Never Love a Highlander (2 page)

But in truth, Caelen frightened her. Alaric hadn’t. Even Ewan didn’t intimidate her. Caelen scared her witless.

Rionna slid into the chair beside Mairin, hoping for a brief reprieve before Caelen joined her. She wasn’t so fortunate. Her husband pulled out the chair next to her and scooted to the table, his leg so close to hers that it pressed to the whole of her thigh.

Deciding it would be rude—and obvious—were she to slide toward Mairin, she decided instead to ignore him. She couldn’t forget that it was acceptable for him to be so familiar now. They were wed.

She sucked in her breath as the realization hit her that he would of course exert his marital rights. Indeed, there was the whole wedding night, virginal deflowering. All the things women tittered about behind their hands when the men weren’t around.

The problem was that Rionna was always with the men and she’d never tittered in her life. Keeley had been separated from her at a young age, long before Rionna had grown curious over such matters.

With a lecher for a father and Rionna’s constant fear for Keeley, the mere thought of coupling nauseated her. Now she had a husband who’d expect … Well, he’d expect certain things, and God help her, she had no idea what.

Humiliation tightened her cheeks. She could ask Mairin. Or one of the McCabe women. They were all generous to a fault and they’d all been kind to Rionna. But the idea of having to admit to them all just how ignorant she was of such matters made her want to hide under the table.

She could wield a sword better than most men. She could fight. And she was fast. She could be ruthless when provoked. She didn’t suffer a gentle constitution nor did she faint at the sight of blood.

But she didn’t know the way of kissing.

“Are you going to eat?” Caelen asked.

She looked up to see that the places had been set and the food was on the table. Caelen had thoughtfully cut a choice piece of meat and placed it on her plate.

“Aye,” she whispered.

’Twas the truth, she was fair to starving.

“Would you like water or ale?”

’Twas also true she never partook of spirits, but somehow today ale seemed to be the wise choice.

“Ale,” she said, and waited as Caelen poured a gobletful. She reached for it but to her surprise, he put it to his mouth and first sniffed and then drank a small portion of the ale.

“ ’Tis not poisoned,” he said as he slid it toward her place.

She gaped at him, not comprehending what he’d just done.

“But what if it
had
been poisoned?”

He touched her cheek. Just once. It was the only affectionate gesture he’d offered her and it might not even be construed as affectionate, but it was soft and a little comforting.

“Then you wouldn’t have partaken of the poison, nor would you have died. We already nearly lost one McCabe to such cowardice. I’ll not risk another.”

Her mouth fell open. “That’s ridiculous! Think you that
you
dying somehow makes it all better?”

“Rionna, I just took sacred vows to protect you. That means I’d lay down my life for you and for any future children we have. We’ve already a snake in our midst trying to poison Ewan. Now that you and I are wed, what better way to prevent the alliance between our clans than to kill you?”

“Or you,” she felt compelled to point out.

“Aye, ’tis a possibility. But if McDonald’s only heir is dead then his clan effectively crumbles, which makes it easy pickings for Duncan Cameron. You are the heart of this alliance, Rionna. Whether you wish to believe it or not. Much rides on your shoulders. I guarantee you it won’t be easy for you.”

“Nay, I never imagined differently.”

“Smart lass.”

He piddled with the goblet before sliding it toward her. Then he solicitously lifted it and held it to her mouth, just as a new husband would do for his bride during the wedding feast.

“Drink, Rionna. You look exhausted. You’re on edge. You’re so stiff that it can’t be comfortable. Take a drink and try to relax. We’ve a long afternoon to endure.”

He hadn’t lied.

Rionna sat wearily at the table as toast after toast was given. There were toasts to the McCabes. Toasts to the new McCabe heir. Ewan and Mairin were the proud parents of a newborn lass, who also happened to be the heir to one of the largest and choicest holdings in all of Scotland.

Then there were toasts to Alaric and Keeley. To Keeley’s health. Then the toasts to her marriage to Caelen began.

At one point they degenerated into lewd toasts to Caelen’s prowess, and two lairds even began a wager as to how fast Rionna would find herself with child.

Rionna’s eyes were glazing over and she wasn’t entirely sure it was due to the lengthy accolades being tossed about. Her goblet had been refilled more times than she remembered but she drank on, ignoring the way it swirled around in her belly and made her head swim.

Laird McCabe had decreed that despite the many issues that bore discussion and the decisions that must be made, today would be spent in celebration of his brother’s marriage.

Rionna suspected that Mairin had everything to do with that decree. She needn’t have bothered, though. There was little cause for celebration in Rionna’s mind.

She glanced sideways to see Caelen sitting back in his chair, lazily surveying the occupants of the table. He tossed back an insult when one was flung his way by one of the McCabe men. Something to do with his manhood. Rionna shuddered and purposely blanked her mind to the innuendo.

She gulped down another mouthful of the ale and put the goblet back down on the table with a bang that made her wince. No one seemed to notice, but then it
was
unbearably loud.

The food before her swam in her vision, and the idea of putting it to her mouth, despite Caelen having cut the meat into bite-sized morsels, turned her stomach.

“Rionna, is anything amiss?”

Mairin’s soft inquiry jolted Rionna from her semi-daze. She glanced guiltily up at the other woman and then blinked when Mairin suddenly became two people.

“I should like to see Keeley,” she blurted.

If the laird’s wife thought it odd that Rionna would wish to visit with Keeley on Rionna’s wedding day, she didn’t react.

“I’ll go up with you if you like.”

Rionna sighed in relief then started to rise from her seat. Caelen’s hand snapped around her wrist and he tugged her back down, a frown marring his features.

“I wish to see Keeley since she wasn’t able to attend my wedding,” Rionna said. “With your permission, of course.”

She nearly choked on the words.

He studied her for a brief moment then relaxed his grip on her wrist. “You may go.”

It sounded so imperious. So … husbandlike.

Her stomach heaved as she excused herself to the laird. Married. Jesus wept, but she was married. She was expected to submit to her husband. To obey him.

Her hands shook as she followed Mairin toward the stairs. They walked quietly up, one of Ewan’s men tagging along behind, but then Mairin went nowhere without an escort.

Merciful heaven, would she be expected to be led about by the reins now that she was married to Caelen? The idea of being unable to go anywhere or do anything without someone breathing down her neck suffocated her.

At Keeley’s door, Mairin knocked softly. Alaric answered, and Mairin spoke in low tones with her brother by marriage.

Alaric nodded and stepped out but then said, “Try not to be overlong. She tires easily.”

Rionna glanced at the man who would have been her husband and couldn’t help a silent comparison between him and his younger brother. The man she now found herself wed to.

There was no doubt both were fierce warriors, but she still couldn’t help but feel she would have preferred marriage to Alaric. He didn’t seem as … cold … as Caelen. Or indifferent. Or … something.

She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but there was something in Caelen’s eyes that unsettled her, that made her wary, like prey poised to flee a predator. He made her feel tiny, defenseless.
Feminine
.

“Rionna,” Alaric said with a nod. “Congratulations on your marriage.”

There was still a hint of guilt in his eyes, and truly, she wasn’t resentful. Not of why he hadn’t married her. His falling in love with Keeley hadn’t quite managed to banish her humiliation of being jilted, though. She was working on it.

“Thank you,” she murmured.

She waited until Alaric passed her and then she entered Keeley’s chamber.

Keeley lay propped on an abundance of pillows. She was pale and lines of fatigue etched grooves on her forehead. Still, she smiled weakly when her gaze met Rionna’s.

“So sorry I missed your wedding,” Keeley said.

Rionna smiled and went to her bed. She perched on the edge so she wouldn’t cause Keeley pain and then gingerly reached for her hand.

“ ’Twas not of import. I barely remember it myself.”

Keeley snorted and a spasm of pain crossed her face.

“I had to see you,” Rionna whispered. “There was something … I wanted to seek your counsel on something.”

Keeley’s eyes widened in surprise and then she glanced beyond Rionna to Mairin. “Of course. Is it all right if Mairin stays? She’s completely trustworthy.”

Rionna cast a hesitant glance in Mairin’s direction.

“Perhaps I should go down and fetch us some ale,” Mairin suggested. “ ’Twill give you time to speak freely.”

Rionna sighed. “Nay, I’ll wait. ’Tis the truth I could use the counsel of more than one woman. Keeley is newly married after all.”

A soft blush suffused Keeley’s cheeks and Mairin chuckled. “I’ll send for the ale then, and we’ll talk. You have my word, naught will pass the doors of this chamber.”

Rionna looked gratefully at Mairin, and then Mairin went to the door and conversed with Gannon, the warrior who’d accompanied them up the stairs.

“How easily is sound carried through the doors?” Rionna whispered to Keeley.

“I can assure you that nothing can be heard from the halls,” Keeley said, a twinkle in her eyes. “Now what matter would you like to discuss?”

Rionna dutifully waited until Mairin returned to Keeley’s bedside and then she licked her lips, feeling the worst sort of fool for exposing her ignorance.

“ ’Tis about the marriage bed.”

“Ah,” Mairin said knowingly.

“Ah, indeed,” Keeley said with a nod.

Rionna blew out her breath in frustration. “What am I to do? What am I supposed to do? I know nothing of kissing and coupling or … anything. ’Tis a sword and fighting I have knowledge of.”

Mairin’s expression softened and the amusement fled from her eyes. She covered Rionna’s hand with her own and squeezed. “ ’Tis the truth that not too long ago, I was in your same position. I sought out the counsel of some older ladies of the clan. ’Twas an eye-opening experience to be sure.”

“Aye, as did I,” Keeley admitted. “It isn’t as though we’re born with such knowledge, and none of us had mothers to guide us through such things.” She cast an apologetic look to Rionna. “At least I assume your mother never discussed such delicate issues with you.”

Rionna snorted. “She despaired of me from the time I grew breasts.”

Keeley’s eyebrows rose. “You grew breasts?”

Rionna flushed and glanced down at her bosom. Her flat bosom. If Keeley—or anyone—actually knew what lay beneath the wrappings … Her husband would know soon enough, unless Rionna figured out a way to consummate a marriage fully clothed.

Mairin smiled. “ ’Tis not so difficult, Rionna. The men do most of the work, as they should in the beginning. Once you learn your way around, well, then you can certainly do all manner of things.”

“Alaric is wonderful at loving,” Keeley said with a sigh.

Mairin colored and cleared her throat. “ ’Tis the truth I didn’t think Ewan overly skilled at first. Our wedding night was hastened by the fact that Duncan Cameron’s army bore down on us. ’Twas an insult Ewan took exception to and made great effort to remedy. With very satisfying results, I might add.”

Rionna’s cheeks warmed as she glanced between the two women. Their eyes became all dreamy and soft as they spoke of their husbands. Rionna couldn’t imagine ever having such a reaction to Caelen. He was simply too … forbidding. Aye, that was an apt description.

A knock at the door interrupted the discussion and the women went silent. Mairin issued a summons, and Gannon stepped inside, a disapproving look on his face.

“Thank you, Gannon,” Mairin said, as he set the flagon and the goblets on the small table beside Keeley’s bed. “You may go now.”

He scowled but backed out of the room. Rionna glanced up at Mairin, curious as to why she accepted such insolence from her husband’s man. Mairin simply smiled smugly as she poured the ale into the goblets.

“He knows we’re up to mischief and it’s killing him to say nothing.”

She handed Rionna a goblet and then carefully placed one into Keeley’s hand.

“ ’Tis the truth it will dull the pain,” Keeley said.

“I’m sorry, Keeley. Would you like me to go? I have no wish to cause you further distress,” Rionna said.

Keeley sipped at the ale and then leaned back against her pillows with a sigh. “Nay. I’m about to go mad being sequestered in my chamber. I welcome the company. Besides, we must ease your fears about your wedding night.”

Rionna gulped at her ale and then extended the goblet to Mairin for it to be refilled. She had a feeling she wasn’t going to like this conversation.

“ ’Tis no reason to fear,” Mairin soothed. “I’ve no doubt Caelen will take care with you.” Then she wrinkled her nose. “Give thanks you don’t have an army bearing down on you. ’Tis the truth I had no liking for my wedding night.”

Rionna felt the blood drain from her face.

“Hush, Mairin. You aren’t helping,” Keeley chided.

Mairin patted Rionna’s hand. “All will be well. You’ll see.”

“But what do I
do
?”

“Exactly what is it that you know?” Keeley asked. “Let’s start there.”

Rionna closed her eyes in misery and then downed the entire contents of her goblet. “Nothing.”

“Oh dear,” Mairin said. “ ’Tis the truth I was ignorant, but the nuns at the abbey did see fit to provide me cursory information.”