Never Enough (6 page)

Uncle Gary's number popped up on my phone as I began to walk out my room. I stepped back in and answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey Macy, I just wanted to thank you for last night.
I really appreciated it. I know I’d told you but I forgot myself and I didn’t know if you did."

"No problem, like I texted you everything went fine."

"Well the band isn't playing tonight, they have the night off and I am pretty much guessing it’s going to be a quiet night so unless you want to come just to hang out, take a break and relax kiddo."

Relaxing sounded amazing right now.
My brain and body needed it big time. "You sure Uncle Gary?"

"Yes Macy. You need a break too." His voice paused then he began talking again
with a slightly different tone in his voice. "Your mom called me this morning."

I stood silent as I listened to what he just said. My eyes stung with tears that I refused to let fall.
He didn’t call just to thank me again for covering him last night. There was always an ulterior motive. "What'd she want?" I asked rather flatly.

"Just said she hasn't talked to you in a while and misses you."

If she missed me she could pick up a phone. I never called her because I had nothing to say to her. It'd been six months since we'd spoken. Yes, I've kept count. And she still didn't believe a word I said. No many how many times I told her. The story never changed it was the same story word for word every time I talked to her and she didn’t believe me. She never would. "Oh. Well I’ll call her soon."

He knew as well as I did that was a pure lie. There was no truth behind that sentence; I just said it to say it.
"Look kiddo I know all of that was fucked up and I still can't believe she thinks the way she does..."

I cut him off and a few tears fell
down my cheeks. "He came in my room for a year!! He didn't always get what he wanted but he violated me. He took everything away from me and she fucking believed him!" I suddenly realized I was screaming and I prayed Halley and Marcus were back in her room and couldn't hear. She knew already but Marcus didn't need to. He had no reason to know anything about my past. Him knowing would make him being here too uncomfortable to me.

Uncle Gary's voice softened as he replied," I know Mace, and I'm sorry. I thank God
every day you called me when you did and we got you out of there. If anything I wish you would have called sooner but the most important thing is you got away."

Tears were flowing now. Great I needed to fix this before I saw Trevor.
No one likes a tear stained face. "I know Uncle Gary. Thank you."

"
I’m sorry I wasn’t trying to upset you in any way Macy. Relax today kiddo don't show up at the bar." He chuckled and I couldn't help but smile.

"Ok I will
and it’s ok I shouldn’t have overreacted. Love you Uncle Gary."

"Love you too kiddo."

With that I hung up the phone and finished draining what tears were still at bay waiting to fall. After a minute or two, I fixed my face and smiled in the mirror. I am a bright, beautiful woman. Nothing or no one can bring me down anymore or ever again. I opened my bedroom door and when I didn't see Hales or Marcus, I dashed out the front door leaving that previous conversation behind.

I plugged my
IPod in during my brief ride. It wasn’t that long but it was long enough to hear a song or two from Breaking Benjamin. I sang along as I pulled into where I was meeting Trevor. I parked my Honda Civic to where if Uncle Gary went to The Lounge anytime soon he wouldn’t be able to see it. I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. My cheeks were still a little puffy from crying but hopefully Trevor wouldn’t notice. I opened my door and before I could walk two feet I noticed Trevor standing by the entrance with a sexy grin on his face. He wore a worn pair of jeans that fit him perfectly and a vintage Guns N Roses tee that clung in all the right places. His messy hair hung just almost covering his eyes like always. This boy was going to be the end of me if I didn’t keep my guard up. I took a deep breath as I slowly approached him. It was now or never.

He reached out for my hand. Part of me hesitated but I placed my hand in his and he brought it
immediately up to his lips and placed a kiss there. I felt my face flush several shades of red and tried to turn my head away. He chuckled, "Sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you."

"You didn’t, it was just really sweet." It was. Nothing like that has ever happened before to me.
No guy had ever even attempted it, but then I never gave them the chance.

"Good." He looked relieved as he let out a long breath. "You hungry?"

"Ohmigod I’m starving." I gave him a big smile then reached up to peck his cheek. I could probably get used to this, if I could ever put the past behind. That was going to take quite a bit of work.

"Good me too."
He smiled and brushed his hair from his bluish gray eyes with his other hand. He gave my hand a reassuring squeeze and we began walking.

We walked into the
little sandwich place and stood in line until it was our turn. A few people stared I’m assuming trying to figure out if that were really Trevor James. He chatted with a few of them politely then would turn back to me and grin. When we reached the counter I ordered a turkey poboy on white bread with just about everything that could fit in it. Trevor ordered a grilled shrimp poboy that looked amazing. Halley had told me before they had these stuffed pistolettes that were to die for but I didn’t feel like trying one. We ate and made small talk about nothing in particular really. I made him look at something on the wall and stole a shrimp. He caught me and I began laughing I can’t believe he fell for that one. It was the oldest trick in the book. I am usually scared of talking and eating at the same time for fear of spitting food at people’s faces. I did not want to spit food at Trevor but so far so good I had managed to keep all my food in my mouth.

We were finishing our meal when he asked, "Where to now? We could go sit at the park around the corner if you want. We can walk there, save gas." He winked and tried to be all suave but I saw right through that act.

"Sure, we can do that. We can drive though I doubt it wastes that much gas to go around the corner." I stifled a laugh to lighten my comment. Gary didn’t need to see my car around; I wasn’t ready for the consequences that were bound to come with it. This was only lunch but I wasn’t looking to open something I wasn’t ready for.

"What can I
say; I just want to hold your hand Macy. You blame me for trying?" He attempted to sound serious then he starting laughing. "Come on let’s take a walk."

Reluctantly I got up and he grabbed my hand and we began our walk.
I swore silently I would kill him if my car was spotted. There was not a single cloud in the sky. Just the sun shining in the perfect blue sky. The birds were flying and I even saw an airplane pass. The temperature was perfect for a little stroll. The humidity wasn’t that bad either so honestly I didn’t mind walking. That was always a plus down here. The humidity usually sucked and as a result there were many bad hair days, and well really hot air. On those hot days I’d rather stay inside than risk going outside and suffocating. We passed several families with children, I watched as they walked hand in hand laughing and carrying on. The children were excited to go feed the ducks and were pulling on their parents’ arms as they got closer and closer. They took turns tossing pieces of bread into the water and laughed as the ducks swam up to eat it. It was the cutest thing I’d ever seen and I couldn’t help but smile and at the same time be upset that I had all that stolen from me. Every happy memory I had from my childhood I had pushed far in the back of my mind. Some I’d even forgotten by this point in my life. Maybe one day if I stopped being so stubborn I could have all that again with someone of my own. Oh well, you live and you learn and I wasn’t going to let old memories take away the little bit of happiness that had entered my life in the form of Trevor.

We walked to an empty bench and sat down. He never let go of my hand. Inside I was dying to know why he chose me, but I was unsure of how to bring up that conversation.
My self-esteem was alright but I always seemed to have that little bit of doubt that stuck around. That was a conversation we could have later if something grew between us. My mind suddenly raced to my Uncle Gary. He has been the rock I've leaned on these past 3 years and I had no idea how to break this to him if something did indeed happen? Would he feel betrayed? I hope not. I couldn't stand to upset him in any way. Would he shut me out of his life and leave me all alone? My brain reentered reality and Trevor was looking at me with a rather amused look about him. "You ok Macy? You seemed like you were out in space."

"I'm so sorry about that. I get that way when I'm thinking."

"Don't be sorry. What are you thinking about?" Now he wanted to be nosy? He could have pried at any other time and I most likely would have started spilling my guts. Not this time, not like this in a park with other ears around.

"Nothing really. Listen thanks for inviting me to lunch, I had a great time."

"You're welcome. I've been waiting for a chance to do something like this with you. I’m just glad we finally have the chance." He had sincerity in his eyes that I could not deny. I studied his facial expression then he began speaking again, "I know your uncle has a rule about you and me staying away from each other but I just couldn't stay away any longer."

What was this a blush-a-thon? He'd made me blush so many times today it was crazy.
He also knew how to make a girls heart soar with the simplest words. "You, Trevor James, can't stay away from me?"

"You may find it hard to believe Macy but it's true. I wouldn't lie to you."

“And just why can’t you stay away from me?” I hated to snort in his face but I just wasn’t really sure if I were supposed to fall into this or not.

He looked out at the pond and back into my eyes. “Everything about you draws me in. I can’t describe it. I could try but I’d probably sound like an idiot.”

I laughed and looked away. “I seriously doubt you could sound like an idiot.”

He sat there as if he was going to say something else but he didn’t.

We sat in silence and I pulled my hand away to brush my hair behind my ears. I swallowed and took a deep breath taking in the warm air that was around us. I watched the breeze blow through the trees before looking back in his direction. His bluish gray eyes were amazing and I almost lost my train of thought. Without warning I looked at him and replied, "You shouldn't bother with me Trevor. I'm leaving, please don't follow me." I got up to make my exit and before I could move he grabbed my arm.

"Macy did I say something wrong? I thought we were having a good time. Please don't go." He was practically begging for me to stay with him and I was running away. My head knew my heart would jump in and thankfully I had the brains to stop this before it began.
This is how it would always be.

I looked at him trying not to lose it,
and then took my arm back from him. Without another word I walked off. I made my way to where my car was by the sandwich shop. I got in my car, drove up the road, parked it and cried. Cried tears for the past, tears for things I didn’t fully understand. Tears for someone who liked me and I’d just shoved them away. I'd never hear from him again. It was clearly for the best, it had to be. But for that brief moment, I cried.

I let myself back in the apartment. I was never
happier to find it empty. I made a cup of black tea and sat at the kitchen counter. Most of my crying was under control by now. All I wanted to do was lie in a hot bathtub and listen to music. Before I could go make good on that, there was a knock at the door. I took a sip of my tea as I walked up to the door and peered through the peep hole. It was Trevor. I groaned seriously debated not answering. After all I'd just run off on him and now I'd been bawling my eyes out. Wait how did he even know where I lived? I unlocked the door and opened it up standing there with my hand on my hip like Halley would do.

"Macy, what the hell? Are you ok? Why'd you just run out on me like that? I'm sorry this looks creepy, but I followed you. I couldn't leave things like that."
He looked panicked standing there, like he was unsure of how to handle any of this. Join the club buddy.

I stood in the doorway with a rather
unamused look on my face with my hand still attached to my hip debating whether to let him in or not. I wondered if he could make out that I had been crying. I’m sure he could but I sure hope not. I could slam the door in his face and pretend he never knocked but unfortunately I was not a mean person. I gave him my answer when I said," Why did you follow me? Never mind that, Trevor, come inside."

"Are you going to talk to me?"
Pain was written all over that face. For a sheer moment, I didn’t care.

"Yes." No, I wasn't going to or at least not the truth. He didn't need to know.
All he needed to know was that this was not going to work now or ever. Even though I badly wanted it to give it a try.

"Ok, thank you." He walked in and I led him into the living room. He reached for my hand to sit by him on the couch. I declined and sat on the recliner.
It was more comfortable than that couch was but that wasn’t the point. He looked hurt and I hated seeing him like that but I was protecting him. This needed to end now or at least that’s what I was letting myself believe.