Nature of Ash, The (25 page)

‘You
did
fucking listen in.’

‘I’m sorry, okay? I don’t make the rules — worse luck. But I saw what a great kid you’d turned out to be — how much you loved Mikey … how much your dad had fought for you both. It had a profound effect. Made me realise I had to step up to help Travis too. That’s why I was sending him to my mum — to dry him out. To start having a proper relationship with him, like you had with Shaun. You see? You and Mikey are a big part of my life already.’

I have to look away. I don’t know if this is stalker freaky or the nicest thing I’ve heard in years. Whichever one, it churns me up. Life’s so bloody random. Last week I had no mother, today I’ve got two — a loony psycho and a cop — and that’s not counting Jiao’s parents.
All I really want is Dad.

‘Shit, Jeannie — thank you,’ I say. ‘That’s a pretty cool offer. But I have to follow this through. I have to face Mum, not sneak away like she did with us. And I need to be there to make sure no one gets trigger happy — that they’ll live up to their side of the bargain and get her help.’

‘You’re living in a fantasy where people act in good faith. Believe me, that’s
not
the case. They’ll do whatever the hell they want — and it won’t be good for you.’

I shrug. ‘When has it ever been?’

‘Oh, Ashley.’ She grabs me round the shoulders and holds me tight. ‘Then just remember the offer will always remain open to you both.’

‘I won’t forget.’ I start to walk away. Stop. Turn back around. ‘Hey, by the way, Trav will be fine. You’re a real good mum.’

We go back inside and wait it out, though after Jeannie’s warning I find myself suspecting everyone who walks in through the door. At six o’clock I have no choice but do as Hargraves orders and pinpoint the two hideouts on their fancy-arsed GPS mapping equipment. Can’t think about the little kids who’ll be caught up in the arrests, just hope like hell no one is killed. As soon as I’ve done the deed, the place erupts in a flurry of activity. I have no doubt their teams up there will set right off.

Now I join the armed offenders’ squad to talk them through the location and layout of the derelict house. After a few heated exchanges (and the threat that if it turns to shit the whole thing will be leaked to the TV news) they promise to allow me time to bargain with Mum before they make their move.

At seven-thirty on the dot we roll out through the empty streets, Jeannie and me in the front vehicle, with
another six following close behind. On reaching the turnoff, they all switch off their lights and rely on night-vision gear to show the way. I tell the driver to pull off the road just as we approach the stand of macrocarpas where Jiao and I hid the car last time I was here.
Shit,
this is it.
By the time they’ve fitted me with an earpiece, the squad have melted off into the trees and I have to run to catch them up. They won’t let Jeannie come with me — she has to wait back in the Jeep.

We creep along the fence line till the house is in our sights. I’m so damned scared I want to puke. The truck is there, the broken windscreen pushed out but not replaced. I almost can’t believe it — didn’t think she’d come, not in my heart of hearts.
It’s fucking serious
now. No going back.
I try to calm myself as the men around me disappear to their positions. Now I’m on my own. There’s a full moon lighting up the sky, so every detail stands out like an old black and white movie. I blow out a couple of deep breaths to ground myself. Am shaking like a fucking jelly.
Okay. Okay. Stay with me, Dad. I’m doing this for you.

I step a little closer to the house. Someone’s un-nailed the front door: it’s like the gaping entrance to a nightmare world. I tuck myself down behind the body of the truck.

‘Mum!’ I shout. ‘It’s me. Ashley. Are you there?’

The night’s so quiet I can hear someone moving inside the house. I strain to see, trying to adjust my eyes. Then a shadow moves, and there she is, hovering in the doorway with her hands raised, as if to reassure me she’s not packing a gun.
Yeah right.
If she thinks that’s enough to prove she’s not dangerous, she’s bloody dreaming.

Words come tumbling out now. I might never have
another chance. ‘Why did you kill him, Mum? Dad always loved you. He never said a bad word about you in his life.’

‘You don’t understand.’ Her voice is slurred. ‘There’s no place for emotions in the struggle for democracy.’ She weaves from side to side in the doorway. She’s either pissed or stoned, or trying to make herself less of a static target.

‘Democracy? Don’t give me that. You’re fucking hit men for the WA.’

‘She’s what?’ a cop splutters in my earpiece. Mum’s not the only one with voices in her head.

‘You should’ve stayed away,’ she snarls. ‘You had no right to—’

‘No right? You’re my bloody mother. You deserted us. You murdered Dad. You nearly bloody killed us too. You’re sick. Deluded. You need help.’

‘Don’t judge me, Ashley. You’ve no idea what I’ve been through. They put me in a—’ She stops. Shakes her head as though she’s trying to dislodge it from her neck. Hisses something I can’t hear. Starts her sideways pacing again.

‘Two more minutes, kid, and then we’re going in,’ my earpiece warns.

I edge a little closer, until I’m right up by the nose of the truck. ‘Please listen. If you stop now, I can help you—’

‘I don’t need your help.’ Her arms are rigid by her sides now. Her body taut. ‘We’re part of something bigger and more important than
any
of you. You never should’ve come looking for me — you’re too much of a liability now, don’t you understand? Get out. Piss off. I never want to see or hear from you or your deformity of a brother ever again.’

I hate her. Fucking hate her. She has no heart at all. Why the hell am I trying to protect her when she doesn’t give a damn?

‘One minute, kid. Last chance,’ the voice warns in my ear.

Panic squeezes at my lungs. I force myself to gulp in air. I’m being tugged two ways: I’m disgusted by her, yet I will not be the agent of her death — as she was Dad’s. I step out from the safety of the truck. Have to make her see that there’s no other way. ‘Mum, please! Do it for Grandma. The cops have promised—’

‘Who? Your Sergeant Jeannie Smith? Ring
one-one-one?
’ She’s mocking Mikey’s voice.
The poor little shit must have been forced to blab.

‘That’s it, Ashley. Get back. We’re going in.’ The words are urgent in my earpiece.

‘Don’t shoot!’ I can’t stand by and watch her die. I bloody can’t. I’ve seen enough of death to last six lifetimes. I stumble forwards, trying to put myself between Mum and the police snipers out in the dark. ‘For god’s sake, Mum, get down!’

Over the thundering of my pulse I’m sure I hear a safety catch release. I scan around, fucked if I know its source.

‘Get back! Get back!’ my earpiece screams.

‘Back off, you stupid boy!’ Mum spins on her heel and launches herself back through the doorway. ‘I’m sorr—’

A flash of light erupts from the house. A deafening boom. I’m thrown backwards, everything ablaze with brilliant red and gold. Then the whole world fades to black.

MUM AND DAD ARE PLEADING
with me to wake up. They’re holding hands. Radiant and filled with love. George is here too, winking at me and joking about his car. It’s hard to concentrate, feels like my head is full of cotton wool. But I can hear Erich’s voice now too:
Entropy
,
my friend. Nothing is sustainable for ever. Natural decay.

I know this, can still remember what he said. ‘You can’t fight nature,’ I say.

Why can’t I hear my voice?

‘Wake up, Ashley,’ Mum says, bending down to kiss me between my eyes. But when she pulls back, it’s not Mum at all but Jeannie, her face pale and grave.

There’s something stuck over my nose and mouth. I reach up to drag it off. Feel a steady flow of cool air against my cheek.
Oxygen mask.
‘Hey,’ I say. This time I
hear myself above the beating of helicopter blades.

‘Thank god!’ Jeannie smiles so wide she could be Mikey. ‘You’re going to be okay. A hell of a headache, and a few cuts and bruises, but nothing major.’

‘What happened? Is Mum—’ I remember it all now.

‘She’s gone, Ashley. Blew herself to pieces saving you.’

‘Me? I don’t understand.’

‘There was a sniper in the house — one of Muru. Just before the explosion, Anaru, our comms guy, heard him order her out of the way. His bullet was meant for you. She threw herself into its path so the bullet would detonate a hidden device, a suicide belt. She killed the sniper too.’

I close my eyes, trying to think past the terrible throbbing in my head to how she weaved in the doorway. I thought it was to stop us shooting her, but maybe she was trying to stop him shooting me.

‘That’s what you need to focus on, Ashley. That, in the end, her love for you won out.’

It hurts too much to think this through. Can’t do it now. ‘Was Ray the sniper?’

Jeannie shakes her head. ‘No, he was arrested with the others up north. Anaru said the sniper had a Stateside accent. We think it was one of the WA’s Secret Service guys.’

‘Was anyone hurt up at the huts?’ Christ, there are so many threads to this.

‘No,’ she says. ‘Though the other operative managed to slip away amidst the chaos, despite Commander Hargraves running the raid.’

‘Surprise, surprise.’ I close my eyes again. The starburst of red and gold replays behind my lids.
It’s
over then
. No more dramatics. Time to sleep.

I’m dimly aware of being transferred to a bed and wheeled through a maze, though I have no idea where I am. But I’m checked and cleaned, treated against infection from the dozens of small wounds and burns inflicted by the blast. Nothing’s broken, though. Nothing’s mashed inside. They tell me I’m lucky. Don’t understand that’s an obscene joke.

I wake again in daylight, in a ward at Wellington hospital. Mikey and Jiao sit one each side.

‘Ashy!’ Mikey leans over and smacks one of his spitty kisses on my head. ‘You missed pudding.’

Jiao laughs. ‘Actually, I saved you some, but it mysteriously disappeared overnight. Hey, Jeannie told us what happened. I’m really sorry about your mum.’

‘Yeah,’ I say. ‘How are your mum and dad?’

‘I told them!’ she says. ‘It burst out when we started talking last night. They thought you were my boyfriend!’

‘It’s not too late.’ Damn, smiling hurts.

She rolls her eyes. ‘The good news is they took it okay.’

‘Cunning!’ I say. ‘They’re hardly going to disown you when you’ve just saved their lives.’

‘You
saved their lives, Ash. You. Like you saved Mikey’s. Like you saved mine and Trav’s. Imagine what would’ve happened if you hadn’t realised the vests were rigged.’

Mikey’s fiddling with the switches behind the bed. ‘When’re you coming home?’

I hurt like buggery, but what’s new? ‘Now,’ I say. ‘Help me to get out of here.’ I start to swing my legs off the bed before I realise I’m only wearing a flimsy hospital gown that’s more or less open at the back.
Where are my clothes?

Jiao produces a small bag as if she reads my mind. ‘Here. Fresh clothes and a toothbrush.’ She makes a big show of turning her back.

‘But don’t you want to see my beat-up naked arse? Final chance to mend your evil ways?’

‘It’s an incredibly kind offer but I think I’ll pass. Besides, it’s scrawnier than mine — I’d just end up feeling jealous!’ She grins at me so openly I know that any awkwardness between us now is a thing of the past.

‘You know, you’re not too bad for a raging lesbo!’

She cups her hands under her tits and gives them a little bounce. ‘Get used to it, straight boy.’ I nearly bloody choke.

While she waits out in the corridor, I struggle to get dressed. I’m so damn stiff I can’t even pull my undies over my feet. Mikey steps up, dressing me with way more patience than I ever had with him. As he wrestles my arms in through my T-shirt sleeves he even croons, ‘Put up your army men.’
Bugger me.
I used to say that to him when we were small.

After a bit of bureaucratic argy-bargy, and a promise that I’ll spend the next few days in bed, I’m finally allowed to leave. I regret it almost as soon as we step out the door. The buses have been cancelled yet again, and it’s a long, painful walk home. The city looks desolate as hell: windows broken or boarded up, and burnt-out buildings reduced to rubble. Dogs are fighting over the rubbish lying uncollected in the streets, and down at the waterfront there’s a crowd of people squabbling over whatever they can catch from the wharves. Suspicion and hostility have settled in the air like radioactive fallout. As deadly too.

Jiao’s parents, Mei and Gurien, greet us at the door of our apartment. The smell of cooking wafts from the kitchen, though god knows they can’t have much to work with. I like them straight away. Jiao orders me to bed as soon as I’ve eaten. No arguments from me. I need to think. Need to weigh up everything that happened up north. Of course I’m rapt they rescued Jiao’s parents, but the method makes me sick — dozens of innocent people killed to hide a bunch of fat cats’ crooked games. I refuse to take responsibility for it: I made a good-faith deal and they corrupted it, not me. How the hell can they sleep straight? There are people dying, losing homes and futures — and every move our so-called leaders make just puts us further in the shit.

It seems horribly clear to me now. While we’ve been fighting over scraps, bloody Chandler — and all his dodgy mates before him — looked the other way and let the WA and UPR snatch up all the country’s best pickings for themselves. It’s really true the WA are the puppet masters here.
They
call the shots. Which means that unless we show some real guts we’re screwed — we’re piggy-in-the-middle and they’re never going to let us catch the ball. Our PM’s sold us out, then sided with the biggest bully to take the other out. He doesn’t give a toss that all of us will lose. He and his mates will just keep right on lying till there’s nothing left — not even us. It isn’t right. It sure as hell ain’t fair. I’d thought this whole thing started with that torpedo in the Tasman, but now I see that it goes way, way back. I’ve had enough, fuck it. This has to stop.

I sneak out of bed and cross the hallway to my old bedroom, where Jiao now sleeps. Open the wardrobe
and rifle through. I find the dragon kite tucked away under a box of junk. Carry it back to Dad’s room, slip on his dressing gown and nestle into bed.

I used to think this was the king of kites. Its angry, sharp-toothed face was terrifying when I was small. But now what strikes me is the intricate design. It’s painted with all kinds of brightly coloured patterns and symbols, all of which no doubt have separate meanings I know nothing about. That pretty much sums up this whole fucking world: we focus on the outward appearance of things — don’t bother with the history and significance beneath. It’s the same with language. And definitely the way we think about the people of the UPR. We only see the dragon’s gaping mouth.

I feel so bad — lazy, I guess. I should’ve looked beyond the spin and realised it’s the greed and cruelty of the UPR’s leaders that I hate, not the poor downtrodden bastards underneath. Still, I doubt Mum thought about all this when she gave me the kite. Unless it was some weird metaphor about herself? Deadly sharp teeth. Her urge to fly. Her hidden character. Probably not. More likely just a great gift for her kid.
God damn.
The worst thing is, like it or not — and I bloody well
don’t
— I’m grieving for her all over again. Hating her would have made it so much easier. But now?
She saved my life.
Not that I’d wish her back. The sight of Mikey in that doghouse is etched into my brain for life. Besides, the pain is more about the dream that’s died. The fantasy. The chance to ever put things right.

There’s a tentative knock at the door, and Lucinda’s face appears. ‘Mind if I come in? I promise I won’t stay long.’

‘No worries,’ I say. ‘I’m not sleepy, just stuffed.’

‘I’m not surprised,’ she says. She settles on the end of Dad’s bed. Looks around the room. Stares at the photo of him and Mum on the bedside table. Digs into her bag and produces a brick-like parcel. ‘Here. A little cheering-up present.’

I unwrap the paper and laugh. It’s a one-kilo block of tasty cheese. ‘How did you know?’

‘I remembered Shaun telling me how much you missed it.’

I’m already salivating. ‘It must’ve cost a bloody fortune.’

‘Money’s only money.’

My smile drops. ‘Unless you’ve got none.’

‘Actually, that’s one of the reasons I’m here.’ Her eyes keep returning to the photo. With a grunt I reach over and turn it towards the wall. She looks relieved. ‘I heard about your mum. It sounds like a nightmare.’

‘I want to go to the media.’ I didn’t know I was going to say this till it’s out. But it’s the truth. ‘Screw my deal with the cops — what happened at Niún
i Farm was wrong. The WA can’t just kill innocent people and get away with it.’

‘Jesus, Ashley, let it rest, will you? If you do that you’ll be the next one on their hit list.’

‘Ironic, huh? You’re right, but I really don’t care any more. I guess it’s in my genes.’

‘I think you need to give this more consideration when you’ve had some rest. Don’t jump into anything. You’ll need to put it in perspective with the news I’ve brought.’

‘If this is more crap to heap on to the pile, kill me now.’

‘I’ve had a phone call from the lawyer who represents your friend Erich Surring.’

‘Erich! He was one hell of a cool guy. He lent us his car and gave us all this cash. I owe him heaps.’

‘That might well turn out to be the understatement of the year.’ I look at her blankly. ‘Apparently you made quite an impression. He contacted his lawyer and changed his will the day before he died.’ She’s grinning like she’s going to pop.

‘Don’t tell me — he’s left me his hippie car.’

‘True, that as well. But, he’s left you two houses. Even in times like this, one of them could be worth a fair old stack. It seems he was very impressed by you, and wanted to repay an old kindness of your grandfather’s too.’

I hear the old boy’s voice:
If I’d ever had a son I’d want him to be just like you
. My nose starts to burn. I press it hard to stop myself from blubbing, but it doesn’t work. ‘I’m sorry … jeez, this is insane … sorry, eh … it’s just the shock—’

Lucinda’s eyes are shiny too. ‘Don’t you dare apologise. You’ve just been through hell. You deserve a break.’

‘Can I do whatever I want with them? The houses, I mean.’

‘They’re yours. Mr Surring’s lawyer is adamant the will is legal and there’s no one to object. Anyway, rest now.’ Lucinda leans over and pecks my cheek. ‘We can talk it through when you feel stronger. There’s no hurry at all.’

I burrow down into the bed. ‘Thanks for the cheese.’

‘Don’t eat it all at once!’ She leaves me with a sexy wave of her fingers. ‘Enjoy.’