Never Enough (8 page)

I sat continuing to stare at different pictures around my room and remember the good times in life.
There was another one of me and my best friend from middle school. The two of us were inseparable back then but we went to different high schools and drifted apart. I thought back to the past few days at the bar and just a few hours ago when Trevor and I were having fun then I shut him out and now he was about to know the worst secret of my life. My eyes met with his and he watched me with concern. He looked like he wanted to speak but was afraid of what to say. Hell, even I didn’t know what to say at this point in time. Someone had to talk first and I decided I needed to break the ice.

“Trevor, I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“Don’t be sorry. Are you ok? You seemed really upset, I’m worried about you.” His eyes searched mine for some sort of answer. He looked really worried and I hated to see that.

“I really feel like I need to let you in on the conversation I just had with my Mom. Please just hear me out and then if you never want to see me again, I’ll find a new job or whatever I have to do so you can still play at the bar.” I was preparing myself to lay it all out for him.
None one knew but Halley and Gary. This step was everything and I was terrified to tell him. Would I be enough to keep him after he knew?

“Macy, I don’t care about playing at the bar, I care about you.”

I let out a small chuckle and replied, “You are full of it, and you love playing at the bar.” He let out a half smile and I began to speak again. “Did you ever wonder why I moved here with my Uncle?”

“You moved here for school. That’s what he told me when you first moved here and I asked about you. Then he told me to leave you alone.”

“That’s the partial reason.” I took several deep breaths determined not to start crying again when I told him. Yes, I had been a victim but I have moved on. I kept telling myself I was a strong woman. Nothing or no one can bring me down anymore. Slowly I began letting him in, “When I was 19, my mom’s husband would try to rub against me when we would walk past each other. At first it seemed completely normal, you know when you are trying to get around someone but can’t help but accidently brush against them, but then it began getting really awkward. One day he walked in the bathroom and tried to kiss me and began trying to raise my shirt up but my mom walked in the front door and he slid out before she even noticed anything.” I stopped to take a breath and looked at him. He sat patiently listening and never let go of my hand. I started talking again. “I tried to talk to her privately and let her know what he was trying to do but she wouldn’t hear it. He just wouldn’t do such a thing is what she would say. You’re practically his daughter I can’t believe you.” Deep breath. “He kept trying with the small passes and she always walked in and he would stop, but one day I was in my room texting Halley. School hadn’t started yet but we had our dorm mate assignments so we exchanged numbers and began getting to know one another. He came in and locked the door behind him.” I had to stop for a second to try to control the tears that had begun welling up again. He squeezed my hand gently and I got the strength to finish. “He walked up to me and pushed me down on the bed and he took my pants off and ripped my shirt off. He was so strong, I couldn’t push him off. I tried so hard. I tried to aim for his balls to kick him, I tried everything I could. I screamed as loud as I could manage but no one heard. No neighbors or anything. He raped me that night. That’s when I really started drinking. It was the only way to numb what was happening. I wished it were some gruesome nightmare. I sat in the hot shower as long as I could manage that night and cried til I was out of tears. It happened a few more times over that year. She never believed me. I wanted to die every time he walked in. There were a few times I actually contemplated whether or not taking my life would be easier or not. One day I finally called Gary and he told me if I left he could pick me up and I could stay with him. I left everything behind. I didn’t want anything from that house. That’s why I’m here. Obviously I never moved in with Gary because I lived in the dorm but he was my backup plan so that I never had to go back to that house ever again.”

I searched his face for any expression that might show he would laugh at me or leave, but instead he wiped the tears from my face and replied, “Macy, I’m so sorry. I know that wasn’t easy for you. You didn’t have to tell me.”

“I know, but eventually you’d need to know. I didn’t want to keep hiding it from you and lie. I understand if you never want to see me again.” I choked the words out because there was the possibility when he walked out this door he wouldn’t be back.

“Why would I never want to see you again? Because of some sick pervert? That’s not your fault.”

“I should have left sooner.” I was crying again unable to hold the tears back and he kissed my forehead trying to offer some sort of comfort.

“You wanted her to believe you.
I mean that’s your mom. I don’t blame you. Don’t blame yourself, it’s not your fault. I’ve got you, I’m here don’t worry.” He sounded very convincing but I was too nervous to let my guard down.

I practically snorted in his face,
“I’m screwed up Trevor. What do you want with me?”

“I don’t care about your past Macy. All I care about is now and the future. The rest of that doesn’t matter. We’re here now in this moment and it’s all that counts.” A few stray tears were falling and he kissed my cheeks where they lay
against my fair skin. I sunk down and laid my head in his lap and he ran his fingers through my hair and before I fell asleep I swore I heard him say everything was going to be ok.

When I awoke I noticed Trevor had fallen asleep too. Wait, he was still here? He heard everything and he was still here. I maneuvered the best I could to not wake him. I grabbed a shirt and some shorts and hurried and got out of the bathrobe I
realized I was still wearing. He looked so peaceful lying there. Sleeping like a baby. I decided I could wake him in a few minutes. I opened the door to go get a drink hoping the coast would be clear but Halley and Marcus were watching TV. My eyes were bloodshot from crying and well probably also because I had fallen asleep for a little while and when she noticed she got up, grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room.

She shut the door to her room and looked in my eyes.
“Mace, you ok.”

“My, uh, mom called earlier. We talked.” Her eyes got huge. She knew Mom and I never talked. “She, uh, left him. She knows everything now.”

“Ohmigod.”Her eyes were filling up with tears. She knew what this meant to me. Dammit, I wish she’d stop. I was tired of crying. “What now?”

“She’s supposed to call a lawyer and see about pressing charges on him if
it’s not too late.”

“Hell no
it’s not too late. I hope that bastard fries for what he did to you. Does, uh he know?” She pointed back towards my room where Trevor lay sleeping for now.

I looked up at her and replied, “Yes. He saw me freak out and start crying, I felt he needed to know
and hear it from me now rather than later. I didn’t know if he’d overheard anything between the crying and Mom yelling, so I just told him. I mean if we ever do become more he would have to know anyway. Halley, he didn’t leave. We actually both fell asleep.”

“Mace, Trevor’s a good guy. Maybe one day you can give him a chance. Now that your mom knows and believes everything now maybe you can finally move on with your life.” She gave me a hug. “Go wake him up and you guys get out of here and catch some fresh air.”

“Ok, thanks girl. I do feel better already.” I smiled at her and walked back to my room.

He was still asleep. I sat beside him
watching him continue to sleep so peacefully. I really would have thought he would have left the minute I passed out. I leaned over and kissed his cheek. His eyes peered open and he smiled.

“I fell asleep too?”

“Looks that way, huh?” I was trying to just slightly grin but I couldn’t help it. I had a full smile across my face. Smiling felt actually good considering I’d done nothing lately but cry. Crying was something I was definitely tired of doing. Finally I believed I could put the tears behind me and move on.

He laughed then
grabbed my hand lacing my fingers with his. I didn’t stop him. It felt right for once. “Hey what do you say we get out of here today?” I decided to take Halley’s advice. God knows I needed out of this room after the way the day had been so far.

“You sure? I’m perfectly ok with staying here if that’s what you want to do today. We can watch movies and order pizza, anything you want babe.”

I tried to keep my blushing to a minimum but I couldn’t help it. No one had ever called me babe before. So many emotions swirled around and I just couldn’t decipher any of them. “That sounds fun but I’d like to just get some fresh air.” I glanced at him then quickly added, “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

He lightly squeezed my hand and replied, “I want to be wherever you are. Is that ok with you?”

“Let’s get out of here.” I gave him a big grin and met his lips for a quick kiss. Before I could pull away, he pulled me closer and kissed me back with so much passion it made me weak. Good thing we were already sitting. When our kiss ended we stood up together and met for one more kiss and he hugged me like he were never going to let me go. I would be perfectly ok with that.

“Where to?” He asked with a sexy smirk on his face.

“Anywhere is fine with me.” The answer was short and sweet. Hand in hand we headed out the bedroom, gave a quick wave to Halley and Marcus. She was grinning from ear to ear. She couldn’t hide her excitement for us at all. She shooed us out with her hands and with that we left the apartment.

It was such a beautiful day that we decided to walk. The apartment was located in an area that was in walking distance to at least one park, several small cafes and a few little cottage type shops. Honestly, I would be content wherever we ended up. Most likely it would be the park
again, but I was a little nervous about a park because of how our first park date had gone just a few hours earlier. Things had changed since then though. So much had changed in the last mere hours and he was still here holding my hand. I never expected him to still be here but he was.

He led me into a small shop
called Molly’s Trinkets and Things that sold a lot of, well, trinket jewelry. Halley and I always walked past it but I’d never been in. I never had been much of a jewelry person even though I admired all of it, especially the fleur de lis earrings and necklaces. I gave him a puzzled look that he didn’t notice and started looking around. He pulled me towards a charm bracelet hanging on a little display.

“I want to buy you something.”
He said wearing the most adorable smirk on his face. It would be so hard to tell him no, how could anyone tell that face no?

“Trevor, no I can’t accept anything from you.”
My eyes were bugging out of my head. I stared outside wandering if I made my way outside, if he would follow and forget about this insane idea of his.

“Yes you can. Don’t argue with me silly. Look at this charm bracelet.
It’s beautiful and I think it would look gorgeous on you.” He grabbed it and placed it around my wrist and started looking at different charms. He moved gracefully around the display looking at different ones and putting back what he didn’t like. “We will get you a charm or two today and then occasionally I’ll buy you a new one to add on. This will be our own special thing. I can be your good luck charm, always with you.” He grabbed a guitar charm. “This will remind you of me.” And then he grabbed a beer mug charm. They seriously had those. I tried not to laugh. He was being so seriously sweet about this. “And this is for my favorite bartender. That’s you by the way.” I burst out laughing over his jokes he seemed to be having. He said only one or two today but he grabbed one more that was shaped like a microphone. “This is for your music you sing. Like a bird.” I blushed as he drug me towards the counter. This was beautiful but also unnecessary, I didn’t need a gift, for crying out loud I was shoving him out the door just earlier. He paid the lady a number I just looked appalled at and we walked out.

Once we were outside, it was then I was able to fully look at it. The only bracelets I’d ever owned were cheap trinket bangle things. This was definitely an upgrade. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to accept this.
“Thank you so much Trevor I love it. You didn’t have to buy that for me.”

He stopped and leaned in to kiss my forehead. “Don’t be silly Mace, I wanted to.
I want to give you nice things.”

I blinked back a few tears that were beginning to form again and grabbed his hand. “I’m sorry. I,
it’s just, you, your still here. You didn’t leave earlier.” I admit I was baffled and I probably shouldn’t be questioning him but part of me couldn’t help it. The way I grew up as I got old enough for relationships, no one stayed around because I didn’t let them. I didn’t have time for that.

He lifted my chin up and our eyes met. “I already told you, I’m not going anywhere. I don’t want to be anywhere you aren’t.”

I stood there and waited patiently for someone to jump out of the bushes laughing telling me that I had fallen for the prank and it was all just a joke. You know like that old show with Ashton Kutcher? My eyes searched his and everything about them told me he was serious. If this wasn’t a joke, then it had to be a dream. That’s it. I figured it out. I used my free arm to try to pinch my other arm and he started laughing. “Macy, what in the world are you doing?”