Never Enough: A New Adult Romance (18 page)

My heart thumped painfully and I fought the urge to rub my chest. Instead I asked as casually as I could. “So you going out with him again?”

“Yeah. I mean…maybe. I don’t know.” Her shoulders slumped and she looked dejected. I couldn’t help myself. Without thinking, I pulled her into my arms and felt her slump against me. My hands rubbed her tense muscles and I felt her slowly relax. I loved just having her near. Even though I’d told myself and her a thousand times it was just sex between us, I knew it wasn’t. Guilt started to slowly infuse my mind and I quickly pushed it aside. Not now. I could feel guilty later. Temperance needed me.

“God, that feels good,” she nearly moaned and just like that I was hard.

I knew she knew too. It was poking into her stomach.

“I’m glad you’re home,” I said, my voice a mere whisper. Those words said everything I couldn’t admit. “And tonight we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to…we could just…you know…talk.”

Her head tilted back and I saw something I couldn’t identify flash through her eyes. And then her sexy mouth opened and I was lost.

“Thanks for the offer, Damien, but I’ve had a bad day so just fuck me already.”

She didn’t have to ask me twice.

***

Silence washed over our sweat soaked bodies as Temperance and I stared at the ceiling. The sex had been great as usual, but something was off with her. She seemed a million miles away. Maybe I should have insisted we talk instead of doing it, but I had been powerless against her. There was no way in hell I was that strong.

“That wasn’t too rough was it?” I finally asked, not able to stand the quiet any longer.

“It was perfect,” she replied, her voice almost sad.

“You don’t sound like it was perfect,” I said softly.

“I’m sorry. I’m just thinking.”

“About what?”

“Everything,” she replied, her voice distant now.

“That’s not much of an answer, Temperance. I can’t read your mind. So are you going to throw me a bone or am I going to have to guess? It kind of ruins my self-esteem when the girl I’ve just had sex with sounds sad,” I replied semi-jokingly.

She paused and then I saw her turn to face me. I met her serious gaze and I swallowed nervously.

“Is that really all that matters to you? Your self-esteem? Or are you genuinely concerned?”

I nodded slowly. “I’m genuinely concerned. I do care about you, Temperance.”

“Do you?”

Shit. I don’t know why I’d said that out loud. Now she sounded hopeful. I needed to squash that or else I was going to lose her faster than I’d planned. Jonathan was right. I’d been sending her mixed signals. But how was I supposed to keep it causal when I was just as confused about how I felt as well? I really, really liked her. And ever since Jonathan had suggested I loved her, I was starting to think he was on to something. And that scared the shit out of me.

“Yeah, but it can’t be any more than what we have right now,” I said so quickly that my words slurred together. I regretted it immediately.

I watched Temperance push herself up on her elbow so she was looking down at me. “And why is that again? Because some girl broke your heart a year ago?”
“Something like that,” I mumbled. I didn’t want to talk about this right now. Just bringing Sophia into my bedroom when another girl was here with me made me feel like a total shithead. Even though disclosing to Temperance about why I was so closed off would have undoubtedly kept her around longer. It just wasn’t right using Sophia like that. Even I wasn’t that messed up.

She stared at me for a moment, as if trying to read my mind. Finally she asked, “What was her name? At least give me that.”

I gulped and said with hoarse voice, “Sophia...”

“Sophia,” she repeated softly. “She must have really done a number on you. Are you just scared to love…I mean…care about someone like that again? Is that why this has to stay just sex?”

“Look,” I said becoming slightly defensive. I didn’t need this psychoanalytic garbage right now. It was making me fucking nervous. “You’re the one who proposed the whole casual sex thing in the first place. It wasn’t me who started this, remember?”

My tone had her head snapping back as if I’d slapped her. She then closed her eyes tightly. “You’re right. It was stupid.”

I wasn’t sure if she was talking about her initiating casual sex with me or asking the question. I had to know.

“What was stupid? Sex with me or the question?”

“Both,” she replied with a shrug and my heart thumped heavily in my chest. “I don’t know…” She rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hands and said, “I’m just tired, is all. Let’s not talk about this right now.”

“Fine. What do you want to talk about then?”

“Nothing. I’m just going to go to sleep,” she replied and just like that she shut me out.

I tried to be happy that my comments had cut this conversation short. I was a guy, for Christ’s sake. I should be rejoicing that she didn’t want to blab on and on about nothing after sex. But instead I found myself aching for that connection with her, even if the conversation between us was surface level.

But even though it hurt like hell, I made no effort to rectify the situation. If I did, I’d be giving her false hope. It wouldn’t be fair to her in the end. It would only make things harder. I just needed to keep it cool and make sure I didn’t give her the wrong impression.

The worst thing would be if she wanted more and I couldn’t give it to her. Then this whole thing would end sooner than later.

A light from Temperance’s side of the bed had me glancing over. She was texting someone, the screen of her phone lighting up the entire room. It pissed me off slightly that she would talk to someone else and not me. Then again, I’d basically told her to shut up, so what had I expected? I was becoming more confused by the second.

“Thought you were going to sleep,” I grunted, doing my best to see who she was texting despite part of me not really wanting to know.

“Yeah, sorry. I’m going to in just a sec.”

“Anything wrong?” Now I was just pretending like I cared. I just wanted reassurance she wasn’t texting another guy while she was in my bed.

“No, just texing Maggie…” she began and I nearly exhaled in relief until she added, “…and Nik.”

I immediately tensed. “Why’s Nik texting you in the middle of the night?”

“He’s lonely.”

“And I bet he wants some company,” I muttered. I couldn’t help myself. I was damn jealous of that guy.

“Yeah, he does. I told him it’s late though. Don’t worry. I’m not going over to see him tonight,” she said.

“I wasn’t worried,” I countered.  “It’s your life. You can do whatever you want.” Shit. Why did I say things like that? They were total lies.

She sighed heavily. “That’s what you keep telling me…”

Her voice trailed off and I squinted through the dark at her. “Were you going to finish your thought?”

She glanced over at me before pushing herself up. “No. Want some water? I’m really thirsty and I need something to drink.”

I wanted to ask her what she was going to say, but instead I nodded and watched as she picked up my shirt from the ground and pulled it over her head. A second later, she made her way out of the room just as her phone buzzed on the comforter.

I shouldn’t have looked. I should have turned away and respect her privacy. But I wasn’t that nice of a guy.

I glanced down at the screen. I saw Nik’s name flashing across it and I swiped at it.

I miss having someone.

The dick. He was totally trying to get into her pants by playing the sympathy card. I needed to have a talk with him about her. Maybe if he knew I was on to him then he’d leave her alone.

But what really made my stomach churn and blood boil was a text from Maggie that popped up on the screen a second later.

Luke really liked you. And that kiss! Holy fuck balls. Even I was jealous.

I dropped her phone as if it had scalded my skin. Temperance had kissed someone else? She’d broken our agreement. She’d kissed some other guy and then kissed me.

My mind repeated those facts like it was my new mantra. I was numb. I was hurt. I was livid. I wiped at my mouth furiously, but the thought of her lips on another guy’s made me cringe. Is this what I’d feel like if I saw her with another guy? Would I feel this crazy all the time?

By the time Temperance returned to my room, all I could do was glower at her.

When she tilted her head at me in confusion, it was all I could do not to jump out of bed and throttle her.

Instead I leaned back against the pillow with feigned indifference even though I felt like I was crawling out of my skin. “So when were you going to tell me you made it to second base with your date tonight?”

She froze, the two water bottles dangling uselessly by her sides. “What?”

“Happened to see your text from Maggie…”

This seemed to spur her into action. She walked swiftly toward the bed, swiping the phone from its resting place. “Why were you going through my phone?”

“Why were you tongue-fucking another guy?” I couldn’t help the venom that seeped into my words.

“What? What does that even mean, Damien?”

“It means you broke our agreement. So what do we do now?”

In the low glow of her phone light I saw her eyes narrow into slits. “I didn’t break our agreement. The agreement was no sex with other people. Kissing wasn’t on the list of things we couldn’t do.”

“You kissed some guy and then came home and kissed me. How do you think that makes me feel?”

She placed her hands on her hips and stared at me. “This isn’t about feelings, Damien, as you so often tell me. It’s about sex. Right?”

“Shit,” I muttered, pushing myself upright. I didn’t like looking up at her. It made me feel weak, so I stood up. My eyes met hers and I frowned at the defiance in her gaze. Everything was going to hell and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it. “You’re twisting my words now.”

“Am I? I’m pretty sure that just moments ago you told me that this can’t be more than just sex. I need to keep my options open. I can’t wait around for you forever.”

“I’m not asking you to wait,” I replied, frustrated at where this conversation was going. It sounded a whole hell of a lot like a break up. And we weren’t even together.

“And I’m not waiting. I’m doing what I need to do. I’m keeping my options open until something better comes along.”

Those words stung and I knew it showed on my face. “Something better? Am I not good enough for you?”

She shook her head. “You’re everything any girl would want, Damien, except you’re way too closed off. You don’t let anyone in. It makes me sad.”

“I don’t want you to be sad,” I said quietly.

“Then give me something, a reason I should stick around even when you keep telling me it’s not anything more than just sex for you.”

I closed my eyes and sighed. Here it was. She wanted more, just like I’d predicted and like I’d told her, I couldn’t give her what she wanted. Even though I wanted to.

“I think the chemistry we have is great,” I replied, walking toward her and pulling her into my body. I knew it wasn’t what she was looking for, but maybe if she realized she’d never have what we have with another guy, she’d stick around.

She ran her hands up my chest and pressed them against my heart. God, just a simple touch like this made me crazy.

“I can find chemistry with anyone,” she replied softly.

“Jesus,” I bit out, my fingers digging into her hips angrily. “You sure have a way with words, Temperance.”

“It’s the truth. And you can find someone that will give you great if not better sex than I can.”

I doubted that, but didn’t say that. Instead I waited for her to continue her thought.
“And when we started this, I thought it would be okay just keeping it physical, but I think I’m wanting more now,” she said and my heart dropped. “I’m sorry it ended so soon...”

“Ended? It just fucking started.”

“I know…I’m just sorry about all of it. I’m sorry I couldn’t keep it just casual, that it was all my idea...for all of it really…”

“So are you saying this is over?” I asked, choking on my words.

She pushed away from me and took a step back. Our eyes met and I saw the sadness in her gaze. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to do.”

I ran my hands through my hair and ground my teeth. “This is such shit,” I muttered.

“It is,” she replied. “But there’s nothing you’re willing to do to change it, so are we going to keep talking about it or are we going to go to bed?”

I didn’t want to go to bed. I was as wired as fuck and I wouldn’t be able to close my eyes let alone drift off. This was terrible. This whole thing with Temperance was going down the drain and despite wanting to fix it, guilt had me clamping my mouth shut and sliding under the covers. I wanted her. I wanted to keep her, but I couldn’t have her because it was too soon. 

I wanted to pull her sweet little body into mine, but I resisted.

I had a feeling that things wouldn’t ever be the same from here on out.