Never Have I Ever (41 page)

I gave a little smile to the empty apartment—he must have taken it with him—and turned my attention back to the letter:

Love,

I left early this morning for work. You looked so peaceful I didn’t have the heart to wake you just to say goodbye. The key you see here is to my apartment; yours to keep. Come over tomorrow at 8pm. There’s more you deserve to know and I’d like to discuss it over dinner. Fancy dress is not required.

Also, expect a call from Dr. Fairbanks. Ethan
be
damned; you’ll get reinstated at Mt. Wilson by the end of the day. Yes, that
is
an order.

~N

I clutched the key in my hand just to feel the weight of it as a tangible object.

Finally.
Progress.

Just like Noah wrote, the call from Dr. Fairbanks did come that afternoon. I wish I knew how he did that. Being able to pull strings from so far up top was crazy. I was so embarrassed about the entire situation I almost didn’t answer the phone when it rang. After talking with Dr. Fairbanks for some time, careful to skirt around the details, I agreed to come in that day and reclaim my little corner of the Kepler room. Dr. Fairbanks had different plans for me, however. His only caveat to my return was that I accept his former offer of the Team Lead position. He didn’t sound desperate. Rather, he was insistent that they were more in need of a leader than a data-monkey. The position would move me out of the Kepler room and into the NuSTAR room with my own fully-functioning desk space which was not
smushed
into the corner of a glorified supply closet.

Twist my arm, why don’t you.

Quite frankly, I was scared out of my mind to not only accept my job back, but to gain a promotion out of the whole thing. I could only hope Noah dealt with Ethan before he found out I was back at work—however he planned on doing that; I really didn’t want to ask.

On my way into the office that afternoon—for what else but paperwork, I swung into the café to grab a coffee when I spotted a new display of trinkets in the center of the gift shop. At first I just barely cast a glance toward the capitalization of the Native American heritage posted up for sale in a fucking observatory of all places. Then I focused in on a seemingly innocuous object. To everyone else it was just another thing. The rub about things is, while people can walk by them a thousand times a day and never really notice them; a single person can spot the thing in passing and have it turn their entire day around. When I saw this seemingly innocuous object hanging on its display, it meant the world to me. I was almost sad there was nobody around to share my brief world of joy with in that moment.

Without a second thought, I claimed the little trinket. It was a dreamcatcher small enough to fit in the palm of my hand. Brown leather cords accented with green and white glass beads dangled feathers off the side of my hand. The weave of string in the center cradled a slightly larger green bead. In all this time I realized I never gave Noah anything as a ‘Just Because I Can’ gift. This, I decided, would be the first.

As long as I was counting my firsts for the moment; for the first time in what felt like ages the world granted me a breather. Life was about to settle into a normal pace again. I was on top of the world about my career now that I had it back and, of course, I was on top of the world about Noah. The un-bottling of the prior night raised a significant amount of weight off my shoulders. Not to mention, he loved me. The words echoed in my brain throughout most of the day. Since Noah came into my life, not a single hour went by in which I didn’t smile thinking about him.

I came to my choice regarding Selene that night. It was unfair and wrong of me to keep her secret when it hurt Noah so much. I resolved to tell him when I arrived at his place come Hell or high water. After all, his letter said I deserved to hear more; the sentiment should swing both ways.

For the evening I chose a little dress I bought on our vacation and never garnered the opportunity to wear until now. It wasn’t fancy, per se. Maybe it was fancy-
ish
, but it was nothing spectacular; a simple square neck, thin strapped blue number with a slightly flared skirt which stopped short just above my knees.

There wasn’t a corner of my mind which didn’t churn with terse nudges of anxiety on the elevator ride up to Noah’s apartment. I leaned against the back corner of the lift in case anyone else needed on or off on the ascent, and fiddled idly with the dreamcatcher between my fingers.

I can do this, I told myself. The longer I wait to tell him, the worse his reaction will be.

Considering I already kept the secret from him for an entire week, the odds didn’t seem to be stacked in my favor much past tonight.

The elevator chimed on his floor. And then I found myself at his door. For a moment I wasn’t sure whether to invite myself in by using the key he gave me, or to knock. I decided to play it safe; I took a deep breath, expelled the butterflies, and knocked.

When Noah answered the door he was clad in dark denim jeans and a simple crisp white button-down.

“Hey,” I said with a nervous smile. I held up the dreamcatcher to show him. “I got you something.”

He accepted the gift and leaned against the doorframe, examining it as it lay against the back of his hand from the leather cord at the top. Several seconds ticked by without a word.

I filled the silence. “It’s cliché and stupid, I know, but it made me think of you. Especially after… you know.”

Noah glanced up at me. A touch of that Loki-like mischief crawled into his voice as he said, “I happen to be a fan of the cliché coming from you. Thank you for the thought. I also distinctly remember telling you fancy dress wasn’t required. We’re staying in tonight.”

“This isn’t fancy; I just wanted to look nice for you.” I did a little twirl in the dress to let it flare out before stopping to face him. The cloth spun around my hips, bunching into little creases before swinging back into place with gravity’s assistance. “What do you think?”

“Very nearly flawless,” he said with a nod.

“Only very nearly?”
I shook my head while laughing softly. “Always room for improvement, huh?”

One side of his mouth twisted up into a devious smile. “There’s just something incomplete.”

“What’s that?”

Noah pushed off the doorframe to let me in, then shut the door and moved further into the living room. Once he was between the back of the L-shaped sofa and the kitchen, he turned and waved me over with a subtle flick of his hand.

“Come here.”

I took a step into the living room to make my way to him. Tonight, Noah was poised and confident, as usual, but I could tell there was something more weighing on his mind. Maybe he was just as nervous to divulge his side of things about Selene as I was for my part.

“I am going to make you the best damn salmon you’ve ever tasted. However, there are two things we need to discuss. First and foremost, kneel here for me and close your eyes.”

I gave him a little smile out of confusion, but readily complied. I set my purse on the counter and descended to my knees on the cool wood floor.

“Good girl. Stay right there.” I heard him walk off toward his bedroom. A moment later his soft footsteps approached once more. When he spoke again, his voice was inches from my face. He had knelt down in front of me. “Since we seem to be on the same page as far as gifts are concerned, I have something for you as well; I’d like you to have it before the evening begins.”

I heard a box open and something which sounded remarkably like chain clinking softly together.

“Ordinarily, there would be more ceremony to this. I’ve never been big on ceremony. This also isn’t exclusively a sexual action for either of us. Pull your hair up.”

I gathered the two-toned strawberry blonde and dark red of my hair into one hand at the back of my head. A few loose strands tickled against my shoulders. My heart raced as I felt the cold presence of pliable metal slither around my neck. Next
came
the familiar snap of a small padlock.

“We already have a verbal agreement about our relationship. It’s time to take things a step further. You can open your eyes now.”

When I opened my eyes my reflection stared back at me in a small circular mirror which Noah was holding. As I suspected, the thin collar was roughly an inch and a half wide and didn’t look entirely like a collar if you didn’t know what to look for. It held the same pattern as the chainmail cuffs around my wrists with knitted alternating dull and polished platinum. The lock at the base of my neck connected to an O-ring which rested just below my collarbone. I raised a tentative hand to touch the metal warming against my skin, almost in complete disbelief he was giving it to me.

Noah lowered the mirror, snapping my attention away from the reflection and back to him. “There. Now it’s flawless. Given everything we’ve been through, you’ve more than earned it, my pet.”

There was no turning back; now I
had
to tell him about Selene at some point in the evening.

“Sir, I—I’m not sure what to say.”

“It’s a first for me too. I’ve never collared a submissive before tonight,” he told me. “This is a symbol. It is a reminder to you of your submission to me, of your commitment to pleasing me, and of your devotion to me and only me. In turn, I am promising to always keep you, to always guide you. I am promising to hold your safety and security above all else. Most importantly, I give this to you out of my love for you. Accept me as your Master and you don’t need to say anything else right now if you don’t wish to.”

As my hand lowered from the collar so did my vision from him. I looked down with some humility and said, “There’s not a doubt in my mind; all of the things you listed have been what I’ve wanted since I met you.”

Noah placed his hand beneath my chin and lifted my gaze to his. “Say it out loud.”

“You’re my Master,” I replied without a scrap of hesitation.

“Excellent.” He gave me a kiss, took my hands and guided me to my feet. “Now, do you know what the second topic of conversation is?”

“I can guess. You said in your note I deserved to hear more. It’s left me sort of wondering.”

“I did. And you do; mostly because I should have been up-front with you about it from the beginning.”

“Amen to that, Sir.”

Noah sort of chuckled as he motioned to one of the cushioned barstools beside us. “To be fair, I’ve not had cause to tell anyone up until now. This is difficult for me, and I’m rather afraid you’ll run the other way because of it.”

“No running, I promise,” I said. I gave him an encouraging smile while I took my seat. “Besides, I’m collared now.”

“That you are,” he said with satisfaction. He sat on a stool beside me.
“Where to start?”

“The beginning is usually a good place, Sir.”

“Brace yourself, there’s quite a bit to tell.”

I nodded and sat in silence while he spun the story, “I told you Selene’s suicide was my fault. And it was; for the most part, anyway. Ethan and I met Selene at a club downtown. It must be genetic because Ethan and I locked our sights on her at the same time. We always did that. The both of us can spot a submissive from across a dark, crowded club like
it’s
second nature. We had a friendly bet going about which one of us would take her home that night.”

“And you won?”

Noah gave me a look that clearly said, ‘Oh, you’re so cute and naïve for thinking that,’ before replying, “Surprisingly, no. She went home alone. But then, we kept meeting her there, whether we were both present or not. How stupid we were to try to turn a little bet on one night into a rivalry for her attention beyond that. We got to know her, and we both genuinely felt something for her. It didn’t hurt that our instincts were right about her love of rough sex at the hands of a Dom who knew what the hell he was doing. Howard gave us a damn good education. Eventually, it was Ethan who won.”

“You’re kidding,” I said. My voice was low and deadpan. I couldn’t at all picture Ethan being able to out-maneuver Noah in that regard. Ethan’s stone-cold demeanor wasn’t nearly as appealing.

“Believe it or not, Ethan used to be a suave motherfucker. He’s just shut that portion of his brain off these days. I was livid, of course. What self-respecting younger brother wouldn’t be? But I fumed for a while and came to terms with my defeat.”

“But, you said you were with her for four months.”

“I was. She had second thoughts about choosing one of us over the other, and decided it was better to back off before she came between us. Being young and stupid, I took it as a challenge. I revived my pursuit, swooped in, and got her to… reconsider.”

“Ethan saw it as a betrayal didn’t he?”

“Yes, it was Ethan’s turn to brood about it. I’ll give him credit; he was much more dignified than I was when she first chose him. Four months later, she approached me, saying her feelings for Ethan were stronger than her feelings for me. She was so apologetic, so torn. Somehow, I pressured her in to allowing me to have her for one more night, after which I agreed to step aside for good. To make sure she remembered the night, though, I used her hard.
Harder than I should have.
It was pretty much no-holds barred, actually.