Never Say Goodbye (8 page)

I sit in the café, my coffee cup attached to my hand and my eyes transfixed on a painting of a bridge in Italy, or somewhere. My emotions are well and truly scattered. What do I do
? Question it? Do I get angry? Was I just a problem that got out of hand? Was he just too scared to say no to me? I knew this was too quick. I’ve lost it all before it could even really begin. He doesn’t want me and that’s what’s hurting me. Am I overreacting
? I have to be.
Thinking deeply though, he hasn’t really introduced me to anyone. He hasn’t kissed me in public. That was my fault
. He said he was going to.
    
“Ella, you’re day dreaming, sweetie.” Jade smiles at me. “You really should try to ignore it, I know it’s going to be hard. But it’s only been a week, Ella.” I look at her, my face ashen.
    
“I know, Jade, but in that week my life has changed. It’s different. He’s been helping me. I opened up to him y’know? Now look what I fucking get. A broken heart.”
    
“Is your heart broken, Ella, really?”
    
“Yes.”
    
“Why? Do you love him?”
    
“I think I do, I haven’t said that I love him. We have only had one date but we have kissed so much and been caring with each other. We have even exchanged gifts.” I laugh and Jade grabs my hand.
    
“Els, you do what you feel is right. Ignore me; I have no idea what you two have been up to. Have you slept with him?”
    
“God, no!” I look at her shocked.
    
“Just checking.” She winks at me and her radiant smile makes me feel much more settled. “I can’t tell you what to do, Ella, but you are a sister to me and I don’t want to see you hurt again.”
    
“I know.” I mutter.
We finish our coffees and pack up to go home. I have a look at my cell, there’ a missed call and two text messages.



*Hey, Ellie. Missed you today. Are you free tonight? Xxx*

*We need to talk.*

The first one was sent ten minutes before the second one. What the hell? Damn right we need to talk Mr. James.

I reply.
*Okay
.
　*

Blunt and powerful.
I put my cell back into my bag and I drive Jade home. I pull up outside her house, turn off my ignition, and breathe in.
    
“I love you, Ella, okay? You know that, right? I’m always here for you.”
    
“I know, Jade.” I turn and smile at her.
We sit side by side in my car and then the rain starts. Shit. I’ll have to leave my car here.
    
“Jade, can I borrow your garage please? I can’t drive this home in the rain and I can walk a few blocks.”
    
“Sure, Ella, I’ll open the garage for you.” She knows why I can’t drive it in the rain. It doesn’t have a roof.
I grab my bag from the back seat and give Jade a brief hug. I just want to get home.
It’s at least ten blocks from Jades house to mine. I stop to think, just for a second. What the hell has happened today? I can feel the emotion build again and tears are begging for escape, making my body heave. They blend in to the raindrops that have soaked my body through. I hold onto my stomach and let out a cry.
    
It feels like it’s going to fall away. With bended knees and my face in my hands, I break all my love. I break it all off. I don’t need him.
I don’t fucking need him
. Before I know it, I’m running. I reach a crossing and stop to breathe and steady my heart. A car is approaching and I stop to let it pass. The driver doesn’t continue, so I start to cross.
    
“Ellie, get in the car!” Luke yells. I turn to face him as he walks toward me.
    
“No!” I shout and continue across the road. He grabs my arm and I yank it out of his reach.
    
“What, Luke? What do you want?” He grabs me and pulls me against him, his body flush with mine, he kisses me with such urgency, a panic, and I give up fighting and fall against him. I pull away and catch my breath. My hands are in my hair, trying to understand but the tears just come.
    
“Why, Luke? Why? Why did you let her kiss you?”
    
“Ella, how do you...?”
    
“I saw, Luke, today at school. I was there. I saw you and her.” I snarl. He pulls me against him and I pull away, hard.
    
“I told her no.”
    
“Luke, I saw you, do you understand what I’m saying? I saw! You kissed each other. I saw, Luke, I saw it all.” I look down at the flooded pavement and shake my head. “Don’t lie to me.”
    
“It wasn’t like that, Ella. You’re being irrational.”
    
“I’m being irrational? Are you being serious? You kissed your ex, in a moment of intense lust. Then you held her! In the school cafeteria.” My voice lightens. “I can’t do this.” I raise my hands in defeat and he looks hurt. I scream into my hands and sob. It hurts. I can’t stop it, it just hurts so much. How can he do that?
    
“Ella, she came onto me.”
    
“I saw, Luke! You kissed her cheek and then you kissed. Your eyes were shut, Luke, you responded. You kissed her back, even if only for a second. You and your ex-girlfriend shared a moment of passion.”
    
“Get in the fucking car, Ellie.”
    
“NO!”
    
“Fine then, I'll put you in myself.”
    
“Don’t touch me, Luke.”
    
“Ella, it’s fucking raining. Do you want to get hurt? I’m not letting you walk home in this.” I stop and stare at him. My breathing is heavy and I look at him in all his beauty. The white t-shirt I bought him is clung to his muscles, his abdomen and V clearly defined by the rain. From nowhere I extend my arms and look to the sky. I let everything fall away. This is it. I’ll always be lonely. When I look back, Luke is analyzing me. I walk up to him and kiss him. His arms curl around my waist and he kisses me back. His tongue fights with mine and I let go and run. He shouts after me but
I can’t do this
.
I only get what feels like a few steps away before Luke is behind me. He grabs me by my shoulders and I look up into his deep green eyes. His body soaked through with the rain, he looks longingly into my eyes.
    
“Ella, please don’t say goodbye.” I look away and his words cause my emotions to overload. His face is etched with worry, with regret. Our chests rise and fall fast in the cold and the rain.
    
“We were doomed from day one, Luke. We said it couldn't, it wouldn’t work. We said that.” I whisper.
    
“I don’t love Jenna, I don’t care for her. It was a moment of un-clarity. A moment of stupidity. A moment I wish I could take back. Ella, please, let me kiss you.” He holds my face and kisses my forehead, moving little kisses through the raindrops on my face, down to my cheeks and my nose. When his lips find mine, the connection, the electricity that binds us together tightens, we fall deeply into an embrace, and I can’t help but cry. He pulls away softly and our foreheads lean against each other in the heavy, grey rain.
    
“Let me take you home, Ella.”
    
“No.”
    
“Ella, please -”
    
“I want to see your house.” He looks at me surprised but nods in agreement.
As I tighten my seatbelt in the car, the warmth from the heater warms my blood that is running cold.  I breathe out and turn to look at Luke. He really is soaked. A loud ring comes from the car speakers and startles me.
    
“Hello.”
    
“Luke, it’s Dylan.”
    
“Hey man I'm in the car and I’m not alone, it’s on speakerphone.”
    
“No problem, dude. Just thought you should know, Jenna is telling everyone you two are back together.” I look across at him and turn away when his eyes meet mine. I look down at my fingers.
    
“Man, as I keep telling everyone, I’m not with Jenna, I’m with Ella.”
    
“Oh shit, yeah I know. How is that by the way? Good old Ella Smella.”
    
“She’s in the car Dy. You aren’t going to be friends calling her names.”
    
“Sorry, Ella!” he shouts.
    
“That’s okay.” I whisper back.
    
“Dylan, Jenna isn’t my problem anymore. We said goodbye today. Anyway, man. I’ll talk to you later. I’ve got a girl to deal with.”
    
“Sure, man, see ya later.” He hits the off button.
    
“I’ll always be Ella Smella won’t I?” I whisper.
    
“Not to me, you never were to me.” He looks across at me and smiles.
    
“You aren’t forgiven, just so you know.” A small smile appears on his lips and he turns on the radio.
We drive into uptown Charlotte and enter a garage attached to a very expensive looking building. On the side in big silver letters is
The Madison
.
Whoa
. When Luke parks, he switches off the ignition and we sit in silence for a second.
    
“Ella, I live here alone.” I look at him puzzled and he laughs. “It’s one of my 18th birthday presents. I have a penthouse at this place.” I look at him stunned.
I wanted to meet his parents.
He comes round to open my door and grabs my hand as we walk to an elevator. When it arrives, we step in and he inputs a code. I see what it is.
234569.
When it stops at the top, Luke puts his arm around my waist and escorts me in. I walk in to a large foyer that opens up onto the dining room.
It’s beautiful.
With a full skyline of Charlotte, there is a terraced area outside, all glass and magical. I feel like a little child in a fun house. He gives me a quick tour of the basics and we go to sit down in the sitting area. There is a large white corner couch and a huge TV attached to the wall opposite. There is an Xbox, which surprises me. I go to pick up a controller and he tilts his head to the side.
    
“You any good?” He asks.
    
“Depends what game.” I tease. “But I’d much rather watch meaningless TV and kiss you.” I shrug.
    
“Does this mean I’m forgiven?”
    
“Far from it, baby.” I whisper. “What do I mean to you? Am I yours? Or can I go kiss anyone I please?”
    
“Ella, I want you, okay? Just you.” I walk over to him and raise my head to meet his beautiful eyes.
    
“Stop kissing your ex’s then and we should be fine. This is a word of warning, Luke, okay? I’m protecting myself. If you ever, ever hurt me like that again, I won’t come back okay?” He looks down at me, his eyes filled with wonder, and nods. I lean up and gently kiss his mouth.
    
“Can I see your room? I whisper against his mouth. He smiles and pulls me, which I assume is the way to his bedroom. I stop again to look in wonder. His room is pale blue with white pinewood features. It looks too adult for an eighteen year old.
    
“I’m guessing you haven’t decorated this place since you moved in?”
    
“Not had a chance really. But I like it in here.” He looks over at me and sits on the huge four-poster bed. I use that chance to invade his closet, which by the way, is as big as my bedroom. He has his own bathroom that has two sinks and a bath that could fit a huge fully developed whale in. When I come back in, he is standing looking out the window.
    
“I like the twinkling lights at night.” He whispers. I walk over to join him and he curls his arm around my shoulders. I put my head against his arm.
    
“It’s beautiful.” I sigh. “You’re so lucky to have a place like this.”
    
“It was a gift from my dad. We are already in business together and I haven't even been to college yet.”
    
“What does his business entail?”
    
“He owns a lot of properties, he buys companies and sells them for a profit, and he has over a thousand car garages around the US.”
    
“I think my dad works at one of his garages.”
    
“In Charlotte?”
    
“Yeah, I think so. Not sure, I know because he told me the other day, when I told him about you.”
    
“Your dad knows about us?”
    
"Yeah, he’s happy for me.” I smile and he moves me backwards toward his bed. He pushes me gently and I fall backwards. I instantly sit up on my elbows, he moves his hand from my ankle, up my leg, and over the right side of my body, sending cold shivers throughout me. When he reaches my mouth with his, he hovers over, breathing hard against me.
    
“Luke, please kiss me.” I suppress.
He gently kisses my lips and works his way down the right side of my face. Gently kissing my cheeks and toward that sensitive place under my earlobe. He moves to kiss my neck, I groan with appreciation and feel his smile.
    
“We should really get you out of these wet clothes, baby,” he whispers against my neck.
    
“I’m all yours.”
Where the hell did that come from?
That confidence. He needs to know of my virginity, but I can’t find the words. I can’t spoil this moment.
    
“Sit up,” he commands and I comply. He slowly pulls my soaking wet vest top over my head so I am naked to my waist, only my pink bra covering me, and lays me back softly. My breathing is irregular; he’s making me so anxious and excited, and such a desire, a want sweeps through me. He kisses me on my stomach with soft gentle erotic kisses, bites up my torso, and back to my mouth. My skin feels like it’s on fire. My back arches to his touch, my breathing stopping when he lets go. All my blood has risen to the surface and I ache for him and his touch. He gently kisses my mouth and looks at me deeply. We search each other, looking for what we want. The desire, the force, is too strong. I pull him close to me as I kiss and bite at his mouth, the desire in me wanting him, needing him. He gently pulls away and moves down my body. His index finger traces the outline of my jeans and he gently undoes the button and slides down the zipper. It reveals my lace pink underwear and he places his pinky finger on the inside and runs it along the surface. It makes my body shudder in response, and he pulls his hand away and abruptly sits up.
    
“Are you hungry?” he asks, his head tilted playfully to the side.
    
“Yeah, are you?” I whisper.
    
“Let’s get take out and a watch a movie, huh?”
    
“Um, sure, Luke, whatever you want.” I watch as he stands up and puts his hand out for me to take. I take it and he pulls me off the bed so I fall into his arms. His arms fall around my waist and our naked torsos stick together with the dampness of the rain.
    
“Ella,” he whispers. “You are beautiful. All of you, you have captured me and I can’t get out. I don’t want to get out.”
    
“Then don’t.” I whimper. He pulls away and looks down at me.
    
“I can’t ever let you go, do you understand, Ellie? I can’t explain why this has happened. Why it’s me and you, I’m so sorry about Jenna. You weren’t meant to see that. We were saying goodbye. I said goodbye and told her I couldn’t escort her to the prom at the end of summer. I told her that there was only one girl I wanted to take with me. One girl, who has actually taken me, caught my heart in her hands and I don’t think she even knows.”