever treat me that way.” She slides onto her
bed like a lazy cat. I spin around in her desk chair feeling more like a broken
record stuck on repeat.

“I agree he was way outta line. But I wonder if he
has a hard time dealing with emotional issues, you know after losing his mom
and everything.” Per usual, Emily makes perfect sense.

“Well I can't stay long I have to get to the nursing
home and check on Grandma.”

“Hey since Sam's is out of the question, you are
welcome to come here for Thanksgiving.”

“Thank you for inviting me Em, but I think I am
going to just spend it with Grandma.”

“Okay just so long as you spend it with those you
care about.”

“Thank you, and if you don’t hear from me much this
break, it’s because I need to catch up on some school work. I have to work on
my essay and well you know.”

“Okay, well don’t work too hard. It is your vacation
after all. Call me when you’re ready for a break.”
           
I leave Emily's and visit Grandma
for a while. She doesn't know who I am today. She hasn't remembered me in a
very long time. Her nurses think it won't be much longer, she has pneumonia
again. Their prognosis doesn't help my bleak mood.

Once at home I write Sam a text.
I get that you are sorry, but it is not
enough. To know that you are capable of treating me with such blatant disregard
shows me that you are not the man I thought you were.
 
I forgive your anger, but I can't be with
anyone who would ignore my more than valid fear of flying. ~Bren.
I press
send.

I keep telling myself that I am doing this to keep
him safe. Instead I do something that I never thought I would do in a million
lifetimes. I call Dr. Kennedy and ask her to come by tomorrow so we can talk. I
need answers and she is the only one who seems willing to deliver them. She
agrees to come over at noon. I turn off my phone because I don't want to read
Sam’s reply or have him trying to change my mind all night.
 
I toss it on my bed and change into a tee
shirt and sweats. I think I will clean the house. The housekeeper crew comes in
once a week and keeps the house as clean as a whistle, and I can't find
anything that needs cleaning. There aren't even dust bunnies under the bed.
Maybe I will cook something besides a frozen dinner tonight. I go to the fridge
and find I am out of most of everything. The fridge looks like a blank white
canvas. The door is filled with jars of jam, ketchup and condiments but nothing
to put them on. I write out a list and decide to do some grocery shopping. I
turn my phone back on before I back out of the drive way. Temptation takes over
and I stop at the end of my drive way to read Sam's reply.

I
didn't know you were afraid to fly, so it caught me off guard. You are the
first girl I have ever had feelings for. When you wouldn't fly with me I felt
like you didn't trust me to keep you safe and it hurt. Then when you said you
couldn't lose me, for the first time I felt loved by someone. I didn't talk to
you the whole way home because I was scared that I would say something that
would lose you. By the time we got back, I knew by not speaking, I had ruined
everything,
Yes
I’m an idiot. Please, Bren
give
me another chance.
Great, why did
I read that? I sigh and make my way to the store.

The grocery store was packed full of shoppers trying
to gather the makings for their Thursday feast. I had been looking forward to
cooking for Sam's family. I have to inch my way down the aisles, it's like five
o'clock bumper to bumper traffic on a Friday in here. So I do what I usually do
in traffic I let my mind drift to my problems. I am conflicted about Sam. I
could easily take him back and teach him to talk through his feelings. Or I can
stand my ground and keep him safe. I think about his dad and sisters who have
already lost a wife and a mother, and between the dairy isle and the ramen
noodle display, I decide I am going to keep him safe, even if it means being
alone.

***

Dr. Kennedy arrives as promised at noon. She is
dressed in jeans and a tee shirt and looks nothing like her usual button upped
self.
           
“Thank you for coming Dr.
Kennedy.”

     
“I am
glad you called Brennen.”

I lead her into the formal living area and bring out
a tray of hot tea and cookies.

“Tea?”

She nods. I pour her a cup and hand her the saucer.
My subconscious begs me to spill it on her and I tamp it down. I pour myself a
cup and sit on the plush blue-gray settee.

“Where should we begin?” she asks with her usual
professional tone.
 

“I want to know everything you have to tell me.” She
considers this as she sips on her tea.

“Very well then, what you need to know is that soon
we will begin grooming you for your role as the future president. We have to
make sure you are fit for the role and are on board with the agenda. Forget
about your friends and focus on the very real part we need you to play in
saving this world.”

“What is your agenda?” I will not be a puppet to
something I don't believe in. She calmly rests her cup on her knee and stares
blankly at me for a moment.

“We want to rid the world of nuclear weapons. We
want to end hunger, cure cancer, and stop human trafficking all together. We
want to reverse global warming. We have a very aggressive plan to save the rain
forests, end pollution and restore balance to the environment,” she says it all
like it’s a grocery list of things I can pick up at the local Sac-n-shop.

“Is that all?” I say full of sarcasm.
 

“No but that is the majority of the crucial
elements.”

“And you think I can accomplish this in four years
of a presidency?”

“You have no idea who you are or what you are
capable of, do you?” I study the floor. I really don't see how all of that is
possible. Many of those things have been problems that world leaders have tried
to solve over generation upon generation with very little real change. “Soon
you will realize your full potential.”

“I know you have many questions, but I need you to
trust that the answers you seek will be given soon.” She takes a cookie and
tries it.

“Is Elijah coming back... ever?”

“Yes, his role is crucial in our plan, but I am
afraid that you two will not be reunited for several years.” Years… It
reverberates in my head like loose change hitting the tile. My heart sinks.

“Can I ask you about something?” She nods.

“You and Elijah have both hinted that we will have a
chance to be together. Can you tell me if we will ever be able to love each
other?”

“What do you mean? You already love each other?”

“Argh, Elena, you know what I mean, Elijah and I
forbidden to even share a kiss.”

“All I can tell you is this, you will always love
Elijah.” She emphasizes the word always.

“Deep down I think I already knew that,” I say
staring off outside the window. Elena seems to know much more about my future
than Elijah ever did. Why would they keep so much from him? They seem to be
very careful about what they will and won’t tell me. This is a clue in and of
itself.

“What should I do about Sam? I am always afraid that
the demons or the evil ones, whatever you call them, are going to hurt the
people I get close to.”

“And your question is?” she asks tersely. Keep calm,
I tell myself.

“My question is: Is my fear validated? Should I keep
people away?” She considers my question for a long while.

“Yes.” Okay she is really ticking me off.

“Would you care to elaborate?” I chew off. She sighs
and glances down at her long manicured fingers as if she were preparing to claw
my eyes out. She doesn't give the overall impression she could be dangerous,
but then again the duck-billed platypus, which is perceived to be considerably
adorable by some, is also remarkably venomous.

“The demons, the evil monstrosities that plague your
world, are merely curious. They don't know what it is we see in you yet, but
they are on to the fact that we hold you in great esteem. Perhaps having a
lifetime guardian has brought forth unwanted attention in the form of these
attacks. The lengths we have gone through to keep you safe have only proved you
more valuable in their eyes. There is no measure to say how far they would take
their efforts to hurt you. So my advice to you is to keep a good distance
between yourself and the ones you want to see stay alive, at least for the time
being.”

I consider this a while. If I am to be the one
responsible for all of the good things she says I am, then I suppose sacrificing
a love life or friendship is not too much to ask. My life is no longer
insignificant. A great joy is budding inside of me, giving me hope that this
mess of a planet we live on has a real chance.

“Well Brennen I really must go. If you need anything
else please call me.” She hands me a card with her cell phone number written on
it. I walk her to the door.
 
I glance at
her BMW, remembering seeing Elijah in the passenger’s seat the last time.
Years,
I sigh. I miss him a great deal,
however, I feel on the verge of a satisfying apex about to bloom.
  
Now I just have to prepare because whatever
truth will be revealed soon is bound to be something I would never have an inkling
of imagining.

I sit in front of the window leading to the catwalk
and listen to the wave’s methodical chants along the shoreline. It is Christmas
morning and the sky is gray and cold and doesn’t match my mood one bit. I pull
the red plaid blanket tighter around me. It's cold up here but I am glad to
finally be back in my own home, and just in time for the holidays. I see a
small ship in the distance and watch as it sails off out of sight. I love everything
about Christmas. Last night I went to midnight mass at church. We were each
given a candle and after the mass they were all lit. The soft glow of the candlelight
cast an amber glow onto everyone’s face. The congregation sang Silent Night and
the sound of one hundred voices sweetly filled the night with their resonance. I
wished I would have invited my friends to go along with me, but I have been
trying to keep a good distance between us to keep them safe.

I get up and go downstairs to the kitchen. I pour
myself a cup of coffee and sit on the sofa admiring the soft twinkling lights
on my Christmas tree. There are just two presents under it. I purchased some
new night gowns for Grandma and some cozy slippers for her feet. The center is
bringing her by today to spend some time at home with me. A nurse being paid
roughly half of her yearly salary to work on Christmas day will accompany her. It
will be worth it.
 
I finish my cup and go
upstairs and dress for the day. I put on a cashmere ivory sweater over a red
plaid shirt for a touch of Christmas. I twist my hair up and clip so that soft
waves cascade around my crown, but are kept out of my way while I cook.