Chapter 16
Scorpio
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As hard as I tried to fight it, I was miserable without Jaylin. It had only been one week since I'd last seen him, and there I was, acting as if it had been a lifetime.
After he'd dissed me at his office that day, I had to get away. I'd called Shane later that night and apologized for my ignorance. He wasn't home, so I left a message on his voicemail. I wasn't trying to be his woman, but deep in my heart, I knew calling him because Jaylin wanted me to was tacky on my part. And for Jaylin to ask me to do something so immature was stupid on his.
I'd guessed their history together was more intense than I thought. And letting Shane go down on me was the worst thing I could have ever done. The last thing I wanted was to give them the opportunity to sit around and talk about me.
When I'd left Jaylin's office that day, I went to my old boss, Jackson, and begged him to help me. He'd always been there for me, so he had no problem giving me the keys to his get-away house in Denver. I had very little money on me, so he wrote me a check for $5,000. I promised him that I'd pay him back. I'd borrowed money from him before, so he knew I was good for it. All I needed was a few months to get myself together. I thanked him for his help and jetted.
I knew there was no way I could stay in St. Louis to finish school, so I had to put my career on hold. I wasn't too happy about doing it, but Jaylin would be a setback for me if I hung around any longer. Being away from Mackenzie was the hardest thing I had to do, but the last thing I wanted was for her to see how unstable and miserable I was. I knew she would question me, and I wasn't prepared to tell her what a cruel person Jaylin had been to me, since she loved him so much. Realistically, I couldn't even offer her stability right now, and I knew she was in good hands with Leslie. Jaylin had everything in his control, including her. I had no one to blame but myself for thinking he'd have my back forever.
After I came back from a superstore I'd found in Denver, I put on a kettle of water to make some tea. The stove was one of those old-fashioned ones, white with black burners. Jackson's get-away house turned out to be a real hole in the wall. It had one small bedroom covered in dingy flowered wallpaper, with buckling hardwood floors. The bathroom had a white tub and sink with rust spots, looking as if they hadn't been cleaned in years. The tub itself slightly tilted to the side, and looked like it was about to fall through the floor. The kitchen wasn't too bad, but it wasn't cut out to be any woman's dream. There were foundation cracks in the walls and the appliances were seriously outdated. The cabinets had been refinished with a glossy cherry-oak wood, though, which gave some life to the room. The living room was nothing to brag about either, especially since it was empty and was painted light green. But, who was I to complain? For a person who didn't have anywhere else to go, I'd just have to cope with the spider webs I'd been brushing off the walls since I'd been here.
With some of the cleaning products I'd gotten at the store earlier, I tried to remove the stains in the tub, but eventually gave up. I'd been taking wash-ups since I'd gotten there, and it would've been so nice to relax in a tub. But so much for that. By late evening, I called Leslie to check on Mackenzie. Every time I called, Leslie had been beating around the bush. Either Mackenzie was asleep, or she was outside playing. I'd wondered if she'd gotten a chance to see Jaylin, and when Leslie finally told me Mackenzie had been with him since Friday, I was a bit upset with her. She explained how Mackenzie lit up when she saw Jaylin, and said that she didn't feel right taking her away from him. I knew how tight their bond was, so I didn't trip as much. I thanked Leslie and called Jaylin's house anonymously.
I was praying that Nanny B answered, but when Jaylin did, I hung up. I waited a few minutes before calling back, trying to get up enough courage to talk.
“Hello,” he said, sharply.
“Jaylin, it's me. Where's Mackenzie?”
“Busy.”
“Busy doing what?”
“Busy minding her own business.”
“Kids her age don't have any business.”
“Yeah, they do. She's got more business than you have, so what do you want?”
“I want to talk to my daughter, that's what I want.”
“So, you didn't call to talk to me?”
“No.”
“Okay, cool.”
He gave the phone to Mackenzie.
She was so happy to hear my voice. I told her I had to go visit my sick cousin in Denver, and would be back soon. I asked how things were going at her new pre-school, and with Jaylin, and she seemed overjoyed. She told me about her new best friend, Megan, and told me LJ was walking. When I asked if she wanted to visit with Aunt Leslie, she said no. She begged me to let her stay with Jaylin and I told her she could.
We spoke for at least fifteen minutes and I told her I'd see her soon. I asked her to put Jaylin on the phone and he continued with his attitude.
“What?” he griped.
“I just wanted to say thanks for watching Mackenzie. You have no idea what it meansâ”
“Look, don't fool yourself. I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing this for me. Take all the time you need. Hell, take a year or two all I care, she'll be fine.”
“I don't plan on being gone that long. I just need time to sort through these feelings Iâ”
“Scorpio, remember, you said you didn't call to talk to me. You talked to Mackenzie, so I'll holla at you later. Besides, I'm watching the football game right now.”
“Okay, well I'll call to check on her in a few days. If you need me for anything, call Leslie. She knows how to get in touch with me.”
There was silence, and then he hung up. I couldn't believe how cold he was. I put the receiver back down on its base, and poured a cup of tea. Feeling awfully lonely, I pulled a blanket off the bed and carried it into the kitchen. I stood by the old-time metal heater against the wall, banging on it to get the heat started. Wrapped myself in the blanket, I sat at the kitchen table.
Jaylin was on my mind; I'd never expected our relationship to turn out like this. I folded my legs against my chest and started to cry. I cried because being in Colorado was such a setback for me. I thought I was finally getting ahead by at least going back to school, but now even that seemed like a thing of the past. How was I ever going to manage without him? I'd been able to keep money in my pockets before I met him, but taking off my clothes for men was something I didn't want to start doing again. It was a last option for me, but it was still an option. Either way, I had to come up with a plan. This house was giving me the creeps, and I had to make a better life for myself if Mackenzie would ever want to be a part of it. If I never went back to St. Louis again, I didn't even know that she'd miss me. As long as she had Jaylin, she seemed to be just fine. And that hurt.
I decided to call it a night, and spread the blanket on the living room floor to lie down. I turned on the tiny black-and-white TV that had a wire hanger for an antenna. I flipped through the fuzzy channels, and as I searched for something to watch, the phone rang. The only people who knew how to reach me were Leslie and Jackson, so when I heard Jaylin's voice, I was shocked.
“What did you say?” I asked.
“I said the football game is off. I'm ready to talk whenever you are.”
“How did you get this number? I called your house anonymously. Did Leslie give it to you?”
“Scorpio, don't play yourself, all right? You know better than I do that I have ways of finding out things when I want to. And no, Leslie didn't give it to me.”
“Well, how did you get it? Jackson, right?”
“Let's just say you don't cover your tracks very well. Is Denver as cold as St. Louis is? I'm sure it is, but if you want to stay cold, oh well.”
“Okay, so you know where I'm at. Now what?”
“Nothing. Stay there. I'm just calling you back because you sounded like you wanted to talk.”
“I did, but I don't feel like talking now. Besides, what I have to say doesn't matter anyway.”
“You're right, it doesn't.” He hung up.
I took a deep breath. The last thing I needed was Jaylin calling here with his mess. It puzzled me where he'd gotten his information, so I called Leslie to find out. She didn't answer, but when I called Jackson's place to ask him, he stuttered when he said he hadn't talked to Jaylin. I knew Jaylin must have gotten the information from him, and that money was probably involved. I yelled at him for snaking me, and told him I might as well have stayed in St. Louis if I had known he would tell my whereabouts. In an effort to avoid all bullshit, I took the phone off the hook for the rest of the night.
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The loud buzz of the TV woke me, so I reached over to turn it off. Chilly, I lay on the floor swaddled up in the blanket. The floor seemed to had gotten colder, so I decided to take my chances with the mattress on the bed. The alarm clock showed three twenty-five in the morning, so I tried to get back to sleep.
As I dozed off, I heard a soft knock at the door. I looked at the clock again and it now showed five minutes after four. I slowly walked to the door, thinking somebody was at the wrong house. But when I turned on the porch light and saw Jaylin, I couldn't believe my eyes.
“Why are you here, Jaylin?” I asked, whispering through the door.
“Just open the door. It's cold out here.”
I truly didn't want to be bothered. Just who in the hell from St. Louis was backstabbing me? I turned off the porch light and headed back to the bedroom. Time away from him was what I needed, and that was what I intended to get.
Jaylin banged harder and then he stopped. I closed my eyes and prayed for strength. But when I heard footsteps coming down the hallway, I sat up in bed. I could barely see because it was dark, so I reached over to the lamp and turned it on. Jaylin stood in the doorway swinging a set of keys in his hand.
“Now, I come all this way to see you and this is how you treat me, huh?”
I rolled my eyes and moved my messy hair away from my face. “Why are you doing this? Did Jackson give you a key too?”
“Baby, you know we brothas stick together. With some help of a little cash, he told me everything and offered me a key to get in. He said you would be difficult, and didn't want me to waste a trip down here.”
I yanked the covers off me and got out of bed, bumping Jaylin's shoulder as I passed him. I ignored him and went to the kitchen so I could check on why the heater wasn't giving off any heat. As I banged on it, Jaylin leaned against the kitchen counter with his arms folded and stared at me. He had on a long tan cashmere coat and tan leather pants. His V-neck cotton cream-and-tan ribbed sweater matched his cashmere boppy hat that was tilted to the side, showing his curly black hair. The aroma he carried with him made me want to melt right into his arms. He looked spectacular, and I was doing my best to avoid him. I'm sure he wanted to make me clearly see what I was missing.
“Damn!” I said, continuing to bang on the heater. He unfolded his arms and came to me. I looked awful and didn't want him getting too close.
“You know you're going to break the damn thing if you keep hitting on it like that. You're probably better off buying a space heater.” As soon as he said that, the heat kicked on. I walked away and sat at the kitchen table, laying my head on my arm to look up at him.
“Why can't you just leave me alone? Haven't you tortured me enough?” I asked.
He removed his coat and put it on the back of a chair. I couldn't help but notice his big bulge in his huggable leather pants, and my eyes dropped to the floor so I wouldn't stare. “Torture?” he said. He turned the chair around and straddled it. “Is that what you think I'm doing to you?”
“Yes. Yes, I really do. All I'm asking for is time to get myself together, and you won't even allow me that.”
“I'm not here to torture you, Scorpio. I kind of missed you. Came all this way to see if you would come back with me. Christmas is coming soon and I don't want you here all by yourself.”
“I'm okay. I think I'm going to stay here for a while. Maybe even see if Jackson will let me rent this place out if I agree to fix it up a bit. So, don't get too comfortable with Mackenzie being around. If things go according to my plan, I'll be sending for her soon. You'll just have to visit her here.”
“Really,” he said, looking around at the kitchen. “This place actually needs a lot of work. Are you sure you want to bring Mackenzie to this type of environment?”
“Jaylin, she hasn't always had the finer things in life and neither have I. For me, this ain't all that bad, especially if I fix it up like I want to. Mackenzie will just have to adjust, and this place has some potential. Like it or not, sorry, she's going to live wherever I live.”
Jaylin took off his hat and put it on the table. He picked up a toothpick and twirled it around in his mouth. “Scorpio, why don't you cut the bullshit and come home with me? This ain't no way to live. It's dirty, muggy, and colder than a motherfucker in here. It really doesn't suit you at all, and if you think I'm going to allow Mackenzie to come here with you and suffer, you're sadly mistaken. There's no potential in this, and if you want to fuck yourself, then do so. Don't make Mackenzie suffer, though, when she doesn't have to.”
“What is so wrong with me wanting my child with me? I don't care how bad this place might look to you, but once I fix up everything, it's going to look nice. Like I said, it might not be what you're accustomed to, but Mackenzie and I will be just fine. Besides, it's about time I had something to call my own. That way I don't have to worry about anybody trying to run my life. You know what I mean?”