Never Let Me Go (14 page)

“Michele,” he said, squeezing my waist and trying to hold me still. “Michele, stop. That’s not why I brought you here. Please.”

I stopped, looking at him in utter confusion. His eyes were closed and his brows furrowed as though he were having a battle within himself.

I stood up, walking backward and leaning against the island in the center of the kitchen. I folded my arms across my middle, trying to cover up immediately.

His rejection stung a bit, I wasn’t going to lie. I knew that we weren’t
together,
and that we weren’t
in love
, but I was sure that things were getting serious. I’d just met his daughter for crying out loud!

“So what exactly
did
you bring me here for?” I asked.

He shrugged, finally opening his eyes and meeting my gaze. He visibly blanched, most likely reacting to whatever expression I was giving him. “I wanted you to stay the night.”

I laughed, standing up straight and placing a hand on my hip. “For what? So that we could stay up all night playing Parcheesi and drinking Diet Coke?”

He chuckled—no, really, he
guffawed
. His laugh boomed and echoed so loudly that he had to bend double and cover his mouth so as not to wake Skylar. His shoulders shook and he gasped for air, staring at me through tear-filled eyes.

He took one last breath and then sighed, looking at me intently. “First of all, I don’t drink Diet Coke, and I’ve never played Parcheesi in my life.”

I rolled my eyes, throwing my hands up in the air and groaning loudly.

“You know what I mean!” I exclaimed, stomping about the kitchen. If it weren’t for the fact that Skylar was there—and sleeping, might I add—I would have probably thrown something out of frustration. “We’ve been going out on dates for over a month and a half. Seriously, half of my trip here is already gone, and I’ve spent half of it working and the other half with you. And yet, we haven’t even kissed yet! And yet, I’ve met your daughter. And yet, I all but throw myself at you and you tell me to stop. What kind of guy are you, anyway? Most guys are quick to kiss me and are even quicker to try and get me into bed. So are we going to do this or what?”

I placed my palms flat on the counter, breathing heavily as I risked a glance at Hayden. All traces of humor and laughter were gone from his face. He was regarding me a mixture of caution and confusion.

“Michele, what kind of guys have you
been
with?” he asked quietly.

That question stopped me dead in my tracks. I stood there, my arms hanging limp at my side as I thought about his words, as I tried to figure out how exactly to answer that. I guess I was just stunned. He said it in such a way that I wasn’t sure exactly what he was asking. His voice was laced with a mixture of both concern and disgust, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that, honestly.

“Excuse me?” I asked. My voice was small and timid.

“What kind of guys have you been with?” He stood up and circled me, still rubbing his chin lightly. “I fear you may have gotten the wrong impression about me. I don’t know if you remember, but I’m
pretty
sure I told you that I was with Sam for the majority of my life. I didn’t bring you here to have sex with you. That’s something I don’t take lightly. And you shouldn’t either. So I’m going to ask again, what kind of guys have you been with?”

I was silent for a long time before I spoke. I placed both my hands on the counter and propped myself up there.

I shook my head, wondering how we’d even ended upon this subject in the first place. “I’ve only been with three guys in my life. Austin, Brody, and this random guy I met at a party once. Austin was a rebound after Brody and the other guy is pretty self-explanatory. With Austin and the random, it was more about giving them what they wanted and helping myself try to get over Brody. And with Brody—he was my first—it was like once we had sex for the first time, we couldn’t stop.”

“Yeah, and how many of those guys cared about what you wanted?”

I sighed, knowing that I would hate myself later for starting this conversation by throwing myself at him.

“Besides Brody, none of them.”

Hayden sighed and leaned against the counter right next to me. He threw his head back and closed his eyes, raking his hands over his face.

“Michele, I’ve got to say something, and I really need you to hear this. So pay attention because I’m only going to say it once.” The tone of his voice was biting, and his eyes were scrunched tightly.

“Okay.”

He turned to face me, his amber eyes intense and blazing. He braced his hands on my shoulders, holding me at arm’s length. “I know that Brody was your first love, your first kiss, your first time. But I really need you to forget that. Stop comparing me to him. We are two completely different people. I fear that if you keep holding him in such high regard in your mind, this idealistic creature, you’re never going to let yourself feel anything for anyone else. I fear…I fear that if I have to compete with the picture your mind has made up of him, I’ll never win. I can’t compete with that. I won’t.”

I could feel my eyes well up with tears at his words. Was that what I had been doing? I hadn’t intended to, but maybe my subconscious was doing it and I hadn’t even noticed. I immediately felt guilty, because he was right. If I compared what we had to Brody and me on a good day, it’d be no competition.

“Hayden, I’m sorry.” My voice was small, barely even a whisper. If he weren’t so close to me, I doubt he’d even have heard it. “I haven’t been comparing you to Brody—not intentionally anyway. Maybe when we first met, or maybe on our first date I was, but not a single day since. I know that you’re two different people.” I paused, closing my eyes. “It’s just that…never mind.”

I looked away and made a move to walk away, to go grab my purse and call Colin to come and pick me up. Hayden’s arm reached out and grabbed absently at my waist, pulling me against him.

“It’s just that what?” he asked, his voice soft, so different from the lethal hint to his voice earlier.

I closed my eyes as he pulled me closer, my face buried in his chest. I looked down, unable to look at him. “I’m not used to a guy being so good to me for so long without expecting anything from me in return.”

I felt his hands in my hair then, massaging the nape of my neck and tugging at my baby hairs. I looked up at him, my eyes wide. He looked down at me with nothing but questions in his eyes. He stared down at me as though he’d seen a ghost, or as though I had three heads.

“Michele, what could I ever expect from you in return? You’re so kind to me. You like my daughter—”

“I love your daughter,” I interrupted.

He chuckled darkly, his eyes meeting mine again. “You love my daughter. You don’t
expect
me to pay for everything. In fact, you try and fight me almost every time that I do. You fight me every step of the way and I adore that, because I have no interest in a submissive girl who does everything I ask of her.” He looked up at the ceiling, shaking his head. “Whatever could I want from you in return, when you’ve given me so much already?” He held me close, his hands roaming from my shoulders in a feather-light touch down my body and over my back. His hand slid down so agonizingly slowly I felt as though I might combust. His hand lightly grazed my ass, but I never broke eye contact. “Your body? Could I expect your body in return?” He was asking the question aloud, but it was like he was looking straight through me. “No. When you
give
your body to me, on
your
own terms, I plan to love it, to worship it.” He looked away from me, then grabbed for my hand, pulling it up to my chest. He placed his gargantuan hand above mine and held both our hands over my heart. “Could I expect your heart in return? No. Not yet. You’re clearly not ready for that right now, and I’d be nothing short of an asshole if I expected that from you right now. But when you
give
your heart to me, on
your
own terms, I plan to cherish it, to hold it in my hands and never give it back to you.” He moved his hand hastily from atop mine, running his hand along my hairline and down the side of my face, grazing my jaw and moving it down toward my chin. When he reached my lips, he stopped and ran his thumb along my bottom lip lightly. “Could I expect your lips in return? No. A kiss is one of the most personal things you can give to a person, and I want to be the only person on your mind when you give that to me, on
your
own terms. But when I taste those luscious lips against my own, I’ll want to kiss you forever, because I can’t imagine anything better than kissing you.”

I stood there, stone silent and frozen at his touch. His hand reached behind my knees and they buckled as soon as it did. His other hand came up to support my head as he scooped me into his arms with ease. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he stood there, gazing into my eyes.

“Stay the night with me.” It wasn’t a question, an invitation, or an offer. It was a demand.

What else was I supposed to say after all of that?

“Okay.”

…

“Michele,” the voice said, creeping into my sleep and my subconscious. “Michele, wake up.”

I groaned, burying my face in the blanket and squeezing my eyes shut. I wasn’t sure how long I’d been asleep, or where I even was, but I knew that I recognized that voice. I couldn’t place it though, not in my just-woken-up stupor.

“Michele, it’s time to wake up.”

“No.” My voice came out like a yawn.

It was silent then for a long time and I gave a small smile, happy that I was able to go back to sleep. Within seconds, I felt the bed dip where my legs were, and a hand came up and rested on my bare thigh.

Hayden’s. I was at Hayden’s house. I’d spent the night in his bed and we
hadn’t
had sex. Wow. It still shocked me.

“I come bearing coffee.”

I perked up at that, my nose catching a whiff of the caffeine. “Coffee?” I sat up, my eyes opening slowly as they adjusted themselves to the light. Right at my feet was Hayden, holding a large blue mug of coffee, a grin spreading across his face. “Morning.”

He leaned forward, his eyes closed as he pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Morning.” He moved his hands away from my leg, and he rested them in his lap. “How’d you sleep?”

I shrugged, my forehead tingling from where he planted a kiss mere seconds before. “I’ve had better sleep. Your mattress isn’t made from the clouds of Heaven and crafted by the hands of God like the ones in Colin’s house.”

Hayden chuckled, watching as I took a sip of my coffee. He opened his mouth to speak as I put the coffee on his side table. His door was slammed open and a tiny burst of blonde came racing into the room and bouncing into the bed.

“Daddy, get up! Michele, get up!” Skylar stood up on the bed and started jumping up and down excitedly. “Today is Josie’s birthday party! Get up get up get up! Hurry!”

I grinned, standing up and taking Sky’s hands. “I’m up I’m up I’m up!” I laughed, jumping up and down on Hayden’s bed with her. Her hair flew as she giggled uncontrollably, and I backed away from her so that I was at the foot of the bed. I jumped up twice, then did two backflips into the center of the bed and let myself fall onto the mattress. Skylar squealed with delight and let herself fall next to me. I wrapped her in a hug and we both looked to Hayden. “Who’s Josie?”

He shook his head at us, smiling widely.

“Josie is my bestest, bestest friend in the whole wide world!” Skylar exclaimed. “And today is her birthday!”

Hayden crawled atop the bed, lying on the other side of his daughter. He peered over her head and looked directly at me. “Josslyn is my sister Livie’s daughter. She’s a year older than Skylar, and Sky’s been bouncing off the walls all month waiting for this party.”

I nodded. “Oh. So I guess you’re going to drop me off before you head over there?”

Skylar looked up at me, her eyebrows furrowed together. “You said Michele was coming with us, Dad!” Her tone was accusatory.

I couldn’t help but feel excited, even though I was slightly annoyed that apparently it was the plan all along to take me to their family function and he didn’t warn me beforehand. All that aside, though, I was flattered. I hadn’t known Hayden long, but I could tell that he didn’t let just
anyone
meet his family.

“Is that so?” I asked.

Hayden blushed scarlet, his eyes widening and then his entire expression turning sheepish. “Yeah, that’s why I wanted you to stay the night.”

I cocked an eyebrow at him, then smiled, touching my hand to his face. “Well, you could have told me that
yesterday
, and I would have had clothes to wear! Now we have to stop at home before we go!”

He breathed a sigh of relief and Skylar started jumping on the bed again, yelling in delight, “My Michele is coming to the party!”

Two hours later—which was record time for someone like me—we were in and out of Colin’s house and pulling into Hayden’s sister and her boyfriend’s driveway.

Skylar wore a ruffled navy blue shorts romper with white Mary Jane shoes and a white bow tying her unruly hair back. I had on overall shorts and a white crop top with my white Keds and I wore my hair in my natural loose waves.