Nerd Girl (40 page)

“So, why are you looking to change positions?” Brett, the hiring manager for my first informational, asked with a smile.

I had spent the last twenty-five minutes talking to Brett about his open position and why I might be a good fit for it. Brett was a Senior Director in the OEM group and looked about the same age as Ryan. Brett was the classic up-and-coming MS executive. He was clean-cut, handsome, and exuded intelligence, cool calm and confidence. He was wearing a starched white button down that covered a flat stomach and beige pants that had probably been chosen by his wife. Near the back of his desk sat a digital photo frame that rotated blissfully happy images of his two children, a little boy around five and his younger, toddler-aged sister. He probably had a friendly Labrador that greeted him at the door every evening when he came home from work as well.

He was looking for a Marketing Manager to help drive joint Portals 8 marketing launch plans between the hardware PC makers and MS. I knew very little about this area within Megasoft, but was hoping to convince Brett that the operational expertise I brought from my IT job history working with third party partners was a good match.

I knew that I would need to be prepared to answer the very question that Brett had just asked. At this stage in the job search process, Brett wouldn’t know that I had just been hired by CMG only a month ago. If I wanted to move forward and formally interview for the job, I had to assume that HR would tell him a general reason for my short duration at CMG. Ryan and I both agreed that it would be best if I was forthcoming to any potential hiring manager, rather than the other way around.

Here goes. I had rehearsed the answer in my brain all last night; Ryan and I had worked on it together. I knew I had to be as generic as possible about the circumstances, but I didn’t want to blatantly lie.

“Well, I’ve only been in my role in CMG for a little over a month.” I noticed Brett immediately arched an eyebrow, but I pushed on. “I accepted the role because I wanted to work directly on the Portals 8 launch. I knew it would help me achieve my long term career goals of becoming a world class marketing manager. It was everything I was looking for as my next career step.”

Brett looked at me with some suspicion, but his silence signaled that he was waiting to hear the rest of what I had to say, before making any judgment.

“Shortly after I started my new role, my manager and I discovered that we had a, um
… personal conflict of interest. Neither of us knew about it prior to me taking the position. HR agreed that it would be best if I were to move to another position. I have my GM’s complete approval and support to do this, as it’s in the best interest of both parties.”

Brett just looked at me quizzically. I expected him to be taken somewhat aback, but his continued silence and scrutiny started to make me nervous.

He finally spoke. “You must know that changing positions a month after you start is highly unusual,” he began, acknowledging my nod of understanding. “This role is a very visible position, working between our partners and product groups. I can’t afford investing the time to hire someone new, get them up to speed, and then having them depart a month later for some unknown reason.” He paused for a moment and I continued to nod. “You don’t have to answer this, but it would help me a great deal if you could provide me a better understanding of what this personal conflict was? If I’m going to take a risk with you, I need to know some more details.”

In translation, what he should’ve said was,
I understand that this is a very uncomfortable question, but if you don’t answer it, you likely won’t be considered for the position. Therefore, answering the question isn’t optional.

I hadn’t planned to actually tell anyone what really happened.
Crap.
A little rattled by his question, I blurted out too quickly, “I’m dating my manager’s ex fiancé.” I didn’t mean to, but my face automatically cringed.
Fuck. Just shoot me now.
If there was ever a time that I wished myself to disappear from somewhere, it would be now.

“I see.” Brett nodded like this happened every day. “Yes, that
is
complicated.”

I could tell he was at a loss for words. I tried not to visibly squirm and show him my discomfort, but I’m sure my flushed face was a dead giveaway.

After an awkward silence, Brett decided to end the meeting. My time was up.

“Thanks for coming in today, Julia. Thank you for your interest and I appreciate your honesty, but please know that I’ve also had a lot of people interested in the position.” In translation, t
his job is in high demand. If I find anyone equal to your qualifications, I’ll likely choose someone that doesn’t have complications coming as part of the package.
“I’ll be deciding, hopefully by next week, who I think we’ll be bringing in for a formal interview loop.” In translation,
I’m going to hedge my bets and look at all my other candidates before I would consider you for this role.

I’ve been around long enough to know that usually if an informational meeting went well, the invitation for a formal interview was almost immediate. I had just been politely blown off. Could I blame him? If I were in his shoes, would I take the risk? Probably not. MS was competitive; there were plenty of other smart and hungry fish in the ocean to choose from.

“Thanks again for your time, Brett,” I said with as much confidence and dignity as I could muster. I stood up, making sure my chin was raised, and offered my hand for a firm handshake.

I skirted out of the building as fast as I could.

By Thursday, I was feeling quite discouraged about my future job prospects. Despite this minor setback, my daily mood was brightly eclipsed by Ryan. Being in love was the greatest endorphin ever. My career was falling apart, but Ryan and I had found ourselves establishing a nice rhythm to our relationship; we had spent every night together this week. Because he often worked late due to his ridiculously crazy meeting schedule, I got home earlier than him, but every night he come to my place in the evening and we would have dinner together.

Tonight, however, was different. Tonight he had a dinner meeting. Sometimes his schedule got so slammed during the day that the only way critical meetings could take place was to have them over dinner. Since I knew Ryan would be late, I drove to Greenlake after work and ran a double loop.

By the time Ryan buzzed my door, it was well past nine o’clock. I was comfortably reading my book in bed, wearing only my camisole and a pair of sleep shorts. I had taken a shower after my run, so had no makeup on and my hair was pulled into a sloppy bun.

I opened my door and he greeted me with a slow grin, his eyes grazing down my body and then back up. “Babe.” He wrapped his arm around my waist to kiss me. “I like this look,” he said, grinning with approval.

I rolled my eyes but was secretly pleased with his reaction. I thought, by now, I would be somewhat used to his kisses, but each time he sealed his lips with mine, my heart leapt and I was breathless. I flushed under his appreciative gaze.

“Were you in bed already?” he asked.

“No, just reading
… waiting for you.”

“Good,” he said, nuzzling his nose into my hair. “Let me take a quick shower and I’ll join you. Sorry I was so late. Will and I had a lot of catching up to do.”

“Will? You mean, Will Bigelow?”

Ryan nodded in acknowledgement. Will was another senior executive. I think he actually worked for Stephanie now, but I heard he had recently come from the US Subsidiary.

Ryan took clothes out of his bag and set them out for tomorrow before jumping in the shower. I smiled when I realized he no longer needed to bring his toiletries over; he’d already left his toothbrush and electric shaver at my place. He probably didn’t appreciate my citrus shampoo and body wash on his own head and body though, so I made a mental note to purchase his preferred shampoo and body products next time I went to the drugstore.

As Ryan took his shower, I couldn’t help wondering if he and Will ever spoke about their families, hobbies, or other outside activities at their meetings. Would Ryan be forthcoming about his relationship with me? Would he introduce me to them at Christmas parties or summer BBQs? He’s met my family and some of my friends, but I couldn’t help wondering when or if I would ever meet his.

We’d discussed not disclosing our relationship to anyone in either of our organizations, but it was becoming more difficult and disingenuous to not discuss my private life with my girlfriends. Outside of our two teams, I didn’t know if there were going to be additional boundaries. The discussion we had on the subject felt like it was so long ago and we really hadn’t revisited it since we officially “got together.” We’d briefly discussed it when he helped me with my scorecard, but back then we didn’t know that our relationship would take the course it did. That felt like ages ago.

I certainly didn’t want to pressure him about meeting his family, since when that happened was really his decision. I felt secure enough in our relationship that meeting his family would happen in its own time, but I couldn’t help wondering how I would be incorporated into his greater world. At some point, we needed to leave our cozy, comfortable, happy little bubble.

When Ryan came out of the bathroom, he wore only his boxer shorts. I shamelessly watched him walk across the room, enjoying the way he moved. He had a beautiful, broad back and shoulders that narrowed into a nice V at the waist. To my disappointment, he grabbed a t-shirt from his clothes pile and pulled it over his head. I pouted with a noticeable exhale of breath.

“Would you rather I not wear the t-shirt?” he asked, arching an eyebrow in amusement.

I nodded and gave him an appreciative grin.

He chuckled and honored my nonverbal request, tossing the shirt back on the pile and climbing into bed. He wrapped his arms around by waist and nuzzled his face into my stomach. “I missed you,” he murmured.

“Me too,” I said, combing my fingers through his hair.

I heard a contented moan escape his lips. He closed his eyes, apparently so comfortable in his current position that he might fall asleep. I probably should’ve let him, but I couldn’t help contemplating how and when we would leave the confines of our bubble. I really wanted to ask him while the thoughts were fresh in my mind.

“So, do you and Will talk about stuff other than work?” I asked, continuing to play with his hair. “Are you guys
friends
?”

“Yeah, Will and I are good friends.” He didn’t seem to think anything of my question. He looked as content as a cat sitting on a windowsill.

“When you say ‘good friends,’ does that mean you socialize with him outside of work?”

“Yes.” Ryan turned his head to look up at me, now eyeing me curiously. “We go out for drinks every once in a while. I’ve taken him and his wife out on the boat before. Why do you ask?”

“Just curious,” I said. I wondered if Catherine had gone out with them on the boat.

“I can tell there’s something else behind your question, Julia. You’re being so coy about it, but you don’t have to be. Just ask me. What is it you want to know?” he asked me with an amused grin.

I started to play with the folded corner of my book. I had a habit of folding corners for bookmarks. “Well, I’m curious
… if you and Will are as good of friends as you say, have you told him about us?” I met Ryan’s eyes, but before he could respond, I continued, “I mean
… does he qualify as one of those people who we can’t tell about our relationship? I’ve never met him, but if he’s a good friend of yours, shouldn’t I have the right to meet him on some future social occasion? Or vice versa, he probably would want to know about me, right? Did he know about Catherine and you? He probably did; you guys were together for a really long time. I guess I’m just confused about how and who I or we can discuss our relationship with. I mean, of course I wouldn’t say anything to someone like Mia or Kyle, but maybe after I find another job, would you be okay if I were to discretely tell some of my good friends at MS about us?”

All of this came out in an endless ramble. I wasn’t even sure I had made any sense, but as soon as I asked the first question, it was like a dam broke and everything from my brain came rushing out of my mouth.

Surprisingly, Ryan didn’t flinch, nor did he look irritated. He looked perplexed and thoughtful. He sat up and leaned against the headboard. “It sounds like you’ve been thinking about this a lot,” he said softly.

I let out a deep breath. I guess I hadn’t realized I was holding it all inside of me. “I don’t know how I fit into your life, Ryan.” I paused, but decided it was best to come clean. “You and Catherine disclosed your relationship to a small circle of people at MS. I guess I need to know what our small circle is, both at work and outside of it. If this was just a fling, I would be discrete and keep it to ourselves, but everything we’ve experienced together these last few weeks leads me to believe that we’re both in it for the long haul. Not talking about you, about us, to my friends sort of cheapens our relationship. And as for your family, to be honest with you, I feel very inadequate. They’ve known and loved Catherine almost your whole life. I don’t want to be too presumptuous here, but how do I even become a part of that inner circle when I feel like I’ve come and crashed the party?”