Never a Road Without a Turning (15 page)

Perhaps he had truly hurt him and Ash was just too stubborn to admit it. Or did he simply not want to see Pip?

Pip’s pride shied away from that possibility. Ash had called him beautiful more than once. He’d wanted Pip. He’d said he’d enjoyed their encounter. He had to want more, as Pip did.

At supper that night, Pip desperately wanted to ask Mrs. Applethwaite about their master, but he didn’t dare. Not only was she sure to tell him it was none of his concern, but he didn’t want to raise any suspicions about their relationship. So instead, Pip sat and stared broodingly into the fire as the minutes ticked past.

He’d worked himself up to a full sulk by the time the clock in the main hall chimed eight, but then Ash’s bell rang twice, only a few seconds after, and Pip was on his feet before the second ring had finished.

He tried not to appear too anxious as he forced himself to walk at a sedate pace to the library. Before he knocked, he took a deep breath to settle the butterflies in his stomach and combed his fingers through his hair in front of the looking glass.

“Ye wanted to see me, sir?” Pip said, trying not to sound as petulant as he felt.

Ash frowned at him from his seat by the fire. “I thought we’d agreed you would call me something else when we were alone.”

Pip shrugged and pouted, knowing he was behaving like a child but somehow unable to stop himself. He hadn’t received a word or even been allowed a glimpse of the man all day. He hated being ignored or forgotten about.

“Phillip, what’s wrong?” Ash struggled to his feet and took one hesitant step toward him before seeming to check himself.

Pip shrugged again and stared at the shabby stockings on his feet. “I looked for ye today,
all day
. Never once did ye come to the window. I know it’s too cold for ye to venture out, but ye could’ve at least come to the window. Unless ye didn’t want to see me.”

Ash sighed and crossed the last few feet that separated them, but he didn’t reach for Pip. “Of course I wanted to see you, Phillip. I thought of you all day.” He chuckled and shook his head. “I suppose my pride wouldn’t allow me to let you see me mooning over you.”

Pip harrumphed. “I like to be mooned over.”

Ash’s smile froze on his face. “It probably happens all the time. Shall I be lumped in with all your other conquests, then?”

Pip frowned, hurt. “I didn’t lie to ye. This is all new to me, ye know.”

The major blew out a breath and returned to his seat. “I’m sorry, Phillip. Don’t listen to my foolishness. Am I forgiven for not coming to the window?”

Pip nodded. He would have felt better if he didn’t have the sneaking suspicion Ash was laughing at him behind his usual calm mask.

“Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”

A slow grin spread across Pip’s face. He let his gaze drop and linger on Ash’s body. “I can think of a thing or two that might ’elp.”

Ash chuckled. “It’s a little early for that, don’t you think? What will Mrs. Applethwaite think?”

Pip stepped forward and braced himself on the arms of Ash’s chair. He leaned down and nuzzled the man’s neck as he whispered, “It’s never too early for this. And I ’ope the old crow won’t be thinkin’ anything at all. But if ye’r worried about ’er stirring from ’er warm nest in the kitchen, it’s not likely if she don’t ’ave to. Even if she does, I’ll tell her ye were chilled and ailing and wanted me t’ read t’ ye in bed.”

Pip bit his earlobe and suckled on it, and Ash groaned and fisted a hand in Pip’s jacket.

“I suppose you have a point,” Ash said breathlessly.

When Pip pulled back, he could see only a pale ring of silver in Ash’s eyes, quickly being swallowed by black, and his insecurities from the day faded. Ash most definitely wanted him.

Pip let his eyelids droop suggestively and licked his lips. Ash drew in a sharp breath and mirrored his move, wetting his lips and tightening his hold on Pip’s jacket. Pip preened under the admiration in Ash’s eyes, soaking it up like warm summer sunlight. He needed that look more than he wanted to admit.

“Does that mean we can go upstairs now?” Pip asked as he drew Ash to his feet.

Ash pulled away a little. “I don’t think—”

Ash’s words cut off on a moan as Pip palmed him through his trousers. Pip gave the hard prick a good rub and then stepped away. He chuckled throatily as he hurried toward the stairs, knowing Ash would follow. Ash moved more slowly of course, but this time Pip didn’t wait for him. He hurried to Ash’s bedchamber, quickly stirred up the coals, and shucked off his clothes as fast as he could manage.

By the time the uneven tread of the Ash’s boots sounded in the hall, Pip was completely undressed but for his stockings. The air in the room was icy, and he had gooseflesh all over his body, but he was vain enough to wait for Ash to see him before he climbed into bed.

He wasn’t disappointed.

“My God, you’re beautiful,” Ash whispered after he stepped through the door and froze in his tracks. “You make me wish I could draw or paint.”

Even in the chill of the room, Pip’s cock filled and lengthened at the look of adoration on Ash’s face. Pip actually flushed under the weight of it, surprising himself. He’d been called beautiful before, and handsome too many times to count, but the words hadn’t ever moved him quite like they did now. He never wanted Ash to stop looking at him like that.

Pip stayed where he was and waited for Ash to come to him. Ash limped across the floor, leaned his walking stick against the footboard, and reached for Pip. He slid his palms over Pip’s chest, teasing his already hard nipples with the warmth of his skin before caressing Pip’s flanks and then gripping his hips. Ash leaned forward and kissed along Pip’s jaw—light and teasing—and Pip shivered from more than cold. When Ash stepped into his embrace, pressing a wool-clad thigh between Pip’s legs, Pip moaned and ground his cock into the man’s hip.

Ash smelled of whisky and wool, the sweetness of silk, and that spicy musk Pip had discovered the night before. A hint of the oil they’d used still lingered in the air, and Pip’s prick hardened even further at the memories the scents conjured. He took Ash’s mouth in a hard kiss, pushing his tongue inside and gripping the man’s face in his hands to hold him still. Ash released Pip’s hip and grabbed the rail at the foot of the bed, perhaps to steady himself as he pushed back into that kiss. The hand on Pip’s other hip tightened, but Ash made no move beyond that to take command.

Even in his passion, Pip regretted that he couldn’t give Ash the same trust the man had shown him last night. Part of him would have liked to feel Ash’s strength unleashed, to experience his passion without restraint, to ease some of Pip’s guilt by reaping some of the harshness he’d sown. Pip’s heart raced just thinking about feeling the evidence of how much Ash wanted him, of the marks on his body that would act as reminder of Ash’s need for him. But he couldn’t do it.

Pip groaned into the kiss and clawed at Ash’s clothes. Undressing the man took entirely too long, but Pip finally managed it after dragging Ash to the bedside and pushing him down onto the mattress. This time, they both crawled beneath the counterpane before Pip pulled Ash into his arms and kissed him until they were breathless. They writhed on the bed together, kissing and touching until their bodies were slick with sweat. Pip rolled on top of Ash and kissed his way down the man’s body, lavishing attention on his nipples before moving lower, only pausing when Ash’s cock bumped his chin. Ash’s belly quivered beneath him as Pip panted hot breaths against his skin.

Pip closed his eyes and wrapped a fist around the warm, silky column of flesh that bobbed in front of his face. He leaned forward, swiped his tongue over the crown, and then waited, fearing the memories would try to surface again… but nothing happened. Ash tenderly caressed his hair and face as the man looked down at him with only patience and desire in his eyes. Ash was gentle and undemanding, clean and healthy—nothing like what Pip was trying to forget. In a sudden surge of need and gratitude, Pip swallowed Ash’s cock as deeply as he could manage, bathing and teasing it with his tongue as he drew back up its length, copying what Ash had done to him. Ash groaned and his body tensed, but he made no move to thrust, and Pip repeated the move over and over, trying to draw as many different sounds and epithets from Ash’s throat as he could.

Pip immersed himself in the act, giving it all he had until Ash cried, “Stop!” and the man’s hand tightened in Pip’s hair.

Pip pulled off and stared up at him questioningly. Ash panted for a moment or two but then began fumbling in the drawer of his night table. With his other hand, Ash tugged on Pip’s arm and Pip crawled up the bed until they were face to face.

“Here.” Ash handed the vial of oil to Pip and spread his thighs, wrapping his good leg around Pip’s hip.

Pip swallowed nervously and shook his head. “I can’t.”

“Why?”

I’m afraid.

Pip couldn’t bring himself to admit it, so he simply said, “Not tonight. Please.”

Ash frowned and chewed his lip as he studied Pip’s face for a time before he took the vial back and poured a little into his palm. Pip watched him warily as Ash set the vial aside and slid closer to him. Ash cupped his palm around his own member, coating it with oil before he reached out and wrapped his fist around Pip’s cock. Pip closed his eyes as Ash’s strong grip slicked the oil over his skin, the heat and silkiness of it drawing a moan from him. Ash’s hand withdrew, but before Pip could utter a word of protest, the man pressed his body even closer and wrapped his fist around both their cocks, squeezing them together.

Pip cupped the back of Ash’s head and buried his face in Ash’s neck, sucking and nipping at the skin there while Ash pumped his fist along their lengths. His pace quickened, and soon Pip was thrusting into that grip and fisting his hands in the bed linens.

“Ash, please,” Pip whispered against his cheek, so close to the brink, he was shaking with the need to let go.

Ash threw his head back and stifled a cry. His whole body tensed and his fist tightened almost painfully around them. Pip moaned and thrust hard one more time, mingling his seed with Ash’s and nearly fainting from the pleasure of it. Before it became too much, Ash let his hand fall away, and Pip rolled onto his back, struggling to breathe.

He must have dozed off after that, because when he woke, Ash already had his shirt back on, and he was propped on an elbow watching Pip thoughtfully. Pip smiled happily up at the man, but the smile was not returned.

“Where did you come from, Phillip?” Ash asked quietly while his fingers traced Pip’s lips and cheeks.

His tone was somewhat bemused, and Pip wasn’t certain if the man had intended to speak the question aloud, but he answered as he always did, with a flippant “Here and there.”

Whether Ash had intended to ask it or not, he didn’t appear to like Pip’s answer, because his eyebrows drew together. “I’ve heard a bit of London in your speech from time to time, though your references came from Penrith,” he pressed.

Pip shrugged. As much as he liked to spin tales for the village chits, he didn’t want to lie to Ash. But he didn’t want Ash to know the truth of his sordid past either. Why couldn’t the man leave things as they were?

“Determined to remain a man of mystery, then?” Ash’s tone was still light, but he put some distance between them.

“Per’aps,” Pip said brightly, trying to lighten the mood.

Ash blew out an obviously irritated breath and sat up against the pillows.

The move angered Pip. “And what of you,
Major McNalty
?” he asked defensively. “Village gossip has you a world traveler, an officer, a surgeon, but I’ve ’eard naught from your own lips, now ’ave I?”

Pip regretted the deflection immediately when a mask dropped over the major’s countenance. His eyes were cold and his tone haughty as he said, “Perhaps you should go to your own bed now, Phillip.”

Pip was too proud to let go of his pique, so instead of apologizing for snapping at the man, he threw the coverlet back and climbed out of bed. He hurried through the icy room collecting his clothes, only taking the time to pull on his shirt before he headed for the door.

“Wait.”

That one word, spoken so quietly shouldn’t have held the power to stop him, especially as Pip was a bit tired of taking orders at that particular moment. But Pip froze where he stood, with his trousers dangling from one hand.

Ash drew in a long breath and let it out. “I’m sorry. Of course you would be curious about me, as I am about you.”

Pip straightened and turned expectantly, willing to be mollified.

“But, I think perhaps this isn’t the time or place for this discussion. May we continue this tomorrow?”

“Per’aps,” Pip mumbled petulantly.

When Pip simply stood in the door, frowning at him, the major eventually looked away and said. “Very well. Good night, Phillip.”

“Good night, Ash.”

Pip closed the door and dressed in the darkened hall before making his way back to his room.

T
HE
NEXT
night, a new pair of russet velvet house slippers waited for him when Pip entered the library. He’d collected numerous parcels from the village earlier that day, and now he wondered if the slippers had been among them.