My Sweetest Escape (36 page)

do to Dusty to get him to stop pursuing me

without actually telling him why he should

stop pursuing me. This was beginning to

feel more and more like the plot of a really

bad teen movie, except mine wouldn’t end

with an epic slow-motion kiss and a killer

song playing in the background.

For only the second time that winter,

classes were canceled as Maine was

hammered with one of the worst storms it

had seen in years. It was even worse than

they predicted, and the state pretty much

ground to a halt as everyone hunkered

down and stayed close to home. Mase was

the only one who went out, offering to plow

some of the driveways of the neighbors

who hadn’t had their plow guys show up

yet.

The rest of the house slept in, except for

me. I was up bright and early as a result of

barely getting any sleep the night before.

That nap with Dusty had also screwed with

my sleep schedule.

He’d texted me a few times asking if I’d

gotten home safe. I’d messaged back that I

had, and he’d tried to start a conversation

and even called me, but I’d ignored him.

Why did he have to make this so hard on

me? It would be a hell of a lot easier to let

him go if he’d actually done something

awful, like cheat on me.

If he wasn’t so…
him,
things would be

so much easier.

When I’d decided to break up with Matt,

things had been so clear, so simple. We had

a rational conversation, few tears and only

a little regret. Dusty was something else

altogether.

The other thing I did was search back in

my memory to pull forward any mention

Nathan had made of his brother.

I knew he had a half brother who lived in

Maine that he’d talked about more than

once, but I’d never seen a picture of the

guy, and Nathan had always called him

Buzz. I felt almost stupid for not making the

connection, but they didn’t have the same

last names, even though they had the same

Dad. Dusty must have been named for his

mother.

Nathan had always talked fondly of his

little brother, wishing they lived closer so he

could see him all the time. He also said his

brother was wild, and thinking back, I

remembered some of the stories he’d told

me about him.

At the time, I hadn’t known how

important they were, so I didn’t file them

away as that important. If I hadn’t been

such an idiot, maybe I would have seen it

sooner and stopped this whole thing in its

tracks. But no. I had to wait until after I’d

decided that I liked Dusty and wanted to

see him naked and “bump our bits

together” as Hannah so inelegantly put it.

Life had to screw me, but I deserved it.

That was the thing that made the most

sense in all of this.

That I deserved to have this thing that I

wanted, so much, dangled in front of my

face. This thing I could never have. It was

karma at her best. What I should do is

accept my punish-ment in stoic silence and

move on. To what, I didn’t know, but I

couldn’t stay where I was. Something had

to change, for me and for Dusty. He

couldn’t stay attached to a girl who he

could never have, either. That wasn’t fair to

him.

I stuffed my face into my pillow and

screamed a few times, but that did little to

help, so I went upstairs to get another cup

of tea. I was chugging the stuff like it was a

drug and I was a junkie. I was on my way to

the kitchen when someone called my name

from the living room.

“Jos?” Of course he was here. Dusty

Sharp was like the postal service. Neither

rain nor snow nor me ignoring him would

stop him from coming to this house.

Be cool, be cool, be cool.

“Oh, hey, Dusty. Crazy weather we’re

having, isn’t it?”

That was the opposite of cool, Jos.

He gave me a weird look for a second

and then got up from the couch and picked

up my backpack where it had been sitting

on the floor.

“I had a friend take me back to campus

to get my car, and I stopped in to see

Hannah and she gave me your bag. I

thought you might need it, so I brought it

over.” I was torn between thinking that was

really nice to being livid that he’d been out

driving in this weather just for my stupid

backpack.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” I said,

very aware that everyone was watching me

and I had to keep it on the down low.

“I know, but I was already out, so I

figured why not? The roads really aren’t

that bad now.” The snow was still coming

down, but not nearly as heavy as before,

and the plow and sand trucks were

probably out in force, so it was less

dangerous than it was last night, but still. I

was torn between wanting to pull him aside

so I could yell at him, and not wanting him

to know how much I cared. Because if he

did, there would be no getting rid of him.

Why couldn’t I just punch him and run

away like we were five and on the

playground? Would make things so much

easier.

I walked over and took the backpack

from him.

“Thank you, Dusty. You really, really

didn’t have to do that.”

“I know,” he said softly, and his eyes

were even softer.

Damn those eyes. Hypnotic. “But I did it

for you.” He said it so quiet that no one

could hear.

“Don’t,” I said, even more quiet as I

shook my head just a fraction.

“Well, I think afternoon calls for a

snowball fight, snowman building and then

hot cocoa. Who’s in?” Taylor said, springing

to her feet.

“I’m in,” Hunter said, getting up, too.

Two seconds later everyone else was on

their feet and running to put on their boots

and mittens and hats and everything else.

“You game?” Dusty said, his face lighting

up, probably seeing an opportunity to flirt

with me and so forth.

Well, I couldn’t really say no. Everyone

else was all for it as if we’d all reverted to

childhood status. Mase popped a hat on

Darah’s head and pulled it down so she

couldn’t see, and she fought with him to try

to pull it back up before he kissed her and

she gave up.

I sighed and joined everyone by the door

to get my winter things.

Dusty leaned down and held my boots

for me to put my feet in them. He already

had his on. The rest of the house was too

busy to notice, so I seized my chance to talk

to him.

“I don’t need your help.”

“Don’t be mad at me. I knew that you’d

need your backpack, and you obviously

couldn’t come get it, so I brought it to you. I

wish we could talk. Do you think, maybe,

that I can come by late tonight?” He spoke

low and fast, as if we were plotting how to

rob a bank or something.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Let’s

just have fun now and we can deal with it

later, okay?” I put on a smile and chased

everyone else out the door. Hunter and

Taylor were already making snow angels,

and everyone else was choosing sides for a

snowball fight.

“Boys against girls,” Mase said.

“Uh, I don’t think so, buddy,” Renee

said. “You have, like, twice the arm power

as me and Taylor. Unfair advantage.”

“Isn’t that…unfeminist?” Mase said.

“I am perfectly fine with the fact that

you, my friend, have muscles that are larger

than mine, and can thus lift heavier

objects,” Taylor said. “So if we do boys

against girls, we get Mase to even it out.”

There was mutual agreement to this

plan, and Dusty gave me a wink.

“No mercy, Red. Bring it on.”

Of course, in order to have this fight

properly, we had to dig trenches and make

walls, and it was a huge production that

Mase took charge of and Renee
tried
to

take charge of.

I didn’t want to be out here playing in

the snow. I wanted to be in the basement

where I belonged, hating myself.

Wow, that sounded really emo. It was a

good thing no one could read my mind, or

else they’d be really worried.

“Okay! Ready, set, GO!” Mase screamed

like he was a Viking charging into battle and

the girls and I followed behind him as we

charged the rest of the boys. White balls of

doom flew and smashed as people

screamed and tried to duck and recover

from being hit and make new ammo all at

the same time. I stayed toward the back,

but Dusty wouldn’t stand for that.

“Come on, Red. Let’s see what you got.”

He started lobbing balls with alarming

accuracy that shattered on my legs and

then my stomach. I threw one ball for three

of his, and he kept coming closer and closer

and egging me on.

“Show me what you got!” Oh, that was

it. My hair was red, and yes, I did have a

temper, and yes, he was pushing my

buttons. I scooped up some snow and

packed it in a ball and chucked it with as

much force and accuracy as I could gather.

Yes. Direct hit. Right over his heart. He

looked down, surprised, and nodded.

“All right, okay. Now we’re talking.”

Mase was busy trying to take Hunter down

as Darah and Taylor ganged up on Paul. It

was a bit of an unfair fight because Taylor

was taking him out at the knees and then

Darah was going nuts on his torso. We’d

made the “no face” rule, but she was

getting pretty close to violating that.

I hucked another ball at Dusty, and he

dodged it. He tossed one at me, and I did

the same thing. We danced around each

other, trying to fake the other one out and

put them off balance.

“Where you gonna go? Where you

gonna go, Red?” He was trying to get in my

head, but it was my experience that silence

was more unnerving than throwing useless

words around.

The two of us circled each other and I

could almost hear the Wild West music in

the background. Dusty kept lunging at me

and I kept shadowing him. The battle had

devolved around us into people trying to

shove other people into the snow, and

tickling without mercy.

“I’m gonna get you, Red. You are going

down.”

I finally decided to speak.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he said, and I made my move,

lunging forward and taking out his knees.

He fell backward, and if there wouldn’t

have been at least a foot of snow on the

ground, he might have hurt something, but

he had a cushion as I landed on top of him,

pinning his shoulders.

“I win,” I said, grinning down at him. I’d

stuffed my hair under my hat, but it had

started making its escape and hung down

between us. I realized, far too late, that I

was straddling Dusty, and if we were naked,

we were in quite a compromis-ing position.

Good thing we both had quite a few layers

on.

Of course, those layers didn’t stop me

from feeling him getting hard underneath

me, so I rolled off him, onto my back.

We both panted a little as everyone else

gave up and sat or lay in the snow.

“We win,” Mase said, punching his fist

into the air.

“Whatever,” Hunter said, shoving snow

in his face. Boys. Dusty turned onto his side.

“Did you enjoy that as much as I did?”

“I don’t think so.” I shifted away from

him.

“I know what you’re doing, and it’s not

going to work.”

“What am I doing?”

He inched closer and I inched backward.

If we continued, we’d wiggle our way across

the yard.

“Pushing me away. It’s pretty obvious. I

knew you had some baggage when I met

you, but I’m not going to let it come

between us. You are not your baggage,

Joscelyn.” Why?

Why did he have to say my name that

way? You know, if he didn’t have such a

luscious voice, I would probably have a

much easier time saying no to him.

Oh, Dusty. You have no idea about my

baggage. In a weird way, my baggage was

his. I understood now why he’d been so

closed off. He’d lost his brother, and that

had probably hit him really hard. That was

easy baggage. Simple. One suitcase that you

could fit in any overhead compartment.

Mine was a trunk. A huge, heavy trunk with

about forty different locks on it. With chains

wrapped around it. Like pirate’s treasure.

He interrupted my baggage-picturing.

“So let me help you. Let me help you

carry it. We can do this together, Jos. I want

to be with you.”

I looked into his green eyes that were so

bright next to the whiteness of the snow,

and said the words that cut me like a knife.

“I don’t want to be with you. I’m sorry. I

don’t see you that way.” I’d told him once