Read My Teenage Dream Ended Online
Authors: Farrah Abraham
Tags: #Sociology, #Social Science, #Parenting, #Marriage & Family, #Entertainment & Performing Arts, #General, #Family & Relationships, #Personal Memoirs, #Biography & Autobiography, #Single Parent, #Women
My Teenage Dream Ended (28 page)
I still miss Derek. I always will. This past year, on the third anniversary of his car accident, I sat down with Sophia and showed her pictures of her father. I pulled out a black photo album with our prom picture on the cover and sat down next to her on her bed.
I held the book open and began showing her all the photos I had been able to collect of Derek. It felt great to have this moment with her and I realized I had been waiting for this day from the moment she was born.
There is so much to tell her about her father and this is the only way she will ever get to know him. I showed her school photos from his freshmen year to his senior year, and talked about how he changed during those years. I showed her his childhood photos and I told her how much she looked like her daddy, how cute he was and how pretty she is. I told her why I loved her dad and how much I loved him.
As we looked through the photos, memories of our life together flashed through my mind; of our first prom and the night I lost my virginity to him, of the night I escaped from what would have been his senior prom and we went out dancing all night; how he would hold me against him as we stared at each other in his bedroom mirror.
I started this photo album after I received photos from Derek’s sister the day we met at the park, because I finally had enough pictures to fill a small album. I wish I had more photos to show Sophia, but I have to be content with the ones I have and with the memories of her father that I have to share with her.
It makes me so sad that Derek and Sophia never had a chance to meet, but I try to keep it positive and just share as much about him as I can with her. Now that she can talk, she tells me “I’m proud of you mommy” and “I love you mommy.” It makes me want to work harder. She helps me see that even though nothing worked out the way I had wanted it to, her happiness is what is most important.
I am finally able to put my past where it belongs—behind me. I’ve come to terms with the choices I’ve made. Of course, I have regrets. If I had known how things would turn out, there is so much I would have done differently. First and foremost, I would never have cut off communication with Derek two months before his car accident. I would have marched right up to him and told him straight to his face that I was pregnant with his child.
Sometimes, when I’m feeling alone and deserted, I wonder,
What if Derek was still here? Would we have grown apart or would we have grown up together
? I’ve learned so much from my experiences and I could have never have imagined I would be where I am today. I truly believe that I am doing the right thing by never settling for less than my teenage dream (even if that dream is now a little different from the one I had at sixteen).
For a while I thought that dream had died. I had so much on my plate (working, getting my degree, taking care of a newborn, repairing my relationship with my parents, and dealing with Derek’s death) that I couldn’t see that when Sophia was born the seed for a new dream had been planted.
I still dream of romance and happily ever after. I know that someday I will find that one person with whom I will feel content, whose eyes I can stare into for hours, the way I used to do with Derek. But I have learned now that there is more to it than just that. I need someone who knows right from wrong, someone who knows how to cherish a relationship, someone who will be a positive male role model for my daughter, who understands my past and is happy to be part of my future. I haven’t found that person yet, but the dream is what keeps me going.
As time has gone by and I have begun to heal, a new dream of making it in the world and being a role model for my daughter has taken shape. I guess we never stop dreaming. I’ve learned that although our dreams may die, if you open yourself up to life, new ones are born.
Table of Contents
Copyright © 2012 by Farrah Abraham
The Phone Call That Changed My Life
I Met Him at a Basketball Game
The Green-Eyed Monster Rears It’s Ugly Head
Lock-Down at Grandma and Grandpa’s
Dude, There’s A Hair In My Taco!
